Nether Regions Demetrious !!L5ZJSzZGWv 2012/12/12 (Wed) 02:31 No. 163580 ▼ File 135527947317.jpg - (153.90KB, 850x1202 , 1355271274201.jpg)
Against the vaulting pillars of clouds the black Gates of the Netherworld stand starkly, their inky ebony hue easy to see from many miles distant. The gates loom higher as you draw near, drifting evanescent eddies of shadowstuff in the glossy black wood seeming to mirror the wisps of cloud swirling about it.
You and Keine stand motionless for long quiet seconds, staring up at the towering gates to the ghost realm.
"Sooo spooky~" you declare, wiggling your splayed fingers dramatically as you step forward. "The first time, I guess." Hands in pockets, you drift towards the Gates.
Their black bulk sweeps through the cloudwisps as they swell towards you.
You jerk back violently, somersaulting in midair and ending up on your back. Your usual panicked scuttle doesn't work while flying, but you manage to flail your way into a kind of spastic backstroke. Your head bumps against Keine's shins just as the Gates cease advancing - and widen. Swinging wide on silent hinges, the glossy black wood is so alike the shadowy veil within that you can only distinguish the doors when they swing out, silhouetted against the clouds. Instead of opening gates, it seems a titanic shadow spreading its wings.
The Gates open completely, and from within the shadowy veil a voice moans with sepulchral tone:
"YOOOOUU~ AAAREE~ EEEXPEEECTEEEED."
"Oooh... spooky!" Keine says brightly. You glower back at her grin as she helps you up.
A ghosty head pops through the veil. "Sorry about that. The veil messes with my voice."
Karma, always looping 'round to bite you before you ever see it coming, like a boomerang-shaped fae. The ghost (one of Yuyuko's assistants) escorts you through the brilliant light and brooding shadows of the Netherworld. Afore long you espy Hakugyokurou, its long wooden walls somber and solid against the surreal landscape. Your guide leads you straight through the estate, cutting across flowerbeds and through storage rooms as you and Keine hustle to keep pace.
You're nearly short of breath when the spirit ushers you into a sizable, barren room that contains Yuyuko Saigyouji, Yuyuko Saigyouji's dangerously flat expression and nothing else.
"Keine Kamishirasawa, teacher and historian, and her companion, the foreign Magician," the spirit states formally. He bows deeply to Yuyuko, snaps upright, and gets the hell out.
Yuyuko stands stock-still, her voluminous sleeves joined before her. Her lovely maroon eyes bore into you as you fidget uncomfortably.
"Hey," you say.
Yuyuko's eyelashes lower ever so slightly as her glare intensifies to skewering.
"Hoooow's the weather?" you attempt.
"Eternal and unchanging," Yuyuko says, clipping the words so crisply you can almost hear the little tocks! as they fall to the floor between you.
You evaluate her words, read the atmosphere, and turn to Keine. "I think she's pissed!" you inform her.
"He can think!?" Yuyuko says to Keine with airy suprise. "Well done. You should have taught him to speak before working on 'fetch,' however."
"You need a refresher course in playing dead, yourself," you snap back.
Ghosts are known to cause cold spots, but the sudden chill in the air is notable nonetheless. "You're like anpan in the oven," Yuyuko says, her voice thin. "When the heat's on, you get all puffed up - with hot air, mostly."
Keine discreetly trods on your foot before you can reply. "Lady Saigyouji, we don't have time for this," Keine pleads. "We're sorry our notice was abrupt, but-"
"Abrupt?" Yuyuko marvels. "Abrupt? You had warning my beloved servant and charge is fated to die, and you not only keep silent, but send your lackey to inform me when you deem I should know?"
"Hi!" you reply brightly. "I'm Nobody McForeigner and I want your help - oh, and I had a prophetic vision of somebody important to you, gee what are the odds? Where I come from, that's the one 'hello' that guarantees a 'goodbye' involving a chicken impersonation.”
Yuyuko's eyes blaze with eldritch incandescence as she replies, softly: "Any fool can see Gensokyo harbors the mystical and marvelous, and Magicians are no fools."
"Then why the hell would I trust you?" you reply flatly.
Yuyuko's tight-pressed lips part in surprise.
"Attacked by ghosts? You were my first suspect. If your goal was to bring me close – to trust you - what better way to send me scampering to a ghost expert then a ghost attack?" You cross your arms resolutely. "We sent that missive about five minutes after ruling you out as the culprit."
Yuyuko's eyes dim to their usual lovely hue. "I... understand," she says, her tight expression slipping. "But - a discreet hint, surely -”
"Yuyuko," Keine interjects gently. "The prophecy came to him in a dream. That's... personal. Intensely so. He didn't even tell me; I had to drag it out of him."
"When?" Yuyuko queries.
Keine stiffens slightly. “I-”
“Ah,” Yuyuko says, looking thoughtful. Your eyes meet, and you feel yourself falling into her limpid maroon gaze. “Keeping secrets is what friends do,” she says, her expression softening sadly. “Dragon knows... I’ve kept many.”
Her gaze drops from yours. “Well. What brings you here, so close on the heels of your messenger?”
“New discoveries,” Keine says. “We’re close to solving our mystery.”
“Excellent!” Yuyuko says, smiling brightly at you both. “Thinking is always easier on a full stomach – why don’t I set out something?”
Keine smiles back. “That’d be lovely. I’ll find everyone and meet you shortly.”
Yuyuko claps her hands. “Splendid! See you~” She slips out the door, looking positively bubbly.
“Teatime?” you gripe. “From wraith-regent to hostess in no time flat? We’re this close to answers. I know 'urgency' is a foreign concept to all the longcat lifespans running around here, but god damn.”
“... longcat!?” Keine repeats, giving you a strange look. “What possible idiom could-”
“Allusion,” you correct her. “Literally a species of incredibly long cat. Some nobles drape them around their necks like fancy purring scarves.”
Keine shakes her head. “The context your language developed in is bizarre.”
“Wait till you hear about flat-bears.”
Keine shakes her head, firmly closing that line of conversation. “So you really think Yuyuko is just hungry?”
You plot that question’s speed and heading. “Of course not.”
She gives you lidded-eye skepticism. “So why the tea?”
“.... because she’s thirsty?” you try gamely.
Keine crosses her arms, tilts her head, and gives you some max-power Exasperation. “She’s giving everyone time to calm after that confrontation. And to get our thoughts in order before we talk.”
You snort. “And now I feel stupid and you’re thinking about flat-bears. So much for that.”
“I am not,” Keine objects.
“Liar.”
Keine spins on her heel and stalks for the door. “We have people to find.”
You follow her long, purposeful strides through the hallways and byways of Hakugyokurou, peeking through doorways as you pass them. Keine doesn’t. “You seem to know your way around?” you ask.
“I’ve a very good memory,” she replies. “You said Youmu was shopping earlier, so I’m looking for the kitchen. Traditional-style mansions like this, that should be... ah.” She leads you into a huge kitchen, harboring several counters and two big wood-stoves. Muted conversation drifts through an open doorway across the room. “And that,” Keine says, “must be the pantry.” Tugging you along, she steals towards the door.
As you approach, Youmu’s voice becomes recognizable. “Thank you again. I hate balancing on that ladder.”
“It is my pleasure,” you hear Duke’s familiar deep tones. Peeking around the jamb, you find Duke stowing cans, three at a time, on the top shelf of a large walk-in pantry.
“I wish I was taller,” Youmu says sadly from her seat on a footstool. “My technique is improving, but my reach is so poor. Especially since youkai always carry those stupidly huge swords.”
“Like this one?” Duke asks, indicating his greatsword in his back-scabbard.
“Oh no!” Youmu says quickly. “They’re much bigger then that. You could toast a sub-sandwich on them. Yours looks much faster. Still too big for me, though.”
“This is a standard-weight blade, for a human,” Duke tells her.
“Eh? Really?” Youmu says, leaning forward to examine the blade. “But it’d be so slow!”
“Only swings,” Duke says. “Small, quick jabs with precise point control is the key to dueling with this weapon.”
Youmu props a chin in her hand, curious. “I’ve never heard of a style like that.”
“I could show you, if you want.”
You knock on the wall politely. “Hey.”
“Ah! You!” Duke says, pleased.
“Oh, you,” Youmu mutters.
“We got the ghost by the sheets,” you tell them. “We’re meeting Yu-”
Youmu shoots you a glare.
“Sorry. I mean Ghost-Geisha-” you snap your head back as a can ricochets off the doorjamb.
”LADY! LADY!” Youmu snarls.
Keine steps into the doorway. Another can snaps through the air with impressive velocity – and slaps into Keine’s palm.
“We’re meeting Lady Yuyuko for tea, to talk it over.” Keine says calmly, gently tossing the can back. “If you don’t mind.”
Youmu emerges, glowering at you.
“I’ll finish this, and be along shortly,” Duke says.
“Thank you, Duke,” Youmu says warmly, giving you an icy glare.
“Uh, where’s Cirno?”
“Entertaining herself,” Youmu says crisply as she stomps away.
“Hold up!” you call, giving chase. Youmu exits the kitchen and barrels down the hall, ignoring you.
“Youmu-”
“Stuff it up your hat,” she snaps.
Oh no she did not. You snap your fingers at the floor before her and bark a sharp word of magic. Youmu’s next stompy footfall slams into the polished wood floor and shoots forward.
“YIIPE!” she screams as executes a full backflip, landing on her back and sliding down the hallway a bit with a drawn-out squee-ee-ee-ek!
With a gentle push-off from the wall, you glide over to the prone gardener. You lean to look down at her. “Thank you for waiting.” You glance over your shoulder, and find no Keine in the hallway. Gods bless her. You dismiss your Grease spell with a wave, and offer your hand to Youmu. She grasps your palm firmly, hoists herself up and drives her knee towards your balls in almost one motion.
You’re already twisting your hips as she moves, taking the blow on your thigh. “Need to talk to you.”
She jerks her hand out of yours violently and crosses her arms, glowering at you. “What.”
“Did Yuyuko tell you about Duke's message?”
Youmu's glare slips. “Why would she?”
“It involved you. And your safety.”
Youmu's face clouds, her deader half orbiting her slowly. “My mistress has her reasons, I suppose,” she says, and her face falls. “But I've given up trying to understand them.”
“You live with her,” you say, surprised. And venturing a guess at a 'half-ghosts' lifespan, for a long time, too; and Youmu's not stupid.
“That doesn't mean I know her,” Youmu replies. “Not deeply. Or anything else, for that matter. I don't know what's going on around me, even when I'm actively involved in it. I don't know why my Master left, with my training incomplete. I think its a final lesson, but am I succeeding, or failing?” Youmu's hands have found her sword-hilts, gripping and twisting on the woven leather. “I don't know why my lady neglects my education in things I ought to know, about my weapons, about myself. I'm... I'm not even sure where half-ghosts go when they die. Is there even a place for me?”
You stand stunned as your mental image of Miss NoFunAllowed implodicates and takes your brain with it. You've dealt with Women before - but there's no windows nearby, Teleport can't cross planar boundaries and there's nothing readily flammable at hand. Oh comfort zone, where art thou?
And quite suddenly, it clicks. You're outside it. You're an outsider, temporary, without significance, the one person she can confide in without fear. Your breast swells with sympathy as you rejoice in finally understanding a Woman well enough to help her.
“Youmu, who gives a shit?”
And theory gets mugged by application.
“Where I come from, heroes can't be arsed to stay dead; their friends bag'n'drag to a church and fork over shinies to a cleric, and he cranks their mortal coil with holy energy till it turns over. Bam, back in the saddle.”
Youmu's blinks as her ghosty-half freezes mid-orbit. “Then why doesn't everyone-”
“River Styx – Sanzu – same thing. Cross over, forget stuff. Except the strong-willed, the heroes, the fighters, they don't. Reincarnation spells can only call back souls wishing to go; and only souls strong-willed enough to remember can have desire at all.”
“...oh,” Youmu says, muted.
“Point is, your place is anywhere you damn well want to be,” you tell her.
“And if you don't know?”
“If only there was a place for people like that,” you say, stroking your chin. “Now where could it-” you glance left-right-left with faux surprise. “Oh, wait.”
Youmu doesn't quite smile, but Myon does cease his pensive laps. “I suppose you have a point.”
“Damn straight.”
Youmu does smile this time, her blue eyes brightening.
“And Youmu?”
“Yes?”
“Try not to leave the Netherworld, at least for a few days.”
She frowns. “Why?”
And this is why wizards have a reputation for being irritable jackasses who hate giving straight answers: because the straight answers typically involve “prophetic vision,” “dying in my arms” and other phrases of especial social misfortune for men who live in secluded towers, wear identity-concealing clothing, and collect bat guano.
“Because I thought it was a good idea,” Keine says pleasantly.
You and Youmu both twitch involuntarily and fall against the wall as your hearts find their tempo again. “Sumbitch, how did you do that?” you gasp, staring at the schoolteacher, who's standing right beside you.
“Lots of practice,” Keine says innocently.
“She does that in class,” Youmu murmurs. “She finds somebody writing a note or cheating on a test and she just looms over them till they notice the shadow.”
You glance warily at Keine, who smiles at you sweetly. “I give them a second to anticipate before I reprimand them.”
You imagine staring up at Keine in Teacher Modo, the split-second of horror before the headbutt falls-
“We're close to our culprit and he-” she pinches your cheek - “tends to catch himself in his own crossfire, so it'd be simpler and safer to limit the variables.” Keine's face becomes inscrutably neutral. “But if you think I'm wrong-”
“No! No!” Youmu says hurriedly.
“No questions?”
“We're late for tea!” Youmu cries, all but flying down the hall.
*****
Hakugyokurou's spacious dining room stretches before you, a large table loaded with Yuyuko's liberal interpretation of a 'snack.' The Ghost Princess is seated across from you, happily attacking a pudding while Youmu studies some tea to her right.
Keine nudges your elbow. “I knew you needed more breakfast.”
You inhale the second half of your jelly donut. “Just cleaning my plate,” you say primly. “Momma didn't raise no orc.”
“And enjoying it well,” Yuyuko says with real delight. “Food is the spice of afterlife. Or something like that.”
“My compliments to the cook,” you agree as you fall upon a hapless sweetbun.
“That'd be me,” Youmu says, looking up with quiet satisfaction.
“You did this on such short notice? I'm impressed,” Keine says.
“No, we always keep this on hand,” Youmu says. “For Yukari.”
“She likes to drop in, sometimes,” Yuyuko says.
“That's a word for it,” Youmu mutters darkly. “At least [i[he[/i] uses the front door,” she says, poking at you with her spoon, “even if he's kicking it in. Yukari manipulates boundaries and gaps, so she uses any one she pleases – the gap between my dresser and sock drawer, gaps in the noodle iron... gaps in the bathtub drain... while you're in it...” Youmu shudders, her shoulders hunched.
“Honestly,” Yuyuko chides her. “Yukari's been visiting like that your whole life. I'd think you used to it by now.” Holding a cookie in her mouth to free her hands, she raises her cup and feels for the teapot to her left.
“Ma'am,” Duke says politely, handing it to her.
Yuyuko emits a tiny squeak as she inhales her cookie.
“Oh dear,” Duke says as Yuyuko coughs and pounds her chest. “My apologies. I usually announce myself when I teleport.”
Youmu has vanished, and from somewhere beneath table-height comes the desperate wheezing of somebody giggling to death. Yuyuko catches her breath, face flushed. “Lets get down to business, then.” She bites her lip and studies the table as a fresh spate of helpless giggles erupts from below.
“We've ruled out the Secret Society,” you tell Yuyuko. “They've got some nifty toys and some magic books, but nothing necromantic to speak of.” You frown. “And from what I've seen, their supposed death toll is greatly exaggerated. They're not incompetent.”
“So no progress?”
“We've interrogated a ghost,” Keine says.
“Oh?” Yuyuko says, not seeming interested.
“Yes,” the schoolteacher replies. “Our only clue is the bewitchment upon the spirits, which lets them manifest, but without willpower to resist the magician's commands. But our magician cast used a bewitchment of his own, and we interviewed one of the enthralled ghosts.”
Yuyuko leans forward, hands clasped. “And?”
“We learned the ghosts are suicides... but from outside Gensokyo. And-” Keine pauses. “Yuyuko?”
Ghost-Geisha has stiffened, staring at Keine. “Oh. Oh, no.”
She looks up at you and Keine, face grave.
“It's Remilia.”
“... eh?” you say.
“It's because of Flan's diet,” Yuyuko continues.
“... you lost me.”
“Flan doesn't drink blood,” Yuyuko clarifies. “She... doesn't have the patience to feed like a vampire should-”
“You mean she's so bugfuck insane she can't slow down to drain someone before ripping them into confetti,” you clarify.
Yuyuko nods, looking a little green. “So they feed her disguised food... pies, cakes, tea... but made of human flesh.”
Keine abruptly drops her tea sandwich.
“Human flesh,” Duke muses between bites of fried meatballs. “And where do they collect that?”
“The balance in Gensokyo is delicate,” Yuyuko explains. “Devils or their minions running wild, hunting humans, would not be tolerated. Nor would grave-robbing from the Village. But suicidal folk, from the Outside world...”
“Sonofabitch,” you breathe. “I... Patchouli.”
“What?” Keine says, looking confused.
“She was fishing for information,” you relate. “That's why she jumped like a scalded ca-a-atipillar when I mentioned necromancy. That's why she traded books; that's why Remilia told her to give me a personal tour of the Voile library; Patchouli's her thrice-damned tutor!” You try to ignite a teacake with your glare.
Keine frowns, staring into space studiously. “Remilia can't just wander the forest picking up... carrion. Even I know vampires eat fresh-”
“The faeries,” you grumble. “Especially that horde of spritemares she's got. Little fuckers never shut up, so if one knows it, they all know it within five minutes - and forests are their natural haunts.”
Sakuya, pushing a wheelbarrow under the dangling body of some poor bastard, slicing his noose with a casual dagger-toss, carting it home-
You collapse on the table, squeezing your bowed head. “And you tolerated their corpse-stealing.”
Yuyuko blinks. You slowly raise your head to stare her down.
“You knew.”
Yuyuko captures a teacup in her hands and squeezes it, avoiding your eyes. “I don't like it any more then you do, but I'm Princess of the Netherworld. It's... outside of my jurisdiction.”
“So tell whoever can do something about it!” you snap.
“Wha...” Yuyuko stares at you, her lovely maroon eyes wide and wondering. “But they already know.”
“Buh?” you vocalize.
“They were suicidal. And Outsiders. They're of little significance – doubly so.”
“Little significance,” you repeat numbly.
“Nobody knows them,” Yuyuko says. “Or mourns them, and there was no murder, even.”
“So they are,” you say, voice creaking like a bowstring, “of little significance.”
Like those fairy chess-pieces Remilia was sniggering to Little Miss Impulse Control over, shoving them around, check-and-mate, watching them brawl as she watches, amused. Watching you, poking you with ghosts and laughing as you scramble like a kitten chasing a yarn ball, laughing it up in Manse Motherfucker, milking you like a cow while trying to drive wedges between you and Keine and getting pissy with Suwako because she doesn't want to share her new toy. And semi-god just wants to chat with Patchy because the cannibalism doesn't faze her, nor Kanako, because even though they know, deities know, they fucking know about human bodies being sliced-diced-lopped-chopped and pureed into tea cookies for that little psychobitch abomination but who gives a fuck they won't be missed, they won't complain, they won't drive away worshipers or even lower property values so to them they're of
- you shoot up from the table, jaw muscles aching teeth grinding head pounding
Your name, calling your name, Yuyuko-
You look at her.
“What are you going to do!?” she says with trepidation.
“I'm going to pound that bitch into a ball and bowl her through the employees,” you sizzle. “Then I'll break my foot off in her ass and use her as a mallet for whack-a-fae. “Then-”
Yuyuko's hands come down on the table, the sharp crack of splintering wood slicing through your rage. “You cannot! You've no chance contending with her servants, much less Remilia herself!”
Keine's mouth takes a hard set as she hunches over, head lowering, fists balling and arms tensing. “He made quick work of Marisa and Sanae,” Keine growls. “He's more then competen-”
“In a duel,” Yuyuko says quietly. “Not a battle. She's gathering an army of ghosts, grabbing for tremendous power.” Yuyuko steeples her hands before her, her little cloud of attendant spirits swirling about with agitation. “You think she intends to honor spellcard dueling rules, if she's doing that? Or her servants, for that matter? She might bring her full power against you – she might tamper with your very fate. Perhaps she already has.”
Remilia is one thing – Sakuya, Patchouli and Meiling slipping their debonair chains is quite another. “So what, then?”
“Report to the Yama,” Yuyuko says immediately. “She can authorize me to act, dispatch shinigami to help, and most importantly strip Remilia of her spirit minions.”
Duke's head shakes sad negatives as it sinks into his palm.
“Ffffuck your Celestial bureaucracy right up their nostrils,” you snap, illustrating the suggested thrust with your fist. “Fuck their sanctimonious bullshit, their precious rules and their pissweak excuses and above all, fuck their status quo right in its ugly lying face!”
Yuyuko looks at Keine, silently pleading. The schoolteacher bites her lip, hard, visibly trembling. She catches you watching, and turns her face away as she flushes.
After a moment, she sighs, shoulders slumping – and grips your arm, shaking her head sadly at Yuyuko.
The Ghost Princess slumps dejectedly. “Please, just give me time,” she asks. “Just a day to petition before you make a mess of things-”
“Go ahead,” you glower. “Try to bend Heaven. I'm going to move Hell.”
[ ] DYNAMIC ENTRY
>Remilia has driven my friend and benefactor from her home, attacked, insulted and toyed with me and blatantly disrespected human life. Its time to fall upon her like an iron dragon swimming in lava at the speed of light.
[ ] IN UR BASE DRINKING UR TEA
>Teleport to Remilia's study, eat her cake, drink her tea and wait. There will be talking and gloating and counter-gloating. And then asskicking. No matter what you're still kicking her ass. Possibly with her own teacup.
[ ] DEWY DECIMATED
>Remilia's just a childvamp, but Patchouli's a hundred-year old Witch, a practitioner of the craft – she should damn well know better. It's her work, her magic and ultimately her fault for enabling Remilia's childish, dangerous schemes. If anyone needs punishment, it's her – and besides, dueling other spellcasters is something you're good at.