!4wzC./fhQs 2013/12/25 (Wed) 06:08 No. 176854 ▼ File 138795170278.jpg - (203.57KB, 850x992 , TheFaceOfSpicyDoom.jpg)
Sanae grabbed the TV knob, then paused for a second.
"On the next episode..." the TV continued.
The show flashed a few rapid cuts, mostly of the various main characters locking lips, before showing a clip of Remilia slamming open the doors to the main room of her mansion.
"Everyone, I have an announcement to make. I have vampire cancer."
More rapid-paced cuts, this time of shocked expressions, then a few more of Remilia making out with various mansion employees.
"Don't tell me you've gotten interested," Kanako rolled her eyes.
Sanae felt a tingle of shame run through her spine, yet couldn't bring herself to change the channel just yet. Cut to Marisa's house.
"Mima! I thought you were..."
"Dead? That's what I wanted you to think."
With that final sting, like an insult hurled from one room to another after the end of a heated argument, the show's credits played in honest. Marisa, proving she wasn't just a pretty face, sang the ending theme as a guitar played in the background.
"?Porqu? segu's mirando?
Estos son solo los t?tulos de cr'dito,
No se importan un pepino...
"Fuiste a la cocina?
Debes cambiar el canal en serio.
Sin embargo, este programa es malo."
Sanae turned the channel knob without a word. Despite only moving a few fingers, she felt as if she'd taken a long walk of shame.
The TV settled on a short green haired girl, dressed in a slightly oversized dull peach colored dress. A pair of wide, floppy brown dog ears rested on top of her hair. They perked up slightly in a small flopping motion as she turned to face the camera. Her teal eyes were almost as wide and perky as her grin.
"HI, I'M KYOUKO! The host of this show, Cooking with Echodog!" she shouted, making Sanae fly back from the screen.
She stared at the camera for a few seconds after saying her piece. Her ears flopped up again.
The camera zoomed out to show a thin, androgynous woman dressed in sailor's clothes, right down to the jaunty cap. Compared to her yamabiko partner, she was rather plain: black hair, green eyes, and tanned sailor's skin with a touch of the Limey brush.
"And I'm Murasa. Spending most of my days at sea, fresh fruits and vegetables were a luxury. We learned how to make do cooking with grains, fish, and a few spices. If we were lucky!"
She jabbed a small slotted spoon at the camera, silently chiding them for not being thankful enough of their cabbage and peaches.
"Anyway, just because you're limited to sailor's food doesn't mean you can't eat tasty food. And to prove that, what're we making today, Kyouko?"
"FISH AND-"
"Indoor voice."
"Fish and potato curry," she grumbled.
"That's right!" Murasa lifted up the cloth covering the table to reveal an array of ingredients.
Murasa lifted the cloth off of the table, revealing her ingredients. True to her word, there were two salmon filets, a bowl of uncooked potatoes, and an array of spices in between a collection of stainless steel cookware. She picked up a shallow bowl and tilts it towards the camera to show small piles of various seeds, a lump of something that looked like ginger, a few cloves of garlic, and a white onion.
"First, and most important, the curry spices. You can use a brick of curry powder, if you're a little bitch. If you have half a brain and one-fourth of a nut you'll get the real stuff and make it yourself."
She pointed out the various spices, naming them as she goes.
"Lotsa turmeric, lotsa coriander. Some black pepper and salt. Cumin to taste, add more if you like it spicy. If you don't like it spicy, refer to what I said ten seconds ago. Gotta have cardamom too, if you wanna make the real stuff. Black cardamom is best, with that rich, sweet, yet intoxicatingly smoky flavor... and that smell..."
Murasa pressed her face to the plate and takes a deep whiff. When she lifted her head back up, she looked as though she'd had something between a hit of heroin and multiple orgasms. A few stray seeds had stuck to her face. They fell off one by one back onto the plate while her eyes slowly refocused.
"So, first step, we need to get the turmeric, garlic, and onions minced."
The camera zoomed in on the spices with an almost pornographic focus. Murasa flattened her blade against the board and crushed the cloves beneath it. Even through the screen, Sanae could swear she could smell the aroma, and feel the sticky moisture of its juices.
Kanako, meanwhile, had gone back to take the bubbling pot of rice off of the stove. The clattering sound reminded Sanae that there was little more than a heaping bag of raw brown rice in the pantry at the moment. A mixture of envy and awe filled her mind as she watched the garlic, then the tumeric, then the onion get diced and minced under Murasa's cool, controlling hand. She swept them away from the camera and brought the plate of seeds into view.
"And now, these seeds..."
A loud 'thwap!' sound flew out of the speakers as she smashed the seeds with a mallet. Sanae snapped back to reality, suddenly feeling yet another pang of existential shame.
"You need to really mash the seeds up good to get the powdery texture you'll want in a good curry." Murasa gave the plate a few more smashes with her mallet until the seeds were well and truly pulverized.
"Oh, baby. If Nirvana means I'll never get to smell freshly-ground cumin again then I've got some sinning to do," Murasa said.
"Well..." Kyouko scrunched her lips and glanced up.
Murasa was halfway to glaring at her before she realized that she really had no room to argue that. She set the spices aside and turned to the pot of water on the stovetop, which had reached a healthy boil in the meantime. She took three potatoes, whole with skin and all, and set them in the water. To Kyouko's surprise, the potatoes floated in the water for a few seconds. Murasa stared at the tubers and pointed at them with her slotted spoon. They broke apart into cubes and sank to the bottom of the pot.
"Creative, huh?" Murasa smirked with pride.
"Now it's my turn!" Kyouko nearly squealed with excitement. "I'll fry the fish along with the garlic and onions in this other pan for a few minutes," she hefted up a massive pan and set it on the stovetop with a loud clang.
"That's right," Murasa said, falling prey to Kyouko's adorable excitability. "When the fish and onions are juuuust beginning to get cooked through, we add water, potatoes and spices. That way we'll have a wet curry, almost like a really thick soup."
Kyouko gave the fish a flip while Murasa watched it cook, waiting for just the right moment to throw everything else in. Then she struck, tossing in potatoes and spices, then emptying a pint of water on top of it. Steam billowed up from the sizzling pan.
"Now, there's one more ingredient we'll need." Murasa displayed a glass jar filled with a red powder, caressing it as she spoke. "Pure crushed chili peppers. Piri piri, to be precise, imported from southern Ethiopia. This strain is three times as strong as Cayanne peppers, over twenty times as strong as jalape?os."
"Wow! So you're going to be really careful with it, right?" Kyouko said with a nervous forced laugh.
"Yes, careful, sure." Murasa leaned over the pan and tapped the jar a few times, dumping some of the spices into it. Then a few more taps. And even more still.
"M-Murasa, I think that's-"
"Silence."
"Meep."
Kyouko backed away as Murasa emptied even more into the pan, stirring it and cackling to herself. Over half the jar had gone into the pan, which had now taken a dangerous red tint, before she decided that her work was done. She stashed the vial back in her pocket before scooping some of it up with her slotted spoon and sipping the sauce.
"Yes, perfect. Yessssss."
She approached Kyouko with the spoon. Her tail wrapped around her leg in fear as she backed away further.
"It looks really good, honest, but I don't really like spicy food, sorry, I think I'll pa-"
"Eat it. Eat it and like it." Murasa lunged the spoon into Kyouko's open mouth, cutting off her protests.
Kyouko stood frozen in horror. Her pupils dilated, sweat broke out on her brow, and she let out a pitiful squeak as she tasted the sauce. Her squeak turned to a whine as tears welled up in her eyes and she swallowed the mouthful.
"Well? How is it?" Murasa asked with a devilish smile.
"It... it hurts so good..." Kyouko whimpered. "I can't feel my face anymore."
"No tears, only dreams now."
A new voice spoke up from above the two of them. "Imported peppers? My, my. Sounds awfully expensive."
Byakuren Hijiri descended from above, landing just behind Murasa. Now it was Murasa's turn to freeze in terror.
Byakuren put her hands together, a poisonous smile on her face. "And I can't imagine those other spices were cheap either."
"I-I can explain," Murasa said.
"Explain the three thousand yen that went missing from our treasury, you mean?" Byakuren responded. "We'll have a talk about that at the temple. Oh, yes, we will."
Byakuren grabbed her subject of wrath by the collar and carted her away. Kyouko was now by herself, still frozen in position, her ears twitching slightly.
"We should probably... help her, or something," came a voice right next to the camera.
"Yep," said another.
"Nazrin, go help her," the first voice said.
The second voice sighed heavily. "Yes, master."
Back in the Myouren temple, Sanae's focus on what just happened was broken as Kanako laid a bowl of rice down in front of her.
"What'd I miss?" she asked.
"I'm not entirely sure what just happened but I have very mixed feelings about it," Sanae took an absent-minded bite of rice.
"Huh, I wouldn't think a cooking show would do that. What else is on?"
_________________________________________
PRIME-TIME SLOT UNLOCKED! 1x CHANNEL BONUS
[ ] Sunday Night Spellcard Smackdown Pay-Per-View
[ ] CROW News: Pure and Honest
[ ] Keine's Boring History Show
[ ] Ichirin and Unzan's Wacky Sitcom Hijinks
