>>191 ??"
She touched the teacup to her lips and supped carefully.
She had a splendid sup. A splendid throat to perform it with, too.
She had cultivated her sups to the level of a show. She swallowed like a young goddess. She would put the cup delicately to her mouth. She would test the tea first with the tip of her tongue for excess temperature. Then she would next angle the cup to let the liquid flow freely into her oral cavity. She would not suck, like some uncultured children do. Anticipating that, her sternohyoid muscle would tense and swell readily. She would let her eyelids droop just a fraction of a centimetre when her tongue braced and kneaded her palates, pushing the drink further down into the pharynx. A minute bulge would rise under her skin where her thyroid cartilage moved ever-so-slightly to allow the epiglottis to close and the tea to come through. She would start awfully if it proved too hot, and finger desperately the trouble spot where her sternomastoids attached to her upper sternum, seeking fruitlessly to relieve the pain. She would then exhale yearningly, almost erotically, and with renewed confidence begin the whole vulgarly physical process anew.
It was, altogether, quite enthralling.
I can't think why I found it so fascinating. And neither can I think why I had gone to the effort of memorising the names of all the minor mechanisms that partook in the charming little spectacle. It was not that I would need recite them, after all, when I tore them out and showed them to the outside world or anything. I was a careless sort of person. I never could be bothered to give them that degree of consideration. It'd just be silly, mindless. Irrational.
I had, however, when I thought about it, done many irrational things in the past. Some a great measure more so than this. So, I don't suppose I should cogitate on it too hard now.
She swallowed mightily fine, and that was it.
She set the teacup down and looked at me earnestly, not an ounce of suspicion in her stare. She was so oblivously trusting at times. "So?" she asked me, an esoteric little question. "What do you reckon?"
I turned it over in my mind. I reckoned many things, that much is true, but most weren't likely to strike her finicky fancy. "I don't know," I answered truly. I lied very rarely after all. "Is there anything that I ought to reckon in particular?"
She gave me a small frown. I cherished that frown a lot. I loved to rile her when granted the occasion. She frowned so sensually. "We were talking about magic," she reminded me archly, "and how it doesn't violate the laws of physics?only bends them."
"We were?" I asked innocently. "What an amazing thing."
"Sometimes you really act like you want to get under my skin."
"I do at that, don't I?"
"If I didn't love you, you big aggravating buffoon, I swear to heavens I'd hate you bald."
I bared my teeth at her. She bared hers back, albeit just a smidgen diffidently.
She did not see through my meaning. I hadn't entirely intended her to, either. She would have made an issue of it and the conversation would have gone up a blind alley.
I studied absently her serious face, even as she went on to recall the points she had made until then. She had a plain, even dowdy face. I would have passed her by on a pavement and never batted an eyelid. She was not, by any means, beautiful. She was an average, even unremarkable girl of unremarkable age. She agonised over the fact at times. I did my best to comfort her whenever that happened. I used to know the feeling, after all. Used to. I pretended I still knew it nowadays, always when she needed it. I'd grown soft like that.
I remembered her name all of a sudden. It was laughable how I always forgot it if I got too lost in her plain brown eyes, the slightly askance eyebrows and unevenly freckled cheeks. I was not at fault, of course; her name became her: it was simple and unembellished by foreignisms or assorted tongue twisters. I had the right to forget it. I loved it for what it was, and what it was was forgettable.
I remembered it clearly now though.
"Renko.."
I blurted it without realising.
She seemed moderately startled. "What?"
"Oh," I shrouded my embarrassment behind a thin smile. "Nothing. Nothing at all. I didn't want to interrupt or nothing. Go right on, never mind me."
She looked at me somewhat quizzically. I wouldn't let her quiz me.
"I don't know that I'd go so far as saying all magic is perfectly within explanation," I reasoned nimbly, "but I'll agree that some of it is pretty darn simple for being called magic."
"See?" She picked up the argument almost immediately. She was ever inclined to quasi-scientific debate. "I know, right? All I'm saying is, magic doesn't conjure anything out of nowhere; nothing happens out of nowhere."
"At least in most cases it doesn't," I concurred.
She nodded. "I wondered about it last night." A note of excitement rang in her voice. I searched my memory of the previous evening, but found that I had spent it elsewhere. Shame. I'd wanted to treat it as a compliment. "I analysed the technical aspect of the things I'd witnessed," Ren continued, "and it occurred to me out of the blue that what was happening wasn't entirely supernatural. See elemental magic, for instance. It's kind of unsophisticated, I know, but it's the best one to exemplify this theory that I have."
She had the tendency to oversimplify things at times.
"Go on," I beckoned her to proceed.
"Can we agree," she asked, "that elemental magic manipulates what we consider its relevant elemental matter?"
It was my turn to incline my chin in acknowledgement.
"See," she resumed, "what I realised was, none of the effects of that magic come out of nowhere. Water magic merely directs the available particles of water, earth magic manipulates the soil, and air magic the air particles, but I hit a kind of a wall when I got to fire magic. According to modern physics, fire is not matter, but rather a process?an occurrence?of which the visible, tangible portion, the flame, in reality just ionised gasses, is only a side effect. So in effect, fire magic would not manipulate the flames as it may appear at the first sight, but presumably the heat itself, leading to the?perhaps inadvertent?creation of the aforementioned flame. Are we on the same page so far?"
"Sure," I agreed, "but I can't see where you're going with this."
"Hold on, I was just getting to that. Anyway, it dawned on me then that whilst all the other elemental magics manipulate only the physical matter according to their field, fire magic is profoundly different: it manipulates no physical matter, but at the same time, all of it."
"How so?"
She gave me a sly smile. "What exactly is heat, Naya?"
I thrilled at the sound of the name.
It brought me back to some very enjoyable times?times so distant now they seemed like a yesterday dream: a long, insidiously realistic dream that you shudder from, but wish inwardly that it would return so you could resume it. I haven't, to this day, determined whether I truly liked that dream or not. I enjoyed it, yes, at some times more than at the others, but to say I liked it could very well be a stretch. It was a bad dream, after all; a bad dream that would never leave me.
In any case, I elected to humour my inquisitive girl and made a helplessly unenlightened shrug. "No idea," I revealed with exaggerated ignorance. "Not a clue. I didn't pay all that much attention in school. I was too occupied nurturing the spiritual aspect of my life to bother with studies."
"What did you do?"
"I contemplated the influence of aurora borealis on my puberty and social standing among the pretty sex."
"Is that so?" She didn't believe me. She knew I was acting. I wasn't. "Anyway," she gave up, "heat is? How should I explain it?" She glanced around the table and rested her brown eyes finally on the half-full teacup. "Okay, how about this tea, for one. Can we agree that it's warm?"
"Shall I dip a finger and make sure?"
"I'd rather you didn't. Who knows what you've been touching."
"Nothing you wouldn't have touched before. So why don't you tell me, miss professor?"
"It is warm," she assured, "but when you give it some thought, what exactly is heat? Well, I got up from my bed and began to snoop around for definitions and such, and what I found was?"
"Hold up," I chimed in. "What time did you say that was at?"
She waved her palm dismissively. "Never mind. I didn't have to wake up early next day, so it's not that big of a deal. Anyway, what I found was heat is?"
"No, darling," I cut her off again, "no anyways. Come on, don't make that glare at me. I worry for you. If you lose your beauty sleep on silly things like this, you're going to grow wrinkles. And let me tell you wrinkles aren't nearly as awesome as they're cracked up to be. Actually, they aren't cracked up to be awesome at all. In point of fact, they're cracked up to be sort of awful. Which would make them less awesome than awful. What's less awesome than awful, dear?"
She made a sour face. "A Nickelback single?"
"Close enough. Anyhow, if you're going to lose precious sleep-time on this kind of stuff, I'll go and have Mary call for the red-white so she can explain everything to you?in excruciating detail and with all the usual threats."
"It wasn't exactly my idea," she defended. "I hadn't planned on losing that sleep intentionally."
"Well, you shouldn't have."
"Can we just go on?" she pleaded. "What's done is done. It's water under the bridge; it can't be helped. I'll never be Miss Universe anyway, so it isn't the end of the world or anything."
I wished to differ. I didn't. It would have been untactful.
"All right," I surrendered. "Go on then."
"Great," she breathed with visible relief. "As I was saying, heat is, by scientific definition, not a value stored within a system, unlike other physical properties such as mass, volume or density. An uncomplicated definition would be that head is, laconically, a transfer of energy between systems. So in a way, it doesn't exist within a system, but for the sake of simplicity we can lamely assume that heat is the sum of energies?kinetic and potential?present inside one system, available to be transferred into another."
"Okay."
"In the case of this tea," she pointed at the cup, "its heat would be the sum of energies transferred into it until it reached its current temperature. Analogically, it is also the sum of energies it can?and will, over time'discharge into its surroundings until their temperatures even out."
"Are you going anywhere exciting with this?"
"Contrary to what you might think," she said tartly, "I am. If we never mind the inaccuracies, forget the second law of thermodynamics and assume that heat can be, through magic, manipulated, concentrated and converted entirely into work?and thus force?wouldn't that make heat a hypothetical potential output of physical force that could be exerted upon another body? A physical load, if you will?"
I leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially. "Are you saying that I could take this tea and shoot someone with it?"
"I hadn't thought of that." She put on a pensive expression. "I snooped around and did some calculations. I got this, for instance: in a fictional isolated system where flawless heat transfer is possible, the amount of power required to warm a cup of tea up from room-temperature 25 C to, say, warm 75 C, would be around 52 000 Joules."
"That's a lot of Joules," I observed.
"I don't know. If you don't mind lame comparisons, just for the sake of contrast, the muzzle kinetic energy of a pistol bullet oscillates from 500 to 550 plus Joules. It doesn't mean much, but I thought you might find it curious."
"I do. So I'd need the energy of? about a hundred bullets, just to warm a cup of tea?"
"It might be slightly too simplified, but assuming that all of the bullets' energy would be transferred directly into the tea, yes, you're approximately right."
I whistled. "I think I've found a new respect for the drink."
"I'm glad you liked it. Anyway, we have to remember that's the kinetic energy of an already launched bullet, not of the explosion that launched it in the first place?although that's a part of it." She made a thoughtful murmur. "I'll be frank," she confessed. "I haven't the slightest idea how to go about these computations. It isn't all that complicated: we just have to assume that magic can inexplicably manipulate the process of heat transfer without affecting the system with any external forces, but that's what baffles me the most. I don't know that I can wrap my mind around the idea of an invisible, intractable force influencing the regular equilibrium of processes without them undergoing any comparable change opposed to the usual relationships. It throws my brain off balance for some reason. At any rate," she announced more soberly, "we're getting sidetracked. I didn't want to talk about shooting people with tea."
"No?"
I was disappointed to say the least.
"Not really," she admitted. "I just wanted to drive the point home that heat is a universal process, encountered in all kinds of systems, regardless of the chemical composition of the bodies involved."
"So?"
"So," she said a bit acidly, "while water, air and earth magics all stick to their own element, fire?or heat'magic doesn't give a damn and messes about with anything it wants to."
"So?" I repeated.
She knitted her small brows. "What do you mean, so? It's it strange?"
"So?"
"Aren't you interested in what this encompasses?"
"Why should I?" I countered. "I'm not the physics major here."
"Yes, but you are the magic affinate; you should be able to see the potential this has."
"Affinate?" I blinked. "Is that an actual word?"
"It doesn't matter," she bristled. "Can't you at least pretend to humour me? I wouldn't even bother you with this stuff, you know?but just in case you forgot, I can't do magic myself. I can't take this problem to my lecturers, either?they'd just laugh me out of the classroom. Can't you help me with this, Naya? Come on, please?"
I heaved a tired sigh.
She wasn't going to give up. She never did. It was a wound that had burrowed deep in her chest and periodically planted those ideas in her head. She was still, even after all that time, feeling left out of the loop. She was, after all, the only powerless being amongst our flock of reality-bending freaks. I wanted to know how she felt. I wished I did.
I looked around the place we were in. It had never changed; it was still the same old quaint caf? it had always been. It was where we'd first met. Where I'd first met them, to be precise. Our acquaintance was somewhat rough-edged around the head. We never did go to the trouble of ironing it out. We had no need to. We didn't consider it all that important.
Couples and loners alike had been cycling in and out while we still sat, engrossed in this fruitless discussion. We were always the only ones to stay so long. We must have felt bound to the place?one of the few we could call our mutual territory. I wasn't complaining. I had good company and a good place to enjoy it in. I was happy, if that is happiness.
Without thinking about it too much, I reached out and stole the hat off Renko's dishevelled head. She had an ugly habit of leaving it on indoors. I flicked it around in my fingers and screwed it onto my own big head.
"Hey!" She scowled. "That's my hat!"
"I get a buff to IQ when I'm wearing a hat," I explained scientifically. "Can I use yours?"
"Should have asked that before you stole it!"
"Oh?" I took the hat off and turned it in my hand. "What an amazing thing."
"Can I get it back?"
"No." I put it back on. "I need it so I don't sound like an idiot when I talk. Indubitably," I articulated. "Incontrovertible. I'm feeling smarter already. Systematic. Systematic analysis of incontrovertible evidence for indubitable inconsistencies. How am I doing?"
"Ghastly."
"A bit off the mark perhaps, but it'll do. Anyway, about what we were talking about," I resumed our previous topic, "you're correct?to some degree."
She settled down, seemingly. "I knew it!" she exulted. "So what is there about fire magic that's so special? Can it manipulate all kinds of matter against the rules after all?"
"Hold fast, Jesse James," I lifted a mollifying finger; ?let's start at the beginning. It's true that elemental magic directly manipulates only its relevant matter, yes?but," I cautioned, "elemental magic is only the least sophisticated magic there is; you can't treat it as a good exemplifier for all the other kinds of nonsense going on inside the barrier."
"I wasn't trying to."
"Of course, I'm just saying. In any case, I'm positive you've figured out already that elemental magic draws its elements, and thus the matter necessary to power the intended effect, from the caster's surroundings. Sometimes they call that ?mana," but the brutal truth is, it's just a codeword. It means that the source of the power comes from the outside. Casting an air spell, you draw the air from around you. Casting an earth spell, you gather from the ground around your feet. Casting a water spell?you know the drill."
"See," Renko exclaimed, "that's what I'm talking about! Heat can be found everywhere, so fire magic does, in essence, manipulate all matter, regardless of its?"
I silenced her with a gesture. "It does," I granted, "but ask yourself this: what does it matter? So what if fire magic draws heat from everything around? What it comes down to is heat; its source is insignificant. It may siphon the warmth out of the air, the ground, water if it's around, animals, even people?but in the end, no matter the source, it's always the same thing: warmth. I'm sorry to break it to you, Ren, darling," I said sadly, "but you're completely missing the point. It doesn't matter what you draw it from if at the end of the day it remains the same. It's childish to think otherwise."
I snatched her teacup and sipped, purposefully using the same side that she had used.
Then I set it down.
"Stay in your world, Ren," I told her firmly. "You aren't fit to deal with this kind of stuff."
She gave me a rueful face.
I knew I was perhaps stepping on shaky ground. I was aware, acutely even, that my words might just irritate that itching old injury she scratched open every day. And yet I maintained my stern face. It might teach her a lesson. Shame is a splendid teacher; making mistakes, even better?you just need someone to point them out. I didn't want to hurt her, but I cared for her a bit too much to let it get in my way.
"Still," she refused to surrender, "even if I can't put this knowledge to use, if you experiment on your own, maybe you could?"
"No," I told her sharply.
"But?"
"No, Ren," I restated. "I don't care."
She stared at me incredulously. "You can use magic and you don't care?"
"No. Not a lot."
"How can you say that!" She slammed her fist on the tabletop. "Has it ever occurred to you what ordinary people would give up to have your kinds of abilities?"
"I don't care."
"Why?! You're terrible!"
I shut my eyes and exhaled.
"Because," I said, "I want to keep in touch with this world, Ren. I want to stay human."
She continued to stare at me, but her voice wasn't so sure any more. "Why?" she questioned weakly once again.
I looked at her and smiled. "For you, if nothing else," I said. "I sort of love you, you understand."
She screwed up her colourless lips. "You don't have to do that."
"I want to though."
"But?"
"Would you presume to tell me what I should and shouldn't want, Ren?" I dared. "Me? A?as you put it'magic affinate?"
"That's not fair," she protested.
"So what? Go ahead, tell me I shouldn't care about you. I'll suck the heat out of this tea and put it so deep down your pants you'll leap out of them like a jack rabbit with its hind legs on fire."
I noticed, not without some amusement, that she squeezed her legs together at the idea.
"I don't care about the whole magic business," I told her bluntly. "I'm what I am, but that doesn't mean I've got to arrange my whole life around the fact."
She didn't look very convinced.
It was always like this.
So long as we limited our topics to mundane stuff, we were a perfect match. A bit wild, pseudo-intellectual match of two people too knowledgeable for their own good, who wished only to have fun while they were still young. We needed to remember that. We had to leave the unpleasant past behind and focus on the cheerier present.
"Ren?" I accosted.
"What?" she asked me sullenly.
"Want to go hit up the movies today?"
She eyed me irritably. "Haven't you got a date with Mary later?"
"I'll call it off."
"She won't be very excited."
"I'll make it up to her. She can join us in the evening anyhow."
"In the evening?"
"When we go to my place and cuddle on the sofa while watching soap operas and gobbling up chocolate ice cream."
"I don't like chocolate ice cream."
"Well, but I do, so you're just going to have to deal with it."
She made a wan, dejected smile. "That's a rather clumsy attempt at changing the topic."
I feigned some surprise. "It must be the hat," I concluded. "It's not working any more. We might have to return it."
She laughed, a private little laugh. "Okay," she said. "If you absolutely insist."
"I fear I might have to."
"No surprise there. Who'll pay?"
"Should be my turn this time, shouldn't it?"
"Have you got a hold of that job you told me about?"
"Sort of."
"Sort of?"
"I'll tell you all about in the cinema, once the film has started."
"You devil."
I grinned. "I do my best."
We stood up and Ren hastily downed the rest of her tea.
I paid close attention to her neck while she did. The day was still young. We dropped our bill off at the counter and filed sluggishly out of the caf?, drawing our jackets tighter about ourselves. Winter lurked just around the corner, ready to set in for the next few months. I had to mobilise myself and find that job soon or I might have trouble surviving the chill. Or, I thought, I could always have Ren stay over and warm the bed. She'd be pleased, I thought.
"Well then," I took her hand and said. "Shall we go?"
She chuckled. "I'm sick of that question, you know, I really am."
"It's part of my character," I told her. "It can't be helped."
"Sure, sure. All right, let's go. I wonder what they're screening today."
So we started, down the dry, dusty streets of our home town.
"Oh, Naya?" she asked suddenly.
"Yeah?"
"Can I have my hat back? My brain is freezing."