In honor of the fact that dwarves are the best wizards, and now they're even viable in 5e, I wanted to write a story. I missed you, THP.

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It started the same way any magical catastrophe always does.

You woke up in the dead of night, startled to full awareness by a flash of lightning, a clap of thunder, and a smell of ozone.

Oh, and it’s raining. You left the window open. Ya daft idjit.

...but last night you went out on a bender. Three bottles of whiskey in, and you didn’t expect to be up before three in the afternoon. Your headache tells you that it’s three in the afternoon and you didn’t hydrate.

It’s three in the bloody afternoon. It’s dark outside. There’s a distinctly unnatural storm outside. These add up to one inescapable conclusion- this is the apprentice’s fault.

You groan as you throw yourself out of your rather comfortable bed, and meet the hard, cold stone floor with your face. Hello, floor. Feckin’ legs just didn’t want to get under the rest of you, no. A good ol’ stone sandwich to the gob improves your mood every time.

No it doesn’t.

You stumble up and towards the single window in your tower- it’s your bloody tower, and you’re feckin’ right that you took the top floor for your bedroom. It’s about prestige, you know? Family back home’s always going on about oh why can’t you sleep underground, it’s what a proper dwarf would do and magic’s for pansies like humans and elves, can’t you get a real job like your brother Fergus and mine like your father and your father’s father and every bloody other dwarf ev-

Okay, you think, this isn’t getting anywhere. But you’ve worked up a good head of rage and it’d be a damn shame to waste it. So you get your short arse over to the window, poke your head out, and there’s your apprentice. Of course. With a bloody feckin’ magical circle. Around the whole feckin’ grounds.

“WHAT IN THE BLOODY BLUE BLAZES ARE YOU DOIN’, BOY? HOW THE FECK YOU GONNA HOLD THE WHOLE THRICE-DAMNED CIRCLE TOGETHER? GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR FECKIN’ ARSE OR I SWEAR TO ANY GODS LISTENING I WILL JUMP OUT OF THIS DAMNED WINDOW AND BREAK YOUR FECKIN’ GOB, SWEAR ON YER MUM!”

Your apprentice, a reedy-looking human, by the name of Kale, jumps visibly and looks up at you. He’s wearing his ritual robes.

“You told me that we were going to work on the teleportation circle for the tower today!”

“Well I’m not down there with you working on it now, am I, you great bloody knob?!”

“You were asleep!” Kale whines.

“What kind of wizard wakes up in the thrice-damned morning to do things? Are you an early bird now?”

“I-uh-” Kale starts to reply, but his concentration flicks back to the circle. Apparently a little shouting match broke his concentration. Pansy, you think. The circle flickers and sparks. “Hold on a moment, I gotta-”

The storm intensifies. The rain becomes a torrential downpour.

And Kale gets struck by lightning.

A few billion watts of power arc through Kale straight into the circle.

That’s the thing about lightning- it’s great to have, amazing stuff to power a ritual, kick-start an impressive spell, charge your batteries, what have you. Terrible to get struck by, but you have more pressing issues- namely, the fact that the circle lights, and then the lights are a blindingly white cylinder of power. An untuned, untargeted teleportation circle just kicked off.

Good news! Your experiment worked! You have probably successfully teleported your entire tower.
Bad news! Have you ever heard of a botched teleportation experimentation going right?

Because you’re pretty sure you can’t remember a single godsdamn time any of your wizard friends who’ve tried, and failed, ever showing up again.

Shite.

Where do you end up?
[ ] Vote for any location in Gensokyo.

What’s your name?
[ ]

Where does the tower end up?
[ ] Vote again for any location at all.