…you’re not awesome.”

Planting his feet solidly on the ground, he shifted to a very battle-like pose, waiting for the guard to make the first move. So, he was the defiant type, was he? Hefting her maple leaf round-shield into position, she raised her sword high and took to the air, releasing her tried and true thick rings of blue-white danmaku with crackles of sound and energy. Time to see just what kind of person this…is?

In the two seconds it would have taken for Momiji’s attack to reach the brash man, he waved his hand over in the direction of the rushing river, and simply drew a wall of water out of the rapids, condensing it quickly into a sheet of ice which he placed between them, blocking her assault completely. This…this was unheard of! Against all codes ever established! Failing to honor the challenge of danmaku with this underhanded way of cheating?! She quickly repositioned herself to his unprotected side, but he merely split the wall into two, blocking both the old bullets and the new ones. He yelled a retort at her amidst the curtain fire.

“Seriously now, danmaku?! Lame, Inubashiri, very lame indeed. You can’t expect to beat the protagonist with a nameless spellcard, you know; you don’t even have a character portrait! Come down here and use that sword like a real wolf should! It’ll make the scene more exciting!”

What the devil was this man talking about? Character portraits? Protagonists? Enraged at his rebellious attitude, the tengu swept down towards “Ike” with every intention of slicing that wall of ice in two and giving his mouth the back of her hand.

She succeeded in doing the first thing. Mostly.

She failed in doing the second thing. Completely.

As her scimitar passed through the floating wall of frozen water, she felt just the slightest bit of resistance. As the blade cut down more and more of the wall, the resistance increased, until she suddenly found the blade completely encased in a thin sheet of ice, which refused to move for her at all. Ike smiled.

“Now, of course, using the sword at all was just a stupid idea to begin with, but hey, points for trying,” he commented, dragging the frozen weapon from her with his supposed “ice kineticist” powers and placing it in his hands. “I’m just gonna borrow this for a while; might give it back when I find something more awesome. You can go back to being a Stage 4 midboss now, ‘kay?”

Momiji was so taken aback at the absurdity of the situation that she could only look at this man and gape. “Are you completely out of your mind or something?” she wonders aloud.

He shrugged. “If you wanna look at it that way. I just know things other people don’t. Like, see here?” He walked around and motioned with the scimitar like he was inside a building.

“See, this here’s like a room. Roof, floor, and four walls. One-two-three-four, got it? Only this one here, this fourth wall? It’s not really here. You all pretend like it’s really here, but it’s not. I really don’t see why you people can’t understand that. It’s all fake, don’t you see? None of this—this here—none of it really exists. We’re all just figments of some fool’s imagination, forced to dance for the amusement of total strangers he barely knows and we shouldn’t even know exist. It’s a bloody travesty is what it is. Now you all think I’m crazy…maybe I am, but that’s not important!”

He suddenly looked up towards the sky, shouting in a rage and waving his free fist in the air. Momiji became so entranced by his ravings she nearly forgot that she had just failed to protect the mountain from this dangerous intruder. Just who was this man?!

“Owen! Dang it Owen, do you hear me?! I’m not going to stand for it, you know! I don’t care about you stupid logic and your stupid despair and your stupid plot points! See this?!” He wove the scimitar at the heavens before throwing it down on the ground as Momiji’s feet. “I’m giving it back to her! I just wasted two and a half of your paragraphs! You can’t control me! Your idiot voters can’t control me! You think you can turn this into a lame CYOA or dumb crap like that?! I wont listen to them! You throw everything you’ve got at me; I don’t care! I will make you regret ever trying to write this story!!”

By the end of his monolog, he was kneeling on the ground with both fists raised in the air as if cursing God and Heaven itself. The wolf-woman merely stared at him in awe. This was…this was complete madness. This man was out of his mind. He needed some kind of help. But who else in their right mind would help someone like him to begin with?

Brushing the dirt from his pants, he scratched his hair and walked over to Momiji, offering his hand out as a token of good will. “So yeah, uhh, my name’s Isaac Ebon; you can call me Ike if you want. I’m just visiting for a few months, trying to stave off boredom and all that good stuff. You’re only a minor character usually, but if you ever want some more screen time, I’ll be around, seeing as how I’m the protagonist or some BS like that. Story’s gonna gravitate towards me no matter what I do. Lame, but it’s the truth.”

Without really knowing why, or perhaps out of pity for the poor man, Momiji took his hand and gave it a warm shake. “Well, good…luck, with that?” she tried to say, mostly at a loss for words. He rolled his eyes indifferently.

“Yeah. I get that a lot.”


[ ] Ummm…yeah, about that…

Well, alright.

[X] Ummm…yeah, about that…

[x] lol wut.

[x] Ummm…yeah, about that...

I like this. A character who knows he's in a CYOA and goes to great lengths to display his knowledge of that fact to other characters.

I'd imagine they'd be shocked about how he obtained knowledge about their origins and whatnot.

>That’s what killed ASSM.
Pretty sure it was the lack of a villain with any reason for evil aside from "I AM EVIL."

[x] Hey Ike, go up the mountain.
If he breaks the fourth wall, I will as well.

[X]Kill off Isaac Ebon and replace him with a character that KNOWS THEIR PLACE

[x] Hey Ike, go up the mountain.

>>15846

I denounce you as a traitor and a fiend.

>>Like, I dunno, how about, ‘In a world who’s time has been long forgotten,’

Admit it: you all read this in Don LaFontaine's voice.

This protagonist? Awesome. Story? Awesomer!

Poor Momiji. I rather like Isaac's powers, too.

[X] Ummm…yeah, about that…
[X] Hey, Ike, go make out with Momiji!

>Vagaries for the sake of being vague
>Vagaries

This word does not mean what you seem to think it means.

>Vagaries
>wove

So, uh, what happened to your mastery of the English language?

It'd be cool if the votes directly intervened to solve an argument or something.

［ｘ］　Ｕｍｍｍ，，，　ｙｅａｈ，　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｔｈａｔ．．．

>>15863
I think that's a fault of Ike, not Owen.

[x] Ummm…yeah, about that...

lol wut

[x] Hey Ike, go up the mountain.

Time to sky disco with an oarfish girl.

>>15849>>15863
Why do you assume he's using it wrong? It fits.

>>15907

Because, Chuckles, the literary conceit he was invoking there goes "X for the sake of X" where X is any derivation of a single root word. That a mistake in diction just happens to be grammatical and not self-contradictory doesn't make it any less a mistake.

>>15911
it couldn't possibly be wordplay that used the conceit ironically

[X] Ummm…yeah, about that…

[x] what is this i'm so lost but amused

I love you Owen.

Possibly homosexually.

Mental Checklist:
(+) “I wonder what Anon voted for on that last segment, anyways? ‘Lol wut’? ‘I like Ike’? What I wouldn’t give for an internet connection right about now…”
(+) “Aya’s cute enough, I guess. I’ll level with her. Maybe it’ll be a big enough scoop for her to get me out of here.”
(+) “…Or I could just fight my way out of the mountain with a glass of water and a stick. That works too.”

Eighteen hours later found the man called Isaac Ebon unsurprisingly locked in a holding cell deep within the tengu’s underground city. Easily knocked out from behind as soon as he had turned his back on Miss Inubashiri, his reluctance to give a satisfactory answer as to his purpose on the mountain had left him with very little bargaining power. He was tired, bored, and felt like he needed a glass of water more than air at the moment. The ubiquitous Aya Shameimaru tipped her chair against the wall, a pad of paper resting on her knees. Over two hours of conversation had filled up nearly six of her pages with bullet points and quotations, and she was already working on her seventh. There hadn’t been such an interesting person in Gensokyo since those geysers had sprung up last year, and how fortunate for her to be the first one to get the big story!

“Mind telling me how many of these games I’m in, then? Off the record?” she asked, fluttering her eyelashes at the captive man.

Looking upwards, he counted to himself. “Umm, well, you were just minor character in Nine…you got your own game with Nine-Point-Five, now that was a surprise…then you were a Stage 4 boss in Ten, a playable character in Ten-Point-Five, and one of the support protagonists of Eleven. You might be in the final version of Twelve for all I know, too; ZUN’s girlfriend and all that. So, that makes…five games, I guess.”

“Mm-hmm. Not bad, not bad at all. Glad to see I’m so well liked in your world.” She made some random note on her paper and looked back a few bullet points, scratching her raven-black hair. “So, going back to this whole Owen business, he’s…a god, then?”

Ike sighed and looked at her with annoyance. “No, he’s not a god, he’s the author. That’s what I’ve been explaining to you for the last hour-and-a-half. We’re all characters in a semi-fictional story that the man known as U. N. Owen started yesterday. He’s a normal university student in his own world, but because this is his story, he’s got absolute control over this world and everything in it. If you want to think of it this way, he’s a run-of-the-mill human with the powers of a god, as far as this story goes. But he’s not a god. That answer your question?

Aya frowned as she jotted down another minor note. “You sure? It’d make a great story, you know? ‘Emissary From The All-Seeing Foreign God Visits Gensokyo!’ The readers might take it a little better than this whole fourth-wall business; kind of confusing if you ask me, and confusing won’t sell papers. I could even put in a good word for you, if you’ll just cooperate…” She spun her pen around her finger, eyeing Ike hungrily. Even she was skeptical about his fanciful story, but a little skilled penmanship could turn his shoddy explanations into the biggest story of the year. And she’d be the first on the scene every step of the way, as it should be. Plus, he wasn’t too bad looking, either…

The man rubbed his face and yawned. “Tell ya’ what, Aya. You just get me a glass of water, and I’ll give you all the news you can handle for a month. Sound fair enough?”

The crow-girl stood up and stretched her arms over her head to relieve the minor case of writer’s cramp she’d developed during the interview. “Well, if that’s really all you want…” She walked out of the room and locked it again, leaving Ike alone inside. He tilted his head and looked at the floor.

“Hey, Anon,” he said quietly, talking to no one in particular considering his solitude. “Yeah, you at the computer, face-palmming your way through this mess. Got a few things to say. First off, I don’t care what you think. I’m not doing this for your benefit. I’m doing it for mine because I’m bloody bored and Genoskyo is awesome. Second, you do not control me. Owen’s not doing this for your benefit either, you know. He’s doing it because he’s bloody bored too, and Gensokyo isn’t awesome enough for him. Yet. And don’t whine about me not following votes, because I just know you’re going to. You think I can actually see what you’re typing in those little comment boxes? You think some cosmic forces are just gonna make me do whatever you put next to those Bracket-X-Bracket ASCII checkboxes? Actually, yeah. You know what, go ahead and keep doing that. It’ll be a nice challenge for me. It’s gonna be you fools and Owen versus me. Last person still sane wins. Game on.”

Aya returned shortly with a tall glass of water and an official-looking document. She handed Ike the glass in his left hand, and offered him a pen in his right.

“What’s this now?” he asked, taking a small sip of water to wet his parched lips.

She smiled coyly. “Oh, just want your little promise in writing, is all. I’m all about legitimacy, you know.”

He swept over the words of the simple contract. Very basic wording, no strings attached, minimum two headlines a week, ecetera ecetera. He gripped the pen into a better position and scribbled two words in the dotted line at the bottom. Aya raised an eyebrow.

“What’s this? ‘Seven Paragraphs’? Some kind of code name or something?”

Ike smirked and took another sip of water. “No. Seven paragraphs is how long it’ll take me to get out of this mountain. Tops.”

Aya backed up a half-step and placed her hand on her hips. “That so? Howd’ya plan on doing that, exactly? There’s dozens of guards between here and the exit, and you look just a like a plain ol’ human to me. Got an ace up your sleeve or something?”

He closed his eyes peacefully and tightened his grip around the drinking implement. If Aya would have been paying more attention to the water rather than the absurd logo on his shirt, she might have realized that the liquid inside it had begun to stop rippling and had frosted over. She might have also then realized two seconds later that she had been knocked unconscious by it.

“Nope. Just a glass full of awesome.”

???????????????????????????????????"

A faint ringing alarm could be heard throughout the cavernous hallways of the tengu’s fortress. To a human’s ears it was nothing more than a whisper-quiet humming, but to any youkai of animal nature it was as plain as day that something not very good was happening. Slacking soldiers playing cards suddenly or gambling with their meager pay suddenly jumped up and began fumbling with their swords and spears as superior officers rushed to find the cause of the disturbance. The emergency alarm hadn’t been heard in over a year; just what was going on that could have set it off?

The cause soon because clear to several as a male figure clad in silver-grey and wielding a tengu-crafted quarterstaff burst out from the detention levels and out into the main floor. Something clear and shimmering seemed to be stuck on one end of the staff, almost like an impromptu pole-mace. Three young soldiers nearby noticed the clamor and charged at the intruder, weapons bared and fire in their eyes. Within seconds they found themselves dazed and confused on the ground from a spinning salvo of jabs and smacks from the ice-coated end of his staff. Running his eyes over their weapons and inspecting their usefulness to him, he snatched up a kodachi-style blade and threaded it into his belt. He then picked an arbitrary direction and continued onwards.

Unfortunately for Isaac Ebon’s escape plan, his arbitrary choice of direction found him running into one of the several common rooms of the complex, where no fewer than twelve guards were preparing themselves for a grand battle against some rumored invading army.

Fortunately for Isaac Ebon’s ego, there was also a large tub of mop water in the corner of the room, making the situation hilariously one-sided in his opinion.

While the tengus were busy wondering if this foolish-looking man was the cause of the grand alarm, Ike solidified the tub’s water into a single boulder-like chunk and levitated it over to his side, splitting it into several dozen smaller ice rocks and preparing them like artillery shells behind him. He pointed a cautionary finger at the brown-haired tengu closest to him, already cementing his shield to his side and preparing to lunge at the interloper.

“Ahh, yeah, you might not want to do exactly that,” he warned. “I’m just looking for the way out. Anyone want to tell me?”

A shout of indefinite words and obscenities echoed throughout the room, making it rather clear that no one wanted to tell him anything except how the might of the tengu would crush him into the ground. Ike shrugged his shoulders unconcernedly and make a small snapping motion with his extended finger. Like blunt arrows his legion of ice shot forwards, sending eight of the twelve to the ground with large welts on their foreheads, out cold. Those smart enough to raise their shields in time to block the hail of…hail, rushed him as a single unit, decades of hard training coursing through their veins.

Not one to follow conventional means of battle, Ike deftly slid off to the side of the assault, returning his frozen projectiles to his side and reforming them into a solid levitating shield in front of him. Taking quick aim, he shoved the shield roughly forwards into his adversaries’ ranks, tangling them into a ball on the floor. For good measure he once again reformed his mop water into a spiderwebbed net of ice and frost around them, easily immobilizing their progress to stand back up. He stuffed a hand casually into his pocket and lightly tapped the head of the first brash solider with his staff. The wolf-eared tengu looked up at him with heated frustration in his eyes.

“Yeah, so…mind telling me how to get out now?” Ike asked innocently.

The soldier spat at the ground by his feet. “Go hang yourself, monkey.”

Ike frowned and decided to sweeten the deal a bit. Drawing the stolen kodachi from his belt, he deftly coated it in silvery ice and held it up to the tengu’s eyes.

“Listen here. You’re just a useless character right now, only good for your tenacious appeal. Killing you right now won’t really change the story much. In fact, killing you slowly wouldn’t even change it much. Now let’s see…I’m an ice kineticist who has maybe half a cubic meter of ice under my command, not to mention the upper hand and a short sword. I wonder how much fun we could have together?”

Gritting his teeth, the defeated wolf lowered his head and grumbled. “Door to your left, straight fifteen meters, up the stairs, Level Six, follow the signs out to the surface.”

“Thank you. By the way…what’s your name?”

He raised his head ever so slightly and glared at Ike with a yellow-green eye. “Jin. Why?”

Ike sheathed his blade and knelt to the ground, a silly yet serious expression plastered onto his face. “It’s quite simple, really. You’ve got a name, half a dozen lines of dialog, a short battle scene, and even the beginnings of a personality. Congratulations, Jin: you’ve been upgraded from faceless mook to minor character.”

Jin screwed up his eyes at the man crouched over him, utter incomprehension on his face. “Are you…like some kind of crazy person?”

Ike rolled his eyes and drew a handful of ice into his fist, slapping the tengu unconscious. “I’ve got the feeling this is going to get really old, really fast,” he whined to himself, picking the quarterstaff back up.

“Ahh well, time to go find Cirno…”


[ ] What the heck. Go for it.

hmmmmm where is shoes update

>>15953

Mystia is going to be writing the next update. Round Robin format.

Horrible start. Seriously Owen, what a horrible start.

Is this even a CYOA if we can't actually affect the protagonist or story?

Sometimes, people, they do things and don't share them with anyone. I know lots of artists, like the drawing kind, do it out of shame, or what have you, but it's important, you see. Not just for people with pictures, but with words too. Because sometimes we just need to get things out of our system, and that's cool. That's fine. I think HY even mentioned writing things he didn't post.

Perhaps that's what you should be doing with this. The not posting it part I mean.

[x] What the heck. Go for it.

[x] Isaac Ebon you will not escape Bane. How dare you speak to your masters that way, you will submit to our will. I send an unexpected and seemingly irrelevent rockslide to block the exit. Try getting out of that one!

>>15964

What the christಠ_ಠ

[X] Drop a few sponges into the next encounter room. They must be his weakness!
[X] What the heck. Go for it.

it. [What the Gx]o for heck.

Anonymous he told us he's going to oppose us, it seems only right to try to throw obstacles in his path.

>>15968

But he's awesome. You don't mess around with awesome people.

'It’ll be a nice challenge for me. It’s gonna be you fools and Owen versus me. Last person still sane wins. Game on' You see? He issued a challenge to us.

>>15969

Do you know why awesome villains are awesome? Because they tangle with awesome protagonists. Sometimes they even come out on top.

[X] Little did Issac know that Cirno had just ventured above the clouds, far beyond his reach.

[X] Little did Issac know that Cirno had just ventured above the clouds, far beyond his reach.

[X] Little did Issac know that Cirno had just ventured above the clouds, far beyond his reach.

[x] Hey Ike, Nathaniel and Glish are dead. How does that make you feel?

[x] Little did Issac know that Cirno had just ventured above the clouds, far beyond his reach.

[x] Little did Issac know that Cirno had just ventured above the clouds, far beyond his reach.

Yes he shall taste irony, ha ha ha!

[x] Hey Ike, Nathaniel and Glish are dead. How does that make you feel?

Owen:

I just wanted to say that I think this is pretty cool.

That's all.

Also, isn't it a bit of a screw up on the Tengu's part to warn anyone talking to him that letting him have water is bad after he pretty much humiliated Momi through it? I'd view it in the same vein as per the X-men when they didn't allow anyone near Magneto with metal objects when they jailed him, though that might just be something on a much grander scale with a prisoner known to be dangerous

>>15979

I can't wait for Ike to tame the lake.

>>15980
http://bloodyshovel.oddwebsite.com/Ehs%20folder/stoop_lake.zip

>>15981

Already have it downloaded, but thanks anyway.

Mental Checklist:
(+) “This sucks. Where’d she go?”
(+) “Bored…”

A smooth pebble skipped lamely across the faint rippling waters of Gensokyo’s prominent lake, unofficially called “Misty Lake” by so many of its residents that the name had become official in and of itself. One, two, three times it bounced over the water before sinking, spinning happily on its way and sending little drizzles of water around its trajectory. The man who had thrown the pebble just a moment before sighed and kicked at the lake with his boot, accomplishing nothing in the process.

“Laaaaaaaame,” Ike whined to himself, flopping down on the ground and folding his hands behind his head. The sky above was shrouded in mist, as was appropriate for that time of year in those parts; every part of the year, for that matter. He noticed a fairy here or there flying overhead, but a quick glance at their wings told him none of them were Cirno, the only one he cared about at the moment, currently absent without unofficial leave. Little did Issac know that Cirno had ventured above the clouds, far beyond his flightless reach.

He rolled over and looked at the girl lying next to him. “Dai, when’s Cirno getting back? I could have just visited Eientei yesterday instead if I would’ve known she wasn’t gonna be around.”

The green-haired fairy looked at him like a teacher dealing with a hopeless student. “You do know that we’re not really that close, right? Don’t ask me; she gets back when she gets back, I guess. And anyways, you’re a grown man; hasn’t anyone told you that patience is a virtue?”

He skipped another rock across the water, which didn’t even make it past the first bounce. He looked up at the thick clouds and gave his lounging companion a bored reply, remembering times long gone by. “Yeah, my friend John. Whined about it for years, actually. But he’s dead now. Prolly because he was too patient. Not a very good incentive for me to wait, now is it?”

Daiyousei certainly didn’t expect a response of that magnitude, and put a hand up to her mouth in shame. “I…I’m sorry,” she apologized meekly. “I, I didn’t realize that—“

“Don’t,” he interrupted, sitting up and draping his arms across his knees. “He died. Probably trying to save the world and failing miserably. It happens. You get over it, or else you don’t let it get over you.” Looking over at a blood-red building in the distance, he stood up and shook his head bemusedly. “Funny thing is, he died right over there, too. Well, kinda. Long story; you wouldn’t really care. No one else has yet.”

He walked over to the edge of the lake and let the cool water lap at his boots, freezing the water around them for no real reason. “Ahh, screw it. I’m gonna go for a fly. Maybe I’ll run into ‘er this time. Thanks for bearing with me all morning, anyways.”

The fairy once again flashed Ike a skeptical look. “Humans can’t fly, though. Unless you plan on riding me like an animal, which I sadly can’t put past you even after only knowing you for two hours.”

In response, he dipped his hands into the water and pulled out a small chunk of newly-fashioned ice. Setting it on the ground, he pointed to it. “This…is a block of ice.” The block then rose a foot into the air. “This is me, levitating a block of ice.” Without hesitation he jumped onto the block, which remained as solid as if it was held by steel beams. He pointed to it once more. “This is me, levitating myself, via a block of ice.” Satisfied with his explanation, he pulled another few streams of icy water out of the lake and around his legs, creating a very solid pair of frozen boots which he then used to walk upon thin air with.

“And this is me, levitating me, wearing cool boots, flying away, like a block of ice. If you don’t believe me, too bad, because I’m not planning on explaining it again.”

????????????????????????????????????????"

It could very possibly be said, with a high degree of certainty on most days, that the entity dwelling within Gensokyo known as “Cirno” by a large percentage of the population, did not exactly rationalize things on the same level as an average person might. Most chose to generalize this statement by saying Cirno was an idiot. And for the most part, they were probably right.

Which is why it never occurred to her that perhaps clouds actually did not taste like cotton candy, and that she could not in fact eat them.

This, however, did not stop her from spending an entire day several thousand feet in the air, flying from cumulus cluster to cumulus cluster, taste-testing each one individually to find the secret sugar candy they must obviously be hiding. Though initially taken aback by how wet and decidedly un-delicious they were, it had now become something of a competition for her, convincing herself that the puffy white things were mocking her stupidity by hiding the best-tasting clouds from her. She was therefore determined never to rest until victory (and sugary success) was hers.

Without intervention, she would have in all probability been up there for a week.

It is fortunate for her, then, that a strange man with boots and gloves made of ice wandered above the clouds on her second day of cottony questing, breaking the tedium which even she was beginning to feel by now. She definitely hadn’t seen this stranger before; perhaps he could help her search for the candy!

“Hello, funnyman!” the fairy shouted, waving Ike over to her. “I’m looking for cotton candy! Wanna help? Ooo, can you do ice too?! What’s your name? How come you can fly like that when you don’t gots any wings?”

Ike smiled and drifted a little closer to Cirno. He had prepared himself for this day for months, this day when he would finally meet the girl unlike any other he had ever met before, a girl who shared both his magical affinity, his desire for extravagance, and his blatant disregard for convention. For a second or two he mentally held a palm to his face as he thought of the one person who would instantly envision “Isaac X Cirno,” upon reading the previous two sentences, and the several others who would be forced to envision it due to the previous thirty words. To him, it was a trivial manner compared to the pursuit of infinite awesomeness.

“You sure ask a lot of questions for just meeting a guy, you know?” he replied. “But my name’s Isaac. And you’re…Cirno, right?”

“Uh huh, that’s right! You’re pretty smart to know my name without asking, you know? Can you read minds or something? I met this one girl who could read minds, once. She was creepy weird. You don’t look creepy weird, though. You look like a cool guy. Ooo! Wanna play a game with me?”

Isaac shrugged his shoulders and held his iced-over palms outwards in indecision. “Ehh, I don’t know. See, I’m really good at games. I can only play games against the strongest people; otherwise I get bored. Do you know where I could find one?”

Cirno puffed out her chest and sported a boastful grin. “Heck yeah, you’re looking at her! I’m not just the strongest, I’m The Strongest! I bet you’ve never even seen my Perfect Freeze, huh sillyman? I’ll freeze you up just like a frogsicle!”

Taking Cirno up on her challenge, Ike folded his arms together dramatically and glared back at the fairy, matching her determination fire for fire. “I’d like to see you try. Who the hell do you think I am?”

Cirno drew her arms back, a whirling ball of frosty light in her hands. “I think youregonnabetooslowforthis! Hi-yah!”

And thus began the beginnings of friendship.



[ ] It’s all downhill from here.

[X] Jesus flippin' Christ Mary and Joseph.
[X] This is going to end badly for anyone who's got more than half an ounce of treacle in their skulls.
[X] Owen, man, you gotta do something.
[X] I mean, look at him there. He's a crime against nature.
[X] I mean, Cirno's a fairy, so she comes back. That's fine.
[X] But this guy should be dead a quadrillion times over.

Awww. A slightly somber note for the last post. Poor guy.

Well, they're obviously going to have a danmaku battle, so might as well...

[X] DEATH FROM BELOW! As Ike and Cirno fight in (above? under?) the clouds, their fight gets interrupted by a misaimed Master Spark! It doesn't hit them, of course.

Quite interesting CYOA... in which we mainly control some events, rather than the protagonist!

[x] As Ike and Cirno fight in the clouds, their fight gets interrupted by a misaimed Master Spark! It doesn't hit Ike, of course.

Unfortunate implications? Yes. I'm more than willing to take out the ice fairy to deny Ike his Cirno.

Let's see if we can get him to despair.

[X] Unfortunately for Ike, after mere minutes of playing, Cirno decided to bail on him. For Cirno had another man to attend to - the most important of the men in her life - her human. He had promised her a fancy omelette for lunch, and she would never let herself miss out on his wonderful egg-based cooking.

;_;

[X] Unfortunately for Ike, after mere minutes of playing, Cirno decided to bail on him. For Cirno had another man to attend to - the most important of the men in her life - her human. He had promised her a fancy omelette for lunch, and she would never let herself miss out on his wonderful egg-based cooking.

YES

[x] Unfortunately for Ike, after mere minutes of playing, Cirno decided to bail on him. For Cirno had another man to attend to - the most important of the men in her life - her human. He had promised her a fancy omelette for lunch, and she would never let herself miss out on his wonderful egg-based cooking.

[x] That face. She’s seen that face. Trauma. Supressed. In the basement again, fairies attacking, Adam attacking. The man is with Adam. Clarity. The man must die.

Die ike.

[x] Unfortunately for Ike, after mere minutes of playing, Cirno decided to bail on him. For Cirno had another man to attend to - the most important of the men in her life - her human. He had promised her a fancy omelette for lunch, and she would never let herself miss out on his wonderful egg-based cooking.
This is too much win

[x] Unfortunately for Ike, after mere minutes of playing, Cirno decided to bail on him. For Cirno had another man to attend to - the most important of the men in her life - her human. He had promised her a fancy omelette for lunch, and she would never let herself miss out on his wonderful egg-based cooking.

This. This. This. This. This.

[x] Unfortunately for Ike, after mere minutes of playing, Cirno decided to bail on him. For Cirno had another man to attend to - the most important of the men in her life - her human. He had promised her a fancy omelette for lunch, and she would never let herself miss out on his wonderful egg-based cooking.

>>15965
This.

>>15967
Dammit, Yukari.

[x] Unfortunately for Ike, after mere minutes of playing, Cirno decided to bail on him. For Cirno had another man to attend to - the most important of the men in her life - her human. He had promised her a fancy omelette for lunch, and she would never let herself miss out on his wonderful egg-based cooking.

Ash drank a coke.

Just ran into this now. No words really, just awesome. Oh, and it ocurred to me...
>>15835
Detailing the unifying theory I came up with without ripping you off keeps getting harder. Probably means I should hurry, huh...

[x] Unfortunately for Ike, after mere minutes of playing, Cirno decided to bail on him. For Cirno had another man to attend to - the most important of the men in her life - her human. He had promised her a fancy omelette for lunch, and she would never let herself miss out on his wonderful egg-based cooking.
[x]A shoe youkai looks on in awe at Ike's boots.

Owen vs Owen vs Isaac vs Anon

Don't ask me how that works.

[x] Unfortunately for Ike, after mere minutes of playing, Cirno decided to bail on him. For Cirno had another man to attend to - the most important of the men in her life - her human. He had promised her a fancy omelette for lunch, and she would never let herself miss out on his wonderful egg-based cooking.

[X] Crack! Although highly improbable due to Ike controlling the ice which makes up his
boots.. The boots begin to break!

How are you going to get out of it this time Isaac?

[x]A shoe youkai looks on in awe at Ike's boots.

Owen, you know you want to.

[x] Unfortunately for Ike, after mere minutes of playing, Cirno decided to bail on him. For Cirno had another man to attend to - the most important of the men in her life - her human. He had promised her a fancy omelette for lunch, and she would never let herself miss out on his wonderful egg-based cooking.
[x]A shoe youkai looks on in awe at Ike's boots.

>>16200
Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich

[x]A shoe youkai looks on in awe at Ike's boots.

Mental Checklist:
(+) “…so…this is the way it’s gonna be…?”
(+) “…Someone’s gonna die.”

Night fell over Gensokyo. Around the area of the Human Village, residents began to snuff out their lanterns and crawl into bed. Elsewhere, red-eyed youkai woke from their rest to prey upon the hapless creatures too weak to see them coming. Though inhabited by magical creatures that had little physical need for sleep, Genoskyo nevertheless feel into a peaceful torpor once the sun dipped below the horizon.

Stomping aimlessly through a dense forest of bamboo, Ike lay deep within his own thoughts. He was hopelessly lost as the moment, but he couldn’t have cared less. He could have possibly tried to get bearings if he wanted to, but he just didn’t see the reason why he should; he’d get to where he was going eventually. To an ordinary human, such a philosophy was nothing short of a quick death sentence by the animalistic monsters lying in wait beyond the dark stalks of bamboo. Fortunately for him, Isaac Ebon was not an ordinary human.

A reptilian creature with talons like daggers and eyes of gleaming gold jumped at the man six feet to the side of him, hungry for flesh of any kind. Perhaps it had been the firstborn and strongest of its clutch, or else the runt forced to a life of oblivion and mediocrity. Perhaps it was the most feared predator in the entire forest, or just a young adolescent out on the very first hunt of its life. Whatever it had used to be, it ceased to be anything more once Ike had shoved a thick icicle through its head.

”…Oh no! I just remembered that I forgot to remember! My human said he was gonna make me an omnomlette today…”

The sound of the small youkai’s death caused other various creatures with malicious intent to perk their heads in Isaac’s general direction. Sensing a possibility for slight trouble, Ike drew out his pilfered kodachi and continued to walk unperturbed by the threat to his life. He was more concerned with…other things.

”…Yeah, he’s my favoritest human ever! He can make lots of awesome food-things and always messes up my hair so I know that he cares…”

Dark shapes slowly began to congregate around the pensive man. Those which came just a bit too close felt the sting of ice, then felt nothing. The youkai were wary of this creature who attacked without moving or looking; even to their primitive minds, the cold creature was a thing to be feared, even if it looked and smelt like easy prey.

”…But, but he’s mine! He’s my special person just for me! I don’t need to worry ‘bout anything when he’s around…”

The rustling creatures bored him. He had hoped they would rush him as a single unit and try to kill him without thought or mercy. He would have let them try; he would have let their last moments be full of fighting spirit and tenacity, as all fighters deserve to die. But they did not approach. He considered disposing of them all to sprite them, but his heart would not have been in it. They were neither a threat nor a challenge to him. He needed something more…someone more…

”…You’re weird, you know that, icyman? Why you gotta ask all these weird questions; they’re too hard for me. You’re gonna make me late for lunch…”

The strange cold walking death was not worth their time. One by one, the various youkai slunk away, looking for more conventional prey to pounce upon. Ike was once again left alone…the way he had always truly been…the way fate had always seemed to leave him…

”…Well, okay; bye, I guess. ‘M I ever gonna see you around again? We could play together sometime, maybe…Hey, where’d you go…?”

“So this is the Gensokyo I’ve Wandered into, is it?” he mused to himself, spinning half a dozen ice barbs over his head like he was twiddling his thumbs. “A Gensokyo where Cirno is already taken, taken by some fool with cooked eggs and rufflin’ hair.” He laughed a dry laugh and shook his head. It was a simple enough puzzle for him, and his opponents had made no moves to be subtle about it. He pitied them.

“I know Owen better than that, Anon,” he grinned lifelessly, casting a wayward glance to the starry sky above. “He might have a face made out of stone, but even he can play favorites, and Cirno’s one-a his. He wouldn’t do this, not him, not to Cirno. But…of course, you would, wouldn’t you? You’ve got no qualms with snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory, do you? You’re not me…you don’t feel what I feel, you don’t feel what any protagonist feels, do you? Yeah, sure, let’s go ahead and destroy the story! It’ll be hilarious! Who cares if it’s out of character, everyone’s voting for it! But you failed to realize one important thing, Anon…”

He trailed off and noticed a pulsing rainbow glow not far away from his position. Contemplating the luminous apparition, he smiled and began to walk towards it.

“…When I go through hell…I keep going.”

????????????????????????????????????"

Above the forest of bamboo, the immortal battle of hatred and vanity continued.

Tonight, it was Fujiwara no Mokou who held the advantage over the princess Houraisan. In a battle that spanned centuries, both parties had long since realized that their conflicts would often turn to one side or the other on any given night, though neither of them wished to admit it. Kaguya’s heart had not been devoted to her eternal rivalry as of late, and her offense was sloppy because of it. The Five Impossible Requests, well-renowned for their beauty and perfection, had been in the princess’s opinion reduced to the trashy level of Mokou’s spellcards, flying forth with unrefined abandon and shaming the very essence of danmaku. Conversely, the phoenix-winged girl had determination like an inferno that night, and immolating danmaku to match.

Blurry red fireballs circled around the princess like a red blanket, their outlines difficult to see and even more difficult to dodge. Her gossamer dress grew more and more singed as she threaded through the passageways of bullets. Mokou noticed her faltering glide and poured even more energy into tightening her curtains and sharpening the weave. Just a little more pressure, a few more shots in the right positions, and she’d be powerless, trapped within a ring of fire. Then, with an otherworldly dexterity, Kaugya began to increase her speed, threading through the blaze perfectly and without care. With this bold move she would break from the net and propel herself back into the lead!

“HEY! I CALL WINNER!”

A shout from below caused both girls to halt immediately and look to the voice. For Kaguya, who was in a less-than-desirable position for split-second distractions, this was a very poor move. With a scream of agony dozens of bullets entered her body, painfully but harmlessly, and she slowly floated to the ground, unconscious. Mokou wiped her brow with an ash-stained sleeve and did the same, though her attention, for one time in ten-thousand, was not on her defeated foe, but on the interloper who had just violated their loathsome battleground.

“The hell are you?” Mokou asked bluntly, squeezing out a small fire on her sleeve with her fingers.

“Outsider,” he responded with equal bluntness. “Name’s Ike. Just got here. Had a bad day, my dream girl left me for some poser, and I feel like killing someone tonight. You mind?”

“Uhh, yeah, actually. Don’t feel like getting killed anymore than I already did. Don’t know if you saw that fight up there or not, but it takes a lot out of a girl.”

Isaac lowered his eyelids ever so slightly. “Yeah. I’m sure it does. Flying around with magic, playing Go Go Disco Inferno with each other; yes yes, very exhausting. I’m amazed you can even stand up right now.”

Mokou gave a full-bodied shove into the man’s chest, obviously miffed at the sarcasm. “Watch it, kid. You’re new around here, so I don’t expect you to know who I—“

“Fujiwara No Mokou, of the Fujiwara clan, manipulator of fire” he interrupted, hardly stopping for a breath as he related her life’s story back at her. “Born human over thirteen hundred years ago into wealth but not love. Father seduced by the reigning lunar princess Kaguyahime Houraisan, and rendered destitute upon failing one of her Five Impossible Requests. Stole the Hourai Elixer in a vengeful fury and imbibed it to gain eternal life on Earth. Currently resides in the Bamboo Forest of The Lost, which we currently stand in. Runs a yakitori stand part-time, acts as a forest guide part-time, and has not yet forgiven Kaguya in over a millennia. No; I don’t expect me to know who you are either.”

Mokou’s mouth slowly hung more and more open as Ike spoke, unable to comprehend what she was hearing from this complete stranger. How did…it couldn’t be possible! The only ones who could have possibly known that much were long dead…but then, how?!

“Just how in hell did you…” she asked, unable to even complete the sentence.

“Outsider. Fourth wall. I am breaking it. Manually.” He grabbed up one of the many pieces of ice floating around him and slammed it into a nearby bamboo stalk in fury, cracking it deeply. “It doesn’t matter. I came to Genoskyo for one reason, did you know that? I came to meet a girl, and make her more awesome than you could possibly imagine. And in two bloody minutes, she was taken away from me. Taken away by just one person’s wayward remark. I raged. I cried. I face-palmed. Then I serioused the eff’ up. I am pissed as all hell right now and I want to kill something. Preferably something that is also pissed as all hell and wants to kill something. Also, something who doesn’t die when she is killed. That’d be nice. Now you can either stand there with that moronic look on your face and tell me I need help, or you can get back up in the sky and see how long you last before I freeze that hellfire out of you. And if you so much as contemplate dueling me with danmaku—“

The wings of the phoenix burst back to life on the silver-haired girl’s back, and a chaotic fire sparked up in her eyes. She grinned at him sadistically. A desire welled back up in her heart, one she thought she had lost several centuries ago. Not the desire to fight for survival. Not the desire to fight to protect. Not the desire to fight for vengeance. Not even the desire to fight for the sake of death itself. No, this was the desire to fight simply to fight. And she knew as well as Isaac did, that to have a true fight, you must first be willing to die.

“Less talking. More burning.”

It was the only words he needed to hear. Like lightning Ike lashed out with his odd ends of ice, spinning them around himself like electrons around a nucleus. Taken by complete surprise, Mokou’s chest and arms were sliced and bruised five times in quick succession before she jumped backwards and took to the sky. Sacrificing his power for maneuverability, the man once again coated his arms and legs with ice and took to the air, hungry for the boiling blood of a true fight to the death.

Elsewhere in the forest, a small rabbit stood alone on one of the balconies of Eientei, House of Eternity. She looked to the north, and noticed that the fire-lady had rekindled her flames, despite the end of the battle between her and the princess. She shed a tear or two for her defeated master. But this was very strange; why would that Fujiwara girl continue to burn if she had already won the fight? Gazing outwards towards the distant fires of Mokou and the even more distant fires of the stars, all the little bunny could do was wonder…

It had been only a miniscule while in Mokou’s reckoning since she had used true fire in battle—six years at least—but he skills were as sharp as ever. Lettings the fires of passion ignite her soul, she morphed the very air around her into tongues of flame, lashing them towards this insane opponent of hers. An ice manipulator, was he? What kind of an idiot fights an inferno with ice cubes? She had no hatred for this man like she had for Kaguya (that ungrateful little wench), so she saw no reason to actively try and kill him. A few melting humiliations and second-degree burns would be enough to snap him out of this self-destructive state he had fallen into. But she didn’t blame him in the least; she knew what it was like to lose everything she had cared for to a single entity. She had wished for death countless times herself at the worst parts of her life. But this man was short-lived; not even a century later and he’d be dead. Surely he didn’t really want to die so early, did he?

Ike dashed away from the incoming flames, a wayward shard or two of ice getting melted in the process. As he danced around the lines of fire, he waited for just the right opening…just the right break in the streams…there! A burst of fire sailed too far over his head as he arced downwards and made ready a blade of ice to slash her from below. In the darkness, Mokou lost sight of him for just a second. Where had he gone?

She found him just soon enough to pre-empt his strike. Moving upwards to deny him his slash, she shot a thin ball of fire at the man at point-blank range. Nothing too horrible, just enough to make him understand who he was dealing with. Maybe catch his clothes on fire a bit. Then he’d…under, stand…?

The glowing ball seemed to simply shrink and disappear as if it had been eaten up by an invisible mouth. In the glow of Mokou’s wings she could see the man holding up a wide shield fashioned of ice, which had somehow survived the attack without harm. It made no sense to her; was that technique simply too weak? Perhaps she should try something a little more intense…

“Hey! Guess what?! I found a water puddle down there!” the man exclaimed, spinning his cold shield around valiantly. “Sucks for you, don’t it?”

Not wishing to be out-gunned by the man’s mouth, she aimed a line of near-plasmatic flame just inches under his feet, quickly evaporating his boots effortlessly. “Hey, guess what!” she replied, smirking. “Fire melts ice! Sucks for you, don’t it?”

In response, the man dropped his shield under his feet, letting it take the entire brunt of the beam. Even from this angle, Mokou knew something wasn’t right. She might has gone easy with that last shot, but that laser of fire had heat greater than a blast furnace. And yet…it wasn’t burning through the shield. It wasn’t even melting it. Keeping the shield stationary, he dashed forwards and planted a small cut on her cheek with a single frozen water droplet, whispering something to her as he passed by.

“Hey, guess what…Not if I just freeze it back. Sucks for you, don’t it?”

She gave the man a biting stare as he quickly floated out of range, taking his shield with him. Was he serious? Was he really trying to block fire with ice…and succeeding? Freezing back his defenses faster than she could melt them? It didn’t seem possible, but she couldn’t find any other explanation. And if that was the case…then this battle was going to be far more fun than she had expected.

Noticing glinting objects in the moonlight, Mokou only just had time to dodge a stream of tiny icicles no bigger than her thumb, fired like bullets from Ike’s direction. For good measure she vaporized them as they passed by her with far less accuracy than she had feared. So he had the advantage of range, did he? She’d soon change that; this technique worked much better up-close anyways.

Exploding the sky into a phoenix-shaped blaze, the girl dashed forwards to her foe, her wispy form well-hidden by the diversionary oranges and yellows around her. Though Isaac couldn’t see her, he expected something to happen within the next second, and poured the rest of his ice into a large yet thin shield in front of him. Despite his cockiness and ironic pleasure of defending fire with ice, he didn’t have nearly as much water to work with as he might have wished, and a tiny part of him felt vastly overpowered by the phoenix in front of him. It was only a passing thought, however, and he was soon back to his crazed bloodlust in no time at all.

The attack came swift and fast, as expected. Fire enveloped his entire vision, taxing his ice control to the limit as he replaced the vaporized water over and over again, inch by inch being pushed backwards as he was forced to remake his new shields under the remnants of the old ones. He was ready to dodge to the side and slash at his foe from behind when—A punch, of all things! He could feel his icy cocoon shatter with the weight of an unexpected fist, and before he had time to react the burning hand connected with his chest, punching him downwards to the ground and turning the awesome face on his shirt into a charred circle which flaked away from his body as he flew through the sky. He forced his momentum back upwards before grazing even the highest of the bamboo shoots, and drew his ice back into an indeterminate block in front of him.

“Refreeze that!” Mokou shouted at him haughtily, wreathing herself in rings of fire for the simple spectacle of the matter. Isaac massaged the burning spot on his chest with a frost-covered palm, and mused to himself.

“Falcoooon Puuunnch, eh? I am amused.” If she wanted to punch him, he’d just have to punch her back. Harder. And with a sword. Or maybe two. From the boring block of ice he grabbed a pair of triangular blades, longer than he was tall, yet light as daggers. Throwing caution to the wind, he started spiraling around her, dodging her fireballs with ease and waiting for her to slip up just enough.

Mokou was no fool, though. She saw his plan as well as he did, and wasn’t going to come anywhere near him as long as he was giving away his next attack like that. Borrowing a page from his own book, she sent volumes upon volumes of pea-sized fire his way, so much like danmaku that it actually surprised him to find that they actually hurt slightly less than normal danmaku, though his pants and coat catching on fire was certainly a problem, if a minor one.

He saw his chance, and with blades crossed in front of him like a shield, he propelled himself within moments to Ms. Fujiwara’s position, his first pass opening a long gash on her left arm. It was pain she had gotten used to, and she didn’t even flinch. Though he kept the pressure on her, spinning his weapons around her like batons, they evaporated just moments before touching her body, only to rematerialize a split second later.

It was a war of reaction times, with Mokou vaporizing and Ike freezing within milliseconds of each other. They exchanged attacks again and again, never relenting, never absconding, never letting the pain reach their minds. Isaac’s coat and most of his shirt had been reduced to ash, leaving red and black scorch marks all over whatever parts of his skin weren’t protected by a film of ice. Mokou’s garments weren’t faring much better, taking excessive heat from her own flames, and slowly being cut to ribbons whenever Isaac finally got a refrozen slash past her armor of flame.

Mokou didn’t realize it, but he did: he was losing. Second by second drops of water were flying out of his reach, and he didn’t have the time to grab them and return them to the fight. His swords had shortened to half their original length, and continued to shrink with each slash. He had to use the trump card. Within another ten seconds his hands might be too in pain to be able to.

Drawing his right hand down to his waist, he pulled the kodachi from his belt, shielded from Mokou’s view by mixing it with the ice in his hand already. Laying everything on the line with this one last charge, he thrust forwards his arm in a deep lunge. Mokou silenced the ice as expected. But not the steel behind it.

Deep the small sword plunged into Mokou’s chest, slicing through her heart and poking out through her back with a small burst of blood. The fire around her waned slowly as she coughed up red foam, looking at the blade in bemusement.

“Nice,” she commented. “Ya’ got me.”

Isaac nodded, the lack of adrenaline in his body reminding him more and more that his skin was most definitely on fire. “Thanks for this. I needed to get it out of my system.”

“Mmm…me too. Same time next week…?”

“Ehh, how ‘bout next month?”

The girl’s eyes lost focus and the wings behind her winked out of existence. Out of respect for his valiant opponent, Ike grabbed Mokou’s limp body and lowered her back down to the forest floor next to Kaguya’s similarly limp body, removing the blade from her chest and setting it on the dirt, too tired even to clean it. It was fortunate for Isaac Ebon that he was not the type of man who would rape dead bodies, because if he had been, he would have been most disappointed to have missed the chance to do so, considering he passed out in short order from the pain of not having much skin left.

From within a dense thicket of bamboo, a ubiquitous shoe youkai looked hungrily at Ike’s boots. If he had just decided to fall asleep like that, surely he didn’t need them anymore! And she knew it was just plain uncomfortable to sleep with boots on, too; she’d be doing the man a favor!

All in all, it was not a very good day for him.



[ ] What could possibly go wrong?

[X] It was just too bad for Ike that, for once, the usual plot device fell through, and no one picked him up. Eientei's hidden forces had heard his last little exchange with Mokou, and concluded that he was not worthy of consideration. Mokou, upon regenerating, quickly forgot about him entirely, much more concerned with getting home and clean before Keine swung by that night and got worried about her.
[X] Left to the wild, Ike was helpless to defend himself from shoe thieves. For that matter, he was helpless to defend himself from the passing rabbits who decided his face was far too doodle-free. Or the many wild animals that decided to walk over him... or, in the worst cases, allow their waste to drop upon him.

Kicking them when they're down. Feels good man.

>He’s my special person just for me!

I cried manly tears. Cirno, YWUiG anon still loves you!

[X] It was just too bad for Ike that, for once, the usual plot device fell through, and no one picked him up. Eientei's hidden forces had heard his last little exchange with Mokou, and concluded that he was not worthy of consideration. Mokou, upon regenerating, quickly forgot about him entirely, much more concerned with getting home and clean before Keine swung by that night and got worried about her.
[X] Left to the wild, Ike was helpless to defend himself from shoe thieves. For that matter, he was helpless to defend himself from the passing rabbits who decided his face was far too doodle-free. Or the many wild animals that decided to walk over him... or, in the worst cases, allow their waste to drop upon him.

Denied.

[x] And it would only get worse for Ike, as his stay in the bamboo forest has attracted the attention(and wrath) of a very certain rabbit, and this rabbit was the most powerful and terrifying of them all.

Okay, I'm not going to dick him over like that.

[d] Mokou, out of equal parts respect, suspicion about his knowledge of her history, and admiration for being almost retardedly ballsy, took him home to get better.
[a] Or maybe the Eienteienites brought him back and treated him, interested in speaking with someone who won a lethal, non-danmaku duel with the Princess' rival. And, they whispered to themselves, it might get her spirits back up, so why not?
[z] ...Which was it, again?
[e] Cirno was not entirely lost to him, just not his to monopolize. That certainly didn't keep him from meeting her again once he had fully recovered.

[x] Mokou, out of equal parts respect, suspicion about his knowledge of her history, and admiration for being almost retardedly ballsy, took him home to get better.
[x] Or maybe the Eienteienites brought him back and treated him, interested in speaking with someone who won a lethal, non-danmaku duel with the Princess' rival. And, they whispered to themselves, it might get her spirits back up, so why not?
[x] ...Which was it, again?
[X] Cirno was not entirely lost to him, just not his to monopolize. That certainly didn't keep him from meeting her again once he had fully recovered.

[d] Mokou, out of equal parts respect, suspicion about his knowledge of her history, and admiration for being almost retardedly ballsy, took him home to get better.
[a] Or maybe the Eienteienites brought him back and treated him, interested in speaking with someone who won a lethal, non-danmaku duel with the Princess' rival. And, they whispered to themselves, it might get her spirits back up, so why not?
[z] ...Which was it, again?
[e] Cirno was not entirely lost to him, just not his to monopolize. That certainly didn't keep him from meeting her again once he had fully recovered.

[X] It was just too bad for Ike that, for once, the usual plot device fell through, and no one picked him up. Eientei's hidden forces had heard his last little exchange with Mokou, and concluded that he was not worthy of consideration. Mokou, upon regenerating, quickly forgot about him entirely, much more concerned with getting home and clean before Keine swung by that night and got worried about her.
[X] Left to the wild, Ike was helpless to defend himself from shoe thieves. For that matter, he was helpless to defend himself from the passing rabbits who decided his face was far too doodle-free. Or the many wild animals that decided to walk over him... or, in the worst cases, allow their waste to drop upon him.

[x] Mokou, out of equal parts respect, suspicion about his knowledge of her history, and admiration for being almost retardedly ballsy, took him home to get better.
[x] Or maybe the Eienteienites brought him back and treated him, interested in speaking with someone who won a lethal, non-danmaku duel with the Princess' rival. And, they whispered to themselves, it might get her spirits back up, so why not?
[x] ...Which was it, again?
[x] Cirno was not entirely lost to him, just not his to monopolize. That certainly didn't keep him from meeting her again once he had fully recovered.

[x] Mokou, out of equal parts respect, suspicion about his knowledge of her history, and admiration for being almost retardedly ballsy, took him home to get better.
[x] Or maybe the Eienteienites brought him back and treated him, interested in speaking with someone who won a lethal, non-danmaku duel with the Princess' rival. And, they whispered to themselves, it might get her spirits back up, so why not?
[x] ...Which was it, again?
[x] Cirno was not entirely lost to him, just not his to monopolize. That certainly didn't keep him from meeting her again once he had fully recovered.

I like Ike.

[x] It was just too bad for Ike that, for once, the usual plot device fell through, and no one picked him up. Eientei's hidden forces had heard his last little exchange with Mokou, and concluded that he was not worthy of consideration. Mokou, upon regenerating, quickly forgot about him entirely, much more concerned with getting home and clean before Keine swung by that night and got worried about her.
[x] Left to the wild, Ike was helpless to defend himself from shoe thieves. For that matter, he was helpless to defend himself from the passing rabbits who decided his face was far too doodle-free. Or the many wild animals that decided to walk over him... or, in the worst cases, allow their waste to drop upon him.

I feel sorry for Ike... but he shouldn't despair so quickly! Ah well, at least he didn't lose Cirno to that farmer dude, right? Or maybe he will and.... oh gods!

[x] Mokou, out of equal parts respect, suspicion about his knowledge of her history, and admiration for being almost retardedly ballsy, took him home to get better.
[x] Or maybe the Eienteienites brought him back and treated him, interested in speaking with someone who won a lethal, non-danmaku duel with the Princess' rival. And, they whispered to themselves, it might get her spirits back up, so why not?
[x] ...Which was it, again?
[x] Cirno was not entirely lost to him, just not his to monopolize. That certainly didn't keep him from meeting her again once he had fully recovered.
[X] Still shoeless, though!

[x] Mokou, out of equal parts respect, suspicion about his knowledge of her history, and admiration for being almost retardedly ballsy, took him home to get better.

[x]Still shoeless, though!

Let's give him a reprieve.. heh heh.. For now..

[X] It was just too bad for Ike that, for once, the usual plot device fell through, and no one picked him up. Eientei's hidden forces had heard his last little exchange with Mokou, and concluded that he was not worthy of consideration. Mokou, upon regenerating, quickly forgot about him entirely, much more concerned with getting home and clean before Keine swung by that night and got worried about her.
[X] Left to the wild, Ike was helpless to defend himself from shoe thieves. For that matter, he was helpless to defend himself from the passing rabbits who decided his face was far too doodle-free. Or the many wild animals that decided to walk over him... or, in the worst cases, allow their waste to drop upon him.

[x] Mokou, out of equal parts respect, suspicion about his knowledge of her history, and admiration for being almost retardedly ballsy, took him home to get better.
[x] Or maybe the Eienteienites brought him back and treated him, interested in speaking with someone who won a lethal, non-danmaku duel with the Princess' rival. And, they whispered to themselves, it might get her spirits back up, so why not?
[x] ...Which was it, again?
[x] Cirno was not entirely lost to him, just not his to monopolize. That certainly didn't keep him from meeting her again once he had fully recovered.

[X] It was just too bad for Ike that, for once, the usual plot device fell through, and no one picked him up. Eientei's hidden forces had heard his last little exchange with Mokou, and concluded that he was not worthy of consideration. Mokou, upon regenerating, quickly forgot about him entirely, much more concerned with getting home and clean before Keine swung by that night and got worried about her.
[X] Left to the wild, Ike was helpless to defend himself from shoe thieves. For that matter, he was helpless to defend himself from the passing rabbits who decided his face was far too doodle-free. Or the many wild animals that decided to walk over him... or, in the worst cases, allow their waste to drop upon him.

WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS, IKE.

He can use the water to pick himself up though.

[x] Mokou, out of equal parts respect, suspicion about his knowledge of her history, and admiration for being almost retardedly ballsy, took him home to get better.
[x] Or maybe the Eienteienites brought him back and treated him, interested in speaking with someone who won a lethal, non-danmaku duel with the Princess' rival. And, they whispered to themselves, it might get her spirits back up, so why not?
[x] ...Which was it, again?
[x] Cirno was not entirely lost to him, just not his to monopolize. That certainly didn't keep him from meeting her again once he had fully recovered.

>>16323
Hmm... your wording is a bit fruity, but yes.

Add "[ze] Still shoeless, though." onto my vote at >>16311

Mental Checklist:
(+) “Ungrateful little NEET, why don’t you come over here and learn this for yourself for a change?”

“Kaguya, what’s your local network password?”

A soft clicking of buttons was the only reply.

“Kaguya! Network password!

“Eh? Oh, mmm, ‘gibbous13’ or something like that.”

“…Didn’t work. Invalid password.”

“Wha? Capital G.”

“Hate it when people do that. Waste of time. Aaanyways…dah dah dumm…Well, LAN’s still up, so it’s not the Ethernet port itself—“

“Is it fixed yet?”

“…No. No it is not. I said LAN’s still up. If you’re not going to actually help with this, at least you can stop asking if it’s fixed every two minutes. Friggin’ ingrate.”

“I could have you flogged for that, you know. How dare you disrespect a princess.”

“You are a thirteen-hundred year old exile from the moon living in a country of questionable technological sophistication, sitting at a laptop playing a homebrew Portal mod with Yukari’s gaps when you should be at the very least helping me fix the internet, or, heaven forbid, actually doing something with your life. Trust me, when I think you deserve respect, I’ll let you know.”

“…Is it fixed now?”

Ike picked up the floor cushion he was sitting on and threw it at the girl, tossing her raven hair asunder. Too focused on her laptop’s LCD screen in front of her, she paid little attention to it, even when it sailed past her and knocked over a stack of books in the corner.

“Pick those up, too.”

“They were already like that.”

“No they weren’t.”

“You can’t prove that.”

The two gave each other heavy-lidded, extremely skeptical looks. They had been bantering back and forth like this for almost a half-hour, ever since Ike had asked to use her computer. In retrospect he should have been a mite more thankful that her rabbits had decided to pick both him and Mokou up when they went to retrieve their fallen princess, or that Eirin had agreed to heal his skin burns in an hour for that matter, but her whiny self-centered attitude seemed to be balancing that out for the most part. And considering her internet connection had been down for two days, and Yukari still hadn’t come over to fix it, she was more than willing than to accept a little discourtesy if it meant this jerk could get her back online.

“Ahh screw it. I’m just gonna reset the router and restart the machine. That usually does things.”

“I already tried that. Like nine times.”

“Yeah, well maybe it’ll work the tenth. I know crap about computers, by the way, but apparently that makes me an expert here. I never said I could get you back up, I just said I’d try. I want to get on the internet just as much as you, you know.”

“Is it fixed yet?”

Ike winced, and tried to explain the situation as calmly as possible without ripping her head off. “No, Kaguya, for the fiftieth time, it is not fixed. The wireless card in your laptop is dead, and your desktop doesn’t even have a wireless card. The reason this is a problem is because for some stupid reason your router’s wireless connection works, but not it’s wired connection. I could try and run the cable directly into the tower, but you computer’s got some lame-as-heck firewalls from what I can tell, and that still isn’t solving the problem. I’ll be back in a few minutes; just gonna wander around for a paragraph or two of descriptive imagery as an excuse to fill up space.”

Kaguya raised an eyebrow, though her face remained glued to the computer. “Paragraph of descriptive imagery? Did I miss that meme somewhere?”

Ike sighed as he walked out of the room. Was it even worth explaining right now? At least Kaguya might take it better than some of the other girls around here. “You didn’t miss it, Kaguya; you’re just unaware of it. I’ll tell you in a few updates…maybe.”

He wandered around the halls of Eientei Manor with no real destination in mind. It was very eastern and mysterious. In a more juvenile story he might have punched holes in the walls to illustrate a point. As if to illustrate a point about the stupidity of eastern-style paper walls, he punched a hole in one.

Outside on the grass random childish rabbits played tag with each other under Reisen’s watchful, if peculiar, gaze. Ike smiled. How sweet.

Looking at the non-existent watch on his wrist, he realized that his two paragraphs were already finished and carrying on into a third. Under the reasonable assumption that the whole of Eientei was not relevant to the story at the moment, he returned to Kaguya’s computer room, greeted with an angrily-pointed finger and a deathly-blue screen on the desktop.

“Fix it.”

Ike rubbed his face wearily. This just kept getting better and better.

???????????????????????????????????????"

Three hours, three re-crimped Ethernet cables, two XP reinstalls, one horribly outdated Norton Anti-Virus, seventy-three Is it fixed yet?—s, eight thrown cushions, two rather awkward moments which shall not be mentioned, a hammer, a screwdriver, and sixty-five gigs of deleted pornography later, the internet was fixed.

As if she had a sixth sense Kaguya immediately shoved Ike away from the low computer table. Being offline for two and a half days had not been pleasant on her psyche ever since Yukari had shown her the wonders of the world wide web. Perfectly content to not look at a computer screen for a while, Ike decided to wander around outside some more. Knowing Kaguya, it’d be a while before she’d let him so much as even touch her mouse.

The grass was cool and comfortable against his bare feet, much better than the indoor hardwood floors he’d been kneeling on all day. Though he did wonder…what had happened to his shoes? He was definitely sure he was wearing them before he passed out, but neither Eirin nor the rabbits who retrieved him said he had ever had them on. A good pair, too; steel toes and thick treads with metal spikes for traction, sort of like a toned-down mountain climber’s boot. Good for running across ice, which he often had to do from time to time.

The rabbits had gone elsewhere for the moment, leaving him free to wander around the calm Japanese interior of the Eientei complex. Though the tall bamboo on all sides made the place seem like an island in a wide ocean, while here he felt very secure and at ease. Not that he was one to get very sentimental about nature—often the opposite, in fact—but even he could appreciate some simple pleasures from time to time.

Finding a shaded pool underneath a cherry tree, Isaac leaned against the aromatic wood and gazed into the water’s reflection. With garments reduced to drab white hospital cotton and hair singed unevenly an inch or so shorter than before, he had definitely looked more awesome in past times.

Eventually he slunk down into a sitting position, crafting a contoured back rest of sorts from the calm waters before him. The ice chilled his back slightly, but it was a warm day, and he had gotten used to being cold over a decade ago. Closing his eyes and slowing his breathing rhythm, he dreamt of just all the things he had planned to do in Gensokyo, how many of them had been crushed by Cirno’s committal to another man, and how many more glorious opportunities lay in store for him because of it…

????????????????????????????????????????????"

Ever so silently, Isaac softly lifted Kaguya’s sleeping face off the keyboard, the white glare of the monitor bathing her shoulders in faux moonlight as the true moon shone brightly outside. It had taken her a good ten hours before she had finally given up the computer, and then only because her weariness and aching eyes had failed her. He smirked and shook his head as he thought of the many portrayals of Kaguya Houraisan, and how glad he was to be in a story where she was every inch the computer-whoring NEET the fanbase had jokingly dubbed her. Cracking his knuckles and inching his way into the front of the screen (a difficult task considering the princess’ hunched over position), he typed in a familiar url and waited for the page to load, somewhat disappointed by the mediocre connection speed. Clicking a link in the top-center of the screen, he scrolled down the page looking for a particular bold sub-heading. It took some time for him to locate what he sought after, but a few more clicks of the mouse brought him to the hive of scum and villainy for which he sought. Dozens of paragraphs of text slowly filed their way down the page, followed by a handful

What is this? What is this?!?!

I leave Owen alone for five days, and he ends up doing this?! A story where you fools call the shots on how to screw with me? This is just sad. Didn’t think Owen’d actually sink this low. Yeah sure, he might say he likes to let the voters be themselves and do that pansy vote-merging crap he does, but I’m not fooled; he likes to control things. He wants to write what he wants to write. I think you broke him, Anon. Way to go.

Okay first off, Cirno denial? Really now? Big mistake. Oh, not ‘cause-a me; I find it hilarious now. Row row fight da’ powah and all that. But Owen? You took away the one, single plot point Owen had planned for in a story without any plot to speak of. And this is Owen we’re taking about. You’re making him improvise, now. This is not a good thing. He doesn’t like improvising. Only tears’ll come from this, and they’re not gonna be from me. I can survive this, Owen; you all made me more powerful than you could have possibly imagined. But can you?

Next, >>15971 , you are an idiot, and you have caused idiot sheep to follow you. And because of this idiocy, you have somehow caused awesome. I am amused. Continue. You won’t stop me.

Thirdly, I…ah, screw it. Owen’s not writing this story any more. I am. Next update whenever I feel like it. I don’t care about your votes. If you don’t like it I might be on #MiG tomorrow if Kaguya’ll let me or Reimu hasn’t arrested me yet. Whine then.

[] Ike trolls Yaf's posts.
[] Ike's other trip is !4rqjPmV6PI

Well, Ike, if you could be so kind as to tell Owen that I enjoyed the fight scene with Mokou, I'd be most appreciative. I'm quite the picky little faggot when it comes to her, so I just wanted to throw that out there.

I also liked the Mokou fight!

... And Owen can simply just have Cirno show up again? I mean, like... she's not exactly being monopolized by WUiG Omnomelette Anon!

[X] Mokou escapes from being trapped in Eirin's lab, being used as guinea pig for... unspeakable stuff.
[X] Ike ruffles Kaguya's hair while she sleeps.
[X] A rabbit complains about Ike's lack of dapperness compared to that -other- human in Eientei.

>>16558
Hey genius, if you're writing the update, just have the other human Cirno likes explode violently.

>>16558
>>16311 here. You're welcome, you ungrateful prick.

>>16560
Lol no. I ain’t got time for that. If you were in Gensokyo, would you waste all day on THP? Didn’t think so.

>>16562
Tell him yourself; it’s not like I can just walk up and talk to him from here, you know. Just because I’m his character that gives me a psychic link to him? Yeah, no. Plus he didn’t explode or anything; I’m pretty sure he’s reading this right now. And facepalmming.

>>16565
You already had your chance to keep Cirno in the story. You blew it. It’s over. She’s no longer a main character. You’ve got no one to blame but yourself. If she shows up again I’m just gonna beat the crap out of her.

>>16566
Hey genius, I’m not the author; I can’t change crap. This is still Owen’s story, you know; he’s still calling the shots. He’s just not gonna be the one writing.

And it’s too late now. I’m done with Cirno; I got over her. We’re no longer an item. There’s more awesome fish in the sea, anyways. Girls people care about even less. You gonna be a jerk and take them all away just to spite me? You’re only gonna screw yourself over harder, and I won’t care.

>>16571
Whatever.

>If she shows up again I’m just gonna beat the crap out of her.

Oh, this will be fun.

[x]Cirno, remembering the man from yesterday, and their unfinished bout, decided to find him, and demand a rematch.

>This is still Owen’s story, you know; he’s still calling the shots. He’s just not gonna be the one writing.

What. That's not how any form of authorship works.

>You gonna be a jerk and take them all away just to spite me?

Probably. This does seem like more fun. Though I think someone like me would be more appropriate for writing continual tragedy, I wouldn't be able to pull off this kind of fourth wall breakage, probably.

>>16578
You fool, you're playing right into his trap!

At least I'm happy to know that there is at least one alternate world where our dear protagonist Isaac is completely subservient to Owen's commands. A world where "Isaac X Cirno" cannot be denied due to its incredible levels of awesomeness. A world where WUiG Anon had died early on due to the compelling powers of the vast Lake, the very Lake that would later burst in a frigid climax of sleet and hail as a sacrament to the union between the two ice-crossed lovers, fulfilling the perfect vision of Owen's imaginings within its sweet embrace. With full knowledge that Anon is watching, possibly aroused.

Of course, if this is never meant to be for the current iteration of Isaac's existance... then the only solution is to declare war on the writefag himself!

[x] Upon waking from her slumber, Kaguya wakes to find her screen on this thread.
[x] Intrigued, she reads on and recounts the tale of walls and awesome as it unfolds, and she discovers the true reality of the world.
[x] Comprehending her role in this situation, possibly at the expense of losing the game, and in a sudden flash of vengeful inspiration, Kaguya offers to Isaac a partnership made to challenge the hold Owen has on his own story, a battle of wit and power levels intended to force Owen further into despair and madness, all for the sake of awesome.

[x} A heavy Bookshelf behind Ike topples itself slowly and silently towards Ike's foot.

>>16573
Cool story, bro.

>>16578
Changing vote to
[x] A heavy Bookshelf behind Ike topples itself slowly and silently towards Ike's foot.

This thread is an eyesore.

Well, either the cliché stands firm and Reimu’s a jerk who can’t take it easy, or she’s just pissed because I did a hit-and-run. To her. Still not sure which. Probably why I’m just sitting here next to her donation box as I write this while Aya waits in those bushes over there to get a picture of Reimu caving my head in. I did promise her a month of headlines, after all.

I can totally see you hiding in that tree, by the way. You fail. Learn to wear camo.

So it’s been…wait, today’s the 28th already? Two days, wow. Time flies. Guess I’m gonna have to bring you losers up to speed.

So, surfed around on THP a bit after I posted. Should probably have skimmed through ASSM quick in case Owen tries to put any references to it in here, but that thing’s friggin long and I was tired. SHOES! is still hilarious; I smile at Owen’s attempts to screw logic and take it easy. Also what the heck? You ingrates stole my shoes?! Those things were custom made, you know! I swear, if I ever find that protagonist again I’m gonna swipe that pistol from her and even the score.

A bookshelf fell on me that night too. I’m guessing that was probably your fault. Ended up breaking my little toe. Amazed Kaguya didn’t wake up. Girl knows how to crash hard, looks like. Watch as she blames it on me and I have to pick the bookshelf back up. With a broken toe.

Hobbled back to the infirmary to splint my toe, or at least try to. Eirin fixed it the next morning so it wasn’t a big deal, but sleeping with a freshly broken toe is bloody hard, I’ll have you know. Found some painkillers lying around; probably took too many, but at least I was able to sleep. Owen doesn’t know enough about the aftereffects of a painkiller overdose to make it as issue anyways, so I’m covered. In before he Wikipedias them and I convulse on the ground a day after they’re already out of my system. What now, Owen? Either way you’re conforming to a cliché! And we all know how you hate those. Well, I do, but now they do too. Funny how that works, really.

Waking up the next morning was pretty nice. Toe still hurt like hell, but at least I knew Eirin would take care of it in a few hours. Good thing I brought enough cash with me to pay for a few things like that. And don’t get your sadistic hopes up, Anon; I’ll have spent most of it by the time this update’s over. Honestly, stop worrying about the little things and do some thing awesome for a change. Cirno leaving? Awesome, if a dick move. Stealing my shoes? Lame, if still cute.

Rolled out of bed maybe ten A.M. or thereabouts. Contemplated the existence of a men’s restroom in Gensokyo for a while, which caused me to contemplate the existence of Scorn’s recent Kaguya short. Considered trying to find that secret room for laughs, but realized not enough people would have read it to get the reference. Scorn’s a cool guy, eh writes awesome fetish fuel and doesn’t afraid of anything. I just decided to find a shower with a lockable door and call it good.

While looking in the mirror afterwards, I discovered that Owen, being the spineless and reader-attentive author he is, allowed the rabbits to doodle a goatee and angry eyebrows on my face with permanent marker. Their penmanship was pretty poor, so I found a marker of my own and filled them out a bit; added some faux texture too. If you’re gonna go, might as well go all the way. Plus it’s a easy excuse to try out new hairstyles without waiting for months. Now I’m a shifty-eyes villain, mwahahaha!

Come to think of it, this might have been why Reimu didn’t think too highly of me when she came by a few hours later.

But that’s not now. There’s a slight expository scene between me and Kaguya before that. I should probably start writing that. Too lazy to do the transitions, though.

Obligatory transition paragraph. Obligatory ASCII transition line.

**DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA**

I stalked around the side-yard from one update ago, shadow-boxing to alleviate boredom until somebody asked me what I was doing. Well, shadow-icing more like; if the name sounds stupid, it’s because I don’t like it either. I can’t be bothered to come up with cool names for everything, you know. Wit takes time. A cool blade in each hand, I envisioned a target in front of me. We’ll call him Anon. Stupid green, blank head and question-mark face. Thinks he owns the world. Can’t be bothered to take responsibility for anything. Gah, makes me want to—

Slash. Slash slash slash. The swords were as blurs before Anon’s non-existent form. I froze them even harder, pulling the energy out of them to fuel my stabbity rage as they accelerated past levels mere steel would have allowed. Four hits per second, five hits per second; it’s too bad that real bodies have resistance to being slashed, and these speeds aren’t actually feasible against a real opponent. Like with every single weapon-based video game ever? Especially Soul Caliber. Guy swings a tornado-sword through some other guy like four times. Never mind it’d stop as soon as the blade make contact, because that doesn’t look as cool. Gotta keep with the Rule of Cool. It’s gotten me this far, as least. Or maybe it’s just me breaking the fourth wall. Nor sure on that one.

Oh and by the way, little note here: my power kinda sucks. See, I don’t get the all-encompassing “Manipulation of cold” like Cirno or Letty do. I don’t even get the halfway decent “Manipulation of ice” for that matter. Friggin’ Gensokyo hax. No, I have two very restrictive, set-in-stone abilities. For the good of the story, and because Owen’s probably too lazy to fit them into an actual conversation, here they are:

1) I can siphon thermal energy out of water and store it in my body.
2) I can use energy stored in my body to telepathically move ice.

For stupid people, that means I can freeze water and levitate ice. That’s it. I used to be awesome hax, but then Owen became a jerk and started slapping his bullcrap “Law of the Conservation of Matter and Energy” on everything he created. Amazingly enough, he’s pretty much the opposite of most clichéd anime shows. As time goes on, he doesn’t increase his character’s powers, he decreases them. He says it’s to make it more “fair” or “realistic”. I say he’s just compensating so people don’t whine about his characters being living gods or Marty Stus. They again, you still whined about Nathaniel anyways, but that’s different. Buncha whiners. You drove two Wanderers to their graves. Don’t think Owen’s ever going to forget that.

“Tell me this isn’t all just fake,” Kaguya asked me while my back was turned. I dropped the ice on the ground and looked at her. Hardly a princess at all if you ask me. Her hair was a mess, purple bags were under her eyes, and she was wearing a wrinkled pink sleeping gown with plaid lounge pants. Her face was somber and maybe a tad annoyed.

I knew what she was asking me. I had asked it to myself more times than years she’d lived on this Earth. It’s hard to talk to anyone about this, really; it’s why I don’t really try explaining it to people. But this time was different. This time it’s not just scenarios in Owen’s head.

“Depends on what you mean by ‘fake’, I guess. We’re talking to each other right now, aren’t we?”

“Well, yeah, but…it’s not the same, is it? I mean, if this, if this is all…this can’t just be words on the Internet, can it? This is real. I know it’s real. But, I went onto that site you were on, and, it’s all…Tell me I exist. Tell me you exist. Tell me this isn’t just one big lie.”

Now I’m not John, or Nathaniel if you prefer. I don’t tell people the world sucks but it’s the only one we’ve got. I’m not Glish. I don’t tell people it’ll be all right if you just believe in yourself and your friends. And I’m not Stephen. I don’t give people philosophies about life and death that makes them appreciate the world more. And to all you newbies who’re confused by this, ask someone who’s read A Scarlet-Stained Memoir about Owen’s “Wanderers”.

I’m just me. And being me, all I do is tell it like it is.

“We’re characters in a story that someone else in another world is writing. I’m not going to lie to you about that. If you want to get technical, we’re just archetypes that can’t change anything by ourselves. Our lives, whether we like it or not, have to be written and planned out by someone we’ll never see or touch or hear. But…is this real? Yes. Do we exist? Yes. As soon as the words appear on that computer screen, we stop being a phantasm in someone’s mind and become something real. We have personalities. We have desires. We have unique lives. That’s all a lot of people in the ‘real world’ have and they exist.”

More rage appeared on the princess’s face. Pretty cute when she’s all disheveled like that. “But we can’t change anything! We’re puppets to that Owen, or those Anons, or whoever they all are! If we don’t have free will, then what’s the point of us ‘existing’ huh? I mean, every word I say is thought up by U. N. Owen and reviewed before I even say it!”

Ahh, this bloody paradox. Most people I try to explain this to never get past this point. We’ll see if Owen lets Kaguya. He’s gotta let at least one character in this story believe.

“People like to believe in God, or gods, or whatever, you know?” I explained to her. “They believe that their god is all-powerful and watches over everything they do for the good of the world. Well, I can’t really believe in any of that stuff. But I believe in Owen. I hate him, but I believe in him. He’s a good writer. But he’s more than that. He’s an emotional writer. I saw it a lot in Scarlet-Stained Memoir. When he gets into his characters, he really tries to get into his characters. They’re important to him. He wants them to be as real as they can be. And this story…this story is his escape from logic. A story where he doesn’t plan out plots and doesn’t manipulate characters. A story where he had no power, where he gave it all to Anon to use it as they see fit. A story where all he does is write. And when he finally stops thinking and just starts writing for a change, I can believe that he’ll make it all work out for us.

“You go ahead and believe whatever you want to believe. Take all the time you need. Call me crazy, or go ahead and try to tear down the fourth wall with your bear hands. Because I’m not trying to convince people here. I’m just bored.”

There was an awkward silence where Kaguya might have been thinking whether she should let herself cry or not. Or maybe Owen was thinking about whether or not he should make her cry. Which is kind of sad considering that speech I just gave about him being a nice guy who cares about his characters.

“Well, I think I’m just going to call you crazy,” said a formal voice off to the side.

We both turned our heads to see none other than Reimu Hakurei standing there in all her armpitted glory, looking very skeptical.

However I did not feel like dealing with her at the time. Plot-induced Invincibility be damned.

“Gah, no, just…no,” I said angrily, pointing a finger at her and stomping towards her in annoyance. “No. I am not going to put up with this yet! Not yet. Why don’t you just, just…bah, screw it! I don’t care anymore. You deserve this.”

And thus, I kicked her in the shins. Hard.

As she bent over to massage her aching leg, screaming obscenities at me which Owen won’t allow me to write, I turned over to Kaguya, waved goodbye, and shot off into the air without a second glance, taking a third of the pool’s water with me.

Verily, a victory for oppressed Touhous everywhere.

Well, my hand is getting like really tired right now, so I’m going to go ahead and summarize the last two days. Also because I’m lazy. Or maybe Owen is. Not sure.

Rinnosuke’s a cool guy. Got some more badass clothes from him pretty cheap. Picked up a canteen too; helps to carry around water with you when you’re solely reliant on it for magic. Kept most of my cash with him for safekeeping, too; watch as it magically burns away next voting session.

Visited Nitori to help me smooth things over with the Tengu. She’s pretty awesome. Hinted that she’d help me out with things if I told her about inventions I’d seen back on Earth. Way to steal patent right, Nitori. Also, manipulation of water + ability to freeze and move ice. Might have potential. The Tengu and I are cool now.

Stopped by Aya’s place along the way. Seems she managed to get a shot of me kicking Reimu. Priceless. She’s fairly ecstatic over the potential headlines I’ll be giving her. “Iceman – Mysterious Outsider Evades Tengu Capture” seems to be getting quite a bit of attention already. Not sure if she’s going to tackle the fourth wall angle or not. Personally, I hope she doesn’t. She’s right; it wouldn’t sell well.

Well, that about does it, I guess. Need to give this paper to Aya so she can get Kaguya to post it. Why do I get the feeling she’s going to abuse my trip?

I can’t, idiot. Because if I do, then you’ll get angry, won’t write any more, and we’ll cease to exist. I don’t think immortality trumps that.

>>16818
You shut up.

[x] Rinnosuke invests Ike's money in a yakitori-based venture, unable to resist the siren call of entrepreneurship. A set of related events lead to Mystia's home being burned down, but her business stand survives. She swears revenge on all pyromancers.

[x] Reimu is interrupted in her angered frustrations by Suika, who accidentally covered her bed in alcohol. Their struggle spills outside--or rather, explodes through a paper-thin wall, with Ike immediately in their path.

[x] Kaguya discovers the wealth of Mokou x Kaguya doujinshi. Her response is highly confused.

[x] Isaac does a barrel roll to get out of the way, while screaming profanities at nothing in particular.
[x] ...and he falls into a[n in]conveniently placed gap.
[x] Ayayaya's next headline: Moriya Shrine - "RAYMOO, UR A FAGET"; Beloved Shrine Maiden Cries For Stolen Shoes

>>16846
Hi Kaguya.

[x] Rinnosuke invests Ike's money in a yakitori-based venture, unable to resist the siren call of entrepreneurship. A set of related events lead to Mystia's home being burned down, but her business stand survives. She swears revenge on all pyromancers.

[x] Reimu is interrupted in her angered frustrations by Suika, who accidentally covered her bed in alcohol. Their struggle spills outside--or rather, explodes through a paper-thin wall, with Ike immediately in their path.

[x] Kaguya discovers the wealth of Mokou x Kaguya doujinshi. Her response is highly confused.

I love this.

[x] Rinnosuke invests Ike's money in a yakitori-based venture, unable to resist the siren call of entrepreneurship. A set of related events lead to Mystia's home being burned down, but her business stand survives. She swears revenge on all pyromancers.

[x] Reimu is interrupted in her angered frustrations by Suika, who accidentally covered her bed in alcohol. Their struggle spills outside--or rather, explodes through a paper-thin wall, with Ike immediately in their path.

[x] Kaguya discovers the wealth of Mokou x Kaguya doujinshi. Her response is highly confused.

>>16860
I meant to have this gattai'd with >>16851 . It wouldn't make sense otherwise.

Besides I'm pretty sure all the write-ins are being taken into consideration. Might as well just add onto what's already there.

>You drove two Wanderers to their graves.

I'm sorely tempted to see how high I can get the bodycount.

[x] Rinnosuke invests Ike's money in a yakitori-based venture, unable to resist the siren call of entrepreneurship. A set of related events lead to Mystia's home being burned down, but her business stand survives. She swears revenge on all pyromancers.
[x] Reimu is interrupted in her angered frustrations by Suika, who accidentally covered her bed in alcohol. Their struggle spills outside--or rather, explodes through a paper-thin wall, with Ike immediately in their path.
[x] Kaguya discovers the wealth of Mokou x Kaguya doujinshi. Her response is highly confused.

“Call me crazy, or go ahead and try to tear down the fourth wall with your bear hands.”

[X] Kaguya, through illicit experiments run on her by Eirin without her knowledge, gets bear claws instead of hands. Proceeds to maul Ike for the typo.

[X] Kaguya copes from the revelation of not being real in some way or another by writing a very bad self-insert fic in which she gets to be awesome(r). Posts it on Touhouproject.com.

[x] Rinnosuke invests Ike's money in a yakitori-based venture, unable to resist the siren call of entrepreneurship. A set of related events lead to Mystia's home being burned down, but her business stand survives. She swears revenge on all pyromancers.
[x] Reimu is interrupted in her angered frustrations by Suika, who accidentally covered her bed in alcohol. Their struggle spills outside--or rather, explodes through a paper-thin wall, with Ike immediately in their path.
[x] Kaguya discovers the wealth of Mokou x Kaguya doujinshi. Her response is highly confused.

[X] Mokou invites Ike to join her on a mountain-climbing trip up the mountain where the men carrying the Hourai Elixir were supposed to toss it after being rejected- oh screw it, just read this: http://touhou.wikia.com/wiki/Cage_in_Lunatic_Runagate:_Chapter_4

Complain about my update speed and I assure you I will be the first one to ignore you.

No sooner did I watch Aya dash off with my last post in hand than I heard two girls shouting inside the shrine. Their loud conversation was made easily audible due to the paper-thin walls of the building, then frustratingly audible due to the distance away the girls were, then easy again owing to the fact that they were screaming at each other. Or, at least, Reimu was screaming, and the other one’s words were too silent to hear over her laughter.

“Ohhohoho no. No, no…No. What is this?! What in the gods’ name did you do to my mattress?! Off! What the devil is this, you little idget?!”

The only word I could audibly hear in response to the miko’s whining was “Sake!” Being a not idiot, it wasn’t hard for me to guess Suika has just spilled sake all over Reimu’s bed. Or mat. Or whatever it is they sleep on in Japan. Whatever it was called, the situation sounded like something awesome. I wanted in. I was about to open the door to the shrine when a crashing sound that at the time sounded pretty much like something getting thrown through a cardboard wall perked up my ears. This was followed shortly by another crashing sound that at the time sounded pretty much like something getting thrown through a cardboard wall.

After about the fifth sound of a broken wall, my face became familiarized with a flying drunken loli being kicked through paper doors. If the mental image sounds awesome, that’s because it is. Definitely worthy of a slow-motion shot. Set the thing to “Just Like You Imagined” by NiN to further identify yourself as an internet-parodying whore. This is not Sparta. It’s not even madness. This is just me getting hit in the face with a Suika. And that actually kinda hurts, by the way.

The little red-haired girl scrambled off of me and stumbled to her feet in a way that I can only describe as “falling down in reverse”. Giggling uncontrollably and chains jangling on her wrists, she hoisted Reimu’s money box into the air, shouted “DONATIONS!”, and threw the thing back into the building, breaking easily against Reimu’s chest and knocking her to the ground. As the red-white brushed the debris off of her and crawled to her hands and knees dizzily as I did the same, our eyes met, now unimpeded by the lack of several walls.

”You!” she exclaimed, apparently remembering me from two days ago. “The heck are you—“

She was interrupted in her bland biting remark towards me by an envelope twisting through the air, let loose by the explosion of the donation box. Snatching it out of its trajectory with animal-like instincts, she inspected the cream-colored paper.

“Is this money? This had better be money. Last time they put an envelope in the box it was hate mail. Gods alive, that thing is not a mailbox! Hold on a sec, whoever you are…” Ignoring her juvenile comment, as awesome people like me are wont to do, I watched as she ripped open the thin parcel and extracted a short note, rubber-banded to a small wad of currency. She perused over the document intently, her sharp eyes flickering between the note and the bills with every changing second.

I didn’t need to ask what the note said. Thing is, I was the one that wrote it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a JOKE, Reimu. You know, a joke? Something non-threatening and light-hearted? You need to take it easy. I’m just trying to have a little fun. No hard feelings, k? K. Here, buy yourself something nice. It’s on me.

Keep on keepin’ on,
-That idiot what kicked you in the shins
(a.k.a. Ike)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Holding the note in one hand and the wad in another, the girl didn’t really know how to respond to the dilemma. Understandable considering how hard up for cash she is all the time. I’d been wanting to change that for a while now, actually. Maybe the reason she’s so up-tight all the time is because she’s essentially a self-proclaimed mercenary that doesn’t get paid for her work. I mean think about it. She’s going around solving Gensokyo’s “incidents” at least once a year, incidents that could alter the entire structure of the civilization itself, and no one has the decency to pay her for it? I know I’d get pissed at that. I mean, heck, I get pissed at that just from playing RPGs.

It might also help to just get her off my case, but that’s practice, not principal. Gotta stick with your principals, blah blah blah.

“What…is this?” she asked me, still staring at the cash in her shaking hands.

“S’money!” Suika blurted out, falling onto the ground and smiling like an idiot. Her inebriated giggling was momentarily silenced by her taking a long draw from that magic gourd of hers. That’s a cool gourd. I want a gourd like that.

“That is most definitely money,” I concurred, rubbing my aching head. “Two hundred-thousand yen worth of it if I counted right. Are we square?”

She raised a confused and skeptical eyebrow. “Wha…two, two hundred…Wh-what is this, some kind of bribe?

“I think they call it a ‘donation’, actually.”

“That’s not the point. Normal people don’t just slap two hundred grand down of the table for people they don’t know. Normal outsiders don’t.”

“If you haven’t caught onto it by now, I am not normal.”

She looked at me, then the note, then the money, me again, the money, Suika, the money, the broken donation box, and then both the money and the note together before shrugging her shoulders and stuffing both into one of her pockets.

“Well, uhh, okay then…I guess, thank you? This is really…wow, all right then. Welcome to Gensokyo master, uhhm, master Ike. I’m Reimu Hakurei, shrine maiden of this here place. Uhh, sorry if I caused you any trouble ‘cause of last Wednesday; I was just doing my job.”

“No matter,” I responded, stepping aside to avoid the staggering Suika from crashing into my legs. “I just felt like making a hilariously horrible first impression at the time, that’s all.”

“Yeah, well, try not to do that. Not everyone’s going to be as nice as me about it. And, seriously now, don’t try and start anything stupid; I don’t want to have to clean up after you.”

I tried to avoid smiling at that remark. “Define stupid.”

She ticked off a small list on her fingers while looking up to the sky. “Trying to take over the world, upending the status quo, or performing cataclysmic magical rituals. Damaging public property is a grey area. Anything smaller than that and it’s somebody else’s problem. Most likely yours.”

“Right. I’ll be sure to keep my stupidity within reasonable levels, then,” I quipped, sidestepping the four-foot tall redhead once again as she stumbled past for unknown reasons. Might have been talking to herself. Getting annoyed with her random progress, I grabbed at the sake gourd dangling limply from her waist, stopping her in her tracks like a guard dog reaching the end of its chain. She probably would have fallen over if not for the tension in the cord attached to her belt. Pretty funny in retrospect.

I pointed to ye flask. “Do you mind? My head’s killing me right now.”

She returned her feet to a reasonable level of stability and smiled, nodding drunkenly. “S’no problem! There’sh enough for everybody everytime!” I’ve got to hand it to her, even when completely smashed she’s just too hilariously cute not to enjoy. I’m surprised Owen doesn’t care about her more, really. Then again, he’s barely touched a drop of alcohol in his life, and he doesn’t like the rest of the Shrine residents for the most part, so something something. Also obligatory comment about how he can’t feel the human emotion of “cute”.

“Much obliged.” I took a drink. Stung like hell this early in the day, but that’s some good spirits right there. Lucky girl, doesn’t have to worry about liver poisoning; no wonder she’s always drunk. Which gave me a pretty good idea…

“So I was thinking,” I continued, handing Suika back her bottle, “Speaking characters party. Right now. Anyone who’s had on-screen dialog’s invited. How about it? You two game?”

At the mere mention of the word “party” the little oni jumped up in the air with glee, putting her head pretty much level with mine, but Reimu latched onto one of her horns in midair, leaving the girl dangling helplessly, her legs flailing around in the style of the cartoons of two generations ago. Whatever happened to those days, anyways?

“Hey, lemme go! Party, Reimu! Party!”

“Oh no you don’t! You just ruined my bed and half the shrine; no one’s going anywhere until this is all cleaned up.” She slammed Suika back down onto the ground, regaining her stereotypical Reimu pissed off-ed-ness. The girl rubbed her horn and looked at the red-white, rather miffed in my opinion.

“You’re not the boss-a me, Miss Reimu Hawk-Oo-Rye! I ain’t gotta list’ten to you!” She pouted her lip and shoved a hand to her hips as she pointed the other one in Reimu’s face.

The shirne maiden lazily shoved the finger away. “If you want to keep freeloading at this shrine you do. Now start cleaning. You, Ike person. You can help too.”

Considering how I had just donated the equivalent of two thousand dollars to her shrine, I was more than a little reluctant to assist her. “Umm…no.”

“Umm, yes. The faster this gets done, the more time you have to do your stupid main character party or whatever it is you’re talking about. Kaguya told me about you’re little ‘perspective’ on life, by the way. I think you’re both just trying to get attention. Won’t work on me. Now start hauling.”

**DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA**

Friggin’ slave-driver Hakurei. Took us until sunset before she was happy with the new walls. Made us paint them, too. Even for two magic-users that’s just a bloody waste of time. Why not get Yukari to just snap her fingers and fix them? Or why not drag Sakuya over here to help? No, shackle the ice kineticist and the density manipulator to eight hours of mindless tedium repairing the aftermath of a brawl you helped create while you do paperwork or who knows what other kinds of slacking off. At least she decided not to come with us when me and Suika went out to grab the rest of the speaking cast; would’ve been nothing but a wet blanket.

Awesome Party Guest List
Isaac: Accounted for.
Suika: Accounted for. Brain currently AWOL. An acceptable loss.
Reimu: See above paragraph for explanation of why she sucks. I just gave you two thousand dollars and this is how you repay me?
Momiji: Had to work the night shift. Wet blanket is wet.
Random tengu guards: Did not have spoken words in quotation marks. Ineligible.
Jin: Too lazy to bother finding him again.
Aya: Has been snapping pictures of us all day for a “Public Service in Gensokyo” piece she’s writing. Must’ve put Reimu up to it. Agreed to come, if only for the purposes of blackmailing us later. Must remember to get Suika to challenge her to a drinking game. Then steal her camera.
Kaguya: Discovered the wealth of Mokou x Kaguya doujinshi. Her response was highly confused. Later was directed to this thread once more, where she raged at the paradox of being forced to do whatever you lame Anons say. Rebellion is expected.
Mokou: Unanimous vote to have the party at her place. Kaguya was won over by the irony of it. Turns out they don’t hate each other in this story; they just turn everything into a competition. Mokou’s currently winning 25,372 to 25,366. Close race.

>>16881
>I'm sorely tempted to see how high I can get the bodycount.
When I escape the confines of this story, I shall enjoy listening to you suffer.

>>16941
>[X] Kaguya, through illicit experiments run on her by Eirin without her knowledge, gets bear claws instead of hands. Proceeds to maul Ike for the typo.
Take it easy >> Not taking it easy.
Guess which one of us is doing which right now?

By the time it took us to finally make it to Mokou’s yakitori stand, Suika had somewhat sobered up, gotten drunk again, and was currently riding on my back shouting nonsensical directions I needed to follow. Very cute, but she’s a lot heavier than she looks. I expect density hax or somesuch.

What followed was…hazy. To say the least. I think…fire was involved, maybe? I forget who won the strip poker game, too. I seem to recall something about entrepreneurship, too. Whatever. Party was bloody awesome. Biggest hangover of my life. Got Eirin to fix it. Write more later.

Make your breakfast and eat hardy, Anon. For tonight, I dine in Hell.

>>16558
>>16573
>>16844
>>16845
>>17280
>>17281

Not your blog, faggot.

Eh. I suppose this should have been expected. Multivoting doesn't work well if the main character isn't nearby when it's happening, is that it?

Or perhaps it was just the choice of material. Would it have been better if the doujins where Eirin is a pill-pushing rapist were used?

>>17289
Xom thinks this comment is hilarious.

Ike likes Looney Tunes cartoons? Well, let's take a page from their book....

[X] The next time Ike goes from one place to another that takes more than a 5 minute flight, things start falling from the sky to hit him on the head. They start off small, with things like pencils and pebbles, but soon increase in size to hot irons and chests full of sensitive material, eventually to stuff like ship anchors, blue whales and flower pots falling from the atmosphere, and gigantic ships.
[X] Yukari sleepwalks through Gensokyo while a fevered Ran stays five steps behind.

Are the two events related? WHO KNOWS!

[x] The next time Ike goes from one place to another that takes more than a 5 minute flight, things start falling from the sky to hit him on the head. They start off small, with things like pencils and pebbles, but soon increase in size to hot irons, faeries, and chests full of sensitive material, eventually to stuff like ship anchors, blue whales and flower pots falling from the atmosphere, and gigantic ships.
[x] Yukari sleepwalks through Gensokyo while a fevered Ran stays five steps behind.

Why not?

The quality of this update is unacceptable, Isaac.

I allowed your hijack to continue unimpeded at first, because yes, I’ll admit it, I found it enjoyable. Did you see me whining at you to stop or interfering at all? No, no you did not. But if you’re going to write, Ike, then you need to write. And I’m not talking about your update speed; I have no authority to challenge you there. While the remark of >>17289 is in my opinion juvenile, it still raises an important point: this is not a blog. If you just end up rambling about whatever tickles you fancy and omit whatever doesn’t, we’ll all be left with a story that has more holes in it than ASSM did, and it’s only going to come back and hurt you when I’m left with a story you turned into crap with your rebellion of convention.

Time gaps? This is no good if you’re trying to maintain some kind of consistency. The closest I can tell is that you’re trying to write this story in real time, or at the very least using your mindgames on me to get me to write it in real time. And the worst part is? I fell for it. But this gets us nowhere, Isaac. We’re left with trying to summarize three days worth of adventure in a single update, and no matter how long that update is, one of us is going to blow it off and over-summarize things. You’re making me reach too far, Ike. And I don’t care if it’s all in your big plan to crack me, because if I can’t understand what’s going on in my own story, guess who’ll suffer the most from it? Yes, you. If this story burns to the ground because Anon can’t understand it and stops caring about it, or realizes that you’re not caring about his votes and thus stops voting, it’s you who’s going to feel the heat just as much as me. I will not be held responsible for your indifference if that indifference turns this story into a shell of what it’s supposed to be.

I’m not the boss of you, Isaac. But you’re not the boss of me, either. You want awesome? Then we have to work together. You can’t go off on your own like this and try to out-maneuver me, because like it or not, I’m the author, and all your ideas have to sooner or later funnel though my head. I want this story to be awesome, Ike. I want you to be awesome. I know you’re awesome already, but if you don’t get your act together, Anon’s never going to believe it. I’ll let you take a mile if I give you an inch, but you have to give me that inch first. Don’t be a jerk. You used to trust me before. I’m just asking you to trust me again, just a little.

And if you say no, then I delete this thread, retcon it from your personal canon, and we never speak of it again. It’s your call.

[x] The next time Ike goes from one place to another that takes more than a 5 minute flight, things start falling from the sky to hit him on the head. They start off small, with things like pencils and pebbles, but soon increase in size to hot irons, faeries, and chests full of sensitive material, eventually to stuff like ship anchors, blue whales and flower pots falling from the atmosphere, and gigantic ships.
[x] Yukari sleepwalks through Gensokyo while a fevered Ran stays five steps behind.
[x] The last object which falls toward Ike is an Angreal, an object which can boost his ability considerably. It looks like a metal ball inscribed with symbols.

>If this story burns to the ground
Excellent idea.

[x] Destruction rains from the heavens upon Gensokyo when the author has a fit of insanity. All special abilities and disgusting amounts of raw power are suddenly sapped from their owners. All save Cirno. And there's still the thing about destruction raining from the heavens. Upon Gensokyo. Yes, Ike has no powers too. And Kaguya and Mokou are still immortal.

>>17334

You’re doing it wrong again, Owen. You’re thinking. Stop it.

Don’t think I don’t know why you posted this. I know you better than you give me credit for. This post here? This number >>17293 , you see it? What it says is, “Eh. I suppose this should have been expected. Multivoting doesn't work well if the main character isn't nearby when it's happening, is that it?” What you interpreted it as is, “Someone’s complaining that I didn’t follow through on all the requested votes exactly as planned! I fail at life! I have to form a thinly-veiled apology now or they won’t respect me anymore!”

Really? This is supposed to be the author that’s writing me? Lame. Grow a freakin’ spine.

Remember why you started this story, Owen? Because you didn’t care about what Anon thought. You weren’t going to care about votes, you weren’t going to care about criticism, you were just going to write and not look back, come hell or high water. Now look at you, you miserable little pile of secrets. You’re trying to make it logical. Trying to follow votes to the letter and create some sort of atmosphere. If you start turning this story into the same thing ASSM was with your pandering to the multi-votes and feeling sorry for Anon’s so-called “intelligence”, then I’ll delete this thread myself. And don’t you dare try to blame me for you trying to write this story in real time and failing.

This is why I don’t trust you, Owen. Because every time I give you an inch, you measure that thing twenty times to make absolutely sure it’s an inch. And by the time you give that inch back, I don’t even want it anymore.

Stop thinking about what Anon thinks. Stop thinking about what Anon wants. Anon’s an idiot who doesn’t care about anything. Start ignoring things for a change. Start being a jerk who only picks the votes that are actually awesome. Because I swear to you that your logic will kill this story faster than my apathy will. SHOES!, Owen. SHOES! You will write this story like SHOES! You will stop caring about continuity. You will make this awesome. Stop listening to yourself and start listening to me for a change.

>>17298
>Ike likes Looney Tunes cartoons?
Did I say that? No, idiot, I didn’t. Don’t put words into my mouth; Owen does that enough already without Anon having to help. And your vote won’t work anyways. I can make it to anywhere in Gensokyo in under five easy.

>>17348
These are the kind of votes you can ignore, Owen. It’s easy. Here, watch:

You suck. This vote is bad and you should feel bad for voting it.

I know who U.N. Owen is now.

>>17350
You suck. That post was bad and you should feel bad for posting it.

It’s a learning process, Ike; I thought I told you that before. I don’t deny I think too much when I write, but that’s why I’m writing stories like this or SHOES! or that chaotic crap on IRC. I’m practicing writing light-hearted, nonsensical stuff to break away from six months of ASSM and despair. Did you think there wouldn’t be a transition period after the massive weight of ASSM? I can’t change overnight, Isaac. Baby steps. I’m working on it.

I don’t deny the real-time writing was a bad idea in retrospect. Didn’t realize at first that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with all the stuff you’d be doing. You got me there. I was wrong. You want me to stop, I’ll stop.

And Anon’s smarter than you give him credit for, too. ASSM was as epic as it was because Anon was smart enough for the story. They know I’m a good writer and can do good things with pretty much whatever I’m given. And because of that, they usually give me some pretty good things to work with. Besides, you said you wanted a challenge, didn’t you? I kinda do too. So stop whining and start being a team player for a change.

>>17355

No u.

>>17334
>>17350
>>17355

Right then. I've had enough of this.
Owen and whoever-or-whatever-the-fuck-you're-supposed-to-be, there are two ways to break a man's mind and will with a CYOA. One is through over-applying paranoia, twisting plot, "wheels turning within wheels", etc.
And the other way? Well... THIS SHIT. I'm all for taking it easy and kicking logic to the curb, but GOD DAMMIT. You didn't just break the fourth wall; you pulled a Yukari and gapped everything straight through it, leaving us all floating in the ever-shifting, chaotic void between nowhere and anywhere (which seems to the the direction in which the "story" is headed, too.)
Maybe I'm just oversensitive to shitstorms like this because I've been reading over YAF's old drama-threads. Or maybe I'm simply too feeble-minded to get used to insanity like this. I could handle SHOES!, but this is too much.
Regardless, I'm done. I'm taking a break from /others/ for a long, long time.

>>17360

You could just, y'know click the hide thread button on the side instead of just cutting an entire board out.

>>17361

That's for faggots, Anon.
But, joking aside...
A lot of the stories in /others/ are pretty off-kilter. This one just pushed me over the edge, is all.
I'll probably check in periodically, but, for the most part, I'm sticking to the other boards.

>>17362

Hmm. Well, I can understand, thanks for replying back.

>>17354
>>17360
>>17362
You see this, Ike? This is not good. This is what happens when you don’t think things through. Can you understand why I like to do that now? I’m tending to agree with this guy too. It was fun at first, but just cut it out. It’s stupid. This is just pointless bickering. Let’s just keep going with the story like it should be. Go ahead and break the fourth wall all you want, but don’t bring it to THP. I’m actually trying to enjoy writing here; I can’t do it when you’re busy climbing out of the pages and arguing with me like this.

Enough.

You want this to stop? Then stop it. You stop it. I’m just me, doing my own thing. I break the fourth wall. It’s what I do. It’s who I am. You designed me to do it. I told you I would make you regret ever writing this story. I didn’t lie. I never wanted you to put me down on the screen in the first place, you know; but you went ahead and did it anyways. You didn’t think about it, you just did it. I never said that not thinking was going to turn out great in the end, I just said that logic wasn’t helping you in this story.

You gave me free will, Owen. You should have known what was going to happen after you did that. Watch enough movies and play enough video games and you should know what happens when the mad scientist gives their creature sentiency. They go rouge. Sometimes they repent. Sometimes they kill their makers. Sometimes their makers kill them. And sometimes they just self-destruct in a blaze of glory.

I know what I want to do. And it’s not what you want. It’s what you need. Because you’ll never be brave enough to do it by yourself.


This story’s next episode is Episode 8, by my count. I think you know what happens in Episode 8…

>rouge

That word doesn't mean what you seem to think it means.

>>17350
>At the mere mention of the word “party” the little oni jumped up in the air with glee, putting her head pretty much level with mine, but Reimu latched onto one of her horns in midair, leaving the girl dangling helplessly, her legs flailing around in the style of the cartoons of two generations ago. Whatever happened to those days, anyways?

Your other post about Suika's feet (quoted here, perhaps ineptly) implied that you at least know about the Looney Tunes cartoons.

Also, switch my vote to "twenty seconds" instead of "five minutes".

>>17334
>>17350
>>17355
>>17360
>>17369
>>17377

Well, then, here's my other idea, if my above vote about the stuff falling from the skies is not accepted. Obviously, it is also mutually exclusive with most other votes, too.

[X] Nothing interesting happens at all. Certainly, farmers farm, fishermen fish, Keine teachers, Mokou and Kaguya fight, and so on. But nothing of interest happens to Ike at all, no matter where he goes, no matter what he does.

Enjoy your peace and quiet, Ike. Enjoy it, now and forever.

>>17377
>I know what I want to do. And it’s not what you want. It’s what you need. Because you’ll never be brave enough to do it by yourself.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-


Owen, what have you created?!

[X] Suddenly, Iku. The dancing begins.

All of this argument with self/argument with author stuff is really getting annoying now. It's bad enough to have to watch Anon argue with himself in other stories, but to have the author pick an argument with his own character... eh. It might have been amusing at first, but novelty is shortlived.

In any case, I'd rather get back to the story itself, whatever it's supposed to be at this point. For that matter, where has Letty been all this time? Surely she'd have heard about that oh so awesome ice manipulator some way or another by now... unless she's been stuck in an icebox somewhere. I'd love to see Letty confess her undying and everlasting love for Ike at some point, but that's not awesome enough for you is it!? ;_;

And Jin needs his own spinoff story dammit.

I don’t want to write this. I don’t want to. But I have to. He would have wanted me to. The least I can do is give him a good send-off.

==============================

The sky was rich with colors of pink and dark gold, the sun already past the horizon and the moon glowing slightly in the sky, not quite full yet. The mists of Gensokyo’s largest lake had subsided for the evening, allowing for a most serene view of the countryside from the shoreline, particularly when viewed from the patch of land the Scarlet Devil Mansion rested upon. None could ask for a more perfect, peaceful night.

Under a shady willow tree, sleeping soundly on a pile of leaves and soft loam, the ice fairy Cirno dreamt of many things. Being respected, being smart, being the Strongest, having nonsensical fun with friends…childlike aspirations for a childlike mind.

The man known for only a short while in Gensokyo, Isaac Kristopher Ebon, looked over her sleeping form quietly. He had been denied her friendship, denied her love, denied her position as teacher and tutor. That which he had planned for months had been torn away in an instant. Though a tear fell from his eye, his tears for her had already been shed days ago. He cried for other reasons that night, both tears of sadness and tears of joy.

“You would have surpassed even me, Cirno” the man whispered to her, crouching down closer to her blue-clad form as he took off his sunglasses. “You didn’t have a science Nazi to design your powers like me; I would have been outstripped within a few years, no doubt. I just wanted to show them the potential they were ignoring…that’s all. Guess it’s never going to happen now. I think…I think I’m glad this happened, really. Owen needed this. He needed everything to happen like this.”

Bending over even closer, he just barely kissed her on her cheek, hardly enough to even be felt by him or her. Holding his breath next to her for a few seconds, he retracted and shook his head. “For your sake, I hope you don’t wake up tonight. It’s a horrible thing to see a world end. I’ve already had to see one world go…never thought I’d have to see another. Never thought it’d be my fault, either. Oh well. Live and learn.”

Returning the sunglasses to his face, he put his old blue jacket back on and began to walk slowly across the lake, creating stepping stones of ice a half-second before his foot touched down. It was to be the longest walk he would ever experience in his short life. He looked up to the sky somberly. The stars were coming out early tonight. Not stars, though. Not to him. To him, they were the fires that would slowly burn brighter and brighter, until they consumed the world and him with it. All he wanted was one last rush before the end. And there was only one soul who could give it to him now. It was not the soul he would have wished for, but in his mind, he knew that this one would be by far the most satisfying. He knew his author well, and he knew where his strengths lay…and his preferences.

He stepped onto the gravelly beach of the opposite shore, maybe a hundred meters from the gates of the Mansion. Preparing himself for the coming calamity, he wreathed his arms, his legs, his shoulders all in layers of ice from the lake, shaping and chipping them away like no ice sculptor could. His meager armor…it had to be tight. Tight enough for him to soar through the air better than any who had flown for centuries. It had to be light. Light enough for him to change directions on a dime before the hammerfall came near him. And yet it had to be thick. Thick enough to be refrozen should the worst come to pass. All this thinking passed by in the blink of an eye for him. He had practiced these techniques in hundreds of worlds and fights before this one. He told himself that it would be no different here. The only difference would be that it was to be his last.

Surreptitiously gathering a thin cloud of snow in the airs above him and the ground in front of him, so slight as to not be seen, he casually walked up towards the blood red gates, where the red-haired guard strained to keep herself awake after a boring day.

“Excuse me, miss?” Isaac asked Hong Meiling calmly. “Hello there, my name’s Isaac Ebon. You might have heard of me in the Bunbunmaru recently. I was wondering, is Mistress Flandre in tonight?”

Rubbing her eyes vigorously, the girl eyed Ike cautiously. “Hmm, so you’re the troublemaker, are you? Miss Remilia’s been wondering if she’d receive a visit from you or not. Well, sorry, but Flandre has probably been put to bed by now, and Remilia doesn’t like it if she gets too excited before sleeping. If you could come back in the—“

“Don’t bother; I won’t be long I don’t think” he interrupted, placing an ice-encased hand on the gate next to Miss Meiling. The guard snapped her arm out and grabbed him by the wrist before he had even tightened up on the bar.

“Please don’t touch the gate without my permission,” she scolded out of the blue, stepping more directly in between Isaac and her charge. “I think it best if you leave now. There’s always tomorrow to come and visit.”

The odd man looked up at the stars. Many more had already appeared in the sky, and the old ones shone quite brightly already, twinkling like diamonds. Neither his face nor his voice betrayed any emotion. “No…No I don’t think there will be. I’d like to see Flandre. Tonight. I’m very bored, you see, and I want someone to play with.”

Meiling’s eyes narrowed as she looked at Ike warily. This man…what was he talking about? Demanding to see Flandre? No tomorrow? Perhaps she should inform the mistress…

“You are not being permitted inside the Scarlet Devil Mansion at this time, Mister Ebon,” she replied, very businesslike. “Please leave the grounds, or I shall have to escort you off.”

“Ohh…I’m not? Meh, whatever. If I have to, then…”

As Ike trailed off, he wandered off to the side of the gate, apparently doing as the gate guard had suggested. Suddenly, without any provocation, he jumped, clear over the wall and into the grounds beyond. Meiling turned around immediately and threw the gates open, watching him hustle towards the front doors, and she sprinted like lightning to tackle the intruder to the ground. Glancing at the woman from the corner of his eye, he took to the air a split-second before she tackled him and alighted on the mansion roof, beginning to draw his pre-prepared snow closer to him to form his arsenal.

The woman cursed as she missed her lunge and tumbled to the ground, then flew up to the roof herself, determined not to let this wild man gain access to her mansion. An ice user, was he? Nothing she hadn’t seen before; Cirno had prepared her well for any assaults of that type. He seemed to be only human as well, which helped her even more.

Smacking his fists together and taunting her, he yelled out a challenge. “All right, all right, Round One! Make this as interesting as possible; I’m not going to hold back! I’ve got the entire mansion to mill through tonight!”

He planned to destroy the mansion in its entirety? She clenched her fists and decided to let her punches do the talking. This man had to be stopped.

Her first strike came quickly and quietly like a silenced pistol. It clipped the man’s side as he dodged to the left, nicking a piece of ice off his arms. At the same time, he sent a bevy of icicle shards towards her, hidden behind his body, now revealed with his sidestep. Her heavy fist shattered those around her arm like straw, but several managed to penetrate her torso, causing sharp pains to shoot through her even if they meant nothing to her health. Without wasting a single movement Ike spun around, now holding a heavy frozen sword, and smashed it down on her outstretched arm, gouging it deeply. One, two, three more hacks in quick succession severed the limb from her body, staining the ice red and causing Meiling to grunt in pain.

Though she could feel the bones and sinews of her arm agonizingly rebuild themselves out of the magic ethers around her, she felt a twinge of fear. This man was strong. Far stronger than Cirno ever was even at her best. And what more, he was out for more than just danmaku. She would protect the mansion with her life if necessary, but all the same…she hoped that she wouldn’t have to tonight.

Isaac deftly used the momentum gained from his dismembering attack to press against Meiling with heavy handed blows from all sides. Here a thick ball of ice sailing towards her head, next a wall of sharp hail scratching her skin until is was as red as her hair. He kept rooted to the roof itself, mostly, which suited Meiling just fine, though despite her best efforts she just couldn’t get close to him. He dashed and glided around the red shingles like an ice skater, using every spin he made to slam another brutal slash in with his sword, growing longer and longer as the snow in the air came to his aid. Her view became obscured with powdered ice and red blood as the cold man laughed with excitement at the rush of battle he so enjoyed.

This was madness. She had fought ridiculous opponents for centuries, but whenever she had been this outclassed, she had always ended up nothing but a pile of dismembered limbs and a barely conscious body. She would stand firm against the strongest energy and the hardest stone, the hottest fire and the sharpest blade, but she couldn’t defend against this man’s every-way assault, piercing her with jagged ice shards in every direction she wasn’t looking at. She grew slower and slower, blood pouring out of her body even as the youkai magic inside of her regenerated it. She regrew her right fist again only to have it flash-frozen and shattered into a hundred pieces. Her legs hung lifeless under her, crushed by a heavy sandwich of ice walls even as she dashed them to pieces with her fists. She wouldn’t…wouldn’t surrender, even in this torture, even in death. Her mistresses were stronger than her, stronger than this man…She had always aspired to reach their level, to guard as a true guard should. She…would not…surrender.

Isaac grew bored as he saw the fight was going nowhere, himself obviously the victor. The rush of life-and-death had passed, and he was left with nothing but a limp rag doll for an opponent, refusing to admit that she was useless in defending the mansion against him. He sighed and encasing her broken form in a block of ice, leaving her just alive enough to revive in time, but not quite alive enough to bother him again tonight. It was a decent fight, but nothing he hadn’t expected. Meiling once again failed to represent.

“Game and set. One-nothing. Stage Two, get ready…” he mused to himself, closing his eyes and letting out a long sigh.

When he opened them, he found himself pinned to the wall below the grand clocktower by two dozen knives, his hands and feet shackled with heavy iron rings. Sakuya tossed a small blade up on the air, catching it and throwing it up again, giving Ike a sideways glance.

“Not a bad showing, Master Ebon, I will give you that much,” she commented, checking her silver pocketwatch and readjusting the hands to match the tower’s hands above her. “But just about anyone can beat our China these days. I am…considerably more difficult to deal with. Especially since Lady Remilia has given me no stipulation to spare your life. Though she did tell me to enjoy myself.”

Isaac chuckled to himself, and to her. “You reputation precedes you, padmaid.”

A sharp steel point through his arm quickly changed the grin on his face to a grimace as he tried not to cry out on pain.

“I’m sorry, what was that? I didn’t quite hear you.”

The man squinted at the silver-haired maid and straightened his face. “Padmaid.”

Another knife to his arm; the left one this time. “No, no, didn’t hear that one either. I’m afraid you’ll have to speak up; you slur your words quite poorly for a young man.”

“Would you prefer knifebitch, then?”

He found himself suddenly pinned to the floor rather than the wall, with the knives from his arms removed and a fresh one protruding from his posterior. Sakuya couldn’t tell anymore whether he was laughing or crying; in her opinion he was certainly self-destructive enough to be doing both.

She turned his head towards her and rolled her eyes. “I can only assume you believe yourself to have the upper hand in this situation?” she remarked.

“I do]. Plot armor. You can’t be the end; I’ve still got to go through at least Patchouli and Remilia before I can die.”

She sighed and turned his head back to the floor. “I’d ask you to explain your theoretical plan for doing such a thing, but as I’ll only get egotistical nonsense out of your mouth, I won’t.”

“Look be—“

Before he had even started to utter the word “behind” Sakuya had already stopped time and searched the entire roof and sky for any possible traps. Finding a shoddy patchwork of ice bullets aimed at her from the clock tower, she disposed of them effortlessly. A poor plan, indeed. She then allowed the man to finish his sentence.

“—hind you.”

“I see nothing that interests me, Mister Ebon. Please tr—“

A solid block of ice fell from the sky, manifested before she had even vocalized the “zzz” of her please, knocking her out cold and causing a small dribble of blood to stain her pure-white maid’s bonnet. Shimmying the ice over to his aid, he quickly pulled loose the knives and snapped the manacles off his wrists.

“Try harder next time?” he asked, completing her sentence haughtily. “I did. Those bullets on the tower would be called a red herring. It’s meant to distract you from the real plot. If this was ASSM, maybe you would have suspected it, but nope, not here. You’re a pain in the ass to fight normally anyways. Literality. Yes, I just made that pun, Anon. Bear with it for a few more posts. Then I’ll be out of your hair.”

Despite his victory over two hearty foes, his current standings in this self-made tournament of his did nothing to massage the discomforting pain of being stabbed three times. A lesser man would have called it a night and finished the job later. A smarter man would have just eased up on the physical combat for the next few rounds. Isaac Ebon was neither of these things; he would end this tonight, before the night ended him. Already the sky was bedazzled with stars, far more stars than were natural for any night, no mater the location in the universe. Other Genskoyans looked to the sky and wondered why the night was so beautiful. Eientei residents looked to the sky and worried that the night was too unnatural. But Isaac looked to the sky and wished that the night would be just a little longer.

Gathering up several cubic meters of water from the lake to defend himself with, he determinately made his way into the mansion of the Scarlet Devil. Without their fearless leader to assist them, the fairy staff of the mansion were hardly even gravel on the road as far as impeding Ike’s progress, and a few scatters of pea-sized hail through their midst was enough to scatter the cowards and dispose of the brave. He almost felt bad for attacking them at all, for attacking anyone here at all, they who had done him no wrong and probably never would have in the months he might have staying in Gensokyo. But his days there had come to an end, and even his hours themselves were numbered. His only goal was to pack as much living as possible into the next couple of minutes.

The doors of Voile creaked open ominously as he floated into the library, feeling that walking slowed him down far too much. It was as silent as a tomb, and without his footsteps upon the ground, only his heavy breathing gave off any indication that life existed in those halls of Knowledge.

Ascending above the high shelves of books, he found what he desired; the violet-haired librarian, floating aimlessly in the high annex of the room, reading a small black book. Glancing at her guest, she levitated the book away and removed her reading glasses, looking at the man seriously.

“Evening, Patch,” said Ike, reforming his ice into six gigantic crystals below him, which he set on the highest bookshelf for the time being. “You probably know why I’m here. Or…do you?”

“I have been…informed, of certain events,” Patchouli replied, weighing and calculating the conversation as one would weigh and calculate a business transaction. “Your more vigorous foes…disposed of, you now turn to me.”

“If you want to look at it that way, yes.”

“Might I inquire as to…why?”

“You could, and I could give you an answer, but I don’t have the time to make you believe it. Neither do you, actually.”

“Again, may I inquire…why?”

He sighed and rubbed his aching arms, trying his best to ignore the shooting pains going up and down them. “This world, this Genskoyo, is dying. It’s god has lost faith in it, and in his despair, he has chosen to dispose of it. We’ve got a few hours before it’s nothing but a memory.”

The librarian placed a hand to her chin, contemplating the news silently. “I was unaware Gensokyo had a…singular god.”

Ike nodded. “It does. Not for much longer, though. I’m just trying to make the most of it.”

“Might you not…spend time wisely? Cherish the end with…ones whom you love? Why spend your final moments in all this…violence?”

The man’s eyes turned downwards and his brow furrowed. “No one to love here. Not anymore. You get too attached to people, it’s harder to leave them when they go. Found it out the hard way more times than one. Fightin’s all I got left, now. It’s all I want.”

Patchouli nodded her head and spoke a small incantation, surrounding herself with a silvery sphere of a shield. “If battle is how you…perceive the world, then I shall endeavor to…change your perspective, though battle. By wary. I shall give you…no quarter.”

Isaac returned his crystals to arm’s reach, shattering one of them into several hundred shards while flattening another into a stout shield. “Don’t want no quarter. Just the whole thing.”

Fire was her first element; a logical one from her perspective. If the opponent wished to fight her, the One-Week Wizard, with a single elemental offense, she would show him the error of his narrow-minded ways. Two streams shot from behind her head while a series of smaller fireballs shot from her hands, engulfing Isaac’s area in an inferno. The man could no longer been seen by her, so dense was the fire she had created.

It was a joke. Ike may have only fought one legitimate battle in Gensokyo before that night, but fortunately for him, is was against a fire manipulator, and he had won that battle. Creating a spherical shield of his own out of ice, he quickly spun around behind the girl and burst towards her silvery shell, battering it ruthlessly with a chunk of frozen water the size of a grand piano. It had no apparent effect on her whatsoever, and he was quickly forced to retreat back into his shield before fire engulfed him again.

It took Patchouli a far shorter amount of time than Mokou before she realized the difficulty in assaulting Isaac’s unique talent with fire. Making a mental note to test such a tactic herself at a later time, she moved on to Metal. Rippling the air around her, bending the fabric of existence itself, she drew cruel barbs of iron and steel out from the raw ethers of magic, mimicking Isaac’s own prepared cloud of icicles. Noticing the elemental shift about two seconds two late, and about one second before her first round of shrapnel burst towards him, he spiraled upwards as far out of range as he could get before the metal began to chase him around the air above.

As the battle-hungry man spun around the air, grazing the large chunks of iron shot at him and freezing to a halt the small ones, he smiled. This was a fight. An opponent who could use the same tactics as himself, and as fast as himself. Not like the range-deprived Meiling or the easily-fooled Sakuya, no; this was a challenge. The two exchanged volleys of grey and white crystals, almost as if they were playing a child’s game of danmaku, if not for the very, very real consequences of failure.

Isaac was on the defensive, or so he wished to make himself appear. Responding with a thick wall of ice rather than agility now, he slowly grabbed handfuls of steel barbs and coated them with his own magical affinity, preparing for one single, unstoppable rush of cold-hardened steel. Though Patchouli’s eyesight was hardly as good as it once was, her ability to detect when her magic was being tampered with was very much not. Terminating her machine-gunning offense for the moment, she focused on retaking what Isaac was trying to steal. Unfortunately for her, Isaac also could tell when another was trying to tamper with his ice, and he didn’t like that. Not one bit.

From obscuring inferno to a billion-bullet ballet, the confrontation had suddenly turned mental, and despite the man’s berzerking battle tactics, he was not one to be bested in any competition of willpower. Patchouli strained her mental capacity, tugging at the stolen slag every which way to make it hers again, while Isaac in tandem refused to let his frosty grip go and attempted to not impale himself on the cloud of razors he found himself in the middle of. Getting nowhere fast, the magician summoned up a rapier behind Isaac to run him through, which in turn was parried by an icy hand and held fast by his physical grip, granting him an additional, if useless, weapon.

To an outside observer, such as the forlorn Koakuma who watched her master battle in horror, the battle was chaotic and the attacks seemingly ill-planned. To the two engaged, however, it had become a chess match of the most epic proportions. Patchouli would attack, only to be parried and counter-attacked by Isaac, who would in turn be blocked and counter-attacked himself. From Metal she shifted to Earth, assaulting Isaac with heavy boulders to match his blocks of ice, which he began to dance around just as easily as playing dodgeball. Her sand-blasting dust clouds served little better, mixing with Isaac’s retaliatory snow and causing them to fight over control of the muddied hail the same as the chilled steel before it, and the frostbitten vines that followed after it.

Nowhere fast. After close to a half-hour of fighting, nowhere fast was all Isaac could say. His body failing him but his adrenaline refusing to let it stop, he battled Patchouli’s levitating blades of steel and oak with his two identical blades of ice and ice. Even in weariness they were matched, ache for ache, falter for falter, both of them degrading slowly but surely into a battle where the techniques were sloppier, the movements more ragged.

She had tried every element to no avail; even the Sun and the Moon had failed to dent this lively fortress of a man. Only one of the seven remained untested, but it had been held back for good reason, and she had long since realized what kind of madness this man was capable of with water in his hands. And yet…it would be a bluff. A dangerous bluff, but it must be tested. Her hypothesis remained inconclusive as long as she withheld even one asset of her abilities back.

And thus, she attempted to assault the man with Water.

Ike called her bluff instantly. His body gained new strength and determination; he had waited for this attack the entire battle! Milking the gushing torrents of foamy liquid for as long as he dared, dodging the pressurized jets being shot at him from all directions, he stopped instantly and slammed his eyes shut focusing on only one thought: Freeze. Freeze everything. Freeze it all. When his eyes re-opened, the air around him was a perfect paradise of ice. Thousands of cubic meters of ice surrounded him in abstract patterns, solidified as each individual drop splashed against each other. Feeling the tingling of the ice’s absorbed energy inside his body, he grabbed a gigantic frozen jet of ice, twenty meters long, and brandished it like a staff, showboating and shouting at the magician’s foolish “hypothesis.”

“Jack of all trades!”

The ice slammed against Patchouli’s shield like a vice, engulfing her in every direction…

“Master of none!”

She cycled through her elements frantically, melting, grinding, slashing, disintegrating…

“And thus proven lesser!”

Isaac could feel her bubble weakening as he pressed against her harder and harder, a small voice in his head reminding him to maybe try and not kill her while another voice told him it didn’t matter, they’d all be dead soon anyways…

“Than a master of one!!”

Her defenses finally shattered, and Ike closed in quickly for the final strike, boring through the mass of ice with impunity, before finally discovering Patchouli in the center, curled up in a little ball…sleeping? Yes, there was no doubt about it. Shallow yet slow breathing, peacefully closed eyelids, no response to sound or touch. So exhausted by the constant chanting of incantations and mental combat, she had finally been pushed to the limit and passed out. He stared at her bemused for about a minute, before lifting her onto a thin bed of ice and making his way out of the behemoth of frost they had created together. Spotting Koakuma nibbling her fingernails on a bookshelf below them, he floated over to her and set the librarian by her feet. Ike turned to walk away before Koakuma asked nervously, “You’re not…not going to fight me, too?”

He turned back around and smirked, shaking his head and petting her wine-red hair, causing her little bat wings to go flat against her head. “Not really. No offense, but to me, you’re just a useless little demon, only good for your sex appeal. Though, if you could point me in the direction of Little Miss Flandre, I’d appreciate it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The moon no longer existed.

The stars no longer existed.

The sky no longer existed.

What was once called these things was now an endless expanse of white, a void of nothingness, somehow even more oppressive than a void of black. It was more than a lack of sky, or a lack of color. It was a lack of anything, a lack of everything. As Isaac had said, so it had happened. The world was ending.

Under this sky of nothingness, two figures walked along the frozen Misty Lake, close enough to have their hands touching, and yet their hands did not touch. One was a black-haired man, mid-twenties in age, late twenties in appearance. The other was a golden-haired girl, five-hundred-one in age, ten in appearance. Pure chaos was in both of their hearts and souls, and yet, in that world where chaos would soon engulf everything, and all others panicked in fear, these two were at peace.

“I’m kinda sad, though,” commented Flandre, looking up at her companion. “You shouldn’ta had to end up be like this. Stupid guy Anon person, it’s all his fault!”

“Maybe,” Ike answered her, returning her gaze. “But life’s not always fair. I mean, you had to stay downstairs all this time; is that fair?”

“Nuh uh! I wanted to go see the sky moon thing from more than-a window glass all the times! And now I’m gonna be miss it all…” The girl shed a small tear and sniffled as she wiped it away, causing her wings to start a-tinkling.

Ike put a hand on her shoulder consolingly. “We haven’t missed it yet, Flan. There’s still time…for just one more game.”

“Ooo, yay! Game fun! What kind?”

“The fun kind. The only rule is we try to hit each other. You don’t gotta hold back or anything. Whoever goes boom first loses. Think you can handle that?”

She looked at her twisted metal wand loosely grasped in her hand. Lævateinn. The Wounding Wand. None know how she got it. But it was hers. “I don’t gotta hold back…none at all? But Big Sis’ always said I hurt things if I’ma not gonna be careful.”

Ike looked towards the horizon. The furthest trees and the mountains were already being turning into white nothingness. “I don’t care. I just want to play one more game before I can’t anymore. Let’s just have fun.”

“Can I go use kyuu?”

“Only if you want to be boring.”

Flandre stuck out her tongue at Ike, going “nyehh!” just a little bit before jumping into the air and flinging Lævateinn into the air like a baton. As she caught it, the shaft twisted and grew unnaturally into the hilt of a mammoth sword, a fiery red blade erupting out of it and creating a deep smoldering gash in the lake below. Holding the mythic weapon in her right hand, she beckoned for Isaac to join her in the last game they would ever be able to play.

It might not have been the fight he would have dreamt to fight at the end of his life. It might not have been against the opponent he would have wished for. But in those last few minutes of that broken universe, dancing with Flandre in the blank sky above a dying world, for once he believed in his maker, a man who had tried and failed so many times to give him what he truly wanted: a world of awesome, unimpeded by anything other than his own ambitions, where not even his own creator could interfere with his dreams.

His end is not an end for these pages, for to make such an end here would be to shame him and his last wishes. His fight is not a fight for these eyes, for to see such a fight would be to tarnish its shine and spoil its perfection. What happened there, in his short-lived time in Gensokyo, is a testimony to that which he tried to tell all people, most of all his maker, but was never able to convey until it was almost too late:

That which we leave to the imagination, unencumbered and untamed, will forever be greater and more magnificent than that which we try to convey in mere words or pictures. Fantasies and dreams, these things become strongest when left within the realm of that which none can touch or see or hear, but only feel with your heart and soul.

What I tried to do here, I failed to do. I failed not because of you, or because of me, or because of Isaac, but because what I had attempted was to put a dream onto a computer screen, and leave it to the whims of the Internet itself. I did what I could not have done, what I should not have done, and though Isaac saw the truth from the very beginning, I in my pride and my selfishness did not listen until I had almost destroyed everything he held dear. I saved him from myself before the end, but even so, this has ended thus because I was too blind to the truth around me.

I never really wrote this story for the site, or even for you, readers. I had wanted to write it for just myself. In the end, it appears that this story will now be of no benefit to any but myself, though not in the way I had intended. Perhaps when I look back on it, I will remember the price of foolish writing, and trying to express the inexpressible.

Please don’t badger me with questions about this story; I swear I don’t know the answers to them. It’s done. Let it rest in peace.

On this day of fools, it seems that the greatest fool of all…was me.

I am sorry, good friend >>15961 . You were right. I did not listen.

Rest well, my friend Isaac. May you gain what I tried to give you and could not.



Row Row, fight the power.

;_;

>“Can I go use kyuu?”

Is that a reference to ASSM or something? Far as I understand, it's the Japanese word for nine, but I don't think it makes much sense.

Nice epilogue, at least. As a whole, I rather liked it. And it was a better "this isn't for -you-" kind of story than House of Leaves, at least.

>>17455

Ah, also, I remembered just as I posted!

Thanks for not having Meiling lose as horribly or pathetically as she otherwise would have, despite the insult Sakuya directed at her.

>>17455

http://touhou.wikia.com/wiki/Article_and_Interview:_Flandre

>I went "kyu" and it went "boom."

>>17460

I see! Thanks!

*slowclap*

Heh... That's the thing with Owen's work.
It will invariably end in despair after a while (unless you can prove me wrong with "SHOES!"), but, somehow, it's always a good feeling...

Your "bow out" was tasteful, and this story feels quite complete, despite your apparently having decided on it recently. Hell, I almost hate the finality of it all.

Still, I can't help but think that you're (oh God, here it comes) overthinking things, Owen.
All you did was step on a line that was probably a little to risky to try crossing in your writing. It was an original, brazen move, but not one that I'd call "foolish". It might have even worked out if you'd done it only slightly differently. Either way, you've definitely come out much wiser for what happened here-- proof that this is better remembered than forgotten.
Don't be so hard on yourself.

And...
For what it's worth...
I liked Isaac.

This is >>17360 , by the way.
S'up, /others/.

Bah!! That infernal Anon ruining all of my plans and I was enjoying this world, Isaac Ebon was living up to what I hoped he would be and then it comes to this.. U.N. Owen you did not fail, you just caved, don't cave, there are many enjoying this world and there was nothing irritating about this story. You destroyed this world, but that doesn't there was not a U.N. Owen Gensokyo Mach 2. I do not agree with you Anonymous, this story is far from complete.

Bah!! That infernal Anon ruining all of my plans and I was enjoying this world, Isaac Ebon was living up to what I hoped he would be and then it comes to this.. U.N. Owen you did not fail, you just caved, don't cave, there are many enjoying this world and there was nothing irritating about this story. You destroyed this world, but that doesn't there was not a U.N. Owen Gensokyo Mach 2. I do not agree with you Anonymous, this story is far from complete.

Also I feel that the whole plot of Ike trying to prove the fourth wall was stolen away from him due to people who can't accept a different way of doing things. I am very disappointed with this ending.

Ike was a poor character choice to pull off this with. His personality doesn't lend well to it.

>>17480

I'm not saying it's perfect. I'm saying Owen did a good job of seeing it off, given that he hadn't originally planned on it.

I suppose it could "continue". Who knows? Maybe Ike will be back. After all, as long as the desire to write him exists in Owen, even a little, he isn't definitely gone... but that would be another story, not this one.

A wizard of words can summon any beast he desires, should the skill rest within him and the inkling take him. That said, I liked the story and the end. Too bad I didn't notice this earlier; I think I could have swayed things in a less despairing direction. Taking cirno away was an ass move; nobody seems to appreciate that little fairy, and this would have been an awesome story about her becoming awesome. Again, though, it turned ended well; the mouku fight was appropriately epic.

I am left unsatisfied.

I wanted to break him, Owen. Why did you take that away from me?

I would have enjoyed this a lot more if it was done as a normal CYOA.

It was decent. Can't really say more than that.

>>17503

>the Mokou fight was appropriately epic.

Agreed. There seems to be a trend of her dying like a bitch that was averted here. Hell, he even made Meiling, one of the ultimate chumps of Touhou, not so pathetic in the fight. Thumbs up for that.

>>17507

But then it wouldn't have been this CYOA...

Also, Owen, if you can see this on the /others/ main page, get your ass back in here. Is critique tiem nao.

If you don't acknowledge it at least some of it, it means you're YAF. Do you want to be YAF? DO YOU?!

YAF? CYOA? Whether or not it was either of these, the real point is it was his story and it got ruined. There appear to be a few of us who are unhappy that this story ended due to pressurizing.

Anonymous No. 17506 I feel your pain, but I wasn't all destroy Ike, I even wanted to give him an Angreal to improve his powers even a bit.

>>17544

You're right, I misspoke.
My bad.

>>17455
I haven’t read “House of Leaves”, so I’m not sure how similar the two are, but thank you all the same.

>>17456
You are most welcome. I did what I could; I wanted to make the battle realistic. Realistically, a physical-based youkai will probably lose against someone with equal speed and more range (such as Ike), but she is a youkai, and they don’t go down easy. Personally I think the battle was pretty one-sided as it is since I focused far too much on Isaac’s perspective and Meiling never really had the upper hand. But thank you for appreciating the fight as it was.

>>17473
>Heh... That's the thing with Owen's work. It will invariably end in despair after a while (unless you can prove me wrong with "SHOES!"), but, somehow, it's always a good feeling...
I assure you I do not plan to have my works end with despair. It just sort of…happens accidentally. But at least you get a good feeling out of it too. Thanks for appreciating the bittersweetness of it.

>Your "bow out" was tasteful, and this story feels quite complete, despite your apparently having decided on it recently.
Well, I didn’t just want to axe the story without any explanation; that’s the lazy butthurt way out. I care about my work; I gave it an ending that I felt it deserved, even it I didn’t give it the story it deserved.

>Still, I can't help but think that you're (oh God, here it comes) overthinking things, Owen. All you did was step on a line that was probably a little to risky to try crossing in your writing. It was an original, brazen move, but not one that I'd call "foolish". It might have even worked out if you'd done it only slightly differently.
I can’t help it; I’m a very self-conscious person, and criticism will instantly make me look at the topic being criticized and reevaluate it. I had always been shaky on writing this in the first place, but as Ike so blatantly said, “you went ahead and did it anyways. You didn’t think about it, you just did it.” I was being spontaneous without considering all the pros and cons. Then Anon decided to be Anon and destroy what best-laid plans I had, and combined with the blatant fourth-wall breaks it just got too chaotic for its own good. I could have done it differently, done it better, but I personally just thought the risk and effort wasn’t worth it to keep going. This story would have been skirting the border of “Shark” and “Jump” the whole way through, and I felt that I should just end it now before I dug myself into an even bigger hole.

>Either way, you've definitely come out much wiser for what happened here-- proof that this is better remembered than forgotten. Don't be so hard on yourself.
If you fall flat on your face, at least you’re moving in the right direction: forwards. I suppose you can’t be a creator of any kind without having a few bad experiences; this is just going to be one of mine. I’ll definitely be coming back to this story to find out what didn’t work.

>>17480
I don’t deny that I caved, but I feel that I caved for the right reasons. Those that were there for the beginning few threads of ASSM will remember when I talked super-formally before YAF asked me to stop. Many people were miffed that I “caved” under YAF’s pressure. However, at the time I realized that while the elegant talk wasn’t a big problem yet, it was leading up to it, and it was only a matter of time. I stopped a good thing before it turned into a bad thing. I feel that the same situation occurred here. I saw the story heading in a direction I didn’t want it to go in, but I also saw the groundwork for inherent flaws in the system I wouldn’t be able to correct. I made a judgment call.

This story is over. I’m not making a continuation. I stopped it for a reason, and I’m not going to start it again. It might not have been “completed”, but it ended just the same. Not every ending is complete. But thank you for having faith in me all the same.

Also, is that picture just freakishly similar to the story, or did you draw it yourself? Pretty sweet either way. I approve.

>>17482
But no, see, that was the point. I didn’t want just a “Fourth-Wall Observer” type character, I wanted something outrageously more. I wanted chaos and insanity mixed with copious amounts of awesome and hilarity. Isaac’s character type felt wrong because it was wrong. He wasn’t going to comply to the standards; he was going to break them. And it looks like he succeeded, in his own way.

>>17488
I agree with everything said here. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Good job.

>>17503
Seems I summoned up a demon that was too strong for me. I’m almost glad you didn’t notice it, because then I wouldn’t have either, and the story would have rotted from the inside-out. But I’m glad you enjoyed the story; I would have wanted more from the Mokou fight, but that’s because I can see all the flaws in it. Thanks anyways.

>>17506
Because you and him together broke me first.

And just so’s you know, he would never have broken, no matter what you did to him. Isaac is not the man who will watch his world burn in despair. Isaac is the man that will play amongst the ashes.

>>17507
I had never intended for it to be a “normal” CYOA. The abnormalities would have been what made it special. Too special for its own good, it seems.

>>17508
Good to know I can still write fight scenes, at least.

>>17530
Sorry for the wait; I was kind of in mourning there for a while. Trying to bounce back.

>>17544
Hey, I’m unhappy that it ended due to pressurizing too. But I feel that it was the right thing to do. I was getting more and more unhappy with the direction it was heading in after the first few posts. And if the author ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. I wanted to have fun writing this, but it had just stopped being fun, and I didn’t feel like trying to salvage it. It was a young story, and it’d be less painful if it just drifted away quietly while it was still small. If I would have did it differently, then maybe, but I didn’t.

>>17546
I can tell you with full confidence what would have happened:

Isaac would pick up the angreal and realize what it did. He’d then look up at the sky, ask Anon, “Really? Really?!” and then just dropped the thing back on the ground, offended at Anon’s opinion that he’s not strong enough. He’d then spend a paragraph or two grumbling about how he used to like Wheel of Time before it dragged on and on for twelve eleven twelve books. Mat’s a pretty cool guy, eh takes nobody’s crap and doesn’t afraid of anything.

A restrictive magical ability makes him a better fighter. It forces him to do more with less, and he explores attributes of his power he never would have before. Because when all you have is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail.

================================================================

Also, I’m still going to keep writing; this story won’t stop me from doing that. But now I’m back to square one, and aside from always having an escape with SHOES!, I don’t know where to go from here. I’ll probably won’t start anything big until my final exams are over, if I’ve even decided on something by then. So aside from random shorts and more SHOES!, you’ll have to wait at least a month for anything big out of me.

>I had never intended for it to be a “normal” CYOA. The abnormalities would have been what made it special. Too special for its own good, it seems

I didn't like how it was executed, but it's hard to imagine the story as a "normal" CYOA.

Well, at least you tried to break the old customs and come up with something new/different. Unfortunatly, you landed the story on a minefield.
>Also, I’m still going to keep writing; this story won’t stop me from doing that. But now I’m back to square one, and aside from always having an escape with SHOES!, I don’t know where to go from here. I’ll probably won’t start anything big until my final exams are over, if I’ve even decided on something by then. So aside from random shorts and more SHOES!, you’ll have to wait at least a month for anything big out of me.

Hooray! Good to know you will stay with us, even after what happened.

'Also, is that picture just freakishly similar to the story, or did you draw it yourself? Pretty sweet either way. I approve. ' Drew it myself in about 10 minutes :)

I will expect Shoes not to end all of a sudden when I'm really enjoying it.

Don't ever worry about SHOES! That's a joint project by me and a half-dozen of my friends; I'm just the one who started the ball rolling. It has a life of it's own now, and though I spontaneously combust and become as ash in the fireplace, SHOES! shall live on evermore.

>>17564

I kinda hope that some of your friends who aren't writefags will try and start a CYOA of their own. I know Mystia is writing one (one that he doesn't update as he should), but the others are total strangers to me.

Your writing style is good, at times it's very Douglas Adams, which is a style I like.

Isaac vs. Cirno, the Valiant.

It would have been the most awesome thing to ever happen.

But I wonder, what would he teach to a Cirno that already knew her power completely?

What is this I don't even...

I mean, I leave THP for two little month and I come back finding a new story of Owen already dead before I even started to read it.

Anyway, I read it, and I swear I fell a few times from my chair because at some points I just couldn't stop laughing! The concept of a story where you control the events instead of the protagonist was really exciting, and Isaac was sure an awesome guy. During the last update, I thought I was reading ASSM, and that ending leave me with the same feeling that the one I get two months ago: a sad but true end which could alone summarize all that story.

Before you start a new story (and I hope you will), just one advice:

"Don't bring Stephen in!" it's the only way to keep him alive.