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>>19278 Not what I had planned, not what I had expected, not a lot of other things. But here it is, as is, no more delays. Otherwise I'd be stuck forever. I apologize and hope we can move on now with faster and regular updates. I hope to make up my shortcomings here over time.
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Her request weighs upon you for a moment. It's an invitation for you to be honest and say what you want to say. There's a lot of that. There's a lot that you feel, that you want to try to put into words. She's giving you a chance for that.
But first thing's first, you decide.
“Well, you know... I just have to clear some things up... this trip, it's not really what I pictured what it would be.” You pictured something else... what that was you're not 100% sure, but it wasn't this you know. The original had something of a more relaxed vibe. More unrepentant fun and no complications. The cool night air helps you choose your words carefully, the stars whispering the right words to you, “I wanted to spend some time alone with you, with my buddy, away from Eientei, away from all that madness. You know, have fun and laugh and be ourselves. Lately there's just been so much asked of us that, I don't know, it just felt right to do this. I thought that a lot of what was going on might have been upsetting you, and I thought we could both do well to unwind. Without Eirin or the rabbits or whoever else breathing down our necks.”
“I know your intentions weren't bad,” Kaguya states, “Otherwise I wouldn't have come along. I, um, have faith in you.”
“Thank you.” You thank her solemnly. Her faith in you means the world to you, you realize. It's a vote of confidence that's hard to quantify in terms of just how exactly it makes you feel. It's like being accepted for you yourself, in spite of your faults. It's the stuff of good relationships.
“I'm sorry if I've made you feel uncomfortable, if I've made you feel nervous. I didn't mean to.” You pause, half-expecting her to remind you of the business 'earlier' that she brought up. She doesn't. “Like I said, I wanted us to be at ease and have fun. With all my stubbornness and stupidity I never intended for anything else.”
A torrent of words come out as you explain yourself to her, reminding her of just what you see her as. You notice that she looks strangely distant as you remind her that to you she's your friend, your buddy. Your heart is a swirl of emotion and your mind a seemingly endless string of thought after thought.
“I don't think of you as a princess or anything, though I know you are one. I mean, I'm not nearly as respectful as I should be probably for starters. To me all of that in your past, where you came from doesn't really matter. You laugh when you're with me, right? We play stupid games and make jokes. That's who I see you as. Whatever else others may call you doesn't matter to me. You're the one who pulled me from my boring life to here. That means to me a lot more than what I've probably said before to you.”
Though your disoriented mumbling probably sounds pathetic to an objective observer, it's your heart that you're sharing with her. It makes you blush even though you're being by no means too blunt.
Your body is tired, that's a poorly concealed secret. Yet it continues to operate at full capacity, allowing what must surely be an adrenal rush to power you until you make the point you have to make. Somehow, you suspect that Kaguya might be in a similar state. Though she conceals her weariness well, her eyes betray both emotional and physical fatigue. She's running on empty. It dawns upon you that a lot of that is your fault. Dragging her around both figuratively and literally has thrown your buddy off balance.
“What I guess I'm saying is that despite you being the way you are... living the way you do and me, with the way I live, being me we're able to get together and enjoy one another's company. Nothing can change that..”
You smirk, as one should do when talking about failings. You admit your mistakes .
“I know I didn't have that much of a plan to begin with. And dragging you around was probably not fair. Sorry about that. But I, um...” You hesitate in using the word, “'kidnapped' you so that we could have fun together. You know that I should probably think through what I do more often, but I'm an irredeemable idiot it seems.” You watch for a smile from her; Her expression doesn't change. “But that makes me, me. Shirou, your friend. Shirou, the guy who you can laugh with and talk about the silliest of things. The guy who'll cook anything on a whim. The guy you can play games with. And I hope that you know, that despite all of my shortcomings, I hope you enjoyed spending time with me. I think you have. You're still here with, and I'm thankful for that. You ought to know just how much that means to me. I know that I've enjoyed our time together – every single moment we've spent together to be honest – and I have no regrets at all regarding that.”
“I'd be surprised if you did.” Kaguya says softly. She seems so fragile under the starlight, her pale skin barely illuminated. She seems to glow in her own weird way, like she's absorbing energy from the heavens. “I well know the way you are, and if you weren't like that you probably wouldn't be here with me now.”
“Then you already know what I meant earlier.”
“I still want to hear you explain yourself,” She says with what seems to be a little dread. You could guess why. As much as she knew you, you thought that you knew her at least by a reasonable amount. Even someone as dense as you could tell when she was feeling this insecure.
“I meant everything I said, you know – to the word. I meant that kiss, it was honestly how I felt at the time and how I feel now. You're important to me Kaguya – and I want you to know and understand that.” And as the truth comes out, you're ever more sure that's how you feel. It paralyzes part of your mind, though your confidence doesn't waver. Now running on empty, you have little to lose, “Yeah, there have been times I've thought of you as more than my buddy. I don't know when it started, and at times I tried to pretend that I was being stupid, but it's true. It's difficult not to think of you in that way. I mean, you're beautiful.” There's a vague feeling of burst capillaries in your cheek, but it doesn't stop you from continuing, “More than that, you're stunning; With your gorgeous silky hair and your wonderful scent, it's enough to capture anyone's heart. Not only that, but your personality is as lovely; You tease and barb sometimes, but it helps me shape up and be on the ball. It's challenging, but I like that and I like you. I know that your intent is always the best and I appreciate your pure sentiments.”
Something of a stunned silence comes upon you. On your part it's mostly due to your forwardness finally being processed by your brain – it sinks in. You haven't made up your mind on her reasoning. You've been fidgeting with your clothes all this while, your fingers moving subconsciously even as your words came out. You must have looked strange to her, like a bumbling moron. It's not that your self-confidence is usually poor, but more like it's especially sensitive after you've bared your heart.
“You've been keeping me at arm's length...” You continue, “I don't know why, but it seems that lately, no matter what, you're keeping a distance between us. I don't know if I'm upsetting you because you won't tell me.” You feel like sighing. But something about Kaguya's insecure gaze in the darkness makes you hold it in. You see that she may be as confused about it as you are. “I don't want to hurt you in any way – I would never dream of it – but it's frustrating not to know what to do or how to act. I want to know how you feel, because it's you and because I care.”
You do sigh this time.
“The last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable. And if you don't feel the same way, it's alright. I hope that then we could at the very least remain buddies. We have something special going on and I don't want to mess it up. It boils down to the fact that you're important to me and I want you to know that.”
“That's a lot to consider,” She speaks, her voice a weak little nothing that almost gets drowned out in the silence.
Out of respect you give her all the time that she needs. It physically hurts to wait. Your nerves are shot to hell. More than once you have to still your shaking hands and remember to breathe. You wonder about the others just then. If they're thinking of you. Eirin you have no doubt is probably thinking of Kaguya and worrying. But the others, well, they may not even care that much. Nor would your friends outside of Eientei.
“It's difficult to deal with these things rationally. The kidnapping – no, these past couple of days – a lot has happened. And even before that, a lot was happening. Things were moving quickly and some things were out of my control. And your control.” Kaguya sits up straight, clutching her legs tightly against her chest. “I know and you know... things, well like you said. And those things, well, they affect us in ways that, at least, I'm not all too sure. I don't know how to reply.”
There's real weariness in display, one that's mutually felt, “I appreciate your feelings, I really do. And how you've been brave enough... I should have realize- well I did sort of realize. But you know, for me, it's not as black and white as that. Even doing something like running away is a big thing, and I'm still not entirely sure if it was the best thing to do. But I let myself be led along precisely because I trusted you and knew that it would be alright”
To your surprise her voice begins to break up. “I'm sorry...” Though you can't see her tears in this light, you know she's crying. “It's just... a lot and I worry. Like earlier when you were out, I didn't know what I'd do if anything happened that- best not to think about it.” She buries her head into her knees. “And here I am, doing this here and now. Even though I shouldn't. Though I don't have a right to. It's complicated, you know... and I'm not making things better, am I? Eirin told me to pick what I wanted to do, but in the end I'm too afraid to let it go.”
“It's alright.” Consoling her is a reflex action any living being would have. You come in closer, taking her curled up form in a half embrace. You stroke her hair as softly as you can, trying to calm her down.
“This is pathetic,” She mumbles to herself.
“I'm here for you, no matter what.”
She looks up, a trail of tears shimmering in the dim light from her captivating eyes. In the cool night, you can feel her warmth all the better. You're sure she can feel your warmth as well. You need to say something that gets to the core of her insecurity.
[] She should know that her immortality won't ever matter to you
[] Whatever happens next at Eientei will be fine as long as you're together
[] You should apologize for not being worthy enough for her
[] Kiss her
