Hoo boy, now it's my favorite part of the contests: where I get to maul and eviscerate on the participants' stories! But before that, I'll cast my vote for Mister Counter's convenience:
Newbies: Curse and Wood
Veterans: The Party
Smut: Melting and Cooling Alright, let's get to work. Those who think they'll get offended with stern and vicious critique should abstain from reading further. I'll try to keep it as mellow and brief as possible, but I do not promise anything. Also, I won't analyze the smut stories because frankly, I don't feel comfortable explaining the reasons why this or that story made me fap repeatedly and have lewd thoughts for the rest of the day. Ahem!
Newbies Strange Nature: Interesting take on
great Yaffikins often recommends, read books to learn how to embellish your stories and avoid grammar/spelling mistakes. Other than that, it was a good attempt. Don't give up, partner!
Curse and Wood: Let me start by establishing the following: I personally do not like stories starring other writer's OCs, but I'm going to let it slide this time and try to be unbiased. That said, the characterization was nice and loyal to the correspondent canon material, and the development of Hina and Reina's relationship felt natural - which is what many writers here have troubles with, so kudos! However, the sheer amount of paragraphs dedicated exclusively to worldbuilding made the story proper drag on for too long, unnecessarily. At times I had to stop and take a breather because I was too bored to continue reading about the economy of Gensokyo. It wouldn't be a problem if this was a long story, but this is supposed to be a
short. Next time, before adding more details to the setting, ask yourself if it really adds something important to the story you are trying to tell your readers. Despite that, you do have talent for writing, just in need of polishing. I'll be waiting warmly for your first story in this site, if you decide to write here.
Veterans Snow Angel: The style in itself was great for a horror story. As
>>12572 pointed out, the frantic tone of the narrative; the short, concise sentences and the common linebreaks do wonders at conveying Tewi's terror and nervousness. However, all the tension that was being built up suddenly deflates with the ending - that supposed double whammy falls flat at scaring the readers themselves (or at least just me). How am I supposed to be terrified of something that I don't know how it looks or if it really kills its victims? Granted, there are things Man was not supposed to know, but it does feel quite anticlimactic for this particular instance. It was an interesting read, nonetheless.
A Red December Moon: If I had to describe this story with one word, that would be "disappointment". Noir is a very difficult genre to get right, because it needs a very specific setting explained with a very particular style of narration, and a very interesting cast to keep it afloat. For the most part, you had it right: the characters were credible and endearing for a bunch of criminals, the setting was fantastic and let my mind run wild, Reimu sounds exactly like how a Noir protagonist should. Everything was going smoothly, and I was thoroughly enjoying the reading... until the ending.
That ending. I wasn't so disappointed with an ending since the Mass Effect 3 fiasco. It completely and utterly destroyed the suspension of disbelief I had for the story with overly clich? dialogue, a kiss scene out of nowhere, and a sudden cliffhanger that could very well be in your usual soap opera. Having another character lampshade on it doesn't atone for that - in words of the wise Keine-sensei: "It is a shit ending, even if it's ironic." That kind of stunt only works well if the whole story was shitty from the beginning and doesn't take itself seriously, but for the love of God, don't try that for a Noir story, especially one that was so good up until that moment. Well, now that rant time is over, I compliment your superb writing skills. Just promise me not to pull this kind of thing out ever again.
That's why I assault Orin: Probably the only non-smut story that fully takes advantage of the winter theme of this contest. I pretty much agree with
>>12572 here: the entire first post could have been erased and nothing important would've been lost, since the bulk of the plot was the conflict between Reimu and Satori. The danmaku fight was very well described, and unlike my fellow critic, I found it easy to read and imagine, though I too think it was a bit longer than necessary. That said, such a whimsical reason to "borrow" the
kasha felt very Reimu-like, and the ending put a smile on my face. You are going places, my friend.
Timeless Gesture: Not much to comment in this short piece than
>>12572 hasn't already explained. The mood was very well established, and the scene was very sugary and heart-warming, but there's no conflict at all. And most stories
need a conflict to be interesting. Other than that, it was a nice read. Yeah, not much else can be said.
Epic of the Nine Horsewomen: This was my story. I'll abstain from commenting on it until the voting period is closed. But I hope it made you laugh, or chuckle, or at least blow out air of your noses more than usual.
The Party: It might not be the most ambitious story of all time, but what it aims to do, it does exceptionally well. A simple plot, with no convoluted dramas, just Koishi throwing a party and teaching the whole Underground the meaning of Christmas, in her own particular way. The characterization was perhaps a bit shallow and unoriginal, but it works perfectly for the setting of this story. Parsee's antagonism, her plan to ruin the party, the way it backfired, and how she was so easily "forgiven" by Koishi, it all reminds me of a children story I could very well read to my little cousins. The only major flaw I could find was that I the use of sound effects, which I find in bad taste, but other than that, I liked this story very much. Kudos to you!
Dragon Duty: I used to believe Skyrim crossovers were bad,
but then I took a sword to the chest. The dynamic between Ari and Meiling was quite enjoyable - guard homies fo' life, yo - and the narrative style and pacing were also excellent. If only you hadn't cut out the city guard's forays with Remilia and the villagers! Because that was what would have made this story stand out among the rest. But sadly, you decided to stick with the uninteresting parts with Meiling, standing at the gate like always, bored out of her mind (isn't it sad, China?). I would greatly like an expanded version of this story, maybe turn it into a full-fledged CYOA. You have the skills and the talent to make it work, unlike so many crossovers attempts before.
Winter Wolf: I don't know what happened to
>>12605 for him/her not to notice the narrator was male all along. I mean, Momiji even calls him "Prince" mockingly just after the chase scene. Though I did have to reread it to spot that one and point it out here, so his/her overlooking is understandable. The narrator gender does not matter anyway; this story would have worked out equally fine even if he was a she. A sweet story of rivalry between lovers which starts out very exciting at the beginning. Though Aya's appearance seemed like a bit of a non-sequitur to me - what was her reason to interrupt the lovey-dovey time aside from having their company for a little bit? Regardless, this was an excellent short, and scored a very close second, just behind The Party.