[X] tl;dr

[x] Grab a bite to eat first before deciding
anything. You can’t think on an empty
stomach.

Breakfast is an important meal of the day, you know.

[x] Grab a bite to eat first before deciding
anything. You can’t think on an empty
stomach.

[x] Fuck that shit, head to the bar and piss all your money away on booze like a real man.

Manliest choice. Besides, Yukari will expect us to do the other things.

[X] Grab a bite to eat first before deciding anything. You can't think on an empty stomach.

We aren't going to get a bad end from the first few updates, that's just bad writing. Update number four however is fair game.

Now lets talk strategy. We'll have to avoid Yukari at first, but she'll use Ran and Chen to help her later. So we need to avoid all little girls and blond females.

[x] Grab a bite to eat first before deciding anything. You can’t think on an empty stomach.

You have difficulty making up your mind and even consider drinking it all away like you usually do, but first thing‘s first, you have to get something to eat. You refuse to make any decisions in the morning until you’ve eaten breakfast. Not only does it help you get through the day, but you’ll just end up getting pissed and probably punch the first person you see. You completely forget about the letter and head on to the kitchen (but you still consider drinking later on).

As you enter your kitchen, you notice that the refrigerator door is slightly ajar and there is no light coming from the inside. You simply reason that the light bulb burned out and completely disregard it. There probably isn’t anything wrong or suspicious about that refrigerator, and besides, you’re really fucking hungry.

What will you have for breakfast?

[x] Eh, I’m actually not that hungry (then immediately flee from the room).
[x] Gotta have my pops man.
[x] Mmm, pancakes.
[x] Make some MANcakes and down it all with a protein MANshake made of eggs and scotch.

>>22666
[ø] Make some MANcakes and down it all with a protein MANshake made of eggs and scotch.
time to fill up on MANergy.
Do go on~

[x] Make some MANcakes and down it all
with a protein MANshake made of eggs and
scotch.

[x] Make some MANcakes and down it all with a protein MANshake made of eggs and scotch.

[X] Make some MANcakes and down it all with a protein MANshake made of eggs and scotch.
-[X] Close the fridge though, just because the lightbulb isn't working, doesn't mean that it's broken. Your not using it as an air conditioner.

>>22665

What about DoLF and TS?

[x] Make some MANcakes and down it all with a protein MANshake made of eggs and scotch.

YES! You knew preparing all that pancake batter the other day was a good idea. In order to make a healthy balanced breakfast, you decide to make your world famous MANshake to go along with your equally healthy meal. You decide to get a head-start on completing your food pyramid (which is composed of cholesterol, protein, and many hard liquors) and open the fridge to search for your vat of pancake batter and eggs. You confirm your earlier suspicions that the light is out, but instead of finding a burned out light bulb, you find no light bulb at all.
That’s bizarre, you always remember there being a light inside your refrigerator. In fact you remember having FOOD inside your refrigerator too. Everything from the milk to the eggs are gone, including your vat of pancake batter.

Damn!

In fact, the only thing left is that 5 day old tuna sandwich you were totally gonna eat one day, but never had the “time” to do it.

Damn, damn!

Well, at least you got your scotch, right?
Wrong.

Somebody managed to find your secret stash scotch in the far back corner of your pantry and took every last bottle, yet, somehow completely circumvented your wall of unappealing cereal boxes without touching any of them, that crafty bastard! How that person got past your perfect defense is the last thing on your mind as your sight turns red with raw, unrefined RAGE. You can take your pancakes away, you can even take your (healthy) breakfast away, but the scotch is the absolute last draw. Right as you begin to plot for war, your doorbell rings.
Someone’s gon’ die today.

[x] Open the front door and activate your most powerful spell card, RAGE Sign “Everyone Dies”. (which translates to, “punch your guest in the face”)
[x] Grab your shotgun, aim it at the front door and blast away whoever is on the other side.
[x] No, no. Let’s just calm down and think things through. Answer the door calmly and politely.
[x] Calm down and open the door, but keep your rage face on to show your visitor that you are serious business.
[x] Succumb to sudden and irrational paranoia and attempt to flee your apartment.

[x] Calm down and open the door, but
keep your rage face on to show your visitor that you are serious business.

[x] Open the front door and activate your most powerful spell card, RAGE Sign “Everyone Dies”.

Nothing says "Good morning" like a domestic dispute.

>Well, at least you got your scotch, right?
>Wrong.
Truly rage-worthy.

[ø] Calm down and open the door, but keep your rage face on to show your visitor that you are serious business.

[x] Succumb to sudden and irrational paranoia and attempt to flee your apartment.

[x] Calm down and open the door, but keep your rage face on to show your visitor that you are serious business.

[x] Calm down and open the door, but keep your rage face on to show your visitor that you are serious business.

You manage to calm your mind and begin to think rationally. It would be incredibly foolish to attack people at random and you’d rather not deal with a lawsuit so early in the morning, at least not without a drink first. Of course, thinking of your lost scotch brings back painful memories and your face begins to contort. You decide to keep your game face on to show that you’re not in the mood for any visitors and, hopefully, make your morning a little bit easier to handle.
You’re still pissed right the fuck off though.

As you approach your front door, you hear a small, juvenile voice humming a happy tune. Your rage level begins to rise to dangerous levels again because you really hate children. They always seem to cause problems and usually those problems are related to your drinking habits (and you do drink often). These little buggers always seem to be around while you’re having a lovely stroll through the park after indulging in many of your favorite drinks (while most likely while enjoying another), and then they mock you with cruel words like, “hey its that drunk guy!” and “Oh look, it’s the alcoholic!”. Sure, you curse at them like a drunken sailor (which you used to be and continue to uphold that tradition to this day), but these little bastards started it first. You just simply ended it is all. The worst part is when the cry, that always, ALWAYS brings trouble.

As you open the door, your face has become the epitome of true anger. You look down on your little “visitor” and you see that it’s a strange little girl. She’s wearing a red dress, a funny green hat and has two very large cowlicks on the sides of her brown hair (She somehow has a golden ring through one of the cowlicks, its probably some kind of new hippy trend or something). Complementing her eccentric looks is a happy smile. She’s still humming with her eyes closed while twisting her upper body left and right, just like a stereotypical happy child.

But you won’t be fooled

You decide to wait until she says something (so you’ll be justified in any provoked action) and continue to glare at her from above. She stops humming and begins to say, “So are you ready mist-ah…” but stops suddenly when she looks up at your seething face. All the happiness leaves from her face in an instant and is replaced with a terrified expression. Her eyes begin to water and she starts to sniff and hiccup as she begins to cry.

SON OF A BITCH

[x] Quick grab her and take her inside. If anyone sees her cry you’d be in deep shit (as per usual).
[x] Punch her in the snout to establish acerbity.
[x] Her tears made you feel a lot better (you monster). Slam the door in her face and continue with your day.

Oh, and you gain a new title, “Boogeyman”. You are an expert at frightening small children. Good for you.

[x]Equip new title
[x] Quick grab her and take her inside. If anyone sees her cry you’d be in deep shit (as per usual).

Even deeper shit actually. Ran's gonna kill us.

[x]Equip new title
[x] Quick grab her and take her inside. If
anyone sees her cry you ’d be in deep shit
(as per usual).

[x]Equip new title
[x] Quick grab her and take her inside. If
anyone sees her cry you ’d be in deep shit

[x] Quick grab her and take her inside. If
anyone sees her cry you ’d be in deep shit
-[x] Pat her head affectionately

[ø] If anyone sees her cry, you'd be in deep shit. You'd better calm her down.
[ø] "Sorry, I'm just in a bad mood right now. I'll hear out what you have to say"

[x] Equip new title
[x] Quick grab her and take her inside. If anyone sees her cry you ‘d be in deep shit.

You equip your shiny new title and become “Boogeyman Joe”. You kinda like the sound of that, but there’s a more pressing matter at hand.

- You see, Joe hated children, the entire children race! Now, please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the case.
- It could be the fact that he has too much to drink. Or maybe, perhaps that he just didn’t think.
- But whatever the reason, his head or his liver, just the thought of children crying made Joe shiver!
- Staring down from his doorway with a mean, angry frown, at the small frightened child with her hair colored brown.
- “She’s planning to snitch!” said Joe with a sneer. “I could tell her intentions, its obviously clear!”
- Then he growled with his Boogeyman fingers drumming. “I MUST find a way to stop trouble from coming!”
- “I must stop this whole thing! Why, for many years I’ve put up with it now! I must stop this child from crying, but HOW?
- Then he got an idea!
- An awful idea!
- BOOGEYMAN JOE GOT AN AWFUL, WONDERFUL IDEA!
- “I know just what to do!” Joe laughed with some hope. He grabbed the small child and tied her with rope!
- He chuckled and clucked, “what a wonderful plan! After all, that’s why they call me the mean boogeyman!”
- He tossed her in a bag and tied it with thread. He then loaded the bag on his creaky old sled!
- Then up he climbed, to the top of his home. He is truly now evil right down to the bone!
- “To hell with this kid,” he was cruelly humming. She’ll probably still cry, despite nobody coming.
- “She’s just a stupid kid, I know what she’ll do! She’ll wait for a bit and then cry ‘boo hoo!’“
- “That’s a noise“, grinned the boogeyman, “that I simply MUST hear! Crying, not of contempt, but instead out of fear!”
- And after raising the bag over his head, he listened for crying, but was surprised instead!
- It started out low, but started to grow…
- The sound wasn’t afraid, why, it‘s not even sad! It couldn’t be so! But it indeed wasn‘t even mad!
- “I’m sorry mister, I must have been bad, but I never intended to make you so sad.
- So instead can we please make amends, and then become the bestest of friends?
- Joe stared at the bag, out popped his eyes! Then he shook! He had a horrible surprise!
- He hadn’t stopped anyone from crying, it came! The tears came from him, it came just the same!
- And the Boogeyman on the roof felt really low, he stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so?
- Tears came without warning, it came without stoppage, it came without sadness, fear, or blockage!
- He puzzled for a while, till his puzzler was sore, he suddenly thought of something he hadn’t before!
- Crying just isn‘t there to annoy, but the longer he thought, the more he felt coy.
- He never had friends, just his drink and his money. Just thinking of a friend made him start to feel funny!
- Well, what happened then? It is said that the boogeyman’s heart grew three times that day!
- And the minute his heart didn’t feel so tight, he climbed down with his load in the bright morning light!
- He made a friend!
- He felt like a young boy!
- Then he…
- He HIMSELF…!
- Cried tears of joy!

[x] Insert your reaction here

(I just had to do this, perhaps maybe its from all this sleep deprivation. Don’t worry though, the story will continue *collapses from exhaustion*.)

[x]What in the hell is this compassionate bullshit.

No, Joe! Don't succumb to the moe!

[X] Remember the letter we recived and take it seriously. We need to get our arse in gear and get ready for the big suprise. Maybe our new freind can help us prep?

[x] I got an erection.

[x] Snap out of it. You're daydreaming because that stupid movie you watched last night.
[x] Quick grab her and take her inside. If
anyone sees her cry you ’d be in deep shit
-[x] "Sorry, I'm just in a bad mood right
now. I'll hear out what you have to say"
-[x] Ruffle her

[x] Succumb to the moe
[x] >>22697

Fuck it, lets do all of them.

[x] What in the hell is this compassionate bullshit.
[x] Remember the letter we received and take it seriously. We need to get our arse in gear and get ready for the big surprise. Maybe our new friend can help us prep?
[x] Snap out of it. You’re daydreaming because of that stupid movie you watched last night.
[x] Succumb to the moe
[x] Ruffle her (that sounds naughty~)
[x] I got an erection (I reference you to the above statement)

As the tears subside, you note that your masculinity meter is taking a nosedive and has almost reached into the “Tidus” levels, and that is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. You’ll have to redeem yourself later by eating some nails and shitting out bullets, which you swear that you can totally do with gunpowder and all, but that’s for another time. For now, you take the bagged loli back into your apartment and let the cat out of the bag (no pun here, move along). After all, you may be a complete asshole, but you’d never take somebody against their will. While you undo the ropes binding her, you start to ponder why in the world you completely snapped and went through that whole debacle, just to take a hit to the masculinity meter. Perhaps it was that movie you watched last night, but you’re pretty sure Schindler’s List, had anything to do with it…

You finish untying the ropes and the little girl that you held against her will leaps free and starts hopping around ecstatically, probably happy that her life isn’t in danger anymore. As you watch her dance around, you completely miss the fact that she has two tails and begin to think back to that letter. Strange shit’s been going on lately, like the ruination of your breakfast (which almost never happens) and a visitor in the morning (which NEVER happens) and you figure it has something to do with that letter. Well, whoever it is, they must have pretty huge set of balls to be messing with you! After all, you’re Boogeyman Joe! The man who drinks obscenely large amounts of alcohol and gets charges for disturbing the peace! The man who, uh, scares children! Okay, your list of mighty deeds isn’t exactly the largest or the longest (that’s what she said, hur hurr), but you still hate children with a passion and this child…
You look over at your tiny guest who has stopped dancing and is now waving her hands and singing lightly.
This child can stay.
You gain +1 friend!
And for those who think that’s too pussyfied for Joe.
You gain +1 ally!

Come to think of it, you don’t even know your little buddy’s name. You call her over and she stands before you, still singing and still waving her hands, and waits for your action. “She probably has ADHD,” you reason as you kneel down and ruffle her hair (and hat). You, for some reason, suddenly gain an erection.

You ignore it and ask her a question:

[x] “So what’s your name pal?”
[x] “Would you happen to know anything about this letter?” *show her the letter*
[x] “You hungry? We can go downtown and grab a bite to eat.”
[x] “You ever seen a grown man naked before?”



(P.S. Sleep is good)

[x] “You hungry? We can go downtown and grab a bite to eat.”

> “You ever seen a grown man naked before?”

Flaaaashbaaaacks

[x] “You hungry? We can go downtown and grab a bite to eat.”

Food is good, isn't it?

[ø] “You hungry? We can go downtown and grab a bite to eat.”
Cannot resist Chen. However, we should consider hiding where , hopefully, Yukari will not be able to find us, and that means ditching Chen sooner or later.

[X] “You hungry? We can go downtown and grab a bite to eat.”
-[X] While your out, go buy some GUN-Flavored POWERTHIRST:ROCKET EDITION, then chug it.
--[X] After that, go play the MAN sport made by MEN, for MEN. BEAR-BLASTING.

[x] “You hungry? We can go downtown and grab a bite to eat.”
-[x] But first, take care of the erection.

[X] “You hungry? We can go downtown and grab a bite to eat.”
-[X] But first, excuse yourself to take care of some personal business regarding a certain bodily reaction to what may or may not be the combined effort of the writer and anon to create yet another lolicon protagonist.

[x] “You hungry? We can go downtown and grab a bite to eat.”
-[x] But first, take care of the erection.

You’re worried about your spontaneous erection, worried about how you got it just by patting a little girl on the head, and even more worried that your new friend who’s eye level is fairly close to your groin is going to notice. So instead, you focus all of your attention on another subject, something that’s been bothering you since this morning. Food! You may have let breakfast slide (which you decide to since its no longer morning), but lunch isn’t something that should even be considered ruined. Just the thought of not having lunch makes your boner disappear instantaneously.

You ask your new friend (of which you still have no idea what her name is) if she wanted to get something to eat and, like you, also completely forgot about her whole purpose of being there. You collect all the things you need for the trip (such as car keys, tennis shoes, an appetite) and the both of you head out towards your modified Cadillac Coupe de Ville.

As you and your friend climb into your beloved vehicle, you wonder whether driving like you always do (meaning going at LEAST 15 mph over the speed limit at all times, cursing out anyone who cuts you off, and basically violating almost every traffic law known to man while not wearing seat-belts because seat-belts are for the WEAK) is really going to be appropriate right now.

You decide to…

[x] Fuck that. Just drive like you normally do.
[x] Drive through the most ghetto portion of the city while playing, “Where Da Hood At” as loud as physically possible, all while shouting obscenities and throwing your own made up gang signs at every person you pass by. Oh, and don’t forget about the hydraulics you installed the other day…
[x] Play it safe, put on your seat-belts, and ensure you and your passenger get to your destination safely. (take a hit to your masculinity meter).

[x] Drive through the most ghetto portion of the city while playing, “Where Da Hood At” as loud as physically possible, all while shouting obscenities and throwing your own made up gang signs at every person you pass by. Oh, and don’t forget about the hydraulics you installed the other day…

[x] Drive through the most ghetto portion of the city while playing, “Where Da Hood At” as loud as physically possible, all while shouting obscenities and throwing your own made up gang signs at every person you pass by. Oh, and don’t forget about the hydraulics you installed the other day…


I couldn't pass this up. Am I a bad person?

[x] Play it safe, put on your seat-belts, and ensure you and your passenger get to your destination safely. (take a hit to your masculinity meter).

Safer than the other two options. 1st one could result in an enraged Ran. 2nd option will result in an enraged Ran, if Chen gets hurt. Unless youkai durability is the same both outside and inside Gensokyo. Still our masculinity would mean nothing if we were ripped limb from limb for somehow actually harming Chen.

The 1st option would probably be better if Joe was on his own except he now has not only a passanger, but also, if such a term can really be applied to Chen, a child as a passanger. Somehow I think traffic cops and the law will be harder on Joe if he does his usual driving with a child, especially without seatbelts.

[x] Remember the driving lessons you took from a retired professional street racer a year ago.
[x] Show her the way to drive for fun(& MANLY). Remind her to tighten her seatbelts because it is going to be A HELL OF A RIDE.
[x] Do drifting on corners, dragging behind an 18-wheeler, all of that stunts.

[x] Remember the driving lessons you took from a retired professional street racer a year ago.
[x] Show her the way to drive for fun(& MANLY). Remind her to tighten her seatbelts because it is going to be A HELL OF A RIDE.
[x] Do drifting on corners, dragging behind an 18-wheeler, all of that stunts.

[x] Play it safe, put on your seat-belts, and ensure you and your passenger get to your destination safely. (take a hit to your masculinity meter).

[x] Remember the driving lessons you took from a retired professional street racer a year ago.
[X] Show her the way to drive for fun(& MANLY). Remind her to tighten her seatbelts because it is going to be A HELL OF A RIDE.
[X] Do drifting on corners, dragging behind an 18-wheeler, all of that stunts.

I like this option.

[x] Remember the driving lessons you took from a retired professional street racer a year ago.
[x] Show her the way to drive for fun(& MANLY). Remind her to tighten her seatbelts because it is going to be A HELL OF A RIDE.
[x] Do drifting on corners, dragging behind an 18-wheeler, all of that stunts.

Where doin' car danmaku!

[x] Remember the driving lessons you took from a retired professional street racer a year ago.
[x] Show her the way to drive for fun(& MANLY). Remind her to tighten her seatbelts because it is going to be A HELL OF A RIDE.
[x] Do drifting on corners, dragging behind an 18-wheeler, all of that stunts.
[x] All while driving through the most ghetto portion of the city while playing, “Where Da Hood At” as loud as physically possible, all while shouting obscenities and throwing your own made up gang signs at every person you pass by. Oh, and don’t forget about the hydraulics you installed the other day…

Shit's so cash, yo.

>>22733
Trying to do all that at once? More like "shit's so crash, yo."

On an unrelated note: This story started kind of weak and/or derp, but now it's actually kind of weird and amusing.

I do like the idea of "Try to stay OUT of Gensokyo, though." It's a refreshing change from normal.

[ø] Remember the driving lessons you took from a retired professional street racer a year ago.
[ø] Show her the way to drive for fun(& MANLY). Remind her to tighten her seatbelts because it is going to be A HELL OF A RIDE.
[ø] Do drifting on corners, dragging behind an 18-wheeler, all of that stunts.

A fine option indeed.

[x] Remember the driving lessons you took from a retired professional street racer a year ago.
[x] Show her the way to drive for fun (& MANLY). Remind her to tighten her seatbelts because it is going to be A HELL OF A RIDE.
[x] Do drifting on corners, dragging behind an 18-wheeler, all of that stunts.


As you sit in behind the wheel of your modified ride, you begin reminisce on how you first learned how to drive. You can’t remember your teacher’s face very well (he wore a racing helmet at all times), but you DO remember very clearly all the lessons he imparted onto you.

“I wanna eat fish!” your passenger says happily as she puts on her seatbelt.

Fish huh? You know of an excellent seafood restaurant on the other side of town. Its almost lunch-hour, so the roads are going to fill up soon, and you would need to go REALLY fast in order to beat traffic.

Perfect.

You smile to yourself as you pull out of the parking lot and make your first turn onto the main street. Your little buddy managed to find your collection of Cds with all your favorite tunes on it and is deciding between polka mix 4 and Initial D but is otherwise preoccupied. You decide to get her attention by making this right turn a little harder than expected, so you speed up and turn the steering wheel to the right as you hit the turn and then counter steer it to the left to continue the slide. Luckily there’s nobody around to get in your way so you manage a beautiful slide around the corner. As you straighten out your car, you look over to gauge your passenger’s reaction, and she’s still trying to decide over the two CD’s.

Damn, well, alright, the next turn is a left and then a quick right shortly afterwards, so you speed up once again and manage to drift around the first corner, but at the second corner there are 2 cars waiting at a red light. You manage to swing the back end of the car around into the middle and oncoming traffic lane(which luckily isn‘t occupied by anyone), slide around the two cars at the red light, and finally straighten your car out after finishing the drift. Surely she must have at least noticed the abrupt change in g-forces! You look over and notice that she’s leaning slightly towards the polka mix CD, but is still unsure.

DAMMIT. Okay then, maybe the only way to get her attention is to do something so outrageous and MANLY that you decide to Ghost Ride the Whip while shirtless and drinking alcohol. The street you’re on is straight with the next light a few miles down, so you decide now is as good as ever. You reach into the glove box and pull out your emergency jagermeister, take your shirt off, put the car on cruise control, unbuckle your seatbelt, roll down your window, open your door, and attempt to climb out onto the roof of your car using the door as a step. You feel incredibly foolish as the wind buffets your entire body, threatening to throw you off the car entirely, but through sheer perseverance, you make it.

Shit yeah! You may not be standing on the roof, per say, but you believe crouching counts well enough. Right before you call out to your passenger (who is probably still hasn’t made her choice yet) to notice how totally awesome you are, you notice an anomaly in the road.
There is a do not enter sign directly in the path of your car.
Right in the middle of the road.
Your mind cannot comprehend the absurdity of the situation and you freeze on top of your car.
You have about 5 seconds before impact.

Uh, yeah, not much you can do here but perhaps your alcohol starved brain can think of something…

[x] *Blink*
[x] Attempt to brace yourself against the impact of the sign, it couldn’t be that bad.
[x] Take a hearty swig of your jagermeister and call the sign’s mother a filthy whore.

(on a side note, I had two other variations of this update involving lots of fire, police chases, and multi track train drifting. But all of these scenarios were so absolutely absurd, it was like jumping the shark…while riding a shark rocket powered by Slim Jims.)

[x] Take a hearty swig of your jagermeister and call the sign’s mother a filthy whore.

To some, it is a true statement.

[X] Take a hearty swig of your jagermeister and call the sign’s mother a filthy whore.

Yukari drives like this all the time, so Chen isn't affected.

Now lets ram the car into Yukari's sign post, If You Know What I Mean.

[X] Take a hearty swig of your jagermeister and call the sign’s mother a filthy whore.

How can we not vote for this?

[x] Take a hearty swig of your jagermeister and call the sign’s mother a filthy whore.

(I assume you all are okay with this quick update)


Oh well, the choices were pretty pitiful and were going to end painfully anyways. Might as well go down like a real man with a bottle in one hand and a defiant look in your eyes. You chug down a few gulps of your precious alcohol (damn that burns, you could feel your chest hairs growing as we speak) and look that damned sign right in the eyes.

“yer mother was a filth*WHAM*

You are rudely interrupted by your car‘s sudden change in momentum. Now, you’re not a physics major, but you believe that the sign should have crumpled under the sheer weight and velocity of the car, or at the very least just cause the car to jolt violently. But nope, you’re soaring through the air in an almost comedic fashion with the bottle of jager in one hand and in the same position as you were on top of the car. Your airtime is only for a brief moment, but everything seems to go in slow motion as you manage to turn your head around to see that the sign is still upright and your car behind it completely crumpled up, as if it hit a completely immovable object.

“Holy shit” is what you’d be thinking, but the ground manages to catch up to you in your bullet time and, once again, you are rudely interrupted as your body begins to tumble and roll. Your body makes sickening thuds and crunches as you are unceremoniously thrown about the highway and are held at the mercy of lady physics (and she is a cruel mistress indeed). Strangely enough, you are entirely calm about the entire thing and feel no pain whatsoever. It all just seems so surreal to you. You’ve never been so reckless before in your life, you’ve always just taken it easy and drank your life away in a safe cozy environment. And now, while your world is spinning before you, you’ve never felt so mortal before, never felt like you have so much to lose…
You kinda like it.
Perhaps its all the adrenaline coursing through your veins, or perhaps it’s your beloved alcohol soothing the pain, but right now, you only have one goal in mind.

Your body eventually skids to a stop as you curled up your body in order to cushion the blows. Blood oozes out of multiple wounds all across your body, but mostly on your chest and head. Maybe taking off your shirt wasn’t such a good idea, but it probably wouldn’t have done you much good anyways. You briefly wonder about your little buddy still trapped inside your car and hope that she’s still okay, but you just convince yourself that the seatbelt did its job and, although shaken, she’s still more or less alright. An eerie silence permeates through the air, assuring you that the mayhem is over.

Right when you relax your muscles, an explosion rips right through the silence and causes you to tense all your muscles up again. Bits and pieces of shrapnel land around you, evidence of the terrible misfortune that your car bore. You don’t even need to look at the huge pillar of fire which was once your main mode of transportation to know what happened, the explosion told you enough. You mind wanders back to your tiny friend and your brain attempts tries to convince you that she survived somehow.
Maybe she flew out the front windshield on impact and…wait, no, goddamned seatbelt…
Or perhaps she jumped out before the car collided with the sign, but wait she was preoccupied with the Cds…
Or…or… she climbed out of the car AFTER the collision and…no. The car was completely mangled when you last saw it, there’s no way should could have gotten out before the explosion.
Fuck.
Your mind frantically searches for any excuse against her death, but every time it reaches the same conclusion: dead.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if she wasn’t your friend, but she was the only one to accept you, the only one who WANTED to be your friend. You won’t let her death be in vain.

You uncurl your body to reveal the precious cargo you were trying to protect with your body. The Jagermeister, despite being opened didn’t lose a single drop while you were tumbling (thanks to your amazing concentration). You sit up, finish off the bottle in one go, and smash the bottle on the ground.

Its show time.

(you’ve earned the title of Jagermaster, you can focus all of your concentration on one action and perform incredible feats and skills)

The smoldering wreck that was your car (and now holds the grave of your beloved friend) has an eerie presence over it. The fire is beginning to take on a purplish hue and beckons you, almost in a sickly sweet voice. You are consciously drawn towards the fire and your newfound righteous fury welcomes it, but at the same time all of your survival instincts tell you to run the FUCK away.

Well, hero, what shall you do?

[x] Its time to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of gum.
[x] No, you are sorely under-equipped and under-prepared.Whatever it is that’s calling you out will have to wait for your well planned retribution.

>>22738

Reminds me of AoS Yukari if it were true.

[X] Take a hearty swig of your jagermeister and call the sign’s mother a filthy whore.

[x] Equip the new title.
[x] No, you are sorely under-equipped and under-prepared.Whatever it is that’s calling you out will have to wait for your well planned retribution.
[x] Run like your life depends on it. Like getting as far away from the nuclear reactor before it explodes and destroy the whole continent.


Not yet, we don't have any weapons yet.

Oh, inventory check:

1 Pair of jeans (worn)
1 Pair of socks (worn)
1 Pair of tennis shoes (worn)
1 Wallet in back pocket (with $100 and your ID)
1 Peppermint in front pocket
1 Broken jagermeister bottle in right hand.

Seems kinda irrelevant right now but, eh, who knows?

[x] Equip the new title.
[x] No, you are sorely under-equipped and under-prepared.Whatever it is that’s calling you out will have to wait for your well planned retribution.
[x] Run like your life depends on it. Like getting as far away from the nuclear reactor before it explodes and destroy the whole continent.

[x] Equip the new title.
[x] No, you are sorely under-equipped and under-prepared. Whatever it is that’s calling you out will have to wait for your well planned retribution.
[x] Piss on the fire to establish indignation.
[x] Run like your life depends on it. Like getting as far away from the nuclear reactor before it explodes and destroy the whole continent.

[x] Equip the new title.
[x] No, you are sorely under-equipped and under-prepared.Whatever it is that’s calling you out will have to wait for your well planned retribution.
[x] Run like your life depends on it. Like getting as far away from the nuclear reactor before it explodes and destroy the whole continent.

[ø] Equip the new title.
[ø] Its time to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of gum.
Let's see if youkai retain their exceptionally strong physique. (in this anon's story)

[x] Equip the new title.
[x] No, you are sorely under-equipped and under-prepared.Whatever it is that’s calling you out will have to wait for your well planned retribution.
[x] Run like your life depends on it. Like getting as far away from the nuclear reactor before it explodes and destroy the whole continent.

[x] Equip the new title.
[x] No, you are sorely under-equipped and under-prepared. Whatever it is that’s calling out to you will have to wait for your well planned retribution.
[x] Run like your life depends on it. Like getting as far away from the nuclear reactor before it explodes and destroys the whole continent.

You equip your shiny, new title. It can be quite deadly in the right hands and you will plan to exploit it to its fullest when the time for your retribution is at hand.

However, now is not that time. You listen to your gut-instinct and decide to book it as fast as you can. You turn your head and give one last respect at the remains of your beloved car and late friend, then begin sprinting from the blazing wreckage. You run as fast as you can and as far as you can, but as the adrenaline in your bloodstream begins to fade, your wounds catch up to you and your breathing becomes ragged and labored. You’ve made it about half a mile by sprinting, but your stride becomes a limp as the pain starts to become overwhelming.

You stop for a brief moment and examine your body:
Your head hurts, but it doesn’t look like you’ve suffered a concussion or anything.
Your right shoulder feels like its been sprained but, other than the scrapes and bruises, both your arms relatively are functional.
You might have a few cracked ribs as it is incredibly painful to touch certain parts of your torso, any more physical trauma to your chest is going to most likely shatter your ribs.
Unfortunately, it looks like there’s something wrong with you’re hips as it is incredibly agonizing and difficult to walk, let alone run. This is, of course, not good in any way.
Your legs and feet are battered and bruised. They don’t appear to be horribly mangled, but you probably shouldn’t be relying on them too heavily (its not like you can run, anyways).

Summary: You can interact with things and can defend yourself if you had a firearm of some sort, but you’d be in a severe disadvantage in a close combat scenario. Your lower body is also crippled so it would be impossible to do any kind of running or kicking.

After looking yourself over, you notice that you are located near the central hub of the city. With just about any kind of store or entertainment. The first thing that comes to mind is a hospital, but that is actually a decent walk away (even more so with your bad hip), not to mention that you’re in a very rough section of the city and you’re just ripe for the picking in your current state. It would be unwise to stay out in the streets for long as the city is cruel and unmerciful.

Feel free to type any course of action you think Joe should make, here are some examples:

[x] Find a mall or someplace populated to hide for now. Whatever it is that’s after you wouldn’t dare attack in broad daylight.
[x] Head towards the nearest pharmacy and stock up on painkillers and other goods.
[x] Get to a gun store and procure yourself a weapon.
[x] Attempt to make your way to the hospital, you are in no condition to fight or flee.
[x] Damn you need a drink. Go to the pub.

(Have fun~)

[x] Head towards the nearest pharmacy and stock up on painkillers and other goods.

[x] Head towards the nearest
pharmacy and stock up on
painkillers and other goods.
[x] Get to a gun store and
procure yourself a weapon.
[x] Attempt to make your way to
the hospital, you are in no
condition to fight or flee.
[x] Damn you need a drink. Go
to the pub. And steal some bottles.

>>22752

On second thought, don't take the hospital vote.

[x] Get to a gun store and
procure yourself a weapon.
[x] Activate Jagermaster
[x] Rob the nearby liquor store.

[ø] Get to a gun store and procure yourself a weapon.
[ø] Attempt to make your way to the hospital, you are in no condition to fight or flee.
[ø] Damn you need a drink. Go to the pub.

<>go to the hospital
<> buy gun( loaded) from gun store
<>rob gun store
<> rob liquor store

[x] Get to a gun store and procure yourself a weapon.
[x] Damn you need a drink. Go to the pub.

You would simply love to go to the pub and get a drink to soothe the pain (hell, you’d get a drink regardless), but something tells you that you won’t get getting away with that very easily. The ominous presence from before is slowly approaching from where you came and you’d feel very much at ease if you had something more than a broken bottle of Jagermeister to defend yourself with. You remember that there was a gun store nearby from where you purchased a shotgun a few years ago and that the prices were fairly reasonable, but finding a weapon and ammunition with just $100...well its worth a shot.

You make it to Jeffro’s Run and Gun without incident (after discarding the broken bottle, you wouldn’t want to make any bad impressions now would you?) and stumble through the door. The guy behind the counter is significantly surprised at your arrival and even more surprised at the condition you’re in.
You slam the $100 on the counter and ask what you can purchase with this money. The shopkeeper, who’d rather not know why you’re in such a state, begins to explain the problem with your query. As you feared, there are very few things you can get, and that’s not even counting ammunition. As you attempt to haggle him, you activate Jagermaster in an attempt to have him sell you something, anything.

Success! You‘ve acquired a “7-shot Nagant M1895 Revolver” and 21 7.62mm rounds for only $90! Unfortunately, the revolver looks to be in very poor condition and you’d be amazed if it can fire at all. You note that Jagermaster lets you focus all of your into a single goal in order to perform amazing feats of strength, dexterity, skill, and charisma, but at the same time it severely hampers everything else. Sure you got an incredible deal, but the firearm might be more harmful to the user than the target. Oh well, at least you now know that Jagermaster should be used sparingly or at the least VERY carefully unless the situation is incredibly dire. The man who sold you the gun, Jeffro you assume, was nice enough to give you a little box to hold your ammunition in. You thank him, pocket the box of ammo, place the gun in the back of your pants (which is painfully obvious to see because your lack of a shirt) and then painfully limp away from the store.

Well, now that you can (sorta) defend yourself, but before you do anything drastic (like rob people) you think it’s a proper time for a drink. Sure that horrible feeling of death is creeping up on you, but damn, if that isn’t a reason to drink then you don’t know what is. Conveniently, there is a bar right across the street from Jeffro’s Run and Gun and you head on over for a quick cold one. You draw the eyes of the pub’s patrons, but you simply don’t care. You’re in a lot of pain and you pray to god that $10’s worth of alcohol will make some of it go away.
It doesn’t look good, but any alcohol is better than no alcohol.

You sit at the bar next to a pretty blonde lady wearing a frilly hat. Its kind of silly looking, but whatever, a hat’s a hat. You decide to:

[x] Get a shot of absinthe. Let the good times roll.
[x] Get a shot of scotch. Man, those were the good ol’ days.
[x] Get a shot of whiskey. A classic drink for those who are less fortunate than others.
[x] Get a mug of beer. You want to sit back and enjoy yourself for a bit.
[x] Get the lady next to you a drink. Why not?
[x] Get the lady’s hat and wear it on your head. Once again, why not?

>blonde lady wearing a frilly hat.
Cue boss music.

[x] Get a shot of scotch. Man, those were the good ol’ days.
[x] Get the lady’s hat and wear it on your head. Once again, why not?

[X] Get a shot of whiskey. A classic drink for those who are less fortunate than others.

[x] Get a shot of scotch. Man, those were the good ol’ days.
[x] Get a shot of whiskey. A classic drink for those who are less fortunate than others.
[x] Get the lady’s hat and wear it on your head. Once again, why not?

[ø] Get a shot of scotch. Man, those were the good ol’ days.
[ø] Get the lady next to you a drink. Why not?
[ø] Get the lady’s hat and wear it on your head. Once again, why not?
Yukari impressing game. Hopefully she won't kill us on the spot for us possibly having killed Chen. I'm hoping that Yukari gapped Chen out of the car in the last minute

...She's gonna smack us with a "jail or Gensokyo" choice, isn't she.

Because there's no way our actions would have made us the object of police pursuit.

I'm completely expecting this to actually be Ran in disguise and for us to die horribly for endangering her beloved Chen.

[x] Get a shot of scotch. Man those were the good ol’ days.
[x] Get the lady’s hat and wear it on your head. Once again, why not?

You decide to piss the rest of your money away on scotch and heal your wounds like a real man would. Unfortunately, there wasn’t NEARLY enough scotch to do the trick and now you’re sitting there still in pain and pissed as hell. You notice that the blonde lady next to you was smirking at you the entire time you were while enjoying some kind of green martini.

“So are you done dicking around or what?” The lady says in a smooth, sultry tone. Her smug expression is really getting on your last nerve.

This bitch better not be talking to you. Nobody makes fun of you, no matter how pretty they are.

“You know, I gave you an excellent opportunity to prepare yourself for your excursion and what do you do? You’ve managed to do terrible things to one of my servants, cripple yourself, and somehow managed to end up far worse than you were at the start of the day, all in only a few hours.” She chuckles at you as if you were a small child who didn‘t know any better.

Oh yeah, this bitch is definitely talking to you and you don’t want to hear none of her shit. You completely ignore what she’s saying and glare at her to let her know that you are not amused. She has no idea what you went through today and you are definitely not in the mood for her smuggery.

“I can’t believe I’m wasting my time on such a pathetic excuse for a human,” she leans back and shrugs as if to say “it can’t be helped“. “My shikigami would like to see your head on a platter, but don’t worry, since I’m such a kind person I won‘t let her attack you. I’ll even send you somewhere nice because of your injuries.” She then gives you an incredibly condescending look and says, “you know you should thank me. Its not very often I help out the weak.”

Human? Shikigami? Weak? You have no idea what she’s talking about, mostly because you’re too angry to pay attention. You do know that she’s looking down on you and that alone warrants your retribution. It feels like she’s taking your dignity away with her words, so you want to take something of hers away in return.

Quick as a flash, you reach out, steal her frilly hat, and place it upon your head.
HAH! She totally didn’t see it coming and is just staring at you dumbfounded. Serves her right for looking down at you.

You gain 1 frilly hat! [equipped]

You don’t really pay too much attention to how she’s coping with this sudden and dramatic turn of events and, frankly, you don’t give a damn. What’s she going to do anyways?
Actually, what are YOU going to do now?

[x] Leave the bar and go rob someone for some quick cash.
[x] No wait, that bitch pissed you off. Demand a drink from her.
[x] No wait, that bitch REALLY pissed you off. Give her a big sloppy kiss to rub some salt in the wound.
[x] RUN YOUR CRIPPLED ASS AWAY (or at least limp away as fast as you can).

[x] No wait, that bitch REALLY pissed you off. Give her a big sloppy kiss to rub some salt in the wound.
[x] Electric Slide the fuck out of there.

[x] No wait, that bitch REALLY pissed you off. Give her a big sloppy kiss to rub some salt in the wound.
[x] Electric Slide the fuck out of there.

Without love, it cannot be seen.

[ø] No wait, that bitch REALLY pissed you off. Give her a big sloppy kiss to rub some salt in the wound.
[ø] Moonwalk out of the bar.

only path, final destination.

[X] No wait, that bitch REALLY pissed you off. Give her a big sloppy kiss to rub some salt in the wound.
[X] Some sort of awesome dance move that will allow you to keep an eye on her, let you see where you're going, and leave the bar, all at the same time.

If we're going to piss her off, I prefer to be able to live through it.

[X] No wait, that bitch REALLY pissed you off. Give her a big sloppy kiss to rub some salt in the wound.
[X] Crab walk out in style.

Hey, Crabs are an endangered species. Maybe you can trick Yukari into thinking you're a crab and prevent her from doing horrible things to you.

[x] No wait, that bitch REALLY pissed you off. Give her a big sloppy kiss to rub some salt in the wound.
[x] Electric Slide the fuck out of there.
Heh, this story just gets better and better.

[X] No wait, that bitch REALLY pissed you off. Give her a big sloppy kiss to rub some salt in the wound.
[X] Electric Slide the fuck out of there.

There haven't been enough non-serious CYOAs recently. This is a godsend in a world of grimdark and drama.

>>22771

> Grimdark

Grimdark? You haven't seen Grimdark yet. Blow up a couple of planets while torturing the populations on them in the most gruesome way possible, and then we'll talk.

>>22772

No, no, that's not grimdark, it's "Warhammer", which is mostly code for "pants-on-head retarded".

[x] No wait, that bitch REALLY pissed you off. Give her a big sloppy kiss to rub salt in the wound.
[x] Moonwalk, Electric Slide, and crab walk out in style.

(fuck it, I like all these suggestions so I’m gonna make this work.)
(I’M GONNA MAKE THIS WORK.)



Hahaha! Oh man the look on her face was priceless! You sure wiped that smug look off of her face! Hell, that made you feel so good, you want to go above and beyond the call of duty. And so the cogs in your head begin to turn…

“Why you…” the blonde lady snarls while slowly standing up. All manner of elegance and grace gone from her figure, only to be replaced by a deadly aura.

However, you completely remove that deadly aura with another surprise attack!
Once again, quick as a flash, you move into that deadly aura grab the back of her head with one hand, and force your lips to hers as your tongue begins dancing inside her mouth. Your other hand, of course, reaches around and cops a major feel on her shapely arse.

“Mmmmph…?!” Your victim can only moan as she is completely and absolutely surprised by this sudden violation of personal space and is unable to fight back. Her deadly aura quickly dissolves into shock and horror. The onlookers at the bar only stare at how ballsy you are and continue watching with interest, hoping something more would happen.

Now, you love copping a feel and everything, but the main goal of your other hand was to reach into her back pocket and fish for a quarter. Of course, due to the laws of awesome, you manage to find one (and you couldn’t resist copping one more feel) and after untangling your tongue from the shocked blonde lady‘s, you slowly turn towards the side of the room with a jukebox about a good 45 feet away. Every eye in the bar is locked on you (including the lady you just violated) as they eagerly anticipate what you’ll do next. You place the quarter in between your thumb and index finger and, in one quick, fluent motion, you flick the quarter towards the jukebox. All the eyes in the bar are now on the quarter as it slowly soars across the bar towards its destination. What normally takes about a second to happen, elongates to 10 seconds, as if time itself stopped to watch what will happen. The silence of the bar is broken by the small *chink* of the quarter sliding into the slot perfectly.

The record inside the jukebox lifts and is slowly replaced by a much more recognizable song. The needle on the track begins to lower and there is nary a sound as the needle is placed upon the record.

Silence……

“OW!” screams the jukebox as the entire bar erupts in movement. Smooth Criminal begins playing and everyone begins to dance and move in an entirely choreographed way. Of course, you play the role as the King of Pop so you tilt the frilly hat on your head and proceed to dance the FUCK out of this bar, broken hips be damned. You and the entire bar (except for the blonde lady of course) reenact the ENTIRE scene from moonwalker perfectly, almost as if all the patrons were waiting for someone to come along and initiate the whole thing. Near the end, the police bust on in and try to apprehend you. Yeah, turns out that somebody saw you trying to toss something off the roof of your apartment and drive off in a very reckless manner with a child in tow that you were previously unaffiliated with and then somehow manage to connect the exploding car in the middle of the highway with your car. How very inconvenient. Luckily, the patrons of the bar manage to smuggle you out the back (because damn it wouldn’t you save someone who can dance like Michael from Moonwalker?) and now you’re back on the streets again, but this time the sidewalks and streets are populated by many people.

Hmm, you may be safe (for now), but you are slowly engulfed by a inexplicable urge to dance! You try your best to resist is as standing out isn’t going to aid your survivability, but a man walks by you with a ghetto blaster on his shoulder playing, wouldn’t you know it, Electric slide!

Awwww SHIT now how can you resist that? You completely ignore the pain in your lower body as you do the electric slide right there on the side walk. The man with the ghetto blaster sees you doing the Electric Slide and starts to boogie on with you! Eventually, a large crowd gathers around you and spills out into the nearby street, blocking traffic and causing a huge pile up that goes back as far as you can see. Fortunately, every driver, instead of jumping out of their cars to beat your ass, instead jumps out and starts dancing with everyone! Now you’ve got a whole crowd doing the electric slide with you in the middle of the whole thing.

Oh yeah, you were trying to get away to safety, but how can you inconspicuously escape the crowd of people who now follow you like their messiah? Why, by imitating the endangered (but stealthy) spy crab! You place your hands over your head, somehow managed to crouch down with your bad hips, and scuttle away. Unfortunately, your charisma level is SO high at this point, everyone imitates you and now you have an entire army scuttling along with you! Its all like a demented version of HALFBY: Rodeo Machine (look it up) as your spy crab army envelopes all you fail to get out of the way. In the resulting chaos, you manage to slip into an alleyway unnoticed and catch your breath. Man, its not easy Having all that charisma!

Good job! You’ve gotten the title “Smooth Criminal” which, once equipped, gives a huge boost to your charisma and allows you to solve many of your problems by DANCING.

You’ve also gained the ability “Shock and Awe” which allows you to take somebody completely by surprise, regardless of the situation.

Also, you’re masculinity meter returns to normal levels, but your AWESOME meter is completely pegged, allowing you to gain ONE permanent trait, choose wisely.

[x] Charisma- People are naturally attracted to you and are easily persuadable.
[x] Badass Motherfuckery- You are a BITCH to kill. Your toughness skyrockets and allows you to be a complete badass even when near death.
[x] Hokuto Shinken- Learn the 2 thousand year old martial arts of assassination. Kenshiro would be proud.

[x] Badass Motherfuckery

[x] Badass Motherfuckery OF SAXTON HALE!

FUCK yes. NO ONE MESSES WITH A RARE, ENDANGERED SPY CRAB! Hell, you're almost as MANLY as SAXTON HALE NOW!

[x] Badass Motherfuckery- You are a BITCH to kill. Your toughness skyrockets and allows you to be a complete badass even when near death.

>>22776
Soon we'll reach the levels of Teddy Roosevelt.

>>22774
That was GLORIOUS.

[ø] Charisma- People are naturally attracted to you and are easily persuadable.

With this permanent trait, We'll make Yukari ours.

[X] Badass Motherfuckery- You are a BITCH to kill. Your toughness skyrockets and allows you to be a complete badass even when near death.

This.

[x] Hokuto Shinken- Learn the 2 thousand year old martial arts of assassination. Kenshiro would be proud.

It also comes with toughness; Kenshiro among other things has tanked getting hit with Pillars, Skyscrapers, and girders. All without much effect.

[X] Badass Motherfuckery- You are a BITCH to kill. Your toughness skyrockets and allows you to be a complete badass even when near death.

Now we need to get the Terminator trait, and then we'll have a good chance of taking Yukari head on and winning.

>>22781
infamous last words.

[x] Badass Motherfuckery- You are a BITCH to kill. Your toughness skyrockets and allows you to be a complete badass even when near death.

The sounds of your spy crab parade begin to die off in the distance as you hide in an alley while attempting to catch your breath. Man, you never knew dancing would be so strenuous, but it kinda makes you feel…different. It feels like you’ve grown a lot tougher since the beginning of the day, almost like you can take on the entire world without breaking a sweat. You try to dispose of that thought though, thinking like that will only get you killed. The alleyway you are in is now as silent as a graveyard and gives you a nice repose to decide you next action.
BUT, first things first. You’ve had this horrible pain in your hips and you think its overstayed its welcome. You flex all the muscles in your lower body and with a series of sickening sounds, you manage to relocate your hip bones. You never figured that was possible, but hey, today just seems to be a day of magic and wonder hasn‘t it? It was also a good thing that your hips were just dislocated and not shattered, or else you couldn‘t have pulled it off. You test your legs out and it seems to be functioning quite nicely…well, all except for a slight nagging pain, but that’s easily manageable at this point.

Now before you get a chance to do anything else, you hear a rapid pattering of small feet in the distance. The sound eventually turns into the alleyway and you see a tiny, but slightly familiar object running at you full tilt. The blur then leaps up, curls into a bar, and soars straight towards you.
Before you can react, the ball slams into your chest with a loud crunch. Extreme pain and surprise overwhelm you as your ribcage fully collapses and punctures your lungs from the sudden trauma. Your body crumples to the ground and with a *thud* you hit the ground and are now staring up at the sky. You are suddenly looted by your assailant and as quickly as it arrived, it leaves without a trace.
Goddammit! Your mind falls back to the lady you stole the hat from and then sexually assaulted. Its almost as if karma bit you right in the ass for the misdeeds you inflicted upon that poor blonde lady. Speaking of that lady, you notice that your frilly hat is gone and you are incredibly downtrodden because of this. Man, you went EVERYWHERE with that hat, from dancing at the bar to raising that spy crab army (by accident), you two grew close over the minutes you knew each other. Someone must pay for this travesty, and you’re just the man to do it. You make a mental note of this and focus on at least standing back up. Its incredibly painful to breathe and the taste of blood is fresh in your mouth, but as you sit up, the sound of more footsteps make you freeze.

It is an ominous sound, possibly foreshadowing some kind of misfortune to further befoul your day. It sounds like the same footsteps from before, but this time they’re at a slower pace and are accompanied by another pair of footsteps. Now, you’re not an expert at discerning things by the way they sound, but you’ll bet the rest of the money in your wallet (a whopping $0) that this is not good at all.

Your wounds would incapacitate a normal man, but luckily your choice of Badass Motherfuckery lets you decide how this encounter plays out.

[x] Get the hell out of there, you’ll meet whoever this is on more favorable grounds.
[x] Lay back down and pretend to be helpless.
[x] Try to hide in a trash can like some kind of badass motherfuckin’ grouch and plan your counter attack.
[x] No, a real man stands up to his challenges. Stand up, cross your arms, and complain to whoever it is that turns the corner that they are late.

[x] Try to hide in a trash can like Oscar motherfuckin’ grouch and plan your counter attack.

Yes. FUCKING OSCAR! WE WILL DEFEAT OUR FOES WITH BADASS GROUCHINESS!

[x] No, a real man stands up to his challenges. Stand up, cross your arms, and complain to whoever it is that turns the corner that they are late.

[X] Try to hide in a trash can like some kind of badass motherfuckin’ grouch and plan your counter attack.

[X] Try to hide in a trash can like some kind of badass motherfuckin’ grouch and plan your counter attack.

[ø] No, a real man stands up to his challenges. Stand up, cross your arms, and complain to whoever it is that turns the corner that they are late.

I can't believe that this story has only 7 voters.

[x] Try to hide in a trash can like some kind of badass motherfuckin’ grouch and plan your counter attack.

[X] No, a real man stands up to his challenges. Stand up, cross your arms, and complain to whoever it is that turns the corner that they are late.

[x] No, a real man stands up to his challenges. Stand up, cross your arms, and complain to whoever it is that turns the corner that they are late.

[x] No, a real man stands up to his challenges. Stand up, cross your arms, and complain to whoever it is that turns the corner that they are late.

[x] Try to hide in a trash can like some kind of badass motherfuckin’ grouch and plan your counter attack.

[x] No, a real man stands up to his challenges. Stand up, cross your arms, and complain to whoever it is that turns the corner that they are late.

The sound of footsteps steadily grow louder so you quickly stand up through the pain, cross your arms, and wait indignantly for the footsteps’ arrival.

“Mommy! Mommy! Did you see that parade??”
“Yes, sweetie, how could have Mommy not seen something so ridiculous?”
“I wanna be in the parade Mommy! I WANNA BE IN THE PARADE!!!”
“But sweetie, Mommy really wants to a drink. Work’s been so hard lately and…”
“I don’t give a FUCK about that. Let’s go through this alleyway and catch up with them!”
“But sweetie, bad people hang out in alleyways and…”

Then they turn the corner to see you standing there shirtless, arms crossed, covered in blood, with a “Imma fuck you up” look on your face, and let’s not forget to mention getting Badass Motherfuckery gives you washboard abs and rippling pecs. Now, the two people who turned into the alley seems to be a completely ordinary mother in child. The child looks like the typical annoying brat of androgynous gender, only this particular child looks to be in need of a good ol’ southern ass whoopin’. The mother looks like an overworked single mother who hates children (or at least is very, VERY tired of them) and could really use a drink. Mommy over here is your kind of woman, but still, you did promise to complain that whoever turns the corner is late.

You crack your knuckles and spit some blood at the feet of your two visitors as you tell them that they’re late. The child (the little idiot that he is) thinks that he could take you on and starts throwing curses your way. The mother, on the other hand, has this craft look on her face and says, “uh, oh no! Somebody has kidnapped my poor little boy! Don’t worry sweetie, Mommy will go get help!” as she then runs away in the direction of the nearest bar. The little boy, now without Mommy for back up, is now regretting his course of actions.

Ohhh man, you’ve been waiting for this moment a long time. You walk over to the annoying little kid and cave his face in with your fist. He flies back out onto the empty sidewalk where he lay twitching. You mutter a “you’re welcome” to the mother and hope that you’ll meet her again in a bar someday.

“Hey asshole, what the hell are you doing over there?”

You’re caught completely off guard and spin around to see who the mystery voice is. Its that blonde lady from before! You could not have foreseen this turn of events and you cannot respond to her question. She somehow managed to get behind you (probably with some sort of SORCERY) and has some kind of “doom specter” hovering behind her. You’re pretty sure that this specter doesn’t normally look like this, but is actually a result of being extremely agitated. A tiny, yet familiar, figure is peeking around from behind the lady with a sad look on her face. Wait a minute…

“Chen, I thought you said that you shattered his ribcage and that he couldn’t get up.” The lady snaps at the person you once called friend.

“B-but I did…” The poor thing tries stammers in defense, but is cut off by the blond lady’s response,

“Hmm…It’s alright Chen, it’ll be much more satisfying to watch him struggle in his last moments than to simply torture him. I forgive you.”

And with a single wave of her hand, your little buddy (which you’re assuming is “Chen”) disappears behind the blonde lady (which you’re assuming is a witch).

So, your little buddy survived the crash and has betrayed you to a witch. You are very crestfallen by this revelation and feel like you cannot trust anybody anymore. However, instead of moping about, you add that thought to the fires of FURY deep inside you and gain more determination on your quest for vengeance.

[You’ve lost 1 friend]

“So, lets get started shall we?” the witch coos in an alluring voice much different than when she was conversing with Chen.

“I know you have something against me, ever since the beginning you refused to obey me no matter how kind I am to you, so how about this: go into this portal to a magical land full of magic and land and complete a…a quest for me. After you complete this quest, I shall allow you to exact your ‘revenge’ on me even though you brought all of this on yourself, deal?”

A rip through the fabric of reality opens up next to her, the insides of which are purple with many eyes staring out at you. Needless to say, its not very inviting.

“And if not…Well, then I’ll let my friend play with you. She’s dieing to meet you”

The specter behind her twitches in response as if very anxious to receive the signal to “play” with you.

Well, what will you do now?

[x] Accept her “quest” and leap into the gap heroically.
[x] Uh, no. Obvious trap is obvious. Instead, respond to her invitation with your fists.
[x] That’s an even worse idea. Attempt to flee.

There's obviously only one answer to this...

[X] RUN AWAY!

[X] RUN AWAY!

Run away? Run AWAY? You faggots, you want to wind down now that we've only barely started down the path of glory?

[x] Uh, no. Obvious trap is obvious. Instead, respond to her invitation with your fists while Moonwalking!

[X] Uh, no. Obvious trap is obvious. Instead, respond to her invitation with your fists.

We're a Badass Motherfucker. We do not run.

This is awesome and you are awesome for starting this

[X] Uh, no. Obvious trap is obvious. Instead, respond to her invitation with your fists while Moonwalking!
-[X] Equip 'Smooth Criminal' beforehand though.
--[X] If possible, retake her your hat.

[X] Impromptu rap battle

Unless this is a thoroughly bad idea, in which case:

[X] >>22802

[X] Uh, no. Obvious trap is obvious. Instead, respond to her invitation with your fists while Moonwalking!
-[X] Equip 'Smooth Criminal' beforehand though.
--[X] If possible, retake her your hat.

[X] Uh, no. Obvious trap is obvious. Instead, respond to her invitation with your fists while Moonwalking!
-[X] Equip 'Smooth Criminal' beforehand though.
--[X] If possible, retake her your hat.

>>22805
>>22806
you lazy buggers


[ø] Uh, no. Obvious trap is obvious. Instead, respond to her invitation with your fists while Moonwalking!
-[ø] Equip 'Smooth Criminal' beforehand though.
--[ø] If possible, retake her your hat.

>>22807
Some of us are even lazier.

[x] >>22802

[x] Uh, no. Obvious trap is obvious. Instead, respond to her invitation with your fists while Moonwalking!
-[x] Equip 'Smooth Criminal' beforehand though.
--[x] If possible, retake her your hat.

[x] Uh, no. Obvious trap is obvious. Instead, respond to her invitation with your fists while Moonwalking!
-[x] Equip 'Smooth Criminal' beforehand though.
--[x] If possible, retake her your hat.

You equip “Smooth Criminal”, spin in place, then give a loud “HOO!” as the floor beneath your feet begins to glow. You walk towards your antagonist, lighting the ground with every step you take, as music begins to emanate from your body. You stop right in front of her as you begin your hypnotic dance:

“She was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene
I said don’t mind, but what do you mean I am the one
Who will jump, in the gap, in the air
She said I am the one, who will jump, in the gap, in the air

She told me her name was Yukari-n, as she caused a scene
Then her head was turned with eyes that dreamed of me being the one
Who will jump, in the gap, in the air

People always told me be careful of what you do
And don’t go around breaking young girls’ hearts
And mother always told me be careful of who you hate
And be careful of what you do ‘else the lie becomes the truth

Yukari-n is not my lover
She’s just a girl who claims that I am the one
But I don’t wanna go
She says I am the one, but I don’t wanna go

For forty seconds and for forty more
Power was on her side
But who can stand when she’s in demand
She schemes and plans
But I won’t jump, in the gap, in the air
So take my strong advice, just remember to always think twice
(Don’t think twice!
Do think twice!)

She told me to stop dancing right now, then she looked at me
And showed a photo of a guy she killed, his eyes were like mine
‘Cause I won’t jump, in the gap, in the air

People always told me be careful of what you do
And don’t go around breaking young girls’ hearts
She came and stood in front of me
Then I smelled her sweet perfume
This happened all to soon
She called me to my doom

Billie Jean is not my lover
She’s just a girl who claims that I am the one
But I don’t wanna go”

-Yukari-n (by Joe the “Smooth Criminal”)

You start to spin and Yukari’s hat (you learned her name, go back and read the song) starts gravitating off of her head and gently lands on your head. You try to moonwalk away, but Yukari grabs you by the collar, takes her hat back (aww) and then brings you uncomfortably close to her, the alluring charm gone from her face.

“STOP

FUCKING

DANCING”

To be honest, the whole purpose of the dance was to get your hat back, with some punches thrown in for good measure, but you got so into it that you totally forgot to punch her.
However, you are so close to her that her bountiful chest is pushing up against yours, it’ll be difficult to attack her from this distance, but she couldn’t possibly guard against a sneak attack…

[x] try to attack her anyways.
[x] attempt to push off of her in order to give yourself more room for a more planned attack.
[x] give a snarky comment about how she can’t dance.
[x] give in to your manly desires; grab her breasts and give them a hearty squeeze.

(Bonus points to whoever can guess what the song is based off of *COUGHbilliejeanCOUGH*)

...I don't like the look of any of those choices.

I'm gonna take a page and write-in "[X] Impromptu rap battle".

[x]Impromptu rap battle
-[x]When you see an opening, activate Jagermaster and 2... 3... 6... HADOKEN!

>>22812
we already used up Jagermaster in >>22757

Someone's gonna have to write a glorious write-in to save Joe's ass this time.
Will vote when I can think of one or if another anon writes one.

>>22813

It's use is repeatable. Hell, the update recommends caution (ahahah) with its future use, which would be a pretty weird thing to say if Jagermaster were a one-time use only.

Always remember that fortune favors the bold.

[X] Declare your Adulthood, grab her gab by the ribbons and THROW IT ON THE GROUND!
[X] And then an Impromptu Rap Battle.

If anything, you can at least move the gap to a position which you won't have to worry about it later. Or not. But damn this protagonist deserves props, going up against pretty much a literal god and still having the audacity to dance.

>>22819

Damn it, I mean Gap. Stupid typos...

[ø] give in to your manly desires; grab her breasts and give them a hearty squeeze.
[ø] Activate Jagermaster

[x]Use Jagermaster to dual wield it and Smooth Criminal
-[x]Give a snarky comment about how she can’t dance.
--[x]GET DOWN the fuck outta there and take back your hat once and for all.

[x]>>22822

Ah, the wait for each update is killing me!
We want that rap battle, dang it!

From the Author:

A rap battle? Seriously? I mean, I love all of your write-ins, they almost always skew the story into something completely awesome (or if anything, give me a good laugh), and its a great challenge trying to make it work, but maaaaaan.

*looks at the votes*

maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.


On a side note though, I'll try to update AT LEAST once a day. Twice if everything's going well, and three times or more if I have a lot of free time and the votes come in fast.
Fun fact: at first an update took me at most an hour, now it takes me between 1-3 hours depending on the absurdity of the votes.

*looks again at votes*

*sigh*, update will be up (hopefully) soon.

>>22828
you know, if writing the update with such votes is gonna be too hard and possibly bring down the awesomeness of this story, it's probably just better to tell the us that you're just gonna go with the next highest voted option that looks good to you.

Believe it or not, I actually made this work. I've tried to make the dialect as true to the source as possible, but you have to make up your own beat, kinda hard to do it in text, y'know?

[x] Impromptu rap battle

“You don’t get it do you?” Yukari snarls in your face as she brings you closer and closer to her own.

“I could take you to Gensokyo whenever I want, WHEREEVER I want. I have powers your feeble mind can only hope to comprehend in your dreams, Hell, even if I invaded your dreams and displayed my powers you still would only have the faintest grasp of how badly I can end you. I only delayed the inevitable for you to obey me like a good pathetic human, but no, you just kept disobeying me time and time again. Now, I don’t want you to simply go, I want you to BEG me to allow you to go. I want to see your face curled up in agony, screaming and shouting for mercy as I defile your body in the more unholy and horrifying ways possible. I want to see you CRY. And then, I’ll collect your tears and pour them over your body after I’ve flayed you alive and fed you your own skin. Only THEN will I POSSIBLY listen to your tortured shrieks of pain and only THEN will I allow you to go to Gensokyo.
Now, beg for me.
Right now.
I want to hear the fear in your voice.
I want to hear your despair.”

She stands there holding you up to her face for a good 5 seconds before you give her your answer.

“Aight Bitch!” *in one fluid motion you knock away the hand that was holding you and take a step back*

“Don’t you know who da fuck I am? I’m da Joe, da show, your foe, the boogeyman.
I think it time ta tell you what you really need to know, you ain’t so bad as you think you is, you just a hoe.
You wanna die? Step it up and tell it to my face, ’cause me an’ my .62’s gonna make you fall from grace.
Now I know about your plan to make me your man but you have to understand that really ain’t so grand.
Deep down Imma pimp and no hoe’s gonna own me, ‘specially not one so old that she can barely see.
Dat’s right, I know a hoe with an age issue, too bad all these years you just never got a clue.
What‘s dat? You want me to make an apology? Fuck dat, ask again and instead you’ll get a eulogy.
You think you’re so tough? pfft, don’t make me mix tongues, I’m da guy rapping with ribs in his lungs.
Now step back, go home and cry into a bag, cause if you come again Joe’s gonna fuck you up you old hag!”

You try your best rapping with both your lungs punctured and with no beat, but you’re pretty sure you got the point across. She’s just standing there with a completely emotionless face, as if you completely broke her.
Hmm, did you win?

She then suddenly walks towards you, reaches out her hand and gently, but firmly pushes you in your chest. This of course sends a wave of agony throughout your body so you stumble backwards, only to find that you’ve been enveloped by darkness and thousands upon thousands of eyes.
Dammit! There was a gap behind you!
Well what do you know, Yukari hates your rapping as much as your dancing, who could have guessed?

“If I can’t break you, then I know who will.” Yukari calmly says while showing no emotion whatsoever. She stands at the entrance of the gap, in your world, as if expressing that the only way to get back is to go through her. You try to leap forward to get back to the world you know so well, but the gap shuts itself and you are suddenly all alone, watched by all those eyes.
My god, those eyes.

All of a sudden, you feel gravity pulling on your back as you fall out of the gap and onto a golden, sunny field. You stare up at the gap that just spit you out as it slowly closes and fades from existence.
You blink. Something tells you you’re not in Kansas anymore.
You take a quick survey of your surroundings. The air all around you is extremely fresh and refreshing, nothing like the polluted air back home. You are surrounded by hundreds of sunflowers, not unlike the eyes that were gazing upon you earlier. This place is so relaxing, you just could die and not realize it.

[x] Take a nap
[x] Eat some sunflower seeds. You haven’t eaten anything today and are starving.
[x] NO. FUCK. SHIT. RUN. FUCK.

[x] Take a nap

How kind of Yukari to drop us in the safest place in Gensokyo.

[x] Take a piss. Your bladder is going to burst because all of that drinking.
[x] Eat some sunflower seeds.
You haven ’t eaten anything
today and are starving.
[x] In fact, start a campfire and burn the seeds. Seeds are delicious when eaten while it's HOT, BURNED and TOASTED like charcoals.
[x] Eat sunfowers too. Need nutrients.

[x]>>22835

I am down with this so hard, I'm in China now.

Well, we just lost what our goal was. Time to rip Gensokyo a new one and make it our bitch.

And then rub it in Yukari's face, just before we cave her skull in with our pinky.

That said:

[X] This place doesn't look like it's completely natural, a bunch of people must have planted all of these. Better look for the owner.
-[X] And just because Yukari was a bitch, doesn't mean you have to be one to this person. Judging from this flower field, they must be a a rather interesting person to be around.

Now I wonder how this Yuka is like. She's always an interesting person to be around.

[x] Take a nap
That's what I'd do. He must be tired by all that DANCING and MANLINESS.

[X] Eat the sunflower seeds and Sunflowers, you need eat something, goddamnit! Heck, eat the entire field, all those flowers better be tasty.
[X] Remember that Yukari saying something about someone she knows that will break you and equip Shock and Awe to scare them, perhaps if you scare the person good enough, they'll faint and you can make a break for it.

Maybe you'll be able to scare Kogasa with that later.

[X] Take a nap

I don't care how absurd or manly we're capable of being, Yuuka can and will render us a bloody pulp for use as fertilizer if we eat her sunflowers.

[x] Eat some sunflower seeds. You haven’t eaten anything today and are starving.

Let's act like a jackass!
After all, Yuuka is still a chiled in mind, she will be terrified by the Boogeyman Joe!

(Or not.)

[X] Take a nap

We just lost :(

Recollect ourself with a powernap

[x] Take a nap

(>>22835 made me lol in the middle of a large group of friends. You sir, made my day.)

Mmmm, the sun feels nice. Its probably sometime in the afternoon and you’re exhausted from today’s events, especially since you haven’t eaten anything recently. You’d normally eat some sunflower seeds, but you feel especially lazy right now and just want to rest a little. Most people call it “succumbing to exhaustion” but you call it POWER napping.

Shortly after closing your eyes you drift off to a dream world where all your trouble are nonexistent. No Yukari to ruin your day, no more running around in a nonsensical fashion doing ridiculous things, nothing but booze, steak, and poon as far as the eye can see. Ahh, nothing can ruin your day now…

“Hmm? What’s this? Some fertilizer for my children?”

A kind and gentle voice interrupts your sleep, but you ignore it and continue trying to sleep.

“I wonder, are you dead or simply napping in my field?”

The gentle voice kicks you right in the side of your ribs and pushes them even further into your lungs (you’re pretty sure you could cough up a rib if you tried hard enough). The pain abruptly wakes you up, but you stay still and keep your eyes closed, all you want is some sleep dammit. Good thing you took Badass Motherfuckery or you’d be yowling in pain right now. Hell, you’d probably have succumbed to Yukari if it weren’t for your superhuman toughness.

“I’m not particularly fond of corpses in my field, especially ones I didn’t make.”

Uh, that’s not something a normal person should say. You have a really bad feeling about this…

[x] Continue playing dead, maybe she’ll leave you alone.
[x] Get up, introduce yourself, talk about how nice her flowers are.
[x] Leap up and assert your dominance over her. How dare she interrupt your POWER nap?

[ø] How dare she interrupt your POWER nap?
[ø] "Damn it, you should know full well to not to disrupt someone in their slumber! I don't think you'd appreciate that either!"

I know Yuuka will understand.

[x] Get up, introduce yourself, talk about how nice her flowers are.

Let's not pick anymore fights than we honestly need to. She could be an ally against Yukari.

[x] Get up, introduce yourself, talk about how nice her flowers are.

Hey, if we can be a Badass Motherfucker, we can be a Badass Motherfucking Gentleman.

[ø] How dare she interrupt your POWER nap?
[ø] "Damn it, you should know full well to not to disrupt someone in their slumber! I don't think you'd appreciate that either!"

[x] Get up, introduce yourself talk about how nice her flowers are.
[x] Leap up and assert your dominance over her. How dare she interrupt your POWER nap?

You’ll probably get killed if you sleep any further, so you decide to get up and confront your harasser head on. Yeah, dieing in your sleep is considered by most to be the most peaceful way to die, but that’s not NEARLY a manly enough death for you. The only death that would be good enough for you is to be fighting a huge army muscle-bound dwarves with chainsaw axes riding mechanical bears, while the only thing you have is a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and your dick in the other and getting a larger kill count with the latter hand, all while chanting “U-S-A! U-S-A!”
But you digress, its time to introduce yourself.

You quickly stand up and brush the dirt off of yourself. You introduce yourself as Joe and politely ask the woman who she is, you might as well get the introductions out of the way. The woman, who you learn to be Yuuka Kazami, is pleasantly surprised at your politeness and curtsies after giving her name. There’s just something about this woman that really bothers you, but you just can’t put a finger on it. Maybe it’s the green hair or the red eyes or her eerie graciousness, but something tells you that the longer you stay here, the shorter your lifespan is becoming. The scent of death permeates the air around her and its not the physical scent either. You feel as if this woman single-handedly ended the lives of hundreds, if not thousands, of people and the souls of the victims hang around her as a warning.
Maybe you’re just incredibly paranoid, but something tells you that you need to leave.
Now.

“So, is there any reason why you were sleeping in my sunflower field and not, say, running away?” Yuuka questions you a very subtle hint of happiness in her voice. You’re not sure what the cause of this happiness is.

Regardless, you quickly formulate a lie and tell her how you came across the sunflower field and found it so refreshing that you just HAD to take a nap. You also make sure to let her know how pretty her flowers are.

“Ah, is that so?” Yuuka once again questions, the happiness in her voice increasing. “You know, normally people, especially humans like you, stay as far away as they can from my flower field as they possibly can. Even the least intelligent of creatures know to follow their instinct and stay away. Now, either you’re even less intelligent than those creatures or you’re incredibly brave, which is it?”

Yuuka seems to be really interested in how you’re not running away from her and a devilish smile grows on her face. The aura of death begins to grow so thick that you can almost physically see it. It starts to overpower you and a feeling of hopelessness and fear replace all of your emotions. The first thing that comes to your mind is rape, the second being to run away before that happens, but another thought begins rising up and pushes those thoughts away.

This bitch just insulted you.

She rudely woke you up from your peaceful sleep, only to stand there and question your intelligence as if she was better than you. If there’s one thing you can’t stand, its Yukari calling you an “inferior human” and looking down on you. If there’s another thing you can’t stand, its people who are like Yukari. This Yuuka, now that you think about it, is similar to Yukari.
That’s it, you’re gonna put this bitch in her place before it gets out of hand.

You put a stern face on, give her a firm shove back, and verbally reprimand her for her rudeness. After all, all you did was introduce yourself and compliment her and her flower field with the utmost politeness. She could at least return your politeness instead of insulting you. You let her know that if she gives you any more sass, you’ll have to introduce her to your two friends, Major Pain (right fist), and Colonel Discomfort who’ll have to discipline her. You admit Colonel Discomfort isn’t a very intimidating name, but the tone of your voice doesn’t show any doubt about its potency. You will fucking punch the shit out of her it comes down to it (or at least try to).
Yuuka’s reaction is…unexpected to say the least. Your sudden aggressive reaction caught her completely off guard as most of her victims usually curl up and cry, but your sudden shove causes her to stumble backwards and lose her composure. As you berate her, you notice a slight blush on her cheeks as she silently takes her stern lecturing.

After you finish, you give her this “don’t fuck with me, I’ve had a bad day” look and try to gauge her reaction. Yuuka then finishes recomposing herself back to her polite self and then gives you another creepy smile, but this time for an entirely different reason.

“I’ve never had anyone dominate me like that, let alone a man…” Yuuka whispers while slowly walking towards you.
“I’d like to find out more about this feeling. Care to come over to my house for some…’hot water‘ so you can make sure I’m a good girl?”

If you were just a tiny bit afraid when you first met Yuuka, you are absolutely terrified now. You had a feeling about how powerful she is from the way she acted (the polite ones are usually the strongest), and your death would have been swift if she just took offense to your sudden agression. But now that she’s taken an interest into you in a much more different way…lets just say that agreeing to her proposition without a maxed out MANLINESS meter is going to lead you to being broken in half. After all, you assume that by “hot” she means “rough sex” and by “water” she means “and lots of it”.

Well fuck, now what?

[x] Equip Jagermaster and try to find any way out of this predicament.
[x] Flee! There’s a slight chance of getting away!
[x] No, no, maybe you’re taking this way out of proportion. Wait and see what happens.

[x] Equip Jagermaster.
-[x]Follow Yuuka to her house and make her feel like a woman.

[X] Equip Moonwalker and Trololo your way out of the sunflower garden.

What? Trololoing is the new smoke bomb.

[x] Equip Jagermaster.
-[x]Follow Yuuka to her house and make her feel like a woman.

This can't possibly go wrong.

[x] Equip Jagermaster.
-[x]Follow Yuuka to her house and make her feel like a woman.

[ø] Equip Jagermaster.
-[ø]Follow Yuuka to her house and make her feel like a woman.
Starting on Lunatic mode from the beginning, this screams MANLINESS.

[X] Equip Jagermaster.
-[X]Follow Yuuka to her house and make her feel like a woman.

BAD END incoming!

[X] Equip Jagermaster.
-[X]Follow Yuuka to her house and make her feel like a woman.

Hoping for celestial surprise.

[x] Equip Jagermaster.
-[x] Follow Yuuka to her house and make her feel like a woman.

(Holy shit, either you guys have balls of steel or you’re just screaming for a bad end)


So, Yuuka wants some hawt human on near god-like Youkai action? Alright then, she’s gonna get it, and get it HARD.
You activate Jagermaster, gird your loins, and throw Yuuka to the ground as you ravage he right there on the spot. After all, this wasn’t an invitation, it was a CHALLENGE and you’ll take her where YOU want. You pour all of your concentration into the task at hand and are in absolute control the whole time. She’ll see what happens when you “fuck” with Joe.







Several hours later, the both of you are laying together in the sunflower field panting from exhaustion (well, actually just you, you did all of the work). It is now night as the stars and full moon illuminate both of your glistening bodies. It turns out that you were Yuuka’s first (no man could have “risen“ to the occasion with such a deadly aura around her…thank god for Jagermaster) and she was absolutely insatiable after finding out a different kind of pleasure from torturing and killing people. She lies next to you, completely satisfied, and begins to get up and get dressed. You, on the other hand, are suffering severe contusions to your lower body (especially to your more…”sensitive” areas) and extreme fatigue, you really need something to eat or at least some prolonged rest.
But not at Yuuka’s house. She’ll probably ask for round 2 and nothing could save you then.

Hang on, Yuuka’s fairly powerful…if you could get her on your side……

You demand that Yuuka join your quest for vengeance against Yukari (it seems she has a fetish for getting dominated so you ask aggressively to appeal to her, perhaps she’s a Masochist AND a Sadist. Is that even possible?) because after all that hard work you deserve SOMETHING for your efforts.
She stops dressing herself for a moment and gives you a soul shattering glare.

“You just finished raping me, and now you’re demanding something from me? Be thankful I allowed you to live to tell others about your deed, if anyone will even believe you. Besides, your feud with Yukari is not my problem.”
She says this in a vicious tone that would have normally been followed by your death.

“But…” Yuuka’s voice trails off, her voice suddenly changing to sickly sweet, “If we get married, then it WOULD be my problem, wouldn’t it?”

No.
Fuck that.
You know what she’s planning and you won’t fall for it. Anymore “time” spent with Yuuka will literally kill you and you’d rather defeat Yukari and go home alive. Yeah, its your fault she got addicted to you, but you refuse to take responsibility for it.

Then again… having Yuuka as an ally in the final battle against Yukari would be an immense boon…

[x] Accept her offer but you‘ll agree to marriage AFTER you defeat Yukari. Once you crush her you’ll just escape back to your home world before she notices you’re gone and she’ll be none the wiser.
[x] No…That’s just plain suicidal. You’ll find other allies or, if anything, face off against Yukari on your own like a man.


Oh, and “raping” Yukari earns you a free feat to gain. How the fuck did you manage to pull that off???

[x] Tohno Gland- You somehow manage to attract women no matter what you do.
[x] Implacable Man- to quote from tvtropes: "It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop! Ever! Until you are dead!"
[x] Hokuto Shinken- Learn the 2,000 year old martial arts of assassination. Kenshiro would be proud.

[x]Accept her offer and marry her immediately!

WAITING!? REAL MEN DO NOT WAIT!

[x] Implacable Man- to quote from tvtropes: "It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop! Ever! Until you are dead!"

[x] Accept her offer and marry her immediately!
[x] Implacable Man- to quote from tvtropes: "It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop! Ever! Until you are dead!"

Yukari is doomed, and we shall have our sweetest revenge with our beloved homicidal wife by our side. Yuuka is the only one who can control the raging madness that has embedded itself into our very soul, ever lusting for the blood of the entire Yakumo clan for its tresspass against your life and sanity. The Tohno gland is unnecessary, since Yuuka can intimidate other women into any harem with little effort.

Yuuka as our wife? That's a new one. SURE!
[X] Yes to Marriage, now!
[X] Implacable Man. That way, Yukari will be unable to reason with us. We didn't get to reason with her, THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL SHE'LL GET TO REASON WITH US!

>>22781
> Now we need to get the Terminator trait, and then we'll have a good chance of taking Yukari head on and winning.

Fuck yeah.

[x] Implacable Man- to quote from tvtropes: "It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop! Ever! Until you are dead!"

[x] Accept her offer and marry her immediately!
[x] Hokuto Shinken- Learn the 2,000 year old martial arts of assassination. Kenshiro would be proud.

>Anymore “time” spent with Yuuka will literally kill you

Have a break and do it again. What doesn't kill you initially can only make you stronger.

[x] Accept her offer and marry her immediately!
[x] Implacable Man- to quote from tvtropes: "It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop! Ever! Until you are dead!"

[x] Accept her offer but you‘ll agree to marriage AFTER you defeat Yukari. Once you crush her you’ll just escape back to your home world before she notices you’re gone and she’ll be none the wiser.

[x] Tohno Gland- You somehow manage to attract women no matter what you do.

[ø] Accept her offer and marry her immediately!
[ø] Tohno Gland- You somehow manage to attract women no matter what you do.
Mother of god, we actually managed to fuck Yuuka.

>Oh, and “raping” Yukari earns you a free feat to gain. How the fuck did you manage to pull that off???

Surely you meant Yuukarin.

>>22867
Oooh, good catch. I try and spell check my work but Yuuka and Yukari seem always gets me.
Especially if you prefer one "U" for Yuuka instead of two.

[x] Accept her offer and marry her immediately!
-[x] Implacable Man- to quote from tvtropes: "It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop! Ever! Until you are dead!"

That was amazing.

[x] Accept her offer and marry her immediately!
[x] Implacable Man- to quote from tvtropes: "It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop! Ever! Until you are dead!"

And if we just manage to learn Hokuto Shin Ken next, we shall be like as unto GODS!

And happily married. And Yuuka, of course, will be happy. And Implacable Man means no death by sex!

[x] Accept her offer and marry her immediately!
[x] Hokuto Shinken- Learn the 2,000 year old martial arts of assassination. Kenshiro would be proud.

Time to gain some offense to go with our durability. And perhaps our MC doesn't want to go back to the real world, not after finding out the crazy shit he can get away with here.

[x] Accept her offer and marry
her immediately!

[x] Tohno Gland- You somehow manage to attract women no matter what you do.
[x] Implacable Man- to quote
from tvtropes: "It can't be
bargained with. It can't be
reasoned with. It doesn't feel
pity, or remorse, or fear. And it
absolutely will not stop! Ever!
Until you are dead!"

Combined with the gland, we will become a shining example as a polygamist and the most MANliest among all men in Gensokyo.

[x] Accept her offer and marry her immediately!
[x] Implacable Man- to quote from tvtropes: "It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop! Ever! Until you are dead!"

[x] Accept her offer and marry her immediately!
[x] Implacable Man- to quote from tvtropes: "It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop! Ever! Until you are dead!"

Can you spot the references?

You quickly stand up and give Yuuka her answer. Its quite the commitment, considering you just met her, but you don’t give a damn and accept her proposition without hesitation.
She looks stunned as she didn’t think you’d really accept her proposal, but shortly gives you a truly happy smile.
She finally found someone to love.

“Once you’re ready to make your move against Yukari, come get me.”
Yuuka then turns around and (presumably) heads in the direction of where she lives.

“Until then…I’ll be waiting~”

You watch her go as she disappears into the sunflower field. You’re not sure what to think right now, mostly because you’re really fucking hungry and really fucking tired. Surprisingly, however, you don’t feel nearly as bad as you did a couple minutes ago. Its as if you’re body underwent a transformation after you agreed to marry Yuuka. Most noticeably is the lack of pain in your chest and lower body, almost as if your nerves were suddenly numbed by a soothing medicine. You look down at yourself to see that your body has underwent a massive physical change, you’re incredibly ripped and all your previous wounds are now gone. You feel completely unstoppable!

You’re still in a state of undress though, so you quickly put your clothes back on (you’re still shirtless, remember?) and try to figure out your next plan. Lets see…Yuuka’s already gone so you can’t follow her back to her house because from the looks of it the sunflower field is an endless see of yellow and she’s already gone, plus its dark out so visibility’s low…You’re actually not too sure what to do.

As you ponder this, you hear a flapping of wings from above and a winged figure gracefully lands right in front of you.
“The noble and honest Aya Shameimaru is here!” The figure proclaims.

HOLY FUCK SHE HAS WINGS.
AND CAN FLY.
FUCK.

You are completely unprepared for such an arrival as you prepare yourself for an attack.

“Hi! I know its really late for an interview, but I just wanted to briefly to ask you a few questions.” She doesn’t wait for your response and pulls out a pen and notepad, while jabbering away.

This Aya person looks like a really shady person and you decide to keep an eye on her.

“I saw and heard exchange between you and Yuuka, so after ravaging Yuuka, are you planning on attacking any other girls or was it just revenge for all the humans she killed?”

Uhh, okay, when she says “exchange”, which part was she talking about? Never mind that, you tell her that its all a misunderstanding and that you’re actually engaged to Yuuka after she proposed to you.

“Mm hmm…” she scribbles something down in her notepad, “After defeating Yuuka in a battle of strength, I raped her and forced her to become my wife so that no one can stand in my way when I begin my conquest of Gensokyo…Very interesting!” she mutters to herself.

Wait, that’s not what you said.

“So, what’re your plans as of now? Mister…?”

You tell her your name is Joe, and you are actually on a quest to kill Yukari for ruining your pleasantly average life. You also ask her if there’s anyone powerful like Yuuka that you could recruit for your crusade.

“ ‘I plan to seek out the most powerful women in Gensokyo and make them mine so I will truly be unstoppable! Bwa-ha-ha!’ Cackles Demon General: Darkdeath Evilman as he attempted to swipe me into his arms and have his way with me. Luckily, I, the noble and honest Aya Shameimaru, was too fast for him and I fled to the safety of my house so I could print this article out to all readers! Everyone beware of Evilman or else he’ll rape everyone you know and love! Lock up your daughters! Lock up your wife! Lock up your backdoor and run for you life! But always remember that I’ll always be watching over you from the heavens to save the day!” She mumble to herself excitedly, as what she said had any truth in it.

What the hell, that’s not what you said at all!
You have a really bad feeling about this bird bitch. And your name’s Joe, not Demon General: Darkdeath Evilman. You ask her what exactly this interview is for.

“Why, for my newspaper Bunbunmaru! Everyone will want to read it now that something as exciting as a hostile takeover from a really powerful man is happening There’s never been anyone who’s been strong enough to take down Yuuka, especially not a man! With your help, Bunbunmaru will be the most popular newspaper to ever exist!”

Oh god, you have to stop her. If that newspaper article about you gets out, you’ll have everyone powerful being against you. She could have at least not made you sound like a mad rapist.

“Oh yeah, you asked me where the most powerful beings in Gensokyo are. I must have guessed right when I noted about how you wanted to conquer Gensokyo. Anyways, here are the directions…”

She begins to explain where all the different locations are, who resides there, any specific details, and how to get there. There’s a lot of information and most of it goes over your head, but unfortunately, she doesn’t know where Yukari lives so you’re still back to square one.

“Anyways, thank you for your time. I’ll make sure you get a copy of my paper after I finish distributing them. OH! And before I forget…”

She takes the camera hanging around her neck and blinds you with it without warning, causing you to grimace.

“Oooh, scary scary,” Aya happily comments to herself as she flies away and leaves you behind stunned.

You’re not sure whether or not she believes if you’re incredibly powerful, but whatever her motive is, it probably has to do with instigating a huge incident so she can sell her newspaper.
You knew she was a shady character.

Well, you can kinda remember the directions she gave you about the most powerful beings in Gensokyo, maybe one of them can tell you where Yukari lives before they get corrupted by that newspaper…

[x] The Shrine Maiden of Paradise sounds like she’ll know. Plus she sounds friendly enough.
[x] Hmm, what about that witch who lives in the forest…?
[x] The Scarlet Devil Mansion sounds promising. Surely the “Scarlet Devil” will know.
[x] The Mysterious House of Eternity sounds ominous. Do you risk getting lost in the bamboo forest?
[x] Going to the Underworld? That’s crazy talk. Crazy actions always leads to promising results.
[x] Meh, go to Kourindou and see what cool stuff you can get there.

>Demon General: Darkdeath Evilman
You really did use it you crazy bastard.

[x]Meh, go to Kourindou and see what cool stuff you can get there.

Is it bad that I rationalized these choices into RO jobs? And that I deemed this one "Merchant"?

[ø] Meh, go to Kourindou and see what cool stuff you can get there.
>A Wild Mannosuke Appears!
>Joe uses [Flex Muscle]
>It's Super Effective!

[x] Meh, go to Kourindou and see what cool stuff you can get there.
[x] Status

[X] The Shrine Maiden of Paradise sounds like she’ll know. Plus she sounds friendly enough.

We also need to make sure she doesn't try to kill us in the future, preferably with nice talking. Fantasy Heaven is never pleasant. Plus Yukari may be hanging around there

Aya on the other had has made #2 on our list. No guesses for who's #1.

[X] The Shrine Maiden of
Paradise sounds like she ’ll know. Plus she sounds friendly enough.

Recruit wakihime first (and little oni), then it's easier to recruit others.

Just found this and read it in one go from the start. Wow...testosterone poisoning...

[X] Status

Need to know how many skills we have accumulated.

[x] Going to the Underworld? That’s crazy talk. Crazy actions always leads to promising results.

We will journey to hell itself if it will aid us in our quest! Damn you, Yukari! Because of you, I've seen Hell~!

[x] Meh, go to Kourindou and see what cool stuff you can get there.
[x] Status

This might be interesting.

Now even though were manly man we cant go raping everyone. Thats just not how manly goes. Yuuka though asked for it /misogyny

[x] Meh, go to Kourindou and see what cool stuff you can get there.
The only people brave enough to be at our side are onis. First, we gather equipment for the trip, then we pick up Suika and, finally we go for the Underground looking for Yuugi.
WITH ONIS AT OUR FRONT AND YUUKA AT OUR BACK WE'LL BE UNSTOPABLE MUHAHAHAHA

Inventory:

1 Pair of jeans (worn)
1 Pair of socks (worn)
1 Pair of tennis shoes (worn)
1 wallet in back pocket (with $10 and your ID)
1 peppermint in front pocket
21 7.62mm rounds
1 M1895 Nagant Revolver (poor condition)

Titles:

The Boogeyman- Frightens small children.
Jagermaster- Heightens one ability at the cost of everything else.
Smooth Criminal- Boosts your charisma and allows you to solve many problems by DANCING.

Skills:

Shock and Awe- Take somebody completely by surprise, regardless of the situation

Traits:

Badass Motherfuckery- You are a BITCH to kill. Your toughness skyrockets and allows you to be a complete badass even when near death.

Implacable Man- to quote from tvtropes: "It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop! Ever! Until you are dead!"


(That's right, I had the foresight to archive this just in case anyone asked. I'm pretty sure I got it all, but correct me in case I missed anything. Oh, and update coming up in a few hours, hopefully.)

>>22883

Who says we going to rape the girls? We just going to give them a simple greeting.(wears a Nanaya face)

[x] Meh, go to Kourindou and see what cool stuff you can get there.

Agreed with >>22884, we need to get some drinking buddies who are more than willing to help out a fellow boozer like ourselves. Besides, we need to find out what happened to that missing stash of scotch back at the old house. And beyond that, we need to establish preparations for the most glorious of marriage ceremonies!

But first we need to barter for some supplies, like a better weapon perhaps. Not that it will help much, but the girls of this world have turned projectile dodging into a game, so guns won't do all that much good.

Oh great, now Joe is going to suffer slander from paparazzi whore. Don't worry, I'll make sure George punches her twice as hard for the both of us. And for the next choice?

[x] Meh, go to Kourindou and see what cool stuff you can get there.
[X] Note the unusual amount of women that you were meeting today who were somehow strange.

[x] Meh, go to Kourindou and see what cool stuff you can get there.

Get some booze and food for the road. Maybe some other badass stuff also! After that, SDM. Yuuka + Remilia? Yes please.

[x] Meh, go to Kourindou and see what cool stuff you can get there.

Hmm, if you remember correctly from Aya, there’s an antique store not so far away in the Forest of Magic where a guy named Rinnosuke sells various items from the outside world. Perhaps you can find something neat over there.

You follow Aya’s instructions and head to the direction of the Forest of Magic.
It isn’t very long before you are surrounded by very old and decrepit looking trees on all sides. You feel like you’re being watched as you follow the worn out trail through the forest. You can see movement all around you up in the trees, almost like something (or a few something’s) is following you. The sounds of children giggling can be heard distinctly from somewhere nearby.
You hate children.

It feels like you’ve passed by this gnarly tree about 5 times now, but you can’t be too sure because it all looks the same. You get the feeling that something is messing with your head and causing you to get lost.

Hmm…You reach down and pick up a few pebbles from the dirt path and stand still. You look ahead, but you don’t pay attention to the path and instead, you focus all of your concentration on your surroundings. You sense some mischief from a little bit to your right and throw the pebbles in that direction like bullets in rapid succession.

“Kyaa!” “Ahh!” “Ouch! He found us!”

You hear the panicked voice of 3 different small beings as they rustle through the forest in a hasty retreat.
You hate children.

You continue onwards and seem to be making progress, but unfortunately the damage is done and you lose your way through the forest.
After a few more minutes you come upon a quaint little home in the middle of the forest. In fact, this home is so quaint its almost like a dollhouse.

You knock on the door and hear no response.
Hmm… maybe nobody’s home?
You knock again and this time you hear shuffling and a voice from within.

“-right alright, I’m coming”

The door opens and a short-haired, blonde woman in a blue dress stands at the doorway and looks at you annoyingly. There’s a tiny little girl floating next to her and seems to look at you curiously, but you’ve already accepted the fact that people here aren’t normal by any sense of the word and don‘t question this phenomenon. Huh, she doesn’t look like someone named Rinnosuke, nor is she a man.

“Well? What do you want?” She says coldly. You get the feeling that she’s not very friendly.

You ask her how to get to Kourindou and she just scoffs at you.
“What are you stupid? Its nighttime, he’s already closed his store by now. Now is there anything else I can help you with?”

She raises her eyebrow in annoyance, either you interrupted something important or she’s just normally cold like this. You decide that it’s the latter. Well, you don’t think she really wants to help you, but you ask her where the human village is so you can find an inn to stay for the night. Aya told you about it, but you just ignored it because it didn’t sound very interesting to you.

“You can stay here if you want, I don’t mind travelers staying the night.” She says, icily to you.

Well, that was some unexpected hospitality. Maybe she has a disease that perpetually forces her to have a seemingly uncaring personality, but you still think she’s just a cold individual and you don’t trust her at all. Think about it, she doesn’t seem very intimidated by a muscular, shirtless man who suddenly arrives in the middle of the night, so she must be very powerful to have that sort of confidence. You’ll have to ask her to join you later, but for now you decide to stay here until morning. You’ll go to Kourindou’s first thing in the morning.

You go inside her house and she leads you to your room. However, your mind is completely preoccupied with the assortment of dolls that covers almost every inch of her house.
Seriously, there is no way you can look at any portion of her house without seeing dolls.
Big dolls, little dolls, dolls in dresses, dolls in armor, dolls who are happy, dolls who are sad, dolls with wings, dolls with strings attached to them, dolls with exquisite detail, dolls with very few features, dolls with various hats, dolls with no hats, dolls with hair of every color imaginable, dolls of eastern origin, dolls of western origin, dolls made of silk, dolls made of straw, voodoo dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, dolls, DOLLS.

You’re not sure you can get any sleep tonight if hundreds of lifeless eyes watch you from every angle. Alice goes back to her living room where she continues her activity (making a more dolls, who could have guessed?) and completely disregards your existence.

You’re now in your temporary room, surrounded by all those creepy dolls. Alice is downstairs and it is late at night. The dolls severely disturb you so you cannot sleep, so you stand there stupid staring back at all the lifeless dolls. You break your trance and decide to…

[x] Try to get some sleep anyways. You’ve handled Yuuka, you can handle dolls.
[x] Lose your grip on your sanity and leave the house immediately.
[x] decide to do something naughty~ Your host couldn’t be more vulnerable.

[x] Try to get some sleep anyways. You’ve handled Yuuka, you can handle dolls.
[X] Ask the Dollmaker if she can make you a Plush doll on a stick, preferably one that looks like a helmeted Soldier.

What? Certain she won't mind.

[x] Try to get some sleep anyways. You’ve handled Yuuka, you can handle dolls.
[X] Ask the Dollmaker if she can make you a Plush doll on a stick, preferably one that looks like a helmeted Soldier.

[x] Try to get some sleep anyways. You’ve handled Yuuka, you can handle dolls.

I think its time for some actual sleep after a hard days work. Manly, while a renewing energy source, does run out time to time.

[x] Equipt Boogeyman Title.

Gensokyo is full of lolis, you'll need it.

[x] Try to get some sleep anyways. You’ve handled Yuuka, you can handle dolls.
Seems perfect.

[x] Try to get some sleep anyways. You’ve handled Yuuka, you can handle dolls.

[x] Sudden erection. Release on the dolls.
[x] Take a few of those dolls and play. Preferably with scenario like you saves a damsel from monsters and she gaves herself to you as 'reward' and live happily and satisfied ever after.
[x] Ask that blondie to make a doll like that one with wings flying around her except red eyes, black hair, white ribbon on head, and black-white-red clothes. Gothic-lolita style FTW. Name your new doll as Bloody Mary. You have a thing for that name.
[x] Cuddle your new dolly while sleeping.

[x] Try to get some sleep anyways. You’ve handled Yuuka, you can handle dolls.
[X] Ask the Dollmaker if she can make you a Plush doll on a stick, preferably one that looks like a helmeted Soldier.

>>22899

>cuddle dolly
>cuddle

Jesus, you're gay. Manly men don't cuddle dolls. Or own dolls for that matter. Now, if that doll was equipped with, say, an intimidating weapon of some sort, had an angry/surly look on its face, and radiated an aura of pure badassery, then we could take it along. No cuddling though.

[x] Try to get some sleep anyways. You’ve handled Yuuka, you can handle dolls.

[x] Try to get some sleep anyways. You’ve handled Yuuka, you can handle dolls.

I mean really, it's just hundreds of soulless, lifeless eyes staring into the very depths of your soul. What's so creepy about that?

[x] Try to get some sleep anyways. you’ve handled Yuuka, you can handle dolls.

<-- Possible Foreshadowing?!


Dammit, now’s not the time to be thinking about what you need to do, if you waste any more time, then something shitty’s gonna happen and you’re not get any sleep.
You go to the very frilly bed you were given, leap under its covers, and forcefully shut your eyes.

Oh.

Oh my.

This bed is very, very soft and very, very comfortable. Its not very masculine at all, but my god its like floating on a fluffy cloud. Sure it doesn’t come with fire, spikes, or slim jims, but damn. For once that’s a good thing and you easily drift off to your happy place.

*CRASH*

No, you go back to sleep. Fuck the explosion on the other side of the house.

“Wha- MY WALL! What the hell do you think you’re doing Marisa?!”

“Listen! Aya told me that a serial rapist/conqueror of Gensokyo was heading towards your house so he can ‘conquer’ you, ze!”

Serial rapist/conqueror of Gensokyo? Sounds serious, almost serious enough for you to get up and lend a hand. Too bad this pillow is so soft and fluffy.

“Hang on Marisa…What did he look like?”

“Here, Aya gave me a picture of him attacking her, ze.”

You would pay more attention to the ruckus on the other side of the house, but goddamn is this bed comfy.
You go back to sleep, but a flurry of footsteps rush up to your room to interrupt you. The door flies open and you open your tired eyes to see this intrusion.

“I-its him, ze!” shouts and points the woman in a big black witch’s hat. Nice hat by the way, but you turn around in the bed and try to go back to sleep. You are rudely interrupted as per usual when the lady in black and white runs up to you, picks up the entire fucking bed and chucks it right through the wall.

“WHAT THE FUCK MARISA? STOP BREAKING MY WALLS!”

Is the last thing you hear in your comfy bed as it tumbles through the air and deposits you before it smashes on the ground and strews its contents all over Alice’s front lawn. You luckily collect yourself in mid-air and manage to end up on your feet after rolling on the ground once.
Oh, its fucking on now.

You see your assailant standing at the entrance of the broken wall and is readying some small object in her hand while muttering something. Alice tries to talk some sense into her, but in that instant a small laser shoots out of a small object she was keeping in her hand and heads straight for your body. Right before the impact, you flex your right pectoral and the laser is reflected off your chest and into the forest. Your right pec tingles a bit.

“See? This guy’s not normal! He was the one who defeated Yuuka and forced her to become his wife! We have to work together to bring him down, ze!”

All this “ze” business is starting to get annoying, but you manage to keep your temper in check.

Alice looks at you worriedly. She doesn’t want to believe that you are capable of such a horrendous act, but she doesn’t want to take that chance, especially since you made that impressive display with your chest.

Uh oh, it looks like a huge misunderstanding has occurred thanks to a certain corrupt individual, this is strange because Aya must have gone out of he way to tell this individual. You decide to try to talk some sense into them, but they’re way too far away and you’re too tired to shout. You start walking towards them slowly.

“S-see?? Now he’s gonna rape us too!” The one you figure is Marisa starts to push Alice behind her.

How rude, you just want to talk.

“Alright, this bastards gonna be blown away if he thinks he can touch us, ze!” Marisa readies a card in her hand and that small object in the other. She furiously mutters something with an intensely focused face and aims the tiny object, once again, in your direction.

“MASTAAAA-

[x] Calmly walk towards her.
[x] Calmly flex your pecs while calmly walking towards her.
[x] Calmly side step the attack and continue walking towards her.
[x] Take your punishment, and pretend to play dead.
[x] Oh hey, a pretty flower. Pick it up and attempt to appease them with your gift of goodwill.
Then continue walking forwards.

[x] Calmly side step the attack and continue walking towards her.

We shall abuse the Z-axis of movement to our advantage, thus making us awesome.

[x] Calmly side step the attack and continue walking towards her.

[x] Calmly side step the attack and continue walking towards her.

[x] Calmly side step the attack
and continue walking towards
her.

[x] Slow Movement

It is a technique of masters. We cannot lose.

>Someone taking Aya's articles at full face value

suspension of disbelief ruined.

[x] Calmly side step the attack and continue walking towards her.

No more raping though, we're in a committed (emphasis on committed) relationship now.

>Right before the impact, you flex your right pectoral and the laser is reflected off your chest and into the forest. Your right pec tingles a bit.

Dohoho

[ø] Calmly Sidestep the attack, pick up the flower to appease the girls, and walk leisurely towards them, using [Slow Movement].

Combining the STRONGEST choices, this cannot possibly go wrong.

[X] Calmly side step the attack and continue walking towards her.

Time to test out Determinator.

[X] Calmly side step the attack and continue walking towards her.

I'm starting to wonder how this would have played out if we had the Tohno Gland...

I'm gonna go with this one.

[x] Calmly Sidestep the attack, pick up the flower to appease the girls, and walk leisurely towards them, using [Slow Movement].

[x]Calmly flex your pecs to deflect the Master Spark, then moonwalk toward them!

>>22914
I like the way you think. I also like the way this author thinks. In fact, I like this CYOA period.

Anyway, vote:
[x] Calmly Sidestep the attack, pick up the flower to appease the girls, and walk leisurely towards them, using [Slow Movement].

[x] Calmly Sidestep the attack, pick up the flower to appease the girls, and walk leisurely towards them, using [Slow Movement].

[x] Sidestep the attack, pick up the flower to appease the girls, and walk leisurely towards them, using [slow movement]

-SPAAAAAARK!!!”

Right when Marisa launches her attack, you take a step to your left and manage to just barely avoid the massive beam of light. The beam continues onwards behind you and disappears into the forest where several trees take the brunt of the attack. You look back to see the trail of destruction left by the laser and count yourself lucky you decided to sidestep her attack.

Well, it seems like you found another strong person, so you decide diplomacy will work out over violence. Unfortunately, that pretty flower you noticed earlier was obliterated by the laser. So instead you pick up the nearest thing, a large green glowing mushroom, and hope they see it as a sign of goodwill.

“Dammit! He side stepped it!” curses Marisa. She starts to ready another attack, but Alice continues trying to talk some sense into her.

“Aya told you about him, right? Doesn’t she normally over exaggerate everything in her articles?”
“But she didn’t show me her newspaper ze! She showed me several dozen photos of him raping Yuuka in the sunflower field!”
“Yes, but couldn’t she have manipulated those photos to make it look like Yuuka?”
“No, Aya never manipulates her photos, she just takes them in a way that makes the victim look bad, ze.”
“See? Maybe they the whole thing was consensual.”
“No way, ze. Yuuka would never let a human being touch her, let alone…’that’.”
“Oh come on, maybe Yuuka finally found someone she likes.”
“HA! That’s a good one, ze. Have you ever even been NEAR her? Yuuka likes to torture and kill people, so if that were the case then this guy would be feeding her flowers as a fine red paste..”
“Oh yeah? Fine then, lets assume that this is all true. Why would Aya be telling you to come here and save me from the guy who hasn’t done anything yet? Don‘t you think she‘d rather write an article about it after the fact instead of preventing it from happening in the first place?”
“Well…Maybe Aya had a change of heart and this guy is a real threat to us all. I mean, did you see him deflect my laser by flexing his chest? This guy has to be a monster, ze!”
“Now, that’s just discrimination, Marisa. Just because he’s male doesn’t mean he’s going to rape and take over all of Gensokyo. I mean sure, human males don’t grow powerful here, but didn’t you see him avoid your Master Spark? He can’t be all that powerful.”
“But look at him! He’s running around shirtless an-WAH!”

While the two women were bickering and arguing, you managed to walk all the way up to them without being noticed at all. Alice looks at you with slight surprise, but Marisa looks like she‘s ready to rip your throat out if you try anything funny. You feel kind of stupid for trying to make friends with her by giving her a mushroom, but its better than trying it empty-handed. The mushroom‘s kinda cool cause its glowing, so you hope that this makes up for the fact that it’s a mushroom and not a flower.

Marisa sees the mushroom, blinks and no longer looks hostile but is instead very much interested in it. She snatches it from your hand a carefully examines it, looking all around it and completely forgetting the situation at hand.

“Hmm, you found a really good one, ze.” She says, but isn’t really directly talking to you.

You try to tell your case to her and explain that Aya just wants to start a fight between you and everyone else because it’ll make her newspaper. You’re actually not sure if this is Aya’s true goal, but from her recent actions, this seems to be the case. Plus you really don’t like Aya and feel no remorse in blaming her.

Marisa gives you a really hard look and tries to decide on what to believe.
On one hand there’s a suspicious, muscular human man who seems to have a lot of power (or at least potential) telling you that he’s NOT trying to do all sorts of dastardly deeds, but is instead trying to get vengeance on Yukari.
On the other hand there’s Aya.
Hmm…

“Well…fine then. But I’ll be keeping my eye on you, ze. Make one wrong move and I’ll make sure there’s no trace of you left.” She seems to have chosen you over Aya, but is still rather suspicious of you, which is fine for because at least you’re no longer under attack.

Marisa then turns to Alice and tells her, “If he does turn out to be a bad guy, then don’t come crying to me after he’s had his way with you.”

She then pulls out a broom from behind her (where the hell was she keeping it?), and rides it off to the distance. You are now left alone with Alice near the hole in the wall. You turn to her and thank her very kindly, she was actually on your side the entire time and managed to save you from having to resort to violence (or heavens forbid, run away). You really appreciate how she stood up for you even though she just met you, not very many people have done that for you.

She simply shrugs and states that, “I can tell when someone is bad or not, its all just a matter of looking into their eyes. Now, I don’t know what your relationship with Yuuka is, if there is any, but I don’t believe that it involves any malice. You just look like the kind of person who’s always misunderstood and is always suffering misfortune.” She looks a little sad while saying this, almost as if she were describing herself.

“Well, you’re still welcome to stay here if you want. Your old room is missing a bed and has a hole in it, but you can stay in the living room if you want, there’s a sofa you can sleep on. Its not much, but its better than nothing.” She still has that same cold, uncaring voice, but to you, it’s like the voice of an angel. You’ll have to make it up to her one day.

Alice turns and goes through the hole in the wall, presumably back to the living room where she’s going to make (what else), more dolls. You follow her inside and lay down on the sofa. Alice is silently sitting at a table where, you guessed right, she’s making the finishing touches on a doll she’s working on. Despite all the dolls on the walls staring down at you, and the couch not being nearly as comfortable at that bed, you have the best sleep you ever had in ages.

The morning light peers through the window and hits your face, waking you up from your slumber. You had a surprisingly good rest and are completely rejuvenated! You guess that since Alice went to sleep later than you did, she’ll still be asleep for a little while longer, giving you time to act freely.

Well, now that you’re refreshed, what are you actions?

[x] Make Alice and yourself some breakfast as a thank you for yesterday. Then head on over to Kourindou.
[x] Make Alice and yourself a MANLY breakfast as a thank you for yesterday. Then head on over to Kourindou.
[x] Spend most of the day repairing her house as a thank you for yesterday. Then head on over to Kourindou.
[x] No, you’re not very good at either, just thank her when she gets up and be on your way.

[X] Make Alice and yourself a MANLY breakfast made from the freshly slain corpse of a boar. Then PUNCH DOWN A FUCKING TREE and use the wood to be made into a bunch of planks and repair that shrine house in seconds with your awesome manline- oh wrong CYOA. Then head on over to Kourindou.

This guy is truly a badass. Get this guy a suit, NOW!

No, no, keep him shirtless(Mental images are so much better), But get him cooler pants!

Casting my vote for a Combo of Two and Three

[x] Make a MANLY breakfast and Repair the housewith sheer MANLY handymanning skill(MEN are very good at DIY.), then go to Kourindou

This update made my day.

>>22923
inb4 Alice is a vegetarian.
>PUNCH DOWN A FUCKING TREE
dohohoho

[ø] Make Alice and yourself a MANLY, yet tasteful, breakfast made from the freshly slain corpse of a boar.
-[ø] After breakfast, repair her house and the bed.

>>22922
>>22923
Have I ever mentioned how fucking awesome you guys are? Don't ever stop being awesome and don't ever stop updating like the motherfucking fist of north star.

[X] Make Alice and yourself a MANLY breakfast made from the freshly slain corpse of a boar. Then head on over to Kourindou in your new boarskin cloak.

>>22923
lol'd
>She simply shrugs and states that, “I can tell when someone is bad or not, its all just a matter of looking into their eyes. Now, I don’t know what your relationship with Yuuka is, if there is any, but I don’t believe that it involves any malice. You just look like the kind of person who’s always misunderstood and is always suffering misfortune.” She looks a little sad while saying this, almost as if she were describing herself.
I cried. She deserves better. And she hit the fucking nail in the head (we were falling from moving cars a few posts earlier)
[x] Make a MANLY breakfast and Repair the house with sheer MANLY handymanning skill.

[x]Use Jagermaster
-[x] Make Alice and yourself a MANLY breakfast made from the freshly slain corpse of a boar. Than head to Kourindou.
This sounds hilarious, but we need to use Jagermaster to make sure we do it right.

> On one hand there’s you (a suspicious, muscular human man who seems to have a lot of power (or at least potential) telling you that he’s NOT trying to do all sorts of dastardly deeds, but is instead trying to get vengeance on Yukari.)
> On the other hand there’s Aya. (Self explanatory)

I snickered.

[X] Make Alice and yourself a MANLY breakfast made from the freshly slain boar.
-[X] After breakfast, repair her house and the bed.
-[X] Then head on over to Kourindou in your new boarskin cloak.

[X] Make Alice and yourself a MANLY breakfast made from the freshly slain boar.
[x] Repair the wall using the hide, a mean glare, and your right pectoral muscle.

>>22925
changing
>freshly slain corpse of a boar
to just
>freshly slain boar

sounds more appetizing.

and adding
[ø] Then head on over to Kourindou in your new boarskin cloak.

[X] Make Alice and yourself a MANLY breakfast made from the freshly slain boar.
-[X] After breakfast, repair her house and the bed.

You stretch your mahscles as you adjust yourself to the bright morning light. Man, you’re really glad you got lost and found Alice’s house or else you’d probably be sleeping under a rock or something. Hmm, you get the feeling today’s gonna be a good day, and what better way to start off a good day than with a good breakfast? You had nothing to eat yesterday, so you decide that an incredibly hearty breakfast will be the only way to solve this problem!

You get off the couch and stretch one last time before heading outside to catch yourself something to eat. You’d never gone hunting before, but it can’t be too hard right? This is a forest, so there’s bound to be something tasty to eat in there. You wander in the forest for a short while until you are accosted by a wild boar the size of a buick! Yeah, the boar’s pretty big, but you don’t know if it’ll be enough to satisfy your appetite.

The giant boar charges you with tusks gleaming in the morning light, fully intent on crushing, and/or, impaling you in one fell swoop. You simply stand there and dig your feet into the ground as it gets closer and closer until it finally crashes into you. The boar’s body crumples against you, as if it hit a steel wall, and breaks its neck, killing it instantly. You haven’t moved an inch from the impact, and as you look at the boar that just killed itself, you smile.
Hunting’s pretty damn easy.

You drag the boar’s carcass back to Alice’s front yard with one hand while collecting firewood with the other hand. There’s patch of dirt on her lawn, so you decide to set up a campfire. Yeah, you don’t think Alice’s kitchen can handle this large a meal, so you just simple borrow a knife instead. When you butcher the boar’s carcass, you separate all the goods you can get (such as the skin, bones, fat, etc.) and the unwanted stuff (the organs for example) before slicing the boar’s meat into large chunks. You throw the fat into the fire to fuel the flames and use some of the bones as spit’s to cook the meat. You lay the boar’s pelt out to dry and decide to start repairing Alice’s house and bed.

Now, you’re not too sure if the trees in this area is good enough for wood (they’re all gnarly and evil looking), so instead you activate Jagermaster and carve the bed’s frame out from the rest of the boar’s bones and give them intricate design’s and patterns. You make really quick work of it and, before you know it, Alice now has Gel T’lrath Rithzm ts Merod “The Mighty Hammerfist of Gun Punch”, A boar bone bed.

[i]This is a boar bone bed. All craftsmanship is of the highest quality. The bed is encrusted with boar bone, studded with boar bone, decorated with boar bone, and encircled with bands of boar bone. The object is adorned with hanging rings of boar bone and menaces with spikes of boar bone. On the item is an image of Jagermaster Joe in boar bone. Joe is drinking alcohol. On the item is an image of Jagermaster Joe and a car in boar bone. Joe is falling off the car without spilling his alcohol. On the item is an image of Chen and Jagermaster Joe in boar bone. Chen is begging to Joe. On the item is an image of Jagermaster Joe surrounded by human in boar bone. Joe and the humans are dancing. On the item is an image of Alice Margatroid in boar bone. Alice is making a plaintive gesture. On the item is an image of Yukari Yakumo and Jagermaster Joe in boar bone. Yukari is in a fetal position and Joe is laughing.[i/]

You blink. You’re not too sure what made you do all this stuff, but hey, you’re sure its worth a ton to the right person and you’re sure Alice will appreciate it.
Maybe.

Well, you can’t really do much about the hole in the wall, so you take the boar’s pelt and hang it over the hole. You don’t have a hammer on you, so you PUNCH the nails into the wall and it works out just as well. You can hear movement from inside as Alice bursts out of her room to see what’s with the sudden cacophony of your fists hitting nails. You tell her that you’re almost done with your chores and head back to the boar roast to check how the meat’s looking.

Alice is, to say the least, stunned by your actions. Partly because you’re still here and trying to help her fix her house/make breakfast, and partly because of the way you’re doing it. She’s just simply stands there and tries to find a way to react to this turn of events. She’s used to being alone and having to do everything herself, so you running around doing all these things really made an impression on her.

The meat is done, so you drag her towards the campsite and give her your special MAN made breakfast. You can tell she doesn’t really want to eat it (she settles for toast every morning, so a boar roast is a little over her head), but eats some for your sake.

“So, I’m guessing you slept well enough if you had the energy to do all this, right?” she asks you in her usual cold manner.

You happily tell her that you slept like a baby and wouldn’t mind coming back again.

She chokes on the meat momentarily and turns her head away from you to recompose herself. People who do come and stay at her house very rarely ever stays the entire night (they find some excuse to leave) and none of them ever come back.

“W-well, you can come back anytime you want. I don’t mind your company.” She says this while looking away from you, as if to hide her face.

D’AWWWW, Alice is kinda cute when she’s shy. You decide not to push it though, you’d rather not ruin your friendship by teasing her too much.
You spend the rest of breakfast telling her of your exploits, of how Yukari ruined your average life and dumped you here, and of how you plan to attack her. Alice simply nods and looks at you uninterested, but you can tell that she’s actually very happy to be spending time with someone for a change. After breakfast (you finish the rest of what she couldn’t) you tell her that you’re going to go to Kourindou and that you’ll hopefully see her later sometime.

“Ah, wait!” Alice suddenly says while running back into her house. She comes back with a large bottle of a liquor in each hand. It seems to be some sort of rice wine, something you’re unfamiliar with, but then again, its alcohol.
“Since you’ve done so much for me this morning, why don’t we celebrate your arrival into Gensokyo? It doesn’t have to be a bad thing that you were brought here. Oh, and I have many more bottels inside, so you don‘t have to worry about running out of alcohol.”

Alice has now risen to become your new best friend.

You don’t mind spending time with your new buddy, and its apparent that she doesn’t want to be left alone again. It’s a little bit before noon and you’re fairly certain that Kourindou won’t close for a long time. You haven’t really had a lot of alcohol recently and the bottles are very, VERY tempting.

What shall you do?

[x] Alcohol? This early in the day? HELL YES.
[x] No, any more distractions and you’ll never get to Kourindou.

On one hand, we need to get to Kourindou so we can get MANLY gear.

On the other hand, Lonely Alice is Lonely.

What to chose, what to chose...

[x] Alcohol? This early in the day? HELL YES.

>Alice now has Gel T’lrath Rithzm ts Merod “The Mighty Hammerfist of Gun Punch”, A boar bone bed.

YES.

[x] Alcohol? This early in the
day? HELL YES.

[x] Alcohol? This early in the day? HELL YES.
A MANLY MAN is always ready to drink.

I laughed so hard at the hunting part.

[ø] Alcohol? This early in the day? HELL YES.

We should, however, pace ourselves so that we
1. don't ruin our relationship with Alice by doing something idiotic
2. can still get to Kourindou.

[x] Alcohol? This early in the day? HELL YES.

[x] Alcohol? This early in the day? HELL YES.

[ø] Alcohol? This early in the day? HELL YES.

We should, however, pace ourselves so that we
1. don't ruin our relationship with Alice by doing something idiotic
2. can still get to Kourindou.


This

>This is a boar bone bed. All craftsmanship is of the highest quality. The bed is encrusted with boar bone, studded with boar bone, decorated with boar bone, and encircled with bands of boar bone. The object is adorned with hanging rings of boar bone and menaces with spikes of boar bone. On the item is an image of Jagermaster Joe in boar bone. Joe is drinking alcohol. On the item is an image of Jagermaster Joe and a car in boar bone. Joe is falling off the car without spilling his alcohol. On the item is an image of Chen and Jagermaster Joe in boar bone. Chen is begging to Joe. On the item is an image of Jagermaster Joe surrounded by human in boar bone. Joe and the humans are dancing. On the item is an image of Alice Margatroid in boar bone. Alice is making a plaintive gesture. On the item is an image of Yukari Yakumo and Jagermaster Joe in boar bone. Yukari is in a fetal position and Joe is laughing.
Goddamn this guy is an artist. Egyptian Hieroglyphs are low tier now.

[x] Alcohol? This early in the day? HELL YES

>You don’t have a hammer on you, so you PUNCH the nails into the wall and it works out just as well. You can hear movement from inside as Alice bursts out of her room to see what’s with the sudden cacophony of your fists hitting nails.

.... DAMN! With each update, your protagonist is becoming is becoming more insaneful power...

Heck... you'd be so powerful, YOU'LL BLOCK OUT THE SUN. But then it'll be too cold, SO YOU'LL MAKE ANOTHER SUN! DOUBLE SUN POWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Whatever.

[x] Alcohol? This early in the day? HELL YES.

It's always happy hour in Gensokyo! So go have a drink with Suika Alice!

[X] Alcohol? This early in the day? HELL YES.
[X] Challenge her claim that you won't run out of alcohol.

New reader here. This is fucking awesome, OP.

[x] Alcohol? This early in the day? HELL YES.
[x] Challenge her claim that you won't run out of alcohol.

I can stand behind this. There's no particular rush to get to Kourin's place (or at least there's no timetable that we're aware of yet), and Alice certainly enjoys the company.

Though if anyone comes crashing through the house again to ruin our handywork, heavens be damned as we unleash the full fury of a drunken master.

Sorry guys, update coming in several hours. I don't feel particularly good right now.

>>22946

Take your time man, I will savor the next update with each passing second so that in the end it will taste very good.

>>22946
Yeah. Don't push your self too hard. Oh and you have inspired me to try my hand at my own CYOA. Hopefuly I can get it started in the near future.

>>22948
And so the chain continues, eternal and unbroken.

[x] Alcohol? This early in the day? HELL YES.


Well damn, with an offer like that, how can you refuse?? You and Alice head back into her house to tip a few back. You sit on her sofa as she goes to the kitchen to get something to pour the drink in. Honestly, you prefer drinking straight from the bottle, but hey, you’re not gonna complain. She comes back with two cups, joins you at the sofa, and pours both of you a drink.

Man, whatever you’re drinking, its fairly potent and tastes like lighter fluid (and can probably substitute as such if need be), but that’s just the way you like it. You and Alice start chatting about a variety of subjects, from the different kinds of people who inhabit Gensokyo, to Alice’s life dream of creating a sentient doll capable of moving on its own. You find out that she uses a powerful type of thread that can channel magic through it which enables the doll connected to it to fly, attack, emote, or whatever she commands. Only one string is necessary to control the doll and the thread is super strong, especially with magic channeling through it, so she doesn’t have to worry about it breaking in the heat of combat.

Very interesting stuff, you learn a lot about Alice’s abilities due to the alcohol causing herself to let her guard down. You can certainly handle your drink, but Alice’s smaller frame is having trouble adjusting to the large amount of alcohol being consumed (which is partly your fault because she’s trying to drink as much as you are). You decide to pace yourself a bit so Alice doesn’t get overwhelmed, but it’s a little too late as her icy demeanor has been thoroughly melted away into one of a giggly idiot. She’s getting all touchy feely with you and, although you don’t mind physical contact, is getting a just a little too close for comfort.

Its been three bottles and you haven’t had nearly enough alcohol to sustain you for the rest of the day, but you decide stop for her sake. Who knows what’ll happen if you keep going?
Alice drapes her body across your lap and complains. She teases you by saying you’re afraid that she can out drink you, but you let this insult slide because she herself is incredibly drunk and probably doesn‘t know what she‘s saying. You move to put away the remaining bottles, but she says, “Ah, hang on, I have something to show you!”

She gets up and stumbles her way towards her room and beckons you to follow.
Uh, you don’t like the looks of this at all, so you kindly refuse.

“C’mooon, it’ll just be for a second, I wanna show you something nice that I haven’t shown anyone before.”

Hmm, your curiosity has just been piqued. You agree to follower her, but you let your guard down because you don‘t believe she‘s capable of doing something drastic. You follow her up to her room and she tells you to go in.
You REALLY don’t like where this is going, but your curiosity gets the better of you, so you go inside and stand in the middle of the room. Alice follows in right behind you and shuts the door behind her. You look around her room and notice that, like the other parts of her house, there are many different dolls on the walls, but these dolls are all the same. In fact, the dolls on the on the walls are just like the doll floating by Alice’s side. Its kinda creepy, but nothing else seems to be out of the ordinary.

Suddenly, Alice hugs you from behind, and whispers in your ear, “You ready for that nice thing?” You had small feeling this was gonna happen, and you break free of her grasp and turn to stop her from going any further. As you face her, she suddenly kisses you right on the mouth and embraces you. You are taken aback by her tongue invading your mouth and you fall backwards onto the with her body on top of you. You try to push her off, but your hand is bound to the bed post by a magic thread. The doll that’s always flying next to her quickly tied you to the bed post with its own thread once you had fallen on it. You try to push her off with your other hand, but dozens of dolls fly off the walls and quickly tie the rest of you limbs to the bed posts. Alice smiles at your attempt to free yourself, but the multiple strands of magic thread won’t break and the bed you are tied to is actually “The Mighty Hammerfist of Gun Punch” The boar bone bed you made for her.

Holy shit, you are amazed that she managed to switch her own bed with the bed you made without you noticing, but you’re bit preoccupied with a more pressing matter. The bed is nigh indestructible (partly because it is a legendary artifact of yore, and partly because YOU made it), and the many magic threads that bind you to the bed are unyielding to your strength. Your traits may have given you an ridiculously high amount of toughness, but your strength is simply above the limit of normal humans, something the magical thread can easily withstand. You regret not getting something to modify your strength.

You are completely and utterly at the mercy of your captor. Karma is a bitch, isn’t it? (referencing how you violated Yukari at the bar).
You hope Alice would be just content with kissing you, and that karma would be satisfied by this, but when she gets stops kissing and gets off, she begins to undress before you eyes.

“Here, let me show you that nice thing…”

Oh no, it looks like she’s going to go all the way with this. You struggle in vain and attempt to talk her out of it, but your protest falls on deaf ears. You don’t want to be unfaithful to the woman you have just been engaged too, but it looks like there’s nothing you can do. Alice now stand’s before you completely bare and asks, “Well? Do you like what you see?”

That’s a trick question, you can’t answer yes because that’d make you look bad and you can’t answer no because then you’d be lying. Her slender, pale body is completely free of blemishes or any imperfections, almost like a doll. You keep your mouth shut, but your body betrays you. You curse yourself for being a healthy man.

“Hmhmhm… you don’t have to respond, your body’s answering for you.” She slowly makes her way towards you, stops at the side of the bed and looks down at you with a smile on her face brought on from alcohol and lust. You tell her that you’re engaged to Yuuka, and that bad things will happen to the both of you if she continues, but she simply ignores you as she starts to remove your pants. Urgh, despite your fierce resistance your soldier can’t help but stand at attention once he’s freed from his prison. Alice is fully encouraged by this sight and proceeds to straddle your body and complete her act of debauchery (and your infidelity).

The springs in the mattress creak in protest to the additional weight as she starts to move. Her movements are clumsy and its obvious she’s inexperienced at such an action, but however inept she is, her instincts and desire push her over the limit as the sounds of your joining fill the room. Unlike when you were with Yuuka, Alice is much more delicate and gentle. This drives you wild and you resist the waves of pleasure with all of your might, but no REAL man can deny the pleasures of a woman’s body. You guilt is soon swept away by animal instinct and you resist no longer.
Alice knows her time with you would be short since your goal is to defeat Yukari and get back to your world so, despite the consequences, she enjoy herself to the fullest. She was never close to anyone, let alone a man, so she saw this opportunity and took it.

The bedsprings squeak constantly for about thirty minutes until she collapses on your body from overexertion and alcohol. As she loses consciousness, the threads that once held you back grow slack and you are freed once more. The both of you are covered in sweat and you can feel the heat from her body start to return back to normal. You see a smiling, satisfied expression on her face and can’t help but feel really guilty in return. She only wanted some companionship and you can’t blame her for what she did as it was mostly fueled by alcohol anyways. You’re a little tired from the event that just transpired, so as you try to move her body off the top of you, you instead wrap your arms around her as you try to resist falling asleep.

*click*

The sound of a camera taking a picture erases all of the fatigue from your body and you look out the window next to the bed to see a blur flying off in the distance. You have a terrible idea of where that blur is going.

GODFUGGINDAMMIT.

You roll Alice off of you and onto the bed as you quickly get dressed and then dress Alice the best you can. This is bad, Marisa was right when she said that Aya only takes her pictures that makes you look bad.

Dammit! You’re really stuck between a rock and a hard place now. On one hand if you explain that Alice managed to overpower you, then Yuuka would see this as a challenge and obliterate your friend. On the other hand, if you explain that you did it willingly, then she’d kill you AND Alice.

Alright, you try to calm down and think clearly on what to do next. As you do that, you look sadly back at Alice and curse yourself for allowing this to happen. You try to find something to blame other than yourself, but only thought that comes to your mind is a very unsettling one.

You’ve been betrayed by your precious alcohol.

Well…what do you do now?

[x] Well, there’s nothing you can do about Aya now. Just pray that Yuuka doesn’t believe or doesn’t care about what Aya tells her. Continue onwards to Kourindou.
[x] Gah, you can’t just ignore this problem. Head back to the flower field and confront your fears.
[x] Totally ignore this problem and wait for Alice to wake up. Hopefully when she wakes up, she won’t remember what she has done and try to convince her that she simply passed out uneventfully. Then invite her to your party and go to Kourindou.

(Oh yeah, the 250 mark is coming up very soon. Do you guys mind if I continue the next thread in Border?)

[x] Gah, you can’t just ignore this problem. RUN FASTER THAN THE FUCKING WIND back to the flower field and confront your fears.

We can't lose Yuuka's trust!

PAPARAZZI WHORE! WHEN GEORGE "SAXTON" HALE GETS YOUR HANDS ON YOU, OH!

[x] Well, there’s nothing you can do about Aya now. Just pray that Yuuka doesn’t believe or doesn’t care about what Aya tells her. Continue onwards to Kourindou.

[x] Prepare a story about the lack of mongamy in your homeland. 'First Wife' is a very desirable position, after all..

Continue the next thread in Border is fine.

[x] Go ahead to Kourindou.

You guys think he'll have a tesla coil?

[x] There's only one solution. You have to kill Bill Aya. (or stop her from taking anymore pictures of anything ever again)
-[x] Leave a note for Alice explaining in vague details what happened nad asking her to catch up to you on the way to 'Aya's place'(Wherever that is) hide it on Shanghai and leave for Korindou
--[x] Before you go, grab anything you can use to help you on the trip: you'll grab anything else on the store.
Fun times are over. We have an(other) objective now: take the (other) bitch down. Kourin wil probably help us with some info.
>You regret not getting something to modify your strength.
Goddamn, this should be our priority. Although... he probably is too slow for her... there must be something we can do. Another feat perhaps? Training montage?

[x] There's only one solution. You have to kill Bill Aya. (or stop her from taking anymore pictures of anything ever again)
-[x] Leave a note for Alice explaining in vague details what happened nad asking her to catch up to you on the way to 'Aya's place'(Wherever that is) hide it on Shanghai and leave for Korindou
--[x] Before you go, grab anything you can use to help you on the trip: you'll grab anything else on the store.

[x] There's only one solution. You have to kill Bill Aya. (or stop her from taking anymore pictures of anything ever again)
-[x] Leave a note for Alice explaining in vague details what happened and asking her to catch up to you on the way to 'Aya's place' (Wherever that is), hide it on Shanghai and leave for Kourindou
--[x] Before you go, grab anything you can use to help you on the trip: you'll grab anything else on the store.

Agreeing with this. Telling Yuuka about this whole thing may or may not satisfy her trust, but Aya needs to be taken down before anything else like this happens again.

Alice deserves to know whatever she can before Marisa attempts to blow her whole house up. We could also have Alice send some sort of message to Yuuka while we're off bird-hunting, so Yuuka can join in on the hunt. I'm not sure how she might appreciate being told this way, but it would perhaps be better than having a newspaper shoved into her face with incriminating photos plastered all over the front page.

[x] There's only one solution. You have to kill Bill Aya. (or stop her from taking anymore pictures of anything ever again)
-[x] Leave a note for Alice explaining in vague details what happened and asking her to catch up to you on the way to 'Aya's place' (Wherever that is), hide it on Shanghai and leave for Kourindou
--[x] Before you go, grab anything you can use to help you on the trip: you'll grab anything else on the store.

I though that facing Yuuka now would be the best idea, but... well, I don't know what to know.
I'm more afraid from a heart-broken Yukka than a jealous Yuuka.

Yeah it's fine. But will it continue to be a nameless thread?

[x] There's only one solution.
You have to kill Bill Aya. (or stop her from taking anymore
pictures of anything ever again)
-[x] Leave a note for Alice explaining in vague details what happened and asking her to catch up to you on the way to 'Aya's place' (Wherever that is), hide it on Shanghai and leave for Kourindou
--[x] Before you go, grab anything you can use to help you on the trip: you'll grab anything else at the store.

>>22958
I was telling you guys we should have gone for Hokuto Shinken... but NOOOO....

Fine fine, I'll give it a name.
The next 3 posts will decide what the name will be.


GO!

>Just an Average Joe.

I'm not going to Explain the joke.

Christ, the day after you become engaged and you're already cheating...

The Tale of Manly Joe

>>22968

Eh, I kinda like this one.

Next update is gonna be tomorrow in the new thread
Just an Average Joe: Chapter 2
See you guys there.

Fun Fact- His name originally came from "Average Joe" because of his wonderfully average life. I totally expected you guys to change his name into something else, but I guess its a good thing that you didn't.

Oh, and MORE POTENTIAL FORESHADOWING?! (pic)

>>22972
>Oh, and MORE POTENTIAL FORESHADOWING?! (pic)

We're gonna get a pet llama?

>>22972
Goddamnit, anon likes screwing around but not after getting engaged!
I don't care if Yuuka is a murderous monster, we'll change her (I hope)
Not at this rate though...

>>22967
>>22972

Damn, missed it. So much for this being called Gensokyo's Awesomest Resident.

Aya just went from number two to number one. She's gonna die.

[X] There's only one solution. You have to kill Bill Aya. (Or stop her from taking anymore pictures of anything ever again)
-[X] Leave a note for Alice explaining in vague details what happened and asking her to catch up to you on the way to 'Aya's place' (Wherever that is), hide it on Shanghai and leave for Kourindou.
-[X] Before you go, grab anything you can use to help you on the trip: you'll grab anything else on the store.

This is why you don't piss of those with the Determinator trait.

>Gensokyo's Awesomest Resident.

...GAR?

...holy fuck, I demand an overruling of the current title. "GAR" is too awesome to pass up.

>>22980

But... we were trying to not go to Gensokyo... and trying to get out of it anyway... and we're not really a resident... yet...

>>22981
We're already getting married to Yuuka, why not settle down and live with her from now on? Life in the old world is pretty average for an average Joe, and within minutes of entering this new one, we managed to find that true and enduring love that we've been searching for all our lives. Besides, I'm not so sure how Yuuka can adapt to life in a cold and noisy city with very little greenery or wildlife to speak of.

Our end goal is still to crush and exterminate Yukari in the most inhuman way possible. There is no doubt about that. But no matter what happens, nothing will separate us from our beloved wife.

>>22984

Easy, we'll move to New York and settle in Central park! Just... hope she doesn't decide to cover all of New York in plants... that would make for a horrible movie end. Oh wait...

>>22984
Nothing except that crow bitch. Maybe we could get Hatate to help?

I suddenly had a Fridge Logic moment.

What if the person Yukari was talking about who would break us was not Yuka, but Aya?

Aya's in on it. Yukari got to Aya so that she can spread news of an Evil Overlord who wants to take over Gensokyo and rape all the women so that Gensokyo is turned against us.

Aya must be silenced.

And if not, well, one less annoyance to worry about.

[X] There's only one solution. You have to kill Bill Aya. (Or stop her from taking anymore pictures of anything ever again)
-[X] Leave a note for Alice explaining in vague details what happened and asking her to catch up to you on the way to 'Aya's place' (Wherever that is), hide it on Shanghai and leave for Kourindou.
-[X] Before you go, grab anything you can use to help you on the trip: you'll grab anything else on the store.

I think we might be able to withstand Yuuka, she'll be mad and try to kill us but maybe we can swoon her again by just being "Bitch, please"

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