Involuntary Pedagogic Fantasy - Thread 25 Soltindir !4rqjPmV6PI 2009/06/23 (Tue) 00:26 No. 88950 ▼ File 124571680271.jpg - (640.62KB, 1000x1000 , afterglow satori.jpg)
You nod. "Yeah, okay. Thanks, I really appreciate it."
"Glad I can help." She positively beams at you, the afterglow still making her seem flushed and giddy. You really hope she doesn't bump into her parents on the way. But if they're not real is that better, or worse? Satori's expression drops a little as she hears your thought.
"It's alright, they won't notice." She says. You nod, feeling a little reassured. You're going to have to work out how to deal with these non-people eventually, but after sex and before school is not the time.
"Back in a moment then!" Satori says as she slips out of the door, shutting it behind her again. Alone in her room, you plonk yourself back down on the bed to wait. Your pullover does need a wash, what with the blood it in. No, you don't want to think about those kind of things right now. Deal with that when you get home, or tonight. Right now is time to go to school. Maybe ravage Satori in a broom cupboard or something later.
Swinging your feet and twiddling your thumbs only occupies you for so long. Satori's room! This is as close as you'll ever get to being inside her head, so why not just look around? You resist the urge to actually look inside or behind anything, but you can just look, right? There's a short bookshelf, crammed nearly full to bursting with cheap paperbacks, fantasy novels and a few scattered classics. Crouching down to get a better look, you smile to yourself and start reading the titles of the books, trying to get a better feel for Satori's habits and tastes. At least she doesn't read trashy romance! You wouldn't mind borrowing a few of these, but you're not sure what you've read before and what you haven't. The mind wiping seems to have scrambled that part of your memories too.
Also not a good thing to think about right now. You sigh and look around for something that won't bring up horrible thoughts. What about Satori's chest of drawers? You suddenly wonder what other fantastic clothes she might have stashed away.
You grin and cross the room, a little disappointed at yourself. You shouldn't be doing this really, right? She can see inside your head and she'll know everything if you look somewhere you shouldn't.
Best to resist the urge completely. You sit back down.
Satori sure is taking a long time.
[ ] Just wait. Patience.
[ ] Is she okay? Go find her.
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 00:28 No. 88953 [X] Is she okay? Go find her.
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 00:30 No. 88954 [X] Is she okay? Go find her.
Okay, scolding from fake parents, here we come!
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 00:36 No. 88956 [x] Is she okay? Go find her.
:>
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 00:44 No. 88957 >Soltindir
>HAHAHAHA
[X] Is she okay? Go find her.
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 00:57 No. 88958 [x] Is she okay? Go find her.
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 01:31 No. 88963 [X] Is she okay? Go find her.
Did we just doom her with our last choice?
Dr. Doujin !6zq1qwwMaI 2009/06/23 (Tue) 02:10 No. 88964 [x] Is she okay? Go find her.
Obviously a trap, but hey I'll bite.
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 02:51 No. 88965 [X] Just wait. Patience.
And then Satori's parents turn into sharks and smash through the door to eat us.
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 05:09 No. 88969 [x] Is she okay? Go find her.
MikoSpark !N11zMkGpy6 2009/06/23 (Tue) 06:07 No. 88970 [X] Is she okay? Go find her.
The faster we find Satori the faster we can get back to school and probe Suika for answers.
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 06:48 No. 88973 [ze] Is she okay? Go find her.
Shiki knows best.
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 12:31 No. 88974 >>The faster we find Satori the faster we can get back to school and probe Suika for answers.
First time I read that, I read it as:
>>get back to school and grope Suika for answers.
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 14:40 No. 88975 Am I the only one looking forward to more vidya with Kaguya~n after school?
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 14:42 No. 88976 I'm looking forward to meeting moe-moe flan-chan, personally.
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 15:46 No. 88978 I for one am looking towards talking to suica~
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 17:03 No. 88982 Come now, have we all forgotten about Sanae already? We promised the girl that we would be back soon, but had our miko miko time hijacked by yesterday's havoc. We need to go back and keep our promise; not only is she a potentially valuable ally, but she's a very sweet young lady who deserves some of our time.
Anonymous 2009/06/23 (Tue) 18:05 No. 88985 Too many touhous, too little updating.
MikoSpark !N11zMkGpy6 2009/06/23 (Tue) 19:00 No. 88989 ▼ File 124578364515.jpg - (108.43KB, 800x600 , Suica.jpg)
>>88988 Ha ha oh wow! Hey, with one of these we might be able to get back to school faster :P
Soltindir !4rqjPmV6PI 2009/06/23 (Tue) 21:45 No. 88990 Lack of updating lately because of flu and emergency dental work. Apologies. More updates as soon as I can.
Soltindir !4rqjPmV6PI 2009/06/24 (Wed) 01:29 No. 88997 Okay, so, something came along and grabbed me by the creative nuts, reminding me not only why I write for THP but why I write at all. I'd like to pick the speed up again on IPF, get myself back into shape, which I will attempt to do with all due haste. However! There's something else been missing around here lately: interaction with the readers, right here. Not sure how many people are left on these boards at all. So, hi. How's the story going? Enjoying it? What are you looking forward to? What would you like to see more of?
Anonymous 2009/06/24 (Wed) 01:33 No. 88998 Enjoying it for sure. Looking forward to where the story goes once Suika gets involved more heavily with it.
Anonymous 2009/06/24 (Wed) 01:47 No. 89000 Enjoying it, but I also enjoy the fairy story and it's harsh having one be neglected because of the other.
Anonymous 2009/06/24 (Wed) 02:15 No. 89001 I stopped reading the story a when we first went to Satori's house. The relationship between Satori and Hibiki disgusts and horrifies me.
Dr. Doujin !6zq1qwwMaI 2009/06/24 (Wed) 02:40 No. 89006 Having real world factors in the story (like blood on shirt, blue balls, time limits) are great, but I can see it getting tedious very soon. Personally I really want to get to school and see the newer or unexplored things, such as the environment being different as a more awakened oni, suika, and especially Sanae. And while I loves me some Satori, hurrying up to school would be lovely.
R.I.M. 2009/06/24 (Wed) 02:44 No. 89007 It bugs me as well...
It feels like Satori is simply giving in too fast. Like she just wants to be Hibiki's sex toy more often than not, and that Hibiki is (Note, this is also the voter's fault) taking advantage of Satori's easily stimulated nature.
They've known each other for a little less than two whole days, yet want to jump in each other's pants already. I mean, this last update, she was about ready to take Hibiki inside herself. Mind-reader or no, I don't think anyone is that easily aroused.
I might revise this when I put more thought into it, but the whole thing between those two feels... I dunno, forced?
Anonymous 2009/06/24 (Wed) 03:13 No. 89012 IMO, there's been way too much filler, not enough plot.
The last few threads have been mostly just Hibiki thinking about something sexual and Satori reacting to it. It's getting a bit boring really.
Millenia !Rb/qLUuxZg 2009/06/24 (Wed) 03:32 No. 89015 I don't find any problem with the pace of the story, nor Satori's relationship with Hibiki. Then again, I'm weird like that. I think the story's been going along great, basically.
Soltindir !4rqjPmV6PI 2009/06/24 (Wed) 03:52 No. 89019 ▼ File 124581556947.jpg - (99.36KB, 481x688 , 0bb837741977807844aff3355bebe940.jpg)
Never considered a retcon before. Strange feeling coming over me ...
Patchwork !!DkZ2EyAJHl 2009/06/24 (Wed) 04:23 No. 89020 The sex scene didn't bother me much, mostly because I didn't assume that Hibiki and Satori were getting into a serious romantic relationship. I'll say this, HY: if you were attempting to write some sort of romantic relationship, you did it poorly. As a friends-with-benefits scenario, it's much more believable under the circumstances.
But then, some people complain about how I handled sex in my own story. What can I say? Different people view sex differently. You can't please everyone all of the time.
At any rate, we could probably give you more advice if we had a firm grasp on your intentions with the story so far. For that matter, I'd like to hear a more detailed explanation from you of what you felt you did badly - we can definitely give you some feedback on those bits, at least.
Anonymous 2009/06/24 (Wed) 05:41 No. 89023 What bugs me the most is that people seem to think that the relationship with Satorin is actually serious. To me it seems more like a one night stand than anything.
Anonymous 2009/06/24 (Wed) 05:46 No. 89024 Pretty much what I'm hearing is this:
1) Satori seemed a bit forced. This was a combination of writer bias, lack of difficulty, and voters going heads-over-heels for her then shallowly getting bored. Even if it is an open relationship, people are wanting to focus on other girls now.
2) Want to get back to the suspense-action feeling. The "oh god what is this, who are you, can I trust you?" stuff.
3) Want to get back to Sanae, Tewi, Mokou-Kaguya, and even Sigma.
4) Want to get back to Fightan Gamez.
5) Want to avoid these minor events which feel somewhat like mini games and are delaying the main story.
Suggestion: Retcon back to walking Satori home in the morning, but do not enter. Head back to house and change/shower.
Anonymous 2009/06/24 (Wed) 06:07 No. 89028 WE'VE GONE TOO LONG WITHOUT PUNCHING SOMETHING! I'M GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWAL!
Anonymous 2009/06/24 (Wed) 07:26 No. 89041 no, the pacing is fine.
I think the problem is with expectation management. what kind of story is Anon expecting?
If it's one-girl, one-route, one-playthrough, then yeah, it happened too fast. but then again, I hate Keyaids. I'm sure I'm not the only one that hates Keyaids. Also, note that in all likelihood, we won't get another playthrough. Or maybe we do get a second, but we almost certainly aren't getting a third. Think back to that SDM story.
As a light-hearted sex-romp-through-touhouworld sort of deal, the pacing is just fine. You can't invest too much screentime on each character because there are hard, real-world limits to how far you can stretch the story and still keep reader/writefag interest, and you don't want to get all top-heavy and go out with a whimper.
so the question is, which style are we going for here? Key Studio or, say, SQUEEZ?
Anonymous 2009/06/24 (Wed) 20:30 No. 89061 Well, I just read through this from thread 5, and it seems pretty great. Keep up the good work!
Also, this may be slightly off topic, but is it just me or do the links to threads 1-4 in the archives not work (hence the starting from thread 5)? I've kind of picked up on what happened, but it'd be nice to be able to read for myself.
Anonymous 2009/06/24 (Wed) 22:32 No. 89066 See? This is why HY is good. When something goes bad, he analyze what's wrong and try to improve.
R.I.M. 2009/06/25 (Thu) 03:20 No. 89084 Wow.
Authors who genuinly want advice would be considered crying out for attention or copying?
And voters who would want to help would be considered trolls?
I can't be the only one who thinks that's screwed up.
If anything, it should be encouraged as to avoid similar trainwrecks in the future, not curb stomped because someone had, pardon my language, a stick up their ass.
Anonymous 2009/06/25 (Thu) 09:11 No. 89096 it's like this: it's the first time, so he get a free pass.
if this continues, especially if the pace of updates also slows, then after the third or fourth time shitstorms will be a-brewin'.
Anonymous 2009/06/26 (Fri) 01:36 No. 89122 ▼ File 124598018767.gif - (479.41KB, 320x180 , Momi Wink.gif)
>>89120 >Vodka too, wherever he may be. As much as I'd love that, dude's on hiatus. See
>>87155.
Anonymous 2009/06/27 (Sat) 23:16 No. 89158 ▼ File 124614461899.jpg - (64.15KB, 272x800 , Teach your kitty to play gently.jpg)
When I stumbled across this image, I realized that it summed up this entire situation.
Hungry Youkai !GGKI3UTr5s 2009/06/28 (Sun) 05:09 No. 89179 Experimental thoughts: this story became more plot than romance and so fourth. How would the readers feel about keeping the romance in (of course, it's a major part of the story) but not bothering with the H as a goal or having it at all and keeping the focus firmly on the plot?
Discuss, please.
Millenia !Rb/qLUuxZg 2009/06/28 (Sun) 05:23 No. 89182 I don't know... I kinda like the H, though to be fair there's only been one scene.
However, I'll still enjoy the story if there isn't.
Anonymous 2009/06/28 (Sun) 05:37 No. 89184 Keep the romance, but make us have to work for the H.
Anonymous 2009/06/28 (Sun) 06:08 No. 89185 I would keep the H. You could just give us an IOU when the scene comes along and then write it when you feel like it.
Anonymous 2009/06/28 (Sun) 06:28 No. 89187 Less plot (keep it rolling on the background most of the time, not absent), more romancing, and some H every now and then is fine with me.
Anonymous 2009/06/28 (Sun) 07:09 No. 89189 I myself don't care about H. At all. Most of the time I just skip it when reading. Romance is important but H is not necessary.
Anonymous 2009/06/28 (Sun) 07:20 No. 89191 H if it comes. It's not necessary.
Anonymous 2009/06/28 (Sun) 08:22 No. 89193 Romance is a nice aspect of the story, but don't litter H around like it's candy and today is halloween, one or two scenes is more than enough. Also, keep the plot moving, you have a very interesting start here.
Anonymous 2009/06/28 (Sun) 09:59 No. 89198 As someone has already said before, Onis should be all about women and booze. reducing frequency of h-scenes would require further retconning, probably.
here's an alternative solution, if the h-scenes are slowing down the story: shorter h-scenes. if every scene has to be the culmination of fifty posts of effort, then you'd feel obliged to make it into a gigantic update that takes two weeks to write. if it's just Hibiki sliding his hand up Satori's skirt for five minutes while being bored in class, though, it's probably doable in two to three paragraphs, and you can, in fact, litter it around like it's candy and today is halloween.
Anonymous 2009/06/28 (Sun) 11:50 No. 89201 Personally, I also don't care for the H scenes. If you build up to them and all of that, then fine, but don't just litter the story with them. Doing so ruins the story for some of us.
Hungry Youkai !GGKI3UTr5s 2009/06/28 (Sun) 13:25 No. 89203 Arglebalrgjehrgkjehrge
Must Pirates, urge too strong. Sit tight.
Anonymous 2009/06/28 (Sun) 17:23 No. 89213 ▼ File 124620980086.jpg - (86.54KB, 1200x813 , fuckyes.jpg)
Anonymous 2009/06/29 (Mon) 05:00 No. 89291 An idiot stirring up shit in one of HY's threads? Surely this is an unprecedented event.
Hungry Youkai !GGKI3UTr5s 2009/07/04 (Sat) 22:19 No. 89739 IRC faggotry and real-life messes aside, expect something starting up by this time tomorrow.