[x]LOUD INTERRUPTING PLATES (sound effect)
[x]Fuck you, I'm a rabbit

[x]LOUD INTERRUPTING PLATES

I'm curious to see what this does.

[x]Fuck you, I'm a rabbit

When is this ever a bad choice?

[x]Pretty bird girl

Best grill '04

[]Pretty moon girl
because why not

[]LOUD INTERRUPTING PLATES


WE DORK NOW.

[X]Pretty bird girl
mokou a best

[x]Pretty bird girl

Interrupting plates is most likely Mononobe no Futo. She has no business in /eientei/, so fuck her, let's be best grill like we're supposed to.

[x] LOUD INTERRUPTING PLATES

The most adorable nerd.

I'm making this shit up as I go. I told myself to give it the go ahead if it reached at least three.

Looks Like PLATES IT IS!

...

...

... Go ahead, keep voting. Choose your character.

I now have something like structure and plot to work with, thanks to you guys.
There can be no witness! Art an Olde such as thee willing to take lyf to hide thy secret? If þe fect is made public, thy lyf amongst friends and acquaintances shalt surely be Pound-Symbol WRECKED!!! Aret thou mad? Put the stove on, milady, for þe olde pork is SALTED!!! DOHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

>Choose your character

What part of 'WE DORK NOW' didn't you understand?

[x] Futo

[]Fuck you, I'm a rabbit

[x] The one and only adorkable Futo

>>26207
Yeah, sticking with >>26206

It looks like we're best dork now.

Time for a crash-course on Old to Middle English!!!

MONONOBEEEE!!! FORGIVE ME FOR THIS SACRILEGIOUS GARBAGE I'M GOING TO WRIIIITE!!!

Though it be vile, I, the most Legendary (second-only-to-his-holiness-Our-Lord-Prince-Miko-of-the-Toyosatomimi-clan!) and Most Adorable, Always Persevering Prince of Perfect Politness and MOST HUMBLE OF HIS CLAN, FUTOSUHIME OF THE MONONOBE CLAN, have ordained it necessary to SPY on the local head of a FAMILY FRIEND, the HONORABLE FUJIWARA CLAN!

I, Mononobe no Futo, needeth to acquire confirmation or denial of TRUTH! For I have heard that the head of the Mononobe clan's FAMILY FRIEND, the FUJIWARA CLAN, is capable of CONTROLLING FIRE! If she is truly as PYROPHILIC as mine ears have heard, then she shall make a FINE BRIDE for one as MAGNIFICENT as I, MONONOBE NO FUTO!


---

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, am standing on the DOORMAT of MYOUREN TEMPLE, where I am having PREFOUND THOUGHTS.

The BAMBOO FOREST OF THE ADORABLE WILD GAME THAT YOU MUST CUDDLE is to the east. The HONORABLE FUJIWARA supposedly frequents the area in hopes that she may CHALLENGE the PRINCESS OF LEGEND, THE ETERNAL BEAUTY, PRINCESS MOONBEAM to IMMORTAL COMBAT.

To the WEST is an ICE CREAMS TRUCK. It is playing THE VILE ICE FAIRY'S THEME, and is therefore the one that sells MIKO POPS. Miko, referencing SHINTO MIKO, not SUPERIOR MIKO. 'Tis truly a TRAGEDY that the finest ICE CREAMS are of an INFERIOR RELIGION, but the QUALITY of ICE CREAMS made at the MORIYA SHRINE are UNDENIABLE.

To the NORTH is the HONORABLE FUJIWARA'S CART. I could have sworn it was to be found in the ADORABLE BUNNY FOREST OF BAMBOO, however, even I, THE GREAT MONONOBE NO FUTO, can be deceived, however RARELY it occurs!

To the SOUTH is a BUILDING THAT IS NOT IMPORTANT AND SHOULD BE BURNED DOWN.

---

[ ] RABBITS AND PLOT
[ ] ICE CREAM AND SHINTO
[ ] CHICKEN AND SURPRISE GUEST
[ ] STUPIDITY AND DUMBASSES AND JERKS AND MONSTERS AND HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL PURPLE WOMEN IN HOODS AND RETARDS AND KNAVES AND FIRE

---

I decided that I should not learn something this advanced if I wish to post every day.

Also, 10:50! WEST COAST, REPRESENT!

>>26214

In short, I'll be keeping the archaic English to a minimum, because I'm never gonna' get ancient English down until I've got TIME AND DEDICATION in equal measure.

[x] CHICKEN AND SURPRISE GUEST

They can bond over their mutual old lineage and love for chicken, as a starvation palliative, and fire, as a method of cleansing dried leaves and other lesser beings.

[x] CHICKEN AND SURPRISE GUEST

AN ANOMALY. WE MUST INVESTIGATE.

[x] CHICKEN AND SURPRISE GUEST

Hello Kogasa.

Also, why is an angry Space Marine trying to woo Mokou?

[x] RABBITS AND PLOT

Going against the tide because I really wanna see Futo squeal over cute rabbits.

[x] STUPIDITY AND DUMBASSES AND JERKS AND MONSTERS AND HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL PURPLE WOMEN IN HOODS AND RETARDS AND KNAVES AND FIRE

Maximum dork.

[ ] STUPIDITY AND DUMBASSES AND JERKS AND MONSTERS AND HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL PURPLE WOMEN IN HOODS AND RETARDS AND KNAVES AND FIRE

[x] CHICKEN AND SURPRISE GUEST

Who cares about that useless building to the south? Feh!

[X] CHICKEN AND SURPRISE GUEST

[x] STUPIDITY AND DUMBASSES AND JERKS AND MONSTERS AND HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL PURPLE WOMEN IN HOODS AND RETARDS AND KNAVES AND FIRE

> STUPIDITY AND DUMBASSES AND JERKS AND MONSTERS AND HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL PURPLE WOMEN IN HOODS AND RETARDS AND KNAVES AND FIRE

How did I miss the side comment about Byakuren?

But, more importantly,Votes say [X] Chicken it is! Update as soon as I have the DETERMINATION AND TIME!!!

Since I've failed this whole 'post-every-day' thing, I'm considering performing a PROPER LUCHADORES UNMASKING and REVEAL MY TRUE NAME IN SHAME.

Minus the leaving part. I wouldn't do that unless I had a REASON WORTH TELLING YOU ABOUT.

I failed solely because of my weakness to the sin of SLOTH. I got LAZY.

BUT YOUR UPDATE SHALL COME, REGARDLESS!!!!

>>26226

You can't take off your mask dude. That's the whole point of the carnival.

I, MONONOBE NO 'FUTO THE GREAT of the HONORABLE MONONOBE CLAN NO FUTO' FUTO, decide to approach the SUSPICIOUSLY OUT OF PLACE FOOD CART.

I, however, am halted by shock when the cart jolts forward a step with a great sound, as best described as the AUDITORY FORM of the letters "Chbwee", as they are written. My heart performed what are known in the outside as CALLISTHENICS, which is an ODD OUTSIDER TERM for became HASHED TAG SPOOKED.

When the cart lurched forward a second time, it became clear! This must be the work of an ENEMY YOUKAI!

Because I, MONONOBE NO FUTOSUHIME THE PROUD, am very clever, I FOLLOW THE CART, staying JUST TO THE SIDE and OUT OF SIGHT. I CAN NOT SEE the driver, though the cart was NOT LARGE. This is only because THE WORLD IS NOT MADE FOR PEOPLE of PERFECT HEIGHT, and the CART was SIMPLY TOO LARGE to see over.

The DRIVER is speaking to herself and I can identify from the STRANGELY APPEALING TONES in her ODDLY JITTERY VOICE that she is FEMALE. She spoke THUSLY;

"M-M-Mast-Master I-I-I---I'veMaster I've retrieved the foodPRAISEME Please, praise me master, please praise me master please praise mmmmast-t-ter I've retrieved the f-f-f-f-..."

---

I, EVERYBODY'S DEPENDABLE BIG SISTER, MONONOBE NO FUTO, am hiding next to a cart in the possession of THE HONORABLE FUJIWARA. It is NOT being driven by HER SOMETHING-I-DON'T-KNOW-I'VE-NOT-CONVERSED-WITH-HER-NESS, THE FUJIWARA MAIDEN, but by a MYSTERIOUS INTRUDER who is 'CHBWEE'-ing the cart forward STEPS AT A TIME.

The mystery driver CHBWEE's in a manner that, oddly enough, brings to mind images of GIGANTIC MAN-DRIVEN MACHINES in HUMAN FORM from the OUTSIDE PICTURE DRAMAS I watched many of recently. Her CHBWEE I can identify as belonging to a BIZZARE ALIEN RACE OF GIANTS in one show called the ZENTRADI. Specifically THE TIE IN VIDEO GAME you played on the GAME STATION OF TODAY, the PLAYSTATION 2. The outside world is a TERRIFYING PLACE to have toppled SO MANY GIANTS with naught more than the MUSIC OF TODAY and SIMPLE, if TENACIOUS, GUIDED BULLETS AND PLAYER AIMMED SHOTS.

My LEFT NIPPLE is ITCHY. Tis' not one of those itches that will DRIVE ME MAD if I ignore it, but is MILDLY IRRITATING, nonetheless.

I have a PARTY PACK of PAPER PLATES, PILED PERILOUSLY in my TITANIC SLEEVES. If I COMMUNE WITH THE PLATES, my BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN SERVITUDE TO HIS DREAMINESS, PRINCE TOYOSATOMIMI NO MIKO, can be used to IMPROVE MY HEARING to acquire a BETTER READ on my MYSTERIOUS NEW ACQUAINTANCE.

-----
[ ] Take a peek at CHBWEE girl and FIND OUT WHERE the GIANT ROBOT NOISES are originating from.
[ ] Call out to her, as she may be a GOOD FRIEND TO BE.
[ ] Throw a DISTRACTION PLATE ahead of her, that you may DECLARE BATTLE before she can PROPERLY RESPOND.
[ ] Give your APPARENTLY FELLOW SERVANT a THUMBS-UP for WORKING HARD.

- [ ] SCRATCH your DAMNABLE NIPPLE
- - [ ] CONSIDER merits of PAPER PLATES over CERAMIC.
- - - [ ] no what are you doing get back to the plot

[ ] A CLEVER WRITE IN BY YOU, THE MOST MYSTERIOUS ANON.


------------

Well, that came out weird... But, hey, there it is! Something to work with!

[x] Take a peek

Robot noises? What in the world is that?

[x] Take a peek at CHBWEE girl and FIND OUT WHERE the GIANT ROBOT NOISES are originating from.
- [x] SCRATCH your DAMNABLE NIPPLE

Itchy tasty

[X] Throw a DISTRACTION PLATE ahead of her, that you may DECLARE BATTLE before she can PROPERLY RESPOND.
- [X] SCRATCH your DAMNABLE NIPPLE

[x] Take a peek at CHBWEE girl and FIND OUT WHERE the GIANT ROBOT NOISES are originating from.
- [x] SCRATCH your DAMNABLE NIPPLE

[x] Take a peek at CHBWEE girl and FIND OUT WHERE the GIANT ROBOT NOISES are originating from.
- [x] SCRATCH your DAMNABLE NIPPLE

>>26228

[X] Throw a DISTRACTION PLATE ahead of her, that you may DECLARE BATTLE before she can PROPERLY RESPOND.
- [X] SCRATCH your DAMNABLE NIPPLE

CHBWEE, CHBWEE wins.

Also, gonna' scratch that itch before it gets worse.

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, THE MYSTERIOUS BEAUTY OF TAO, PEEK CAREFULLY around the cart to find a GREEN-HAIRED MAID stomping forward in a SLOW, DETERMINED MARCH. Due to your EXPERT ANALYSIS SKILLS, you determine that the persistent CHBWEE noises you keep hearing are originating from the GREEN-HAIRED MAID'S FOOTSTEPS.

The maid's CUTE MAID UNIFORM is in POOR STATE. Her eyes are UNFOCOUSED. A SCALP OF WHITE HAIR AND PRETTY RED-WHITE RIBBONS is hanging from her apron strap. An ANCIENT GROCERY BAG is hanging from her arm while she PULLS THE CART. She is still TALKING TO HERSELF and her voice is still TAKING STRANGE TONES and SKIPPING ODDLY. The skipping permeates not only THE ENTIRETY OF HER SPEECH, but ALSO the sound of the PERSONAL COMPUTER you ACCIDENTALLY DESTROYED while searching ENTIRELY CLOTHED images of HIS BEAUTEOUS GRACIOUSNESS on ENTIRELY LEGITIMATE SITES on the KAPPA NET, TOYOSATOMIMI NO MIKO. For a moment, the skipping HALTS ALL TOGETHER allowing for PROPER SPEECH.

"F-F-FoodI've retrieved th-the food Master I've retrieved the food and done all the shopping and even found the Head Feathers of the Phoenix! I finally did it, master! After all these years, I finally did it! Hmm? Non-human life detected?"

The maid's eyes GLOW GREEN as she stops walking and STARES DIRECTLY AT ME.

My ENTIRE BODY FREEZES in FEAR A TACTICAL TRANCE.

This TACTICAL TRANCE POSE is of my PRESTIGIOUS FIGURE poking its' RADICOOL HAT around a corner while SCRATCHING MY LEFT NIPPLE ABSENTMINDEDLY, as my FINGERS on my LEFT HAND are the only part of my body proven IMMUNE TO FEAR TRANCES.


---

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, have suffered the indignity of ALLOWING MYSELF to be CAUGHT by a MAID that sounds like an OVERHEATING PERSONAL COMPUTER NINE EIGHT. Outsider technology has WEIRD NAMES. WHY CALL IT NINE EIGHT?

Our LEFT NIPPLE is now COMFORTABLE SCRATCHED! It FEELS NICE AND RELIEVING.

We are FROZEN in a TACTICAL TRANCE.

The maid DOES NOT appear to offer HOSTILE INTENT. However, she is wearing a SCALP OF WHITE HUMAN HAIR (with the cutest little ribbony amulets in them!) ON her APRON. However, she is ALSO A WESTERN-STYLE MAID, and THEREFORE, TOO CUTE to ever TRULY CONSIDER HARMING, as there is a TIME and PLACE for VIOLENCE.

She has a SHOPPING BAG slung over her RIGHT ARM, her hands TOO FULL OF CART to hold it.

The MOON IS FULL, because you HAVE NOT MENTIONED THE TIME OF DAY. As the HERO OF TAO, MONONOBE NO FUTO, it is a GREAT SHAME on your part having FAILED to PROPERLY SET TIME AND PLACE.

Your MATCHES are in your SEXY PARACHUTE SLEEVES, next to your PLATES and YAOI.


----

[ ]LUNGE at the OBVIOUS YO-KAI. MAID or NO, she must be STOPPED! WITH FIRE!
[ ]FLEE in TERROR from the OBVIOUS YOUKAI. MAID or NO, YOUKAI are DANGEROUS.
[ ]HUG the OBVIOUS YOU 'KAY! YO-KAI or NOT, a maid that LETS HER UNIFORM TEAR is a maid who has HAD IT ROUGH.
[ ]The MOON is OUT in FULL tonight. It looks PARTICULARLY BEAUTIFUL.
[ ]CHUCK PLATE.
[ ]COMMUNE WITH PLATES.
[ ]OFFER TO HELP WITH THE CART. 'Tis only the NEIGHBORLY thing to do!
[ ]Who in the name of GOD-SAMA is MASTER?
[ ]DECLARE SPELL CARD BATTLE
[ ]CALL UPON THE KIRIN
[ ]WRITE IN


-----

There you have it! Mecha-Maids! Let's see how things go now! Y'all enjoy this while I take my well-earned sleep with a TOTALLY EXISTENT PLAN for what happens next!I don't actually know what I'm doing

[x]Who in the name of GOD-SAMA is MASTER?
[x]COMMUNE WITH PLATES.

I'm a bit lost and so is she, it seems.

[ ]Who in the name of GOD-SAMA is MASTER?

[ ]OFFER TO HELP WITH THE CART. 'Tis only the NEIGHBORLY thing to do!

[x]OFFER TO HELP WITH THE CART. 'Tis only the NEIGHBORLY thing to do!
[x]COMMUNE WITH PLATES.

WHAT DO OUR BRETHREN TELL US?

[x]OFFER TO HELP WITH THE CART. 'Tis only the NEIGHBORLY thing to do!
[x]COMMUNE WITH PLATES.

Offer ASSISTANCE PLATES

[X]Who in the name of GOD-SAMA is MASTER?
[X]CALL UPON THE KIRIN

It's a three-way tie between

[X]COMMUNE WITH THE PLATES
[X]HELP WITH THE CART
and
[X]WHO'S MASTER?

Update coming as soon as it's written!

I am here to let the world know that I am NOT DEAD. This update is taking a bit longer to pound out than I thought it would!

Also, losing your progress twice tends to be a bummer.

BUT!!!

Update SHOULD be out today!

And, hopefully, the QUICK UPDATES should resume!

I, MONONOBE 'KING OF GRANDIOSE-TITLES' FUTO, take a moment to COMMUNE WITH MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN ARMS, the PLATES.

I raise my ADORABLY LARGE SLEEVES to my mouth slowly, whispering to my WAR COUNSEL.

Among the many thoughts and ideas that sprung from them did one option present itself above all others! That option was to express GREAT LOVE for TOYOSATOMIMI THE PERFECT when next I do see them.

However, in my time of need, a considerably more HELPFUL answer was presented!

A MAIDEN on a LONG VOYAGE stands before me! Therefore, as a GOOD TAOIST, I should offer to help!

Dropping my sleeves from my face, I wear my BRIGHTEST, MOST WINNING SMILE!

"Fair maiden!" I begin, "'Tis quite the burden you haul! Such a fair being should be riding the cart, not pulling such a heavy thing! Allow me to pull the cart for you!"

The maid, clearly IN AWE of my EXPERT WORD-PLAY, does not respond for a moment. When finally she DOES respond, it is to STATE THE OBVIOUS.

"Scan complete. Energy Signature 80% match with EXAMPLE DATA HERMIT. Situational Threat Level = 15%. Notes: Hermits are further removed from Human Flaws than the average traveler, Greed being among those flaws. Theft = unlikely. Sexual Assault = unlikely. Unwanted Sales Pitch = unlikely."

The maid follows this REPORT with a RESPECTFUL CURTSY.

"An honor to meet you, Mistress...?"

Taking this as my cue, I, MASTER MONONOBE NO FUTO, introduce myself as such!

"An honor to meet you, Mistress Master Mononobe no Futo. I am Ruukoto, at your service. And, with the introductions out of the way..."

The maid, who I now know is named RUUKOTO, comes out of her curtsy to clap her hands together in a manner MOST GLEEFUL.

"I would be absolutely delighted and honored to accept your help, Mistress Master Mononobe no Futo!"

...

"Pray, tell..."

As I prepare to set out marching, RUUKOTO sitting on the top of the cart SIDE-SADDLE, a QUESTION occurs to me!

"... Ruukoto, you mentioned a master before. To whom would that title refer?"

Ruukoto took a moment to think, tapping her finger on her chin twice with a hollow TINK-TINK, and her INNER WORKINGS heating up like MY KAPPALCULATOR did when you tried playing the OUTSIDE GAME of CRISIS on it.

"Accessing memory banks... Accessiiing... Data acquired. I am proud to say that my beloved Master is none other than the Hakurei Shrine Maiden."

I nod in confirmation, taking my first steps on the road to the Hakurei Shrine, which, as MY GENIUS INTELLECT has confered, is our destinatttttt-

"Did you say THE HAKUREI SHRINE, perchance?"

I am SHAKING in TERROR MILD CONFUSION. I am hoping DESPERATELY that RUUKOTO mentioned a DIFFERENT LOCALE and that I simply MISHEARD her. Like, for example, the LESS-HEAVILY-FORTIFIED MORIYA Shrine. Or, perhaps, the SCARLET-DEVIL-WHO-HOST-QUITE-CHARMING-TEA-PARTIES-ON-THE-WEEKENDS MANSION.

Ruukoto DASHES those DESPERATE DREAMS across the ground like SO MUCH DETRITUS.

"Reimu Hakurei, of the Hakurei Shrine is my Master. I can't wait to see her darling little purple head again! Why?"


---


I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, AM IN DEEP SHIT.

RUUKOTO is gazing LOVINGLY at a SCRAP OF PAPER in her hands, OBLIVIOUS TO MY TERROR DESPERATE SCHEMING.

A FLY is buzzing UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE to my NOSE.


---


[ ]NOPE. NOT WORTH IT. FORGIVE ME, BUT STORY CALLS, AND SHE WILL NOT BE DENIED.
[ ]WE'LL NOT LEAVE A MAIDEN IN DISTRESS, EVEN IF WE BECOME DISTRESSED MAIDENS AS A RESULT.
[ ]IF THE HAKUREI IS YOUR MASTER, WHY ARE YOU OUT HERE? TAKE OUR MIND OFF THE COMING TERROR.
[ ]SLAP THE FLY
[ ]COMMUNE WITH THE ONE PLATE YOU OWN THAT HAS A NAME AND PERSONALITY.
[X]your PC-98 a shit


-----

Well then, there you go! Finally updating again!

[X]WE'LL NOT LEAVE A MAIDEN IN DISTRESS, EVEN IF WE BECOME DISTRESSED MAIDENS AS A RESULT.
No maid left behind

[x] NOPE. NOT WORTH IT. FORGIVE ME, BUT STORY CALLS, AND SHE WILL NOT BE DENIED.
[X]your PC-98 a shit

[x] NOPE. NOT WORTH IT. FORGIVE ME, BUT STORY CALLS, AND SHE WILL NOT BE DENIED.
[x] you're PC 98 a shit

A SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

[ ]WE'LL NOT LEAVE A MAIDEN IN DISTRESS, EVEN IF WE BECOME DISTRESSED MAIDENS AS A RESULT.

maids are love

[x]WE'LL NOT LEAVE A MAIDEN IN DISTRESS, EVEN IF WE BECOME DISTRESSED MAIDENS AS A RESULT.

HONOR demands we hold TRUE!

[X]WE'LL NOT LEAVE A MAIDEN IN DISTRESS, EVEN IF WE BECOME DISTRESSED MAIDENS AS A RESULT.

[X]WE'LL NOT LEAVE A MAIDEN IN DISTRESS, EVEN IF WE BECOME DISTRESSED MAIDENS AS A RESULT.
[X]SLAP THE FLY

[X]WE'LL NOT LEAVE A MAIDEN IN DISTRESS, EVEN IF WE BECOME DISTRESSED MAIDENS AS A RESULT.

[x] WE'LL NOT LEAVE A MAIDEN IN DISTRESS, EVEN IF WE BECOME DISTRESSED MAIDENS AS A RESULT.

A GENTLEWOMAN NEVER LEAVES A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS IN, ER, DISTRESS.

-[X] SLAP THE FLY

GODDAMN STOP RUINING THE MOOD

[X] CHIVALRY WINS AGAIN!

And, by default

[X]your PC-98 a shit also wins!

Because the author voted for it! NYEHEHE!

Updates when they're written!

>Because the author voted for it! NYEHEHE!
You fiend!

I, AWESOME NO MONONOBE NO FUTO, HATE THE VOICES IN MY HEAD OTHER MAIN CHARACTERS HAVE TOLD ME IS CALLED ANON WITH A BURNING PASSION.

REGARDLESS, I GIVE MY MOST WINNING SMILE YET AGAIN, OFFERING REASSURANCE THAT MY LEGS ARE NOT, IN FACT, QUAKING IN TERROR PASSION RIGHT NOW.

"No reason, milady. Naught more than mild curiosity."

Ruukoto's attention is DRAWN AWAY from her SCRAP OF PAPER. She stares at me in SILENCE for a good FIVE SECONDS before SPEAKING.

"But your dopamine levels are sky rocketing. Are you certain?"

I know NOT what foul yo-kai DOPE-A-MEAN is, VAST as my KNOWLEDGE is. I feel DEEP within my GUT, however, that I MIGHT have just been called a COWARD.

This WILL NOT DO. I STEEL my RESOLVE, Puffing out my depressingly small PERFECT CHEST in a show of BRAVADO.

"I, the great Futo of the Mononobe Clan, shall bring you to the Hakurei shrine, even should it cost me my life!"

Ruukoto clasps her HANDS over her MOUTH, gasping in SHOCK at my BOLD STATEMENT. She appears to be ON THE VERGE of TEARS.

"Goodness... My goodness... Oh my goodness... You would go so far for a simple maid like me?"

AS I THOUGHT, my PERFECT TAOIST MANNERS has moved a FAIR MAIDEN to TEARS for once AGAIN. I give her the OBVIOUS ANSWER.

"Of course, milady! 'Tis only natural to serve a maiden so fair!"

There is a long moment of SILENCE as Ruukoto REGISTERS what she has JUST HEARD. Her eyes BEGIN TO MOISTEN. The maid is wearing an ENORMOUS GRIN as she begins WEEPING IN JOY and CRACKLING WITH ELECTRICITY at my BEAUTIFUL POETRY OF WORDS. You are fairly certain that EMITTING ELECTRICITY from one's EYES is a HEALTHY OCCURRENCE. The same could also be stated for occasionally SKIPPING AND STUTTERING SYLLABLES of one's own HICCUPS OF JOY.


---

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, have just MOVED A FAIR MAIDEN TO TEARS with my CHIVALRY FOR THE FIRST TIME AGAIN. I MIGHT have BROKEN said maiden.

RUUKOTO is currently SHORTING OUT from HER OWN TEARS of JOY. It is as CUTE as it is ALARMING, which is to say VERY.

The FLY is ESCAPING, but not anywhere NEAR to FAST ENOUGH.

A SMALL FAIRY in a MAID UNIFORM is ROASTING MARSHMALLOWS off in the distant fields.

I HAVE NOT MOVED THE CART since the LAST UPDATE.

I have a MILD CRAVING for SPRAY CAN CHEESE.

-----

[ ] What is that PAPER you were looking at? Change the subject so she stops crying!
[ ] Tell a PLATE joke! Nothing stops tears like BAD JOKES!
[ ] You'll NOT ESCAPE fly!
[ ] Scratching that nipple felt PRETTY NICE...
[ ] MAPPY was a FUN GAME!
[ ] CONTEMPLATE how to PROPERLY FUG a FISH-WAIFU
[ ] COUNT the number of ARGUABLY CHINESE TOUHOUS
[ ] PAT-CHOU-LEE NAW-LEDGE is RUSSIAN.
[ ] ARISU MARG-EHT-ROID is FRENCH.
[ ] MARISA KIRISHITTY is a SCOT.
[ ] Damn it writefag, stop with the stupid options
[ ] MORE FANFICTION REFERENCES

- [ ] Take a QUICK PEEK at the STORY we are MARCHING AWAY FROM as a means to TRANSITION TO THE SHRINE.

-----

God dammit, I need to stop hopping myself up on caffeine before doing things. This update might be more shit than usual, but it's an update, nonetheless!

[x] What is that PAPER you were looking at? Change the subject so she stops crying!

[X] Tell a PLATE joke! Nothing stops tears like BAD JOKES!

Ruukoto route locked, there is no escape, she will literally claw the scalp off an enraged phoenix to serve you.

[X] Tell a PLATE joke! Nothing stops tears like BAD JOKES!

[X] Tell a PLATE joke! Nothing stops tears like BAD JOKES!

[x] Tell a PLATE joke! Nothing stops tears like BAD JOKES!

[X] PAT-CHOU-LEE NAW-LEDGE is RUSSIAN.

Votes called for,

[x] Tell a PLATE joke! Nothing stops tears like BAD JOKES!

Updates coming as soon as they're written!

Don't worry guys, I'll try not to rush it this time.

Ruukoto is WEEPING. Though it be in joy, her TEARS appear to be MILDLY HARMFUL to her, as most tears do NOT cause the CRIER to be ELECTROCUTED.

I come to the conclusion that DISTRACTING HER from her TEARS would be the WISEST COURSE OF ACTION.

I pull from my LEFT POCKET a PAPER PLATE. I wave said plate to GET the maid's ATTENTION.

"Ruukoto, look here!"

Ruukoto DOES SO, though she repeats the motion THRICE as the sound of a SERVO GETTING STUCK sounds as she attempts to LIFT her HEAD. Upon SUCCEEDING, she WATCHES ATTENTIVELY. Her ATTENTION CAPTURED, I CONTINUE speaking, that I may COMPLETE my JOKE.

"What did one plate say to the other?"

Ruukoto takes a MOMENT to answer, but ANSWER she DOES.

"What did the plate say to the other plate?"

Ruukoto played RIGHT into my HANDS. I WITHDREW my PLATE-HAND into my sleeve, then put my LEFT SLEEVE into my RIGHT SLEEVE. What happens NEXT is a TRADE SECRET, and therefore, the DETAILS are HIDDEN FROM THE READER.

I REMOVE from my sleeve the AFOREMENTIONED PLATE, only now adorned with a SANDSWICH of PEANUT BUTTERS and APPLE JELLYS.

"Lunch is on me!"

Ruukoto DOES NOT RESPOND for a good MOMENT. After SAID MOMENT passed, Ruukoto BEGINS GIGGLING, but not WEEPING in JOY. This means that my CURRENT GOAL has been ACHIEVED.

---

After a BRIEF LUNCH BREAK, I have BEGUN MARCHING with the CART in TOW. Ruukoto is FINISHING OFF what is LEFT of her SANDSWHICH from the TOP of the CART.

Ruukoto is the ONLY WOMAN I've met that ACTUALLY MAKES the ONOMATOPOEIA 'Moh-guu, moh-guu~' when she CHEWS DAINTY BITES of FOODSTUFFS. I DON'T KNOW how to feel about this.

I CANNOT DECIDE if TAITO or CAVE are better.

I realize that I have NEVER PLAYED the PINSBALL.

I VERY MUCH ENJOYED eating that TASTY SANDSWHICH.

I spot a KAPPA crying over her hat, PERPETUALLY BOWING off to the side of the ROAD.

Judging by the LACK of HUMAN TRAFFIC, as well as the INCREASED amount of FAIRY TRAFFIC holding LEAVES and whispering about MOMMA' MIKO, we are NEAR THE STEPS to the HAKUREI SHRINE. It has been CONSIDERABLY LONGER than I thought.

-----

[ ] ASK RUUKOTO what she was doing out here.
[ ] HELP the KAPPA
[ ] RANDOMLY MOLEST a FAIRY.
[ ] HUG a RANDOM FAIRY
[ ] ASK RUUKOTO about that piece of paper.
[ ] THAT KAPPA cannot RESIST BOOTY GROPING.
[ ] QUESTION the STRONG URGE to GROPE we've SUDDENLY DEVELOPED.

[x] HUG a RANDOM FAIRY

Never not hugging faeries.

[x] RANDOMLY MOLEST a FAIRY.

[X] ASK RUUKOTO if she has a SUDDEN URGE to GROPE FAIRIES
[X] HELP the KAPPA

[X] HELP the KAPPA

[X] QUESTION the STRONG URGE to GROPE we've SUDDENLY DEVELOPED.

[X] ASK RUUKOTO what she was doing out here.
[X] HELP the KAPPA

KAPPAS=OATH FRIENDS.

[X] HELP the KAPPA
[X] HUG a RANDOM FAIRY

Daily dose of fairy.

[X] QUESTION the STRONG URGE to GROPE we've SUDDENLY DEVELOPED.

[ ] ASK RUUKOTO what she was doing out here.

Definitely gonna [x] Help the Kappa.

Might even add some of those second place votes just 'cuz!

Update when written!

I, FUN TIMES NO FUTO, realize that LEAVING a CRYING MAIDEN, YO-KAI or NO, is ENTIRELY UNBECOMING of a GENTLEMAN such as MYSELF. THEREFORE, I HALT my DETERMINED MARCH to the shrine. I'm certain to let Ruukoto know that I am TAKING a SMALL REST to AID a TRAVELER IN NEED. Ruukoto DROPS from the TOP of the FOOD CART, LANDING on the path with a LOUD, MECHANICAL and VERY DEEP 'CHEH-BWOAH' NOISE.

"I'll provide what assistance I can, Master Mistress Mononobe."

Though I would like VERY MUCH to CORRECT her, there are MORE PRESSING maters at hand.

FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS.

I PUT OUT my HAND. WITHIN my hand is a LOLISPOP.

It is not more than THREE SECONDS before I YANK BACK my hand to find a FAIRY attached to my LOLISPOP by her TEETH. She is BLONDE, HALF of my HEIGHT, LIGHT as a BREATH on your HAND on a COLD WINTER'S MORN, and PERFECTLY SQUEEZABLE.

CUDDLING FAIRY ACQUIRED, I turn my attention to the MORE PRESSING MATTER at hand.

The POOR, HELPLESS KAPPA is BOWING POLITELY. Her KAPPA CAP is lying IN the DIRT. There is a SMALL PUDDLE in the cap, but the SURROUNDING DIRT is DRIER THAN TOJIKO'S SENSE OF HUMOR. With her CAP on the GROUND, the KAPPA'S BOWL is exposed. There s only a COUPLE OF DROPS of WATER in the KAPPA'S BOWL, due to the ANGLE the bowl is CURRENTLY AT, and allowing the KAPPA to WEEP, MOAN and NO MORE. The kappa is WEEPING PITEOUSLY to herself. She is SURPRISINGLY INTELLIGIBLE for a girl who is WEEPING HARD ENOUGH to potentially FILL her BOWL TEN TIMES OVER. She spake THUSLY;

"-don' wanna starve, I don' wanna' die here, I don' wanna' die here, somebody help, somebody help, please, I don' wanna' starve to death, somebody please-"

THIS PLEADING did NOT appear to have a CONCEIVABLE END.

I STROKE THE HAIR of the FAIRY in my arms, then WITHOUT WARNING, I SQUEEZE her RUMP PINCH her CHEEK on her FACE.

The SUDDEN URGE to pinch both the FAIRY's REAR and the KAPPA's CONSIDERABLY HEALTHIER REAR is MUCH STRONGER than it LIKELY SHOULD BE.

The MOMENT I give it a PROPER THOUGHT, however, it RECEDES to a NORMAL LEVEL of GROPE-OSITY, which is to say that my desire to GROPE is NO LONGER CRUSHING my COMMON SENSE.

In the TIME it TOOK for me to EXAMINE MY URGES, the little fairy had BEGUN CRYING tears of HONEYED SUGAR WATER. WITHOUT releasing her CHEEK, I HOLD THE FAIRY'S HEAD over the KAPPA'S CAP.

It should be noted that fairies RARELY CRY without some OTHER RACE CAUSING them to cry. When they DO, however, they produce MORE TEARS than should be conceivably PRODUCIBLE by such TINY, ADORABLE BODIES. Therefore, in a matter of TWO MINUTES does the KAPPA'S CAP FILL with the TEARS OF A FAIRY. TASK COMPLETE, I hand the CRYING FAIRY to RUUKOTO, who IMMEDIATELY begins to COMFORT the FAIRY.

The kappa is SO ABSORBED with her own MISERY that she HAS NOT YET NOTICED that she has GUEST. She YELPS WITH SURPRISE when I PLACE my HANDS on her HIPS. She says SOMETHING about NOT BEING READY before I TUG BACKWARD to cause her to FALL on her RUMP.

As the kappa QUESTIONS what is OCCURRING AROUND HER and the CIRCUMSTANCES THEREOF, I LIFT her CAP GINGERLY. Upon seeing her CAP FILLED with LIQUID, the KAPPA begins CRYING ANEW, UNABLE to utter any words aside from THANK, YOU, and SOMUCH.

I FIRST pour the TEARS into her CAP, making CERTAIN not to SPILL ANY on the DIRT. THEN, when the cap is MOSTLY EMPTY, I PLACE IT upon the poor KAPPA'S HEAD.

It takes a GOOD MOMENT before the KAPPA can STAND, but STAND she DOES. She then proceeds to HUG ME as TIGHTLY AS SHE COULD. While I do APPRECIATE the AFFECTION, the SEARING PAIN of being CRUSHED between arms TRAINED to push MEN of CONSIDERABLE WEIGHT is causing me CONSIDERABLE PAIN.

...

When NEXT I COME TO, I am greeted by the PLEASANT CHATTER of a MAID and FAIRY, interspersed by the OCCASIONAL SOBBING of a KAPPA and the SQUEAKING of OLD CART WHEELS and the CHBWEE'S of a GIANT ROBOT'S FOOTSTEPS. There is an EXCESS of LIQUID on my face. It is NOT CLEAR if the liquid is TEARS or RAIN.

In order to ASCERTAIN WHICH, I remain QUIET. As I DO SO, I hear RUUKOTO answering a QUESTION.

"... been gathering things on this list for my master. I was cleaning up master's room one day when I found this list in a locked cabinet in a a scroll labeled 'Diary, donut touch' written on it in English. Master never did learn her English properly... Or maybe she did... It has certainly been a long time since I've seen her, Mistress Williams. I do miss her terribly. I noticed that you fairies all seem to like her. Why is that? Tell me, what is she like now?"

BEFORE I can hear the fairy's ANSWER, I COME to the CONCLUSION that the fact that the LIQUID is on my FACE and NOWHERE ELSE, and that my apparent state of MOTION, despite my NOT MOVING MY BODY, tells me that the LIQUID applying itself TO MY FACE is, in fact, TEARS. I OPEN my EYES.

The FIRST THING I see is the FACE of the CRYING KAPPA. Her EYES widen in SURPRISE. She CALLS OUT to the OTHERS.

"Ruukoto, Grogar! She's awake! She's finally awake!"

The KAPPA turns BACK to ME. She ALREADY appears to be CRYING IN JOY.

"Master! I thought I'd killed you! Thank all the god's you're still alive!"

While I CERTAINLY FEEL like I DIED, it occurs to me that the KAPPA just called me MASTER.

---

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, am SITTING ON THE CART as a CRYING KAPPA and a BLISSFULLY CONFUSED FAIRY give me the FOURTH STRONGEST HUG I've ever FELT.

We are ABOUT to CLIMB THE STEPS of the HAKUREI SHRINE, a LONG WALK to be CERTAIN, and BUMPY with the CART.

The FAIRY is named GROGAR WILLIAMS. She CLAIMS to be the FAIRY of SNAKE PITS. She has RED HAIR and speaks BROKEN JAPANESE. I get the FEELING that she is a FOREIGNER FAIRY, which is WEIRD because NIPPON is the ONLY COUNTRY with FAIRIES, or SO I'VE BEEN TOLD.

RUUKOTO is PULLING THE CART with ONE HAND with NO APPARENT EFFORT. She is FAWNING OVER that SCRAP OF PAPER again.

The KAPPA is STILL CRYING and HUGGING ME. I DO NOT know her NAME. I should ASK about that.

It occurs to me that I have THREE CUTE GIRLS practically IN MY LAP. My nipples are ROCK HARD, and the MAID isn't even UP HERE.

My LIBIDO should NOT be THIS HIGH. HERMITS don't get this EXCITED about events THIS TRIVIAL. Something is AMISS.

I have 3 WADOKAICHIN in my RIGHT SLEEVE. I must ACQUIRE MORE MONEY.

I have ACQUIRED a TASTE for WESTERN CLASSICAL MUSIC recently.

I am MISSING my LEFT SHOE.

[ ] Where's my SHOE?
[ ] Hug the GIRLS.
[ ] Ask about that SCRAP OF PAPER.
[ ] WHO are you KAPPA?
- [ ] Nitori, Head of Reaserch Institute
- [ ] Shitore, Head of Shirikodama Collection
- [ ] Write-intori, Head of Write-In Collective
[ ] Grogar? What kind of name is that?
[ ] Why are we so damn horny? We're a hermit!
[ ] PRAISE OUR LORD PRINCE

- - [ ] Take a peek at the story we're avoiding

or

- - [ ] Marisa has a Nightmare

[ ] Kiss the Kappa
[ ] Offer Shirikodama to Kappa
[ ] Make fairy cry
- [ ] Drink her tears

Only THREE choices a VOTE, no MORE, no LESS.

On SECOND THOUGHT, LESS is ACCEPTABLE.

Just NOT MORE. MORE than three is NOT RECOMMENDED by your LOCAL DOCTOR.

-----

I'll be honest, I don't even know what I'm typing half of the time

[x] Hug girls
[X] Why am I so goddamm horny?
[X] Who are you Kappa?
-[x] Mitori, forbidden Kappa of terrible OCs
[x] Grogar?
If a SHADY LUNATIC DOCTOR claims that THREE is the right choice, I'm sure as hell picking FOUR.

They are in ORDER OF PREFERENCE though.

[x] Hug the GIRLS.
[x] Grogar? What kind of name is that?
[x] Why are we so damn horny? We're a hermit!

[X] Hug the GIRLS.
[X] WHO are you KAPPA?
- [X] Nitori, Head of Reaserch Institute
[X] Why are we so damn horny? We're a hermit!

[x] Hug girls
[X] Why am I so goddamm horny?
[X] Who are you Kappa?
-[x] Mitori, forbidden Kappa of terrible OCs

[X] Hug the GIRLS.
[X] WHO are you KAPPA?
- [X] Nitori, Head of Reaserch Institute
[X] Why are we so damn horny? We're a hermit!

[X] Where's my SHOE?
[X] WHO are you KAPPA?
- [X] Nitori, Head of Reaserch Institute
- - [X] Take a peek at the story we're avoiding

[x] Hug girls
[X] Why am I so goddamm horny?
[X] Who are you Kappa?
-[x] Mitori, forbidden Kappa of terrible OCs

You could be the only story on earth with Mitori in it. Though there's probably a very, very good reason why that is the case.

[x] Hug girls
[X] Why am I so goddamm horny?
[X] Who are you Kappa?
-[x] Mitori, forbidden Kappa of terrible OCs

Why the hate? At least, uh, her theme is interesting. The stage theme is better though.

>>26287
Her theme is a remix of this, I believe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBM_jzRPseA

As much as I love just working with ties, I don't think it would be wise to make...

...


...
..
.
.
.
.


Oh my fucking god, writefag just had a GNARLY idea.

You all get a Ghost Awoo as thanks, I'll get to brainstorming!

VOTES CALLED!!!

The WINNING VOTES are!

[X] Group hug!
[X] Question Burgeoning, Swelling Libido
[X] The Kappa is
- [X] Mitori?
or
- [X] Nitori?

Wish me luck!

Lord knows I'm gonna' need it.


>>26285
You. I like you. You have your priorities straight. We have a bird babe to woo, and we're nowhere near her. You get that.

>>26277
And you? You took the line, put one foot on it, then started tap dancing all over it.

I like that too.

I, MAGNIFICENT NO FUTO, ask the KAPPA her NAME, though I could PROBABLY GUESS by this point, as I have ENGAGED in TRULY CHALLENGING FISTICUFFS with this kappa MULTIPLE TIMES.

This does NOT, however, mean I have LEARNED NOT to ASK THAT by now.

"Th' name's Nitori... You know, you're kinda' cute, master..."

That was NOT the GRANDIOSE INTRODUCTION and STATEMENT of EVERY SINGLE TITLE SHE HOLDS that I was EXPECTING. In fact, it was the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I was expecting. A COMPLIMENT, however, is a COMPLIMENT, and I ACCEPT it GRACEFULLY, even as the kappa's HAND reaches UNDER MY SKIRT. And the other three girls AGREE.

"Mistress does have a..." Ruukoto calls from the FRONT of the CART, "certain charm to her..."

"Me. Like. Sleeves." Grogar GETS her POINT across JUST FINE, though she EMPHASIZES by sticking her HAND INSIDE the leftmost of the mentioned SLEEVES.

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, feel SPOILED by all this PRAISE. I THEREFORE, wrap my ARMS around the girls in my LAP, and-

- I am BLINDED.

WHY am I BLINDED?

I TAKE a MOMENT to EXAMINE my current SITUATION.

I have a fairy FONDLING my SLEEVE and COOING SUGGESTIVE NONSENSE into it.

I have a KAPPA GROPING my REAR and WHISPERING about ASS BALLS into my EAR, which is, in and of itself, INCREDIBLY WORRYING, even taken OUT OF CONTEXT.

Ruukoto is STILL PULLING the CART.

Therefore, I can NOT identify the HAND currently UNDER my SHIRT and PLAYING with my TRAINING BRA, NOR can I identify the FABRIC in front of my FACE.

I SCREAM in TERROR LET OUT a MIGHTY WAR CRY.

The FAIRY LEAPS into the AIR, REFLEXIVELY firing BOUNCING BULLETS into the TREES. The KAPPA JOLTS in surprise, then her EYES WIDEN in ABJECT HORROR. She PULLS BACK with a YELP.

The cart STOPS as Ruukoto HOVERS in the air, supported by some kind of ROCKETS located INSIDE her FEET and BACK, aiming her CLENCHED FIST at a point DIRECTLY in FRONT of ME. Her EYES GLOW GREEN.

"Two Foreign Objects detected. One parasite and one corpse confirmed. Sentience detected. State your business."

The MYSTERY OBJECT preventing VISION in front of me REVEALS itself to be a NICE HAT as a GIRL with an EYEBALL GROWING OUT OF HER sits back.

Before she can STATE her BUSINESS, I RECOGNIZE her.

I SCREAM in TERROR BELLOW a MIGHTY WAR CRY and DRAW from my RIGHT SLEEVE my most PRIZED POSSESSION and VALUABLE WEAPON! My MATCHBOOK PERSONAL POCKET FLAMES!

'Tis the VILE, LUSTFUL BEAST OF LIBIDO, KOISHI KOMEJI!

I am NO LONGER HOLDING MY-

"WHY am I NO LONGER HOLDING my MATCHBOOK?"

My ANSWER is GIVEN to me PROMPTLY in the FORM of the SMELL of SMOKE. Ruukoto's FIST are MISSING, and the SOCKETS her HANDS should be ATTACHED TO are EMPTY, SMOKING, HOLLOW and FILLED WITH METAL. Ruukoto SPEAKS, apparently UNFAZED by the UNNATURAL STATE of her ARMS.

"Fire and knives are dangerous, and will be taken as signs of aggression. I would ask that you cooperate, that we may be finished sooner. I repeat. Intruder, state your business."

WHAT DEVILRY IS THIS!?!?

---

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, feel BETRAYED and CONFUSED. RUUKOTO is SOME FORM of NEW and UNIDENTIFIED YO-KAI made of OUTSIDER ROBOTS.

NITORI has STRIPPED DOWN to her SPANDEX SHORTS and is WHIPPING HERSELF in the SHELL with a RIDING CROP, chanting a BIZZARE SUTRA that was formed from the sounds 'I-took-a-vow." I HAVEN'T the FIRST CLUE where she PRODUCED a RIDING CROP FROM, NOR can I CONFIRM for CERTAIN that her MANTRA is in ENGLISH or NOT, as ENGLISH is an INFERIOR LANGUAGE to JAPANESE.

GROGAR is SHOOTING EVERYTHING THAT MOVES, though that is MOSTLY LEAVES. She seems to ENJOY THREE WORD SENTENCES where EVERY WORD is divided into its OWN SENTENCE.

The VILE HORN-DOG KOISHI KOMEJI is ON the VERGE of TEARS. Her MANIPULATION of SUBCONSCIOUS THOUGHT is the MOST LIKELY CAUSE for my ODDLY SWOLLEN LIBIDO. She is holding a STEEL GRAY MARBLE in one hand and a JOURNAL labled DO NOT LOOOK PROPERTY OF NITORI in the OTHER HAND. She APPEARS to be JUST as CONFUSED, if not MORE SO than I AM.

---

[ ] Why are you here?
- [ ] Why do you have that-
-- [ ] Diary?
-- [ ] Marble?
[ ] Calm down, Grogar.
- [ ] Seriously, why Grogar?
[ ] Took what vow?
- [ ] Got anymore toys?
[ ] Stand down, Ruukoto
- [ ] EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!
-- [ ] Your hands are missing, by the way.
--- [ ] No, seriously, where is my matchbook?

[ ] Comfort Libido Monster

(BONUS BITS)
-- [ ] Marisa has a Nightmare
-- [ ] STORY SNEAK PEEK
-- [ ] Pretty Flower Y VS. Pure Orange Maiden

YOUMU RECOMMENDS you only take THREE OPTIONS A DAY. Youmu is a CUTE GARDENER, therefore, you should LISTEN TO HER.

-----

Well, there we go! Everything covered!

Even the kappa choices

[X] Why are you here?
- [X] Why do you have that-
-- [X] Marble?

[X] Stand down, Ruukoto
- [X] EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!
-- [X] Your hands are missing, by the way.

-- [X] STORY SNEAK PEEK

This is obviously the fastest way we'll get to see pretty bird girl.

YOUMU OF THE KONPAKU, DAUGHTER OF THE HERMIT THAT NO ONE REMEBERS, you're TOO SOFT

You probably think the WRITEFAG can't take more than THREE CHOICES? Let me tell you, YOUMOE NO ONEESAMA, You UNDERESTIMSTE his RESOLVE.

[x] WHAT Marble
[x] WHERE Matches
[x] WHO Ruukoto
[x] WHY Grogar

[X] Why are you here?
- [X] Why do you have that-
-- [X] Marble?
[x] Took what vow?
- [x] Got anymore toys?
[x] Comfort Libido Monster
-- [x] Pretty Flower Y VS. Pure Orange Maiden

[x] WHAT Marble
[x] WHERE Matches
[x] WHO Ruukoto
[x] WHY Grogar
[x] WHEN Ten seconds ago
[x] HOW A stick of butter and a Moriya Shrine conspiracy

[X] Why are you here?
- [X] Why do you have that-
-- [X] Diary?
[X] Took what vow?
[X] Stand down, Ruukoto
- [X] EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!
-- [X] Your hands are missing, by the way.

[X] Why are you here?
- [X] Why do you have that-
-- [X] Diary?
[X] Stand down, Ruukoto
- [X] EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!
-- [X] Your hands are missing, by the way.
--- [X] No, seriously, where is my matchbook?
[X] Comfort Libido Monster

[x] Comfort Libido Monster

Looks like it's something about

-- [X] Why are you here with a Marble?

-- [X] Do you require comforting?

and

-- [X] Stand down Ruukoto! Explain yourself and your missing hands!

Updates when ready!

If I counted wrong, blame entirely avoidable exhaustion.




>>26293
>>26295

You've no idea what you've unleashed.

Update WILL be coming!

However, my mind keeps taking STRANGE MOODS and FOUL DIRECTION.

The update is HALFWAY COMPLETE, yet my mind SIMPLY REFUSES to produce for me a SATISFACTORY expression of WORDS.

In order to KEEP the CREATIVE JUICES flowing FREELY, I may begin a small series of MICRO FICS on the SIDE. But WORRY NOT! Our BELOVED DORK, who is BEAUTIFUL in her LEG-DOM, shall NOT be ABANDONED.

And, anon willing, NEITHER shall the HONORABLE FUJIWARA who is meeting with her [s]MO...[/]

Ahem.

And, anon willing, NEITHER shall the HONORABLE FUJIWARA who is meeting with her ETERNAL RIVAL.


In other words...

... I AM ALIVE!

>>26300
[x] Someone get this man some GRANITE BOULDERS, HORN HORN, HUMAN LEFT MIDDLE TOE, and RED BEAN PASTE. He's gonna be constructing A CHAIR MADE OF RED BEAN PASTE with spikes of HORN HORN, HUMAN LEFT MIDDLE TOE, and BANDS OF GRANITE.

>>26300
Hooray!

Considering November has long since PASSED, should I just use my NORMAL writefag name, or continue to DON the MASK?

Also, update is PROGRESSING finally!

I need a break from my OTHER STORY.

I, MAJESTIC NO FUTO, have acquired INTENSE CONFUSION.

My TRUSTED FRIEND Ruukoto has REVEALED her TRUE NATURE as a BIZARRE YO-KAI of a MECHANICAL NATURE. I DEMAND an EXPLANATION from the TREACHEROUS MAID, which she is PROMPT to SUPPLY, SNAPPING to immediate ATTENTION and SALUTING with her MISSING RIGHT HAND. I am PROVIDED with, along with my EXPLANATION, a SALES PITCH.

"Yes, Ma'am! I am a RUUKOTO-BETA model, SAILOR STRAWBERRY-brand ROBO-MAID! Thank you for your purchase and choosing to support our Magic Studies Club! We appreciate your patronage and would like to recommend purchasing the complete version of me when I release! I shall provide the explanation you requested shortly, Mistress.

Have you ever found your home to be hopelessly messy? Do you live alone? Do you wish someone would live with you? Greet you when you return home with a warm smile and a meal? Ask to share a bed with you? Clean your h-h-home?

The RUUKOTO model is a live-in maid who'll d-do just that, and more! She'll follow you wherever you go for months on end without ever need-ding maintenance! She'll protect you from harm with her PLOUTARMOTANIUM Body, twice as sturdy as Stain-ainless Ste-te-teel! She'll get you to that island vaca-ation you've always wanted, when you want to be there, whenever you'd like with her paten-ented Strawberry Jets! And her internal heating/cooling system and silicone body ensure that-at she's always welcome under the sheets with you! Her Nuclear Core is compatible with Cactus Energy for the wallet conscious and her operating system runs the latest edition of PC-88, for maximum-um-um ease of use!

RUUKOTO will always be by your side Master!

Planned features for the finished version of RUUKOTO include, but are not limited to the following: retractable rocket fist, custom wig-igs, preference settings to ensure your RUUKOTO loves y-you and only you, a fully function-oning womb for you to st-tart a family with, retractable nipples, a self-destruc-uct button, an option to retract the provided futanari setting, an op-option to disable the 'live' setting on the masculine-ine reproduc-uc-uctive organs, In-Maid Cellular De-Device Compat-tibilit-t-ty, a hands-free cup-hold-older and internet acce-e-e-e-e-e-"

SOMETHING in the BACK of Ruukoto's HEAD began SPARKING and FIZZLING part of the way through the mention of the HOLDER OF CUPS, causing her VOICE to STUTTER considerably MORE than usual. Or so I would PRESUME, as I have watched KAPPA ELECTRONICS SPEAK-AND-SPELLCASTING fail MANY TIMES, but NEVER an OUTSIDER YO-KAI. I gather from her SALES PITCH that Ruukoto was APPARENTLY built to SERVE as a MAID for LONELY HUMANS. Creating YO-KAI for the SOLE PURPOSE of SERVING HUMANS is a NOBLE PURSUIT to be CERTAIN.

I CALL OUT to Ruukoto, ordering her to come TOWARDS ME, as a YO-KAI of SERVITUDE is not a YO-KAI worth FEARING, but of LOVING. Though it takes a moment for Ruukoto to STOP STUTTERING and ACKNOWLEDGE her new ORDER, acknowledge she DOES, hovering to my SIDE and RETRACTING her TERRIFYING WINGS.

I wish to COMFORT the FOUL LUST-BEAST, as she still wears the FORM of a YOUNG MAIDEN, and a PROPER GENTLEMAN shall NEVER, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES allow a MAIDEN to CRY on their WATCH.

The FOUL SATORI is shedding TEARS from ALL THREE EYES. I SCOOT to her SIDE and WRAP an ARM around her SHOULDER,careful NOT to LOOK at the disturbing EXTRA OCULAR ORGAN, though I have a STRONG URGE to STROKE IT for some ODD REASON. I IGNORE this urge with the ENTIRETY of my WILL, instead, offering nothing more than the PROFFERED HUG and COMFORTING WORDS.

"There, there, little yo-kai. We shall not hurt you... This is true, correct, Ruukoto?"

Ruukoto kneels on the VILE KOISHI'S other side, attempting to WIPE AWAY her TEARS with a NON-EXISTENT HAND. On her THIRD EYE. I VALIANTLY IGNORE how DISCONCERTING THIS IS as Ruukoto SPEAKS.

"Yes it most certainly is. Don't you worry, little one, you're perfectly safe."

It is growing INCREASINGLY HARDER to ignore how bizarre the situation is getting as Ruukoto begins GENTLY STROKING the WICKED PERVERT'S third EYE with her ARM STUMP. Koishi the HORN-DOG, who hadn't said so much as a WORD the ENTIRE TIME, CEASED her SOBBING at the maid's AFFECTIONATE STROKING of her DISTURBING BLUE ORGAN. She began PURRING like a PLEASED FELINE instead. She even went so far as to RUB her HEAD against Ruukoto AFFECTIONATELY. Ruukoto, IGNORING the LEWD BLUE VINE currently trying to STAB into the BACK of her NECK, seemed NOT in the SLIGHTEST disturbed.

I, as a PROPER GENTLEMAN, decided that the WISEST COURSE would be to steer my THOUGHTS away from how TERRIFYING this all was by REDIRECTING my thoughts with CONVERSATION. Therefore, I ask the FIRST question to COME to my GENIUS MIND.

"A question, dear yo-kai. If you would be so kind as to enlighten us as to your purpose for being here?"

The FOUL PERVERT OF OLD HELL opens her eyes DREAMILY, nuzzling Ruukoto as she GAVE an ANSWER.

"You have nice thighs and I wanna' lick 'em."

I CANNOT think of a PROPER RESPONSE, though I can feel my face REDDEN with a noticeable BLUSH UNBRIDLED FURY. Ruukoto makes NOTE that my TEST-TOST-TERONES LEVELS are RISING. TEST-TOST-TERRANS are responsible for MANLINESS, if my KNOWLEDGE is CORRECT, therefore, I am CONFUSED. HOWEVER, I shrug this OFF as I direct the CONVERSATION to topics OTHER than my PERFECT THIGHS.

"And from whence did yonder marble come from?"

Koishi raises the MARBLE to her LIPS as she WHISPERS her answer, seemingly about to PASS OUT in Ruukoto's HANDLESS arms.

"The little fairy had it. She has two more, but those weren't as high up on her thigh highs, so they weren't as fun to collect. She had a funny paper in there to. It was fun rolling them into around on her legs though. Can I lick your legs?"

---

I, MONONOBE NO FUTOSUHIME THE DAMN FINE, can hardly CONTAIN this SCREAM OF EMBARRASSMENT RAGE at the FOUL KOISHI'S obsession with my LEGS! I have a PLAN, however! I shall offer her a SINGLE LICK of my LEGS for the FAIRY'S MARBLE AND PAPER!

Or shall I? This DISGUSTING CREATURE may TAKE THINGS FURTHER. The thought EXCITES TERRIFIES ME. I DO have YAOI in my sleeves, however! I may exchange THAT instead!

Ruukoto's MISSING HANDS are currently being REPLACED by BLUE TENDRIL, as Koishi has apparently PENETRATED Ruukoto's SOFT FLESH and burrowed DEEPLY. Ruukoto DOES NOT seem to MIND in the SLIGHTEST.

Williams Gorgar is STILL SHOOTING at LEAVES. Her BLACK HAIR is FLOWING in the- Wait, was she not blonde? Or was she a red-head? Something else is amiss...

Nitori is STILL slapping herself in the SHELL with that CROP. I CANNOT help but notice the RED CIRCLE with a DASH struck THROUGH it's CENTER TATTOOED to the SIDE of her RIGHT BREAST. It is SMALL, but STILL an ODD CHOICE.

My LOINS are AFLAME, and the FOUL LUST BEAST'S manipulation of SUBCONSCIOUS must SURELY be at fault!

My left foot is beginning to ACHE. My shoe is, in fact, STILL MISSING.

There has been a RECENT BOOM in Gensokyo of VAMPIRE HUNTERS, SOLDIERS, and OUTERS SPACE PILOTS recently. They have formed a NEW TOWN under the banner of TWO SEXUAL RABBIT WOMEN and a TALKING ARCTIC PENGUIN, calling it KONAMI. An ODD NAME, to be CERTAIN.

I vaguely wonder what a PENIS looks like. I have YET to SEE a REAL ONE. I hear they look STRANGE in REAL LIFE.

MEN'S BASETBALL is so LAME. WOMEN'S BASEBALL is where all the talent goes! But MEN'S SPORTS are ALWAYS LAMER, since MEN are the WEAKER SEX. VIOLENT THINGS like FIGHTING and SPORTS should be left to WOMEN, as they ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. That is why there is a GENSOKYO BASEBALL LEAGUE, then a MEN'S GENSOKYO BASEBALL LEAGUE.

I wonder why I can NEVER STAY ON TOPIC when I THINK of what to DO NEXT?

I feel as though I am BEING WATCHED. I can see no OBVIOUS REASON for this. Perhaps I should SLOW DOWN with how much I DO.

-----

[ ] Ruukoto? That doesn't look HEALTHY...
[ ] You may lick my legs _____ if you SURRENDER the FAIRY'S BELONGINGS.
- [ ] ONCE
- [ ] TWICE
- [ ] THRICE
[ ] Fair Kappa! Pray tell, from whence did your RADICOOL TATTOO originate?
[ ] Gorgar! CEASE your shooting THIS INSTANT!
[ ] Offer the LUST MONSTER FROM HELL a copy of my YAOI in exchange for the FAIRY'S articles! In this we may share PERVERSION and leave my legs UNSCATHED in the process!

Bonus Bits!

-- [ ] Marisa has a Nightmare
-- [ ] The Story (Houraisan and Fujiwara's Terrible Secret!)
-- [ ] Destined Conflict! Pretty Flower Y Vs. Pure Orange Maiden!
-- [ ] Yuugi writes a Fanfiction.

-------

Guess who's confused, tired, slightly-out-of-their-own-loop and totally not sure of themselves?

It feels like my first time all over again!

[X] You may lick my legs _____ if you SURRENDER the FAIRY'S BELONGINGS.
- [X] ONCE
[X] Fair Kappa! Pray tell, from whence did your RADICOOL TATTOO originate?
-- [X] The Story (Houraisan and Fujiwara's Terrible Secret!)

[x] Fair Kappa! Pray tell, from whence did your RADICOOL TATTOO originate?
[x] Offer the LUST MONSTER FROM HELL a copy of my YAOI in exchange for the FAIRY'S articles! In this we may share PERVERSION and leave my legs UNSCATHED in the process!

[X] You may lick my legs _____ if you SURRENDER the FAIRY'S BELONGINGS.
- [X] ONCE
[X] Fair Kappa! Pray tell, from whence did your RADICOOL TATTOO originate?
-- [X] Yuugi writes a Fanfiction.

[x] The story

[x] Trade Yaoi for belongings
[x] Locate...
-[x] Robot hands
-[x] Shoe

[X] You may lick my legs _____ if you SURRENDER the FAIRY'S BELONGINGS.
- [X] THRICE
[X] Fair Kappa! Pray tell, from whence did your RADICOOL TATTOO originate?
-- [X] Yuugi writes a Fanfiction.

How can we deny even a lust-monster the chance to admire perfection? This is a once-in-a lifetime chance for her, so be merciful and let her enjoy it! This has nothing to do with my plans to get Futo a harem, no sir.

And I must see Yuugi write fanfic. Period.

[X] Fair Kappa! Pray tell, from whence did your RADICOOL TATTOO originate?
[X] Offer the LUST MONSTER FROM HELL a copy of my YAOI in exchange for the FAIRY'S articles! In this we may share PERVERSION and leave my legs UNSCATHED in the process!

[X] You may lick my legs _____ if you SURRENDER the FAIRY'S BELONGINGS.
- [X] ONCE
[X] Fair Kappa! Pray tell, from whence did your RADICOOL TATTOO originate?
-- [X] The Story (Houraisan and Fujiwara's Terrible Secret!)

Let the satori's forbidden desires become true; is almost Christmas after all.

[X] You may lick my legs _____ if you SURRENDER the FAIRY'S BELONGINGS.
- [X] TWICE
[X] Fair Kappa! Pray tell, from whence did your RADICOOL TATTOO originate?
-- [X] Yuugi writes a Fanfiction.

and then they had muscley gay sex the end

[X] Yuugi writes a Fanfiction.


[X] Also, you owe us a holiday update with sexy santa costumes and a sexy santa Miko pic, writefag.

The TAOIST of GENSOKYO wish upon thee a JINGLING FESTIVAL of MERRINESS.

[X] Offer the LUST MONSTER FROM HELL a copy of my YAOI in exchange for the FAIRY'S articles! In this we may share PERVERSION and leave my legs UNSCATHED in the process!

Noooo! Futo's legs must remain pure! If you guys vote now to defile their untainted majesty, it's only a matter of time before OTHER parts of she share a similar fate!

I dare not even imagine the consequences if the public found out the honorable and wonderful Fujioshi no Futo allowed some commoners to kiss her forehead or, EVEN WORSE, her belly! Oh the scandal! Oh the intrigue!

The location is #THP

The board is Other

The time is now.

Join us on our little filler adventure as Plate Girls are Preparing.

So please, bear with us and wait warmly.


----------


An intergalactic adventur of super-spacial sorts

superman was trying to fight lex luthor, but the kryptonite was to strong.!

superman said to himself "lex luthor has the kryptonite, which is my one weakness! f only someone strong who was not weak to kryptonite could save me!

Ad then lex luthor went flying into the wall like BOOOM!!!Superman turned around and he was surprised to see a beutiful woman with a long red horn standing on the tall glass humun building with him because they were on on of those a skyscraper. Superman said "what? whho are you?"

"Hoshiguma Yuugi," said the misterious stranger. superman saw how beautiful she was and fell in lov

"You are beautiful and i loe you." Superman was in awe of how strong yuugi was, but how"did you know i needed help?" asked superman.

"Because I could feel your strength waning and rushed into action!" Yuugi demonstrated her strength by picking up the building skyscraper they were standing on. superman fell more in love.

superman loved her, so he kidnapped her to his fortres of solitude. he did not know that this was how oni chose mates and Hoshiguma Yuugi is a oni and she was feeling very romanticised.

Oh no, now superman has a outsider beer jacks daniel. Yuugi drinks it and it taste culturful like the west. but what does she do.

() she kisses superman because western alcohols are supposed to be strongerand Hoshiguma Yuugi gets drunk and so does superman and they have a sex
( Hoshiguma Yuugi fights superman for dominance because traditional oni sexs are fun
() write in lol no ij the writer
() yuugis rivals wonderwoman and THEPURPLEGRAVITYWHELL (my friend from the constructin cru hi suiki-chan) arrive

hi guys this is my first stori and im getting help from my friend xXxEYES_ON_THE_INSIDExXx(hi satori-chana) with writinj because im not used to writing but superman is cool so i wwanted to write a story about hij finding LOVE. i promise ill get better as th store continus dont be mean and be helpful treatme gentle, huhhuhu(thatw as laughing by the way because it was a lud joke) haha okay ill stop now vote, okay, okay i luv you~!

-----

[ ] Writefag, stop. Please, just... Please stop. It hurts. (Pic a different filler option for next time!)

[X] Writefag, stop. Please, just... Please stop. It hurts. (Pick a different filler option for next time!)
[X] The Story (Houraisan and Fujiwara's Terrible Secret!)

[x] Keep going.

[X] Writefag, stop. Please, just... Please stop. It hurts. (Pick a different filler option for next time!)
[X] The Story (Houraisan and Fujiwara's Terrible Secret!)

[x] Destined Conflict! Pretty Flower Y Vs. Pure Orange Maiden!

[X] Writefag, stop. Please, just... Please stop. It hurts. (Pick a different filler option for next time!)
[X] The Story (Houraisan and Fujiwara's Terrible Secret!)

Good. Job Yuugi! It was a, uh, good try for a first timer.

-- [X] The Story (Houraisan and Fujiwara's Terrible Secret!)

T'would appear that we are only allowing a SINGLE LICK in exchange for the goods!

We shall then speak to our SERVANT KAPPA, questioning her GNARLY choice in tattoos!

We may ALSO be examining the story which we are avoiding AS WE SPEAK

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO have made up my mind! It is, however, so OVERWHELMINGLY EMBARRASSING that I CANNOT think of a CLEVER TITLE for myself! I OPEN MY MOUTH before I can mentally list the 101 REASONS this is a BAD IDEA.

"I, Mononobe no Futo shall allow not more than a single lick of my thighs! But in exchange, you must forfeit the fairy's belongings to me! What say you?"

Had I not known better, I would have assumed that the FOUL LUST BEAST was THINKING it THROUGH. But the sly GRIN she wore belayed the TRUTH. She had already agreed. She was DRAGGING it OUT. She can FEEL how tense I am! Yo-kai can SMELL FEAR!

"Agreed."

The FOUL LUST BEAST tossed me the marble. I caught it, hid it within my SEXY SLEEVES and dropped to my knees in a SINGLE, FLUID MOTION. I could hardly get the WORDS out of my MOUTH, but if we were going to ACTUALLY follow through with 'THIS', then we should do it PROPERLY.

"W-Well then! I am in your care, miss Komeji."

No sooner had the words left my mouth than I froze. I'm really doing this. I am allowing someone I hardly know to lick my thighs. This is lunacy. This is scandal! This is OVERWHELMINGLY SCANDALOUS! I, Mononobe no Futosuhime, actually gave a scoundrel, a WELL-KNOWN scoundrel, permission to LICK MY THIGHS! IN FULL VIEW of not one, not two, but THREE of MY OWN ASSOCIATES.

Should word of this SPREAD, my reputation shall be RUINED! Not a single person will even ASSOCIATE with me! The honorable FUJIWARA will look upon my with DISDAIN! Even my own beloved deity, OUR LORD PRINCE TOYOSATOMIMI NO MIKO THE MAGNANIMOUS, will think of me as only so much garbage!

To sum this situation up in short, I SHALL NEVER BECOME A BRIDE!

Before I can even BEGIN to REMONSTRATE, the VILE MONSTER is between my legs, spreading my thighs with her FREEZING HANDS! But my remonstration shall not be denied!

"Please, dearest Koishi! My heart is not yet ready!"

To my great surprise, the DISGUSTING MONSTERS sits up, leaving my legs SPREAD, TINGLING where her DISGUSTING, SOFT HANDS last lay, but otherwise UNMOLESTED by TONGUE, despite the CLEAR LUST in her DEVIOUSLY BEAUTIFUL glassy eyes. I am left OVERWHELMINGLY CONFUSED. I am compelled to ask exactly WHY she stopped so abruptly. She appears confused at first, but an answer is SWIFTLY PROVIDED.

"You said you weren't ready, duh. I don't wannna' lick your legs unless you're either ready or almost completely unaware. It's more fun that way, okay?"

Though the statement was disturbing, the INTENTION was not. It would be safe to assume that the yo-kai was showing me some form of YO-KAI RESPECT that happened to somewhat RESEMBLE superior HUMAN RESPECT. Perhaps this beast is NOT SO FOUL.

Regardless, I must ensure that my reputation remains PURE after this!

"Ruukoto! Cover your eyes and ears!"

Ruukoto proceeds to wrap her DISTURBING BLUE TENTACLE HANDS around her eyes and plug her ears. I take a moment to ignore this bizarre development before turning to GORGAR. She is busy shooting leaves, though she appears to have forgotten why, and is gleefully trying to hit the HIGHEST LEAVES. This means she is LOOKING UP and away from MY SITUATION. That leaves Nitori. Her shell is bleeding, but she appears to have sated herself with her whipping. She is sleeping on her stomach, riding crop snuggled to her side. Good.

I turn to the NOT-SO-VILE BEAST OF LIBIDO and give her a polite bow.

"Well then. I am ready for you now, miss Komeji. I am in your care."

No sooner do I FINISH TALKING, then she is instantly upon my THIGHS. She takes a moment, though I wonder WHY EVER FOR. My curiosity is sated as I hear the soft inhalations of a SATORI SNIFFING under my SKIRT.

"P-Please don't do that! It's emb-"

My speech is cut off by my own high-pitched squealing as the foul lust beast drags her tongue oh-so-painfully slowly across my inner thigh, traveling dangerously close to the masouleum of my womanhood! This sensation! This blinding, tingling sensation! It drives a spike of pleasure through me with each micrometer the disgusting monster between my legs taints with her perverse tongue! I can no longer concentrate, my breathing comes heavily. those small, squeaking gasp for breath may be mine, but I can no longer say. I only wish for this torture to end, yet with each second my desire to cry out for more only grows in perfect sync with my rapidly swelling yin.

My fang-zhong-shu training did nothing to prepare me for this moment. The location couldn't be worse, the sun is beginning to glare at me from over the distant mountain and I'm surrounded by people. But, despite my training, I cannot bring myself to care.

I cannot think of anything but this overwhelming desire to reveal to this foul creature the yin above my mausoleum. To let those disgusting tentacles enter, only to-


I am roused from my stupor by a kappa striking me across the face.

"Master, wake up! Please, wake up!"

I am WOKEN FULLY by this second slap. I OBSERVE my surroundings. Nothing has changed, save for the mysterious STAIN in my underwear. I turn my gaze to the LUSTFUL SATORI, who is sitting in the lap of the still-blinded Ruukoto. Nitori PROVIDES the ANSWER I would not receive from Komeji.

"She said she poked you with her tongue and you passed out."

I cannot hide this BLUSH of EMBARRASSMENT from my own FAILURE at the BEDROOM ARTS. It is a MIRACLE that I've lived for SO LONG if I have so LITTLE SKILL as to be bested by a YO-KAI so EASILY. The KAPPA, however, CONTINUES.

"She said she licked you some more, since you asked for it."

---

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, appear to have a BAD CASE of SLEEP TALKING. I also have OVERWHELMINGLY SENSITIVE THIGHS I had a FUNNY DREAM where I cared NOT for the location I MADE LOVE in. This is PREPOSTEROUS, as I am a WELL-TRAINED TAOIST MAIDEN. FENG SHUI is INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT during lovemaking if I'm to attain TRUE IMMORTALITY.

Gorgar's MARBLE and PAPER are within my possession! The paper appears to be a POSTER of some sort.

The KAPPA is wearing her clothing again! I'll be certain to ask about that TATTOO when the chance presents itself!

Gorgar is HAPPILY shooting at LEAVES. Also a STRAY FAIRY, who appears to be SHOOTING BACK. It is only a FAIRY, however, so no concern is NECESSARY.

Ruukoto is HUMMING A TUNE to herself. It is NICE, but DISJOINTED, as though she DOESN'T QUITE REMEMBER the whole TUNE.

I am nearly OVERCOME by my desire to CLEANSE myself in a WESTERN-STYLE SHOWER. I feel FILTHY, I might LIKE IT and that WORRIES ME, so I need to CLEAR MY HEAD.

The cart STILL HASN'T MOVED, even though the sun is RISING.

Thinking up Taoist Euphemisms is actually not all that hard...

If a man surrenders his JING every time he makes LOVE, then why would he RISK his LIFE in the pursuit of women? It felt GOOD, but not THAT good.

Speaking of that... Am I, mononobe no Futo, PREGNANT with a YO-KAI'S CHILD!?!?

I feel as though I am being WATCHED. It is just a FEELING however.
-----

[ ] Pull the CART, Lady RUUKOTO! We've DELAYED long enough!
[ ] Dear KOISHI, you had best TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!
[ ] GORGAR, come down here THIS INSTANT and let me CUDDLE YOU for CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.
- [ ] OBSERVE POSTER
- [ ] ASK about MARBLE
[ ] Don't just THINK IT! Scream "NOW I'LL NEVER BE A BRIDE" and blush, just like the cartoons!


[ ] Make Preparations for speaking to the SHRINE MAIDEN. If she is in FOUL SPIRITS, you may be in GRAVE DANGER. Better SAFE than SORRY.

[ ] Ruukoto? Your hands...
[ ] You never did explain the scalp...
[ ] Should you not tidy up before meeting with the Hakurei?


Youmu would REALLY LIKE TO INSIST that you stick to THREE CHOICES. Any more, and WRITEFAG will be TOO TIRED before we see more SHENANIGANIZATION and that will make YOUMU SAD.

-----

I can't write lewd. It'll take lot's more practice than I've got right now.

But one day...

[X] Pull the CART, Lady RUUKOTO! We've DELAYED long enough!
[X] Dear KOISHI, you had best TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!
[X] Ruukoto? Your hands...

Need to know what's happening to the robot maid.

[X] Pull the CART, Lady RUUKOTO! We've DELAYED long enough!
[X] Dear KOISHI, you had best TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!
[X] Ruukoto? Your hands...

[x] Ruukoto! HANDS
[X] Reimu! PREPARE
[X] Cart! MOVE

[X] Pull the CART, Lady RUUKOTO! We've DELAYED long enough!
[X] GORGAR, come down here THIS INSTANT and let me CUDDLE YOU for CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.
- [X] OBSERVE POSTER

[X] Pull the CART, Lady RUUKOTO! We've DELAYED long enough!
[X] Dear KOISHI, you had best TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!
[X] Ruukoto? Your hands...

[X] Pull the CART, Lady RUUKOTO! We've DELAYED long enough!
[X] Make Preparations for speaking to the SHRINE MAIDEN. If she is in FOUL SPIRITS, you may be in GRAVE DANGER. Better SAFE than SORRY.

We must make all possible haste. GORGAR has been resolute in her vigil against razor sharp leaves and vile marauding fairy bandits, but her strength will not hold out forever.

[X] Pull the CART, Lady RUUKOTO! We've DELAYED long enough!
[X] Dear KOISHI, you had best TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!
[X] Ruukoto? Your hands...

Thighs impregnated with the foul seed of lust.

[X] Pull the CART, Lady RUUKOTO! We've DELAYED long enough!
[X] Dear KOISHI, you had best TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!
[X] Make Preparations for speaking to the SHRINE MAIDEN. If she is in FOUL SPIRITS, you may be in GRAVE DANGER. Better SAFE than SORRY.

>>26331

Maybe not. If that particularly shameful display of bedroom prowess had ocured with a worthy and noble prince, Futo might have been banished or something. I think Koishi did her a favor by uncoveing one of her subcontious weaknesses. Now they can practice together.

I YET LIVE

Forgive me, for it is with great shame that I offer my SINCEREST most HUMBLE APOLOGIES for this DELAY. I have no good excuse, save that MOUNT & BLADE has a FEUDAL JAPAN MOD that allows for the RECRUITMENT of TOUHOUS. It goes WITHOUT SAYING that this was the cause of my DISTRACTION. A (filler) update is IN THE WORKS however!

Worry not! The HAKUREI will be met eventually, and hopefully, so, to shall the FUJIWARA!

And so, to summarize, I am NOT DEAD! Just OVERWHELMINGLY LAZY without the SWEET CHILL of WINTER to provide my MOTIVATION and JOY.

>>26334

It's okay Futo, I like Gekokujo too

>>26334

Video games are truly a worthy foe. Keep fighting the good fight soldier, and thanks for the status update.

As yet another in a long string of cheesy kung-fu exclamations of exertion echoed through the bamboo, the Brain of the Moon took another sip of tea. Having finished her drink, she set her teacup on the picnic blanket set out for her and turned to her guest.

"More tea, Miss Kamashirasawa?"

The school teacher nods, though she doesn't turn her eyes from the fighting. She continues to watch even as she speaks.

"You were right, Eirin. It was a good idea to make them marathon old Chinese kung-fu movies."

Eirin offers Keine her cup of tea along with a friendly reminder.

"It appears that a certain somebody owes me thirty wadokaichin."

Keine stifles a polite giggle as she reaches for her purse.

"They don't call you the Brain of the Moon for nothing, it would seem!"

The polite giggles following this statement are as unguarded as Mokou's stomach as princess Kaguya shatters her own forearm on Mokou's stomach. Mokou is understandably upset.

"Hey, you shitty cunt! We agreed, no body shots! Face and extremities only!"

To this, the princess could only laugh haughtily, though it's generally difficult to be haughty when the arm you usually cover your mouth with is dangling at an unnatural angle. Eirin's voice pierces the mood.

"Princess? We're out of tea. Would you like to come home for dinner?"

Kaguya took a moment from the fight to turn to her caretaker, all smiles.

"No, no thank you! I should be fine! I'll just finish up here!"

Keine, knowing better, didn't bother to ask Mokou. If the princess wasn't backing down, then neither would she. It was always like that.

"In that case," the schoolteacher spoke "we had best be on our way, then!"

...

"Hey, you little shits."

Princess Kaguya (her arm having righted itself five minutes ago) turned to the voice calling her, though she didn't stop strangling Mokou. Tewi tossed the carrot she'd been chewing into the dirt and disappeared into the bamboo with little more than a wave. The signal given, Kaguya released her rival's throat.

"Mokou? You can get up now."

And so, our story begins.

...

It takes a moment. Usually does with asphyxiation. But I can't say I mind it. Feeling my body knit itself back together is kind of satisfying. I won't go into detail, because I just don't have the time, but I will say this for you guys.

You don't just get used to it. You start to want it. Not in a suicidal way either. "In, you know, like a sexual way. Maybe not sexual. Sensual? I don't know what word I'm looking for here, but you get what I'm saying, right?"

"I think I get it."

I jump to my feet. I did it again.

"I did it again, didn't I?" I ask.

"The narrating-a-story-to-yourself-while-your-dead-but-don't-stop-after-you're-alive thing?" answers the princess. All the answer I need to know. I did it again. Before I have time to be embarrassed, though, I have to check on it! I turn around plunge my hands into my stomach, tearing apart the flesh. It hurts and there's blood everywhere, but it was the only way to sneak it in. I can hear myself muttering shit more times than neccesary under my breath, because doing this always hurts like a bitch. But now that it's out of me, my stomach is steaming in the grass, having fallen conveniently away from the rest of my entrails. There's a problem, however, one I forgot to think about before I did this...

"Kaguya, please, I need your help!"

The princess steps closer to observe. She's understandably shocked.

"Mokou! The fighting is over already! Why are you tearing yourself up?"

I want to answer her but I barely have the energy to do that, so I just ask her before I do from bloodloss.

"Kaguya, please, please open my stomach. My hands are too slippery when they're covered in blood like this."

I die before anything else can register.

...

"Mokou? What is this?"

I must not have been out long, because the juices from my stomach are still steaming in the dirt. The juices on the ziplock bag Kaguya's holding in her hand are still steaming too. I take one look inside and I know.

The wooden box inside the bag was shattered into splinters. Some of those splinters pierced the bag. Digestive juices were pouring out of holes all over the cheap thing. And, more importantly, it was filled with a now half-digested lunch. Which means all my efforts were in vain.

"Dammit! I knew I should have used a tin box!"

Kaguya looks confused, so I explain.

"I made you a lunch and hid it in my stomach. So Keine and Eirin wouldn't catch on, y'see? But when you hit me in the gut it must have broken the box. I thought it would be fine with the bag and all, but... But it..."

My voice is catching. I'm having difficulty speaking. I think I'm crying. But I can't be crying, not in front of Kaguya during our special time! I don't want to ruin it any more than I already have, but...

"... I put so much hard work into making that lunch box so I could make you something special and I went and accidentally ate the whole thing myself..."

I can't stop the tears anymore. It's bad enough that Kaguya's special lunch was ruined, but now I'm crying like a baby to boot. Just freakin' great. Kaguya's gentle hand on my shoulder breaks me out of my own self-loathing, though.

"Oh, Mokou... It's the thought that counts. Besides, it's only half-digested. Here, look."

I'm not sure what she's getting at until she opens the steaming bag. I can't get the nasty thing away from her in time before she sticks her hand in and takes a pinch of bile-covered food from the bag. She doesn't need to go so far for me. We both know she doesn't need to go so far for me.

But she put the whole half-digested chunk of white rice, seaweed and finely-diced meat in her mouth like it was nothing. I can only watch in shock as she chews thoughtfully, savoring the taste like it was the finest, completely undigested cuisine. I stare in terror as the food slides down her throat, the flawless skin of her neck bulging slightly as the horrifying culinary nightmare finds its way to her stomach. And I'm all the more surprised when the princes actually compliments my cooking.

"Mokou. I can taste the love that went into this. Even half-digested, this," gushed Kaguya, waving my bag of half-eaten dreams lightly in front of her face. "delightful little concoction you've made still manages to taste wonderful! And this saltiness! I'd recognize it anywhere! Did you really add a human heart?"

How could she even taste that through that much bile?

"Mokou, are you blushing?" asked Kaguya. About something that absolutely was NOT happening, I might add. I've already got tears on my face, adding a blush would just be tacky! The slow realization that was dawning on the princess' face was making me worry, though.

"Did..." She asked quietly. "Did you use your own heart to make me a special lunch?"

God dammit, why does everybody from the moon gotta' be so damn smart!?

"S-So what if I used my heart? I just thought it would add the right flavor is all. It's not a big-"

I'm cut off by the Princess' hug.

She's stroking my hair. She's stroking my hair while she's hugging me. She's stroking my hair while she's hugging me and she smells nice and she's just so damn perfect about everything...

I thought I was crying before, but the tears are coming in earnest now. I hug her back. I'm crying into her shoulder. I think she's crying into mine, too.

As we sit there, hugging each other, she whispers lightly into my ear.

"I love you too, Mokou."

And that breaks me. I'm bawling my heart out so loud, I'm sure everyone in Gensokyo can hear me, but I don't care. To feel so loved and so cared for, and all so unconditionally. It's everything I've ever wanted. In these rare moments do I get to be really and truly happy. There's all of five words I can think of that I can string together to let her know just how happy I am, that I have a woman like her in my life. I belt them out for all the world to hear.

"I love you too, Momma'!"

---------


-- [ ] Marisa has a Nightmare
-- [ ] Destined Conflict! Pretty Flower Y Vs. Pure Orange Maiden!
-- [ ] Yuugi continues a Fanfiction.
-- [ ] Lovely Mermaid Princess' Greatest Romantic Challenge!


----------------

Sweet JESUS, this took forever to write, and I'm STILL not satisfied with it. I put way too much effort into filler.

Anon, I have to thank you for redirecting me to a far simpler story filled with plates and TAOISM. Main Story Update is ON THE WAY!!!

[x] Lovely Mermaid Princess' Greatest Romantic Challenge!

That was probably the most romantic thing anyone has ever written, ever.

-- [X] Destined Conflict! Pretty Flower Y Vs. Pure Orange Maiden!

well okay then

[x] Lovely mermaid option

Man, Mokou really poured her heart out there. And most of her guts.

[x] Lovely Mermaid Princess' Greatest Romantic Challenge!

[x] Marisa has a Nightmare

What the fuck am I reading

>>26367

I have no fucking clue. Well, I DO, but why spoil it?

[X] Marisa has a Nightmare

I'm positively surprised. This went better than I expected.
>>26367
Almost everyone here doesn't know what they are reading half the time. But we enjoy it, so yeah.

Because I'm calling them now!

We have to

[X] PULL the cart
[X] Make Koishi TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
[X] and bring up Ruukoto's HANDS

I'll get that update out eventually! Hopefully even soon!

> MOUNT & BLADE has a FEUDAL JAPAN MOD that allows for the RECRUITMENT of TOUHOUS.

Uh..someone let my family know where I will be.

>>26413
Strapped to a computer in hell?

I APPEAR TO HAVE WRITTEN MYSELF INTO A CREATIVE CORNER!!!

I'm still working things out here, but this corner is the TOP LEFT corner of the box, SHIMMYING DOWN from that corner is taking CONSIDERABLE MENTAL EFFORT.

Update is ON THE WAY, but NOT AS QUICK AS I'D LIKE.

>>26428
If you have to, burn continuity to the ground and continue as you see fit.

As long as we have our mecha as a friend and our fairy and kappa lovers, we'll be fine.

I, MONONOBE NO FUTONLY THE FINEST, am in a state of GREAT DISTRESS! Ruukoto's hands are DISTURBING and EXCITETERRIFY me to NO END! Our cart has NOT MOVED, though the FAIRY TRAFFIC moving to the ACCURSED SHRINE has slowed to a CRAWL, as the sun is BEGINNING to DESCEND. And WORST of all, I, PURITY NO FUTO, may now bear the CHILD of a DREADED YO-KAI! And FURTHER MORE, I am HUNGRY, my PLATES are grumbling about wanting PROPER ROLES, I can feel an OVERWHELMING, HEARTSTOPPING PRESSURE, my LEFTMOST FOOT is growing COLD, and I am wearing SOILED UNDER-

wait.

I can hear the 'PAAH, PAAH' of Gorgar's shots NO LONGER. Gorgar is floating in FRONT of the cart, back TURNED to us to STARE FORWARD. The sound of jangling metal resounds on either side of me. Nitori is SHAKING in her WATERPROOF BOOTS, digging some form of SPIKED, METAL CUCUMBER into her palm and BEGGING some oddly-named KAPPA GOD for FORGIVENESS and PROTECTION. Ruukoto is SHAKING in her MARY JANES, the SMILE on her FACE so PURE that my fear is NEARLY FORGOTTEN.

NEARLY.

For NOTHING can TRULY QUELL the OVERWHELMING FEAR that the HAKUREI SHRINE MAIDEN instills.

I can FEEL it. Like ALL OF CREATION has gathered to SQUEEZE TIGHT my HEART, my LUNGS, my STOMACH and JUMBLE them all into one great, big, VOMIT-INDUCINGLY UNCOMFORTABLE MASS.

---

CHANGE OF PLANS HELP THE HAKUREIISHEREHELP

[ ] Break into tearsa WELL-PLANNED RUSE
[ ] Pray to TOYOSATOMIMI NO MIKO
[ ] Greet the HAKUREI as CALMLY as POSSIBLE.
[ ] SHOOT that near-perpetual CAREFREE SMILE FIRST
[ ] RUUKOTO, GREET HER!
[ ] GORGAR, GREET HER!
[ ] NITORI, GREE- Hey, where'd she go?

-----

>>26429

You are an INSANELY helpful motherfucker, you know that?

[X] Pray to TOYOSATOMIMI NO MIKO
Be like N/Mitori and rub Miko penis effigy for guidance

[x] RUUKOTO! I CHOOSE YOU!

A GENTLEWOMAN that came here to help a FAIR MECHANICAL MAIDEN has NOTHING to fear.

But, uh, she should speak first anyway. Just in case.

[x] Greet the HAKUREI as CALMLY as POSSIBLE.

[X] NITORI, GREE- Hey, where'd she go?

[X] Greet the HAKUREI as CALMLY as POSSIBLE.

Also: did I miss the Christmas update mentioned in >>26313 or it simply didn't happen?

[x] GORGAR, GREET HER!

No love for our sweet tooth fairy?

>>26430
[X] Break into tearsa WELL-PLANNED RUSE
[X] Pray to TOYOSATOMIMI NO MIKO
[X] RUUKOTO, GREET HER!

>>26436

goddammitgoddammitgoddammIT!!!

We can't have a sexy Miko pic if Miko's not here, can we?

[spoiler]I'm sorry anon, I'll get your jingle update done now that I remember! Eventually![spoiler]

>>26257
Y'know, that there's a missed Keymaster reference...

Anywho,
[X] Greet the HAKUREI as CALMLY as POSSIBLE.

[X] Break into tearsa WELL-PLANNED RUSE
[X] Pray to TOYOSATOMIMI NO MIKO
[X] RUUKOTO, GREET HER!

Hopefully Reimu isn't too pissed about us borrowing her sexbot

>>26430

[X] Greet the HAKUREI as CALMLY as POSSIBLE.

[X] Greet the HAKUREI as CALMLY as POSSIBLE.

Good luck!

JUST LAZY

UPDATE IN THE WORKS, but I'm a WORKING MAN so don't expect much soon!

>>26479
Of course you're not dead Platemask, everyone knows that you're just too busy writing angry marines to write Futo.

I, THE MOST HONORABLE AND BRAVE OF ALL THE MONONOBE'S MAIDENS, are now faced by the AIR-HEADED, SPACEY SMILE that HAUNTS my most fevered NIGHTMARES, to the point that even the TAPIR of the world of DREAMS refuse to step FOOT inside my EPHEMERAL, but ever so SCARRING VISIONS. My fear is OVERWHELMING my REASON.

I actually ADDRESS the HAKUREI!

"Dearest Hakurei! I come to thee at the behest of a fair maid who claims a friendship from childhood shared with thee!"

Reimu answered in that EERILY FLOATY MANNER that she is so TERRIFYINGLY FOND OF.

"I don't remember any maids..."

Her GOHEI OF PAIN begins to TWITCH. I BLURT OUT the FIRST thing to come to my MAGNIFICENT MIND, which proves my GENIUS with its BOLD WORDS.

"AFRIENDBEARINGGIFTSDON'TCRACKMEAGAIN!"

When PAIN does not IMMEDIATELY FOLLOW, I deign it appropriate to PEEK THROUGH my magnificent SLEEVES of HIDING, which I DEPLOYED in a CROUCHING POSITION over my HEAD, as it has been PROVEN to be an EFFECTIVE METHOD for DEFLECTING BLOWS. I am both PLEASED and SHOCKED to see the HAKUREI of HORROR no longer wearing her AIR-HEADED SMILE of ABSENT-MINDED FOCUS, but a DELIGHTED SMILE of SIMPLE GLEE as she BRINGS HER HANDS together for a JOYOUS pair of LITTLE CLAPS, the kind a PURE MAIDEN would make upon hearing WONDERFUL NEWS. The little TINY CLAPS that leave the hands together RIGHT BELOW the maiden's BEAMING SMILE.

"Oh, goody! I do enjoy presents!"

The Hakurei is now in what is known among the various creatures of the fantasy land as 'NEGOTIATING [FORMAL MODE]'. This mode is used by the Hakurei to either ENTER NEGOTIATIONS to leave WITHOUT INJURY, or when greeting a STRANGER who is posing NO THREAT while OUTSIDE of an INCIDENT. This bodes WELL. If I can talk the HAKUREI into a more CASUAL [TALKATIVE] mood, then I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, will escape with my PORCELAIN HIDE UNMARRED and with the HONOR of the MONONOBE CLAN and of TAOISIM AS A WHOLE increased GREATLY!

I have THREE OPTIONS that I can think of. For the FIRST of my TRIFECTA of TREMENDOUS SOLUTIONS, I have the TRADITIONAL ANSWER. Not even an UTTER FOOL of a FAIRY would leave home without a CHOCOLATE in her LEFT POCKET and a COIN in her RIGHT. Even the YOUNGEST of tsukumogami are taught from a YOUNG AGE to keep these PRESENTS on their person at ALL TIMES, least they encounter a DEADLY SHRINE MAIDEN who will SEAL THEM AWAY! For my SECON-

"De-De-Dearest and mo-most beloved Ma-aste-e-er!"

UNABLE to contain herself any LONGER, RUUKOTO SPOKE UP.

There is a moment of DEAFANING SILENCE. Nobody has ever DARED to speak out of turn with the HAKUREI in such CLOSE VICINITY, especially knowing how ILL she favors being 'KISSED-UP' TO. I cannot SPEAK. I cannot BREATH. I cannot even BLINK. NITORI takes my arm. I can FEEL her SHAKING. I hear her WHISPER, though only BARELY.

"Don't let me die alone, master."

And the maid simply CONTINUES to GUSH at the STUNNED SHRINE MAIDEN, STUTTERING and SKIPPING through her TEARS, her EYES SMOKING.

"Oh d-d-de-dearest, most ador-ado-dorable Master, how I've longe-onge-onged t-onegd to see your be-beautiful fa-fa-face again! I've complete-I've comple-ompleted my task mistress! I've finally don-one it! No task is too grea-a-a-a-ate for me, so long as my belo-eloved, most bea-eauteou-ous master ord-der-ders it of me! -of me! -of me! -of-of me!"

The HAKUREI, while FOND of SMALL FLATTERY has been known to CRUSH ANY who are FOOLISH enough to lay it on ANY THICKER than a QUICK COMPLEMENT. I know for CERTAIN that my death is IMMINENT. It is now also RAINING on a SUNNY DAY. My vision is BLURRED by this FREAK RAINSTORM falling upon my EYES. I SQUEEZE the STILL-BLOODY PALM of my DEVOTED KAPPA, who is PRAYING to her KAPPA GODS. I'll NOT LET my kappa die ALONE. 'Twould be LESS than HONORABLE to do so, and let it never be said that I, MONONOBE NO FUT-

"What task?"

Ruukoto, though SMOKING from her EYEBALLS, manages to look OVERWHELMINGLY CONFUSED.

---

[ ] Uh...
- [ ] GORGAR, NO!
- [ ] FOUL LUST BEAST, NO!
- [ ] GORGAR AND FOUL LUST BEAST, NO!
- [ ] LITTLE BUG, N-wait, who the heck IS that?
- - [ ] Wait, EW, COCKROACH!!!

[ ] I'm going to die anyway. Kiss-

- [ ] NITORI. Let the maiden know that her master has HEARD her PLEA to die not ALONE.

- [ ] GORGAR. I've always WANTED to do LEWD things to a fairy, if I may be PERFECTLY HONEST before I DIE. Now that I'm about to DIE, I may as well do at least ONE of those things.

- [ ] RUUKOTO. A maiden so PURELY DEVOTED, even to the point of SUICIDAL MADNESS, deserves some form of REWARD for such devotion.

- [ ] FOUL LUST BEAST. If I am dying, then there is NO FURTHER NEED to HOLD MYSELF BACK or even CARE.

- [ ] THE HAKUREI. I'LL NOT GO DOWN WITHOUT A KISS FROM A FAIR MAIDEN OF HIGH STANDING!

- [ ] NO ONE. On the off-chance I DO survive the inevitable beatdown when Ruukoto says she STOLE her ORDERS from the HAKUREI'S DIARY, I should SAVE my KISS for the FUJIWARA.

- [ ] MYSELF. In the afterlife, I'll claim the hickey on my wrist was from my BELOVED.

- [ ] RODRIGUEZ. He's a CHARMING DEVIL, made of POLISHED BRASS of the HIGHEST QUALITY. A plate that HANDSOME would make a FITTING FINAL KISS.


- - [ ] Use the TONGUE. ALL OF IT.


---
>>26480

I WORK MINIMUM FUCKING[b] WAGE!

I DON'T GOT THE 40K TO START WARHAMMER!

I'M AN OVERWORKED, UNDERPAYED, PERPETUALLY EXHAUSTED PILE OF TOUHOU TRASH, WITH AT LEAST ONE OTHER STORY ASIDE FROM THIS ONE COOKING ON LOW HEAT WHEN IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE BY NOW, AND YOU THINK I CAN WRITE SOMETHING AS AWESOME AS THAT FUCKING [b]WARHAMMER STORY!?!?


I'm flattered you'd think I had such talent, but that's really not me. I only wear the mantle of Platemask no Futo so I don't confuse myself with too many names. I SHOULD STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR OWN INTESTINAL TRACT, YOU DENSE FUCKWIT!






Also, here's your update!

[x] EVERYTHING, NO!
[x] FIRE EVERY THING
-[x] EMPTY EVERY SLEEVE
--[x] OPEN EVERY COMPARTMENT
---[x] Offer food and yaoi to Reimu.

>>26483
>Offer food and yaoi to Reimu.
That was not something I'd been expecting to type today.

>>26483

Hey, quick reminder that namefagging's kind of frowned on unless your the author of the story you're posting on.

[x] Uh...
- [x] GORGAR AND FOUL LUST BEAST, NO!

I don't know what I'm voting for since they weren't in the update, but whatevs.

- [X] FOUL LUST BEAST. If I am dying, then there is NO FURTHER NEED to HOLD MYSELF BACK or even CARE.
- [X] THE HAKUREI. I'LL NOT GO DOWN WITHOUT A KISS FROM A FAIR MAIDEN OF HIGH STANDING!
- - [X] Use the TONGUE. ALL OF IT.

Fortune favors the bold.

[X] Uh...
- [X] GORGAR, NO!
- [X] LITTLE BUG, N-wait, who the heck IS that?
- - [X] Wait, EW, COCKROACH!!!

Damage Control, ACTIVATE!

>>26485
pffbbbbt

I'll post my name by accident if I want to! You don't tell Nefer Nightbug, Shinto god of insects, what to do!

It would appear that I have made this vote DIFFICULT to DECIDE.

THEREFORE!

I shall allow a revote! ONE VOTE EACH!

The FIRST THREE OPTIONS to be chosen shall be taken as the next update!

[x] Uh...
-[x] LITTLE BUG, N-wait, who the heck IS that?

[x] I'm might die. But just in case I don't, I should save my lips for Fujiwara. Let's hold hands with...
-[x] NITORI. Let the maiden know that her master has HEARD her PLEA to die not ALONE.

I, Nefer Nightbug, repeat my statements.
[x] EVERYTHING, NO!
[x] FIRE EVERY THING
-[x] EMPTY EVERY SLEEVE
--[x] OPEN EVERY COMPARTMENT
---[x] Offer food and yaoi to Reimu.

[ ] Uh...
- [ ] GORGAR, NO!
[ ] I'm going to die anyway. Kiss-
- [ ] FOUL LUST BEAST. If I am dying, then there is NO FURTHER NEED to HOLD MYSELF BACK or even CARE.
- - [ ] Use the TONGUE. ALL OF IT.

>>26482
YOUR LIES CAN NOT FOOL ME, BEAST OF GREAT DUPLICITY! EVERYONE KNOWS YOU AND ANGRY MASKED MARINE ARE THE SAME PERSON! YOUR SAMEFAGGOTRY KNOWS NO BOUNDS!
In all seriousness I know you're two different people, I just keep posting these because I find it funny. If it's too annoying I'll stop

>>26493

I would find it pretty annoying.

>>26494
WELL GOOD THING I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU FAGLORD

I intended to say that there was only going to be one option per vote. I, however, fucked up my wording ROYALLY.

HOWEVER, votes are still CALLED.

We are

>>26491
[X] Uh, LITTLE BUG, N- wait, who?

>>26492
[X] FIRING EVERYTHING

and >>26493

[X] Kissing the FOUL LUST BEAST
- [X] with the WHOLE TONGUE.

I may or may not decide to use the other options you guys voted for if I feel like it. Because, fuck it, why not?

I, THE GREATEST OF THE MONONOBE CLANS' MAGNIFICENT MAIDENS, can only watch in SILENCE. I may yet be the FIRST to live long enough to WITNESS the Hakurei grow RED with EMBARRASSMENT. Her pale HANDS, though never SEPARATED from their earlier CLAPPING, are now SLOWLY RAISING to hide her GLOWING FACE. I can almost hear the quite muttered squeals of DISCOMFORT from here! There can be only ONE POSSIBLE OUTCOME when a maiden is made to glow RED with EMBARRASSMENT. I, being WISE BEYOND MY YEARS, decide that the wisest course would be to TAKE THE INITIATIVE. The sheer FORCE behind my RAW CONVICTION causes the words to STUMBLE on their way out, like OVEREAGER WARRIORS, charging out to SLAUGHTER.

"Th-Th-THROWING DISHES [MONONOBE'S EIGHTY SAKE CUPS]"

Trying desperately to ignore the EMBARRASSING CRACK of my BEAUTIFUL VOICE caused CLEARLY by RAW EMOTION, I FLING from my SLEEVES many SAKE CUPS, the CUPS filled with UNHEALTHY RUBBING SAKE used PRIMARILY for the cleansing of WOUNDS.

I can only stare in SMITTEN HORROR as the Shrine Maiden, still staring MULDLY CONFUSEDLY at RUUKOTO, begins DODGING the liquid SPLATTERING about her as though dodging GENTLY TOSSED wads of PAPER, which is to say, with naught more than SMALL STEPS. 'Tis with a BLINK that the Hakurei seems to realize that she's being ATTACKED.

Nitori, having backed away, is well OUTSIDE of range to be injured or yanked OFF-BALANCE as I take a STARTLED STEP of TERROR. Upon LOCKING EYES with me, the Hakurei begins ADVANCING SLOWLY, dodging EVERY SINGLE DROPLET.

EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

I, THE GREATEST OF THE MONONOBE CLANS' MAGNIFICENT MAIDENS, can only watch in SILENCE. I may yet be the FIRST to live long enough to WITNESS the Hakurei grow RED with EMBARRASSMENT. Her pale HANDS, though never SEPARATED from their earlier CLAPPING, are now SLOWLY RAISING to hide her GLOWING FACE. I can almost hear the quite muttered squeals of DISCOMFORT from here! There can be only ONE POSSIBLE OUTCOME when a maiden is made to glow RED with EMBARRASSMENT. I, being WISE BEYOND MY YEARS, decide that the wisest course would be to TAKE THE INITIATIVE. The sheer FORCE behind my RAW CONVICTION causes the words to STUMBLE on their way out, like OVEREAGER WARRIORS, charging out to SLAUGHTER.

"Th-Th-THROWING DISHES [MONONOBE'S EIGHTY SAKE CUPS]"

Trying desperately to ignore the EMBARRASSING CRACK of my BEAUTIFUL VOICE caused CLEARLY by RAW EMOTION, I FLING from my SLEEVES many SAKE CUPS, the CUPS filled with UNHEALTHY RUBBING SAKE used PRIMARILY for the cleansing of WOUNDS.

I can only stare in SMITTEN HORROR as the Shrine Maiden, still staring MULDLY CONFUSEDLY at RUUKOTO, begins DODGING the liquid SPLATTERING about her as though dodging GENTLY TOSSED wads of PAPER, which is to say, with naught more than SMALL STEPS. 'Tis with a BLINK that the Hakurei seems to realize that she's being ATTACKED.

Nitori, having backed away, is well OUTSIDE of range to be injured or yanked OFF-BALANCE as I take a STARTLED STEP of TERROR. Upon LOCKING EYES with me, the Hakurei begins ADVANCING SLOWLY, dodging EVERY SINGLE DROPLET.

EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

She seems completely UNFAZED by the attack even!

As it would be wise, I take yet ANOTHER step back, to give myself yet MORE time to fling sake cups from my-

I am OUT OF CUPS. I am OUT OF CUPS and REACHING for ANOTHER SPELL CARD, but which one is it? The title is SMUDGED from the SANDSWICHES earli-*GLURNCK!?!?*

"I was having a conversation, you know?"

The Hakurei is RAMMING the TIP of her GOHEI down my THROAT. It seems my MOUTH was OPENED in SHOCK. I- *GMIGCK*

"What's with all you hermits being so darn rude all the time?"

The Hakurei's eyes BORE INTO MINE as she rams the gohei into the BACK of my THROAT, close enough that I would be able to SMELL her BREATH if the Hakurei didn't nourish herself almost entirely on SPECIFIC NUTS AND BERRIES to prevent herself from PRODUCING ANY BODY ODOR. Her EYES, a BEAUTIFUL, TERRIBLE DEEP CHOCOLATE BROWN-

Hmm? Were here eyes always purple? I try to ask as much.

"Wuh wuh ah ahway wuowuhGLM?"

The Hakurei has a HUNCH as to WHAT I ask of her. Her instincts are TERRIFYINGLY ACUTE. I know for certain she understood me when she begins RAMMING HER GOHEI in and out of my THROAT, blushing ONCE MORE. This hurts TREMENDOUSLY. I can NOT LIE that my tears are from no more than PAIN AND TERROR, both at the prospect of my IMMINENT DEMISE and from the terrifying TINGLE in my loins that can ONLY be the work of the FOUL LUST BEAST, and not from the fantasy of having something rammed FORCEFULLY in and out of my THROAT with my life on the line suddenly PLAYING OUT nearly EXACTLY as envisioned, save for the absence of a BEAUTIFUL HOLY SUPERPERSON and that something not being a PART of said BEAUTIFUL HOLY SUPERPERSON..

The Hakurei must have seen the SHEER INDOMITABLE WILL in my eyes, however, as the Hakurei yanks her GOHEI from my throat with an OBSCENE, WET POP. I cough in both RELIEF and GRATITUDE, but am INTERRUPTED by a BLOW to my HEAD.

"DISGUSTING! LEWD! IMPROPER!"

Each SHRIEKING STATEMENT is PUNCTUATED by a STRIKE to my HEAD. I try to hide my TEARS for the SHAME, that I may appear STRONG for my COMPATRIOT'S BENEFIT.

The next strike does NOT come, instead, REPLACED by the tiny "gyeep" of a maiden being SMACKED lightly on the HEAD. I look SKYWARD to find a maiden in LEWD PUMPKIN PANTIES, but NO SKIRT, staring at the Hakurei in TERROR, the gohei planted GENTLY upon her GREEN HAIR. Her hand is RAISED, as though she had DEFLECTED a STRIKE. Reimu is GLARING at the young LEWDLY DRESSED MAIDEN. She SNAPS her FINGERS, getting RUUKOTO'S ATTENTION.

"Maid. Clean up this trash."

Ruukoto, to my horror, SALUTES GLEEFULLY.

"Right away mi-mistress!"

She LUNGES FORWARD to TACKLE the young MAIDEN who just SACRIFICED herself for ME. I would SHED a TEAR, but I am in DIRE STRAITS as the HAKUREI plants her FOOT on my HEAD, knocking my AMAZING HAT from my HEAD. OH! The utter SHAME of losing my MOST IMPORTANT of ALL COSTUME PIECES.

There is a moment of SILENCE. I hear a CLICK at the BACK of my HEAD. The KAPPA'S VOICE rings out.

"S-S-See? I was n-never on her side at all! I'm a good Kappa, I promise! Don't break my things again, I'll be a good kappa, I promise!"

A DAGGER pierces my HEART in an EMOTIONAL SENSE, and I can feel my TRUST WITHER like my FAVORITE BONSAI TREE after I WOKE UP from a THOUSAND YEARS OF SLEEP. Can NOBODY be trusted in this thrice-cursed FANTASY?

Then I HEAR it.

"WEE, MULTIBALL!!!"

The voice of the FOUL LUST BEAST rings out as the SQUEALING of a TINY, ADORABLE FAIRY screams forth.

I feel the SLIGHT PRESSURE of a weapon's MUZZLE lift from the back of my NECK. I hear a loud *SLAP* and an EQUALY LOUD "PLEH". I LOOK UP to find that GORGAR is latched FIRMLY to the HAKUREI'S FACE. Also, that the TREACHEROUS KAPPA is lying on her FACE behind the HAKUREI, a CONFUSED SATORI resting on the monster's BACKPACK. Gorgar is CRYING as LOUD as her LITTLE FAIRY LUNGS can MANAGE, which makes this the SECOND TIME I have witnessed a FAIRY CRY since I BEGAN this ADVENTURE, which must be some form of RECORD.

"PLEASE! STOP! HURTING!"

---

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, am currently enjoying being NOT DECEASED. I am drinking PINE NEEDLE TEA. It is BITTER, but it is STILL TEA. I'll not COMPLAIN around the HAKUREI.

The TREACHEROUS KAPPA is EYEBALLING me from the CORNER of my VISION. Her HANDS keep SHAKING harder than mine. She has driven a STAKE through her LEFT ARM, and is sitting in the GRASS.

Ruukoto is SERVING TEA with the BEAMING SMILE of a woman who has FOUND HER PURPOSE in life. She is ANIMATEDLY DESCRIBING a meeting she had with a maiden with hair ASHEN-WHITE.

The BRAVE INSECT who attempted to SAVE me is enjoying her TEA. Her ANTENNAE are both CUTE and MILDLY CREEPY.

The LOYAL LUST BEAST is HANGING from the ROOF upside-down and ATTEMPTING to CATCH FIREFLIES. It is NIGHT, though that does not EXPLAIN the EXCESS of FIREFLIES in the area. She appears to have NOT a single CARE in the WORLD.

The Hakurei is ENJOYING her TEA BLISSFULLY, apparently simply ENJOYING the FEEL of the NIGHT BREEZE through her HAIR. GORGAR is planted FIRMLY in her LAP, HUGGING the Hakurei as though she may LEAVE if the little fairy RELEASED her GRIP. Having DROPPED any and ALL pretenses of having a SERIOUS SPEECH-IMPEDIMENT, Gorgar has been snuggled FIRMLY in the Hakurei's LAP and calling her Momma' almost constantly, even speaking full sentences when spoken to.

---

[ ] Address the KAPPA. She should be-
- [ ] ADMONISHED for her VILE BACKSTABBING.
- [ ] FORGIVEN. A YO-KAI is still a YO-KAI, and the HAKUREI is could have been TRUELY HORRIFYING if not STOPPED.

[ ] Address the MAID.
- [ ] About her DELIGHTFUL TALE.
- [ ] About her EERIE VINE HANDS.
- [ ] Praise her LOYALTY. Though she TURNED on you, she did so at her MASTER'S REQUEST with NO THOUGHT, despite her LONG SEPARATION.

[ ] Address the LUST BEAST.
- [ ] Her WELL-EARNED KISS is coming!
- [ ] "Multiball?"

[ ] Address GORGAR.
- [ ] Fairy of SNAKE PITS?
- [ ] What is the STORY behind this POSTER and STEEL BALL?

[ ] Address the HAKUREI
- [ ] "Momma'?"
- [ ] What shall she do with the FUJI FRIED CHICKEN STAND(TM) that is now in her POSSESSION?
- [ ] C-Can you do the... the thing with the gohei again?

- [ ] Where is my Marisa?
- - [ ] You Lavender-locked loser?

- - - [ ] You know what would go great right about now? REVENGE! Just because!

[ ] Address my PLATES
- [ ] I should form a PEACE TREATY between the PLATES, before the GREAT PLATE WAR goes TOO FAR.
- [ ] I should ASK my plates to RETRIEVE my YAOI.

[ ] For SOME ODD REASON, the idea of having FOOD eaten from my BODY is HIGHLY AROUSING. I BELIEVE this is because of my NATURE as a PLATE pairing with my proximity to the LUST BEAST.

[ ] Poke the big turtle.





---

Hmm. This took longer to push out than normal, but out it is! Maybe the next update will be filler!

And here's an image to make up for forgetting an image!

Enjoy your delicious Flan!

>>26518

[x] Address the KAPPA. She should be-
- [x] FORGIVEN. A YO-KAI is still a YO-KAI, and the HAKUREI is could have been TRUELY HORRIFYING if not STOPPED.

[x] Address the MAID.
- [x] About her EERIE VINE HANDS.
- [x] Praise her LOYALTY. Though she TURNED on you, she did so at her MASTER'S REQUEST with NO THOUGHT, despite her LONG SEPARATION.

[x] Address the LUST BEAST.
- [x] "Multiball?"

[x] Address GORGAR.
- [x] What is the STORY behind this POSTER and STEEL BALL?

[x] Address the HAKUREI
- [x] What shall she do with the FUJI FRIED CHICKEN STAND(TM) that is now in her POSSESSION?

[x] Address my PLATES
- [x] I should form a PEACE TREATY between the PLATES, before the GREAT PLATE WAR goes TOO FAR.
- [x] I should ASK my plates to RETRIEVE my YAOI.

[x] Poke the big turtle.

[ ] Address the KAPPA. She should be-
- [ ] FORGIVEN. A YO-KAI is still a YO-KAI, and the HAKUREI is could have been TRUELY HORRIFYING if not STOPPED.

[ ] Address the LUST BEAST.
- [ ] Her WELL-EARNED KISS is coming!
- [ ] "Multiball?"

[ ] Address GORGAR.
- [ ] Fairy of SNAKE PITS?
- [ ] What is the STORY behind this POSTER and STEEL BALL?

[ ] Address the HAKUREI
- [ ] "Momma'?"

[ ] For SOME ODD REASON, the idea of having FOOD eaten from my BODY is HIGHLY AROUSING. I BELIEVE this is because of my NATURE as a PLATE pairing with my proximity to the LUST BEAST.

[X] Address the KAPPA. She should be-
- [X] ADMONISHED for her VILE BACKSTABBING.
- [X] FORGIVEN. A YO-KAI is still a YO-KAI, and the HAKUREI is could have been TRUELY HORRIFYING if not STOPPED.

[X] Address the LUST BEAST.
- [X] Her WELL-EARNED KISS is coming!
- [X] "Multiball?"

[X] Address the HAKUREI
- [X] "Momma'?"
- [X] What shall she do with the FUJI FRIED CHICKEN STAND(TM) that is now in her POSSESSION?

[X] Poke the big turtle.


[X] For SOME ODD REASON, the idea of having FOOD eaten from my BODY is HIGHLY AROUSING. I BELIEVE this is because of my NATURE as a PLATE pairing with my proximity to the LUST BEAST.

Yay Koishi~

Thanks, Platemask. You gave me the DIVINE INSPIRATION I needed to write my own stupid shit.

Guys.

I'll be real with you.

Your votes are too big. I've tried lubing up my brain, I've tried stretching it out a bit first, but the sheer size of the votes just won't fit.

I must therefore issue a REVOTE.

No more than

[X] THREE CHOICES!
and
- [X] SUB-CHOICES COUNT AS CHOICES.

I'm sorry I have to do this, but sometimes an author has to look at an idea and say 'that shit ain't goin' in this brain, no matter HOW hard I try.'

>>26563
Sure mate.

>>26518
[ ] Address the HAKUREI
- [ ] C-Can you do the... the thing with the gohei again?

[ ] Address the HAKUREI
- [ ] C-Can you do the... the thing with the gohei again?

[ ] Address the HAKUREI
- [ ] C-Can you do the... the thing with the gohei again?

[X] Address the LUST BEAST.
- [X] Her WELL-EARNED KISS is coming!
[X] For SOME ODD REASON, the idea of having FOOD eaten from my BODY is HIGHLY AROUSING. I BELIEVE this is because of my NATURE as a PLATE pairing with my proximity to the LUST BEAST.

[X] Address the KAPPA. She should be-
-[X] FORGIVEN. A YO-KAI is still a YO-KAI, and the HAKUREI is could have been TRUELY HORRIFYING if not STOPPED.

[X] Address the MAID.
-[X] Praise her LOYALTY. Though she TURNED on you, she did so at her MASTER'S REQUEST with NO THOUGHT, despite her LONG SEPARATION.

[X] Address the LUST BEAST.
-[X] Her WELL-EARNED KISS is coming!

Loyalty should be rewarded, regardless of its source

>>26567

I can get behind this.

[X] Address the KAPPA. She should be-
-[X] FORGIVEN. A YO-KAI is still a YO-KAI, and the HAKUREI is could have been TRUELY HORRIFYING if not STOPPED.

[X] Address the MAID.
-[X] Praise her LOYALTY. Though she TURNED on you, she did so at her MASTER'S REQUEST with NO THOUGHT, despite her LONG SEPARATION.

[X] Address the LUST BEAST.
-[X] Her WELL-EARNED KISS is coming!

>>26563
>no more than three votes
>every vote afterwards has more than three

Don't worry Platemask, I know how to read

[x] Address the LUST BEAST
- [x] Her WELL-EARNED KISS is coming
- [X] "Multiball?"

We are most CERTAINLY [X] KISSING A LITTLE ROCK, [X] FORGIVING the KAPPA and MAID and >>26564
[X] BEGGING the HAKUREI to ASSERT her DOMINANCE ORALLY.

Because I got a chuckle out of that vote/can put DOUBLE FORGIVENESS as a single option easily.

>>26569

Your literacy is COMMENDABLE. I grant you this REWARD IMAGE of a disappointing LEWD UPSKIRT.

>>26569

You are indeed quite good at following written directions/instructions.

I, on the other hand, am bad at life. Frequently.

My bad. Again.

I, BEAUTY-RIVALING-THE-MOON NO FUTO, can stand this horrible SILENCE for not a SINGLE moment LONGER. However, I must decide on a proper TOPIC of DISCUSSION before I engage in DISCOURSE with my FELLOWS. Thinking the word FELLOWS, however, brings to mind my very RECENT BETRAYAL.

Watching the (decidedly PALE) kappa grind the STAKE into her arm, I, MONONOBE NO FUTO THE PERCEPTIVE, could see the pain written PLAIN in her EYES. It was not all PHYSICAL, if the expression of ANGUISH beyond PAIN she wore was ANY INDICATION. The eyes, SCRUNCHED more in BARELY hidden emotional TURMOIL, rather than SQUINTED in the GRITTING of PAIN.

Before a more THOROUGH EXAMINATION could be had, the KAPPA looked UP from the cup of TEA she had been STARING THROUGH. Noticing the GAZE of my BEAUTIFUL EYES, the kappa froze.

"Dearest Nito-"

The KAPPA made an ODD, HIGH-PITCHED WHINE as she STOOD and BOLTED off of the PORCH and BEHIND the SHRINE. I STOOD to FOLLOW, but the Hakurei's DREADED GOHEI blocked me. I turned my QUESTIONING GAZE to the HAKUREI, questioning for ANSWERS.

The Hakurei set down her BITTER TEA, which she HAD NOT stopped sipping to LIFT her GOHEI.

"If you mean to follow, give it a moment."

She gave NO further EXPLANATION, so I GAZED FURTHER for MORE ANSWER to QUESTION. The HAKUREI was KIND ENOUGH to PROVIDE.

"The Kappa are strange."

That ANSWER only gave rise to MORE QUESTIONS, but I'd best NOT push my LUCK with the HAKUREI. The Hakurei DOES snap her fingers, HALTING the LOYAL MAID in the middle of the SENTENCE that she had been SPEAKING. This SENTENCE happened to be ONE of MANY, ALL of which having been DROWNED into the BACKGROUND. The Hakurei ISSUED an ORDER.

"Follow the turtle. Make sure she doesn't do anything stupid."

The maid gave a SALUTE with her STILL DISCONCERTING TENTACLE hands and was OFF with not ANOTHER WORD.

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, RESPOND to the question the shrine maiden then ASK of me with my UTMOST ATTENTION.

"You want something from me."

My response is IMMEDIATE and COMPLETELY HONEST.

"Nooooononono, I don't want anything! I'm merely here to-"

I FREEZE as I HEAR the soft sound of a FAMILIAR HAT making contact with WOOD. The HAKUREI'S GOHEI is raise OVER MY HEAD. I did not even see the miko's arm MOVE. The Hakurei's STEELY GAZE bores DEEP into my MOST HIDDEN DEPTHS, and I cannot help but SHUDDER in TERROR.

"Don't lie. What do you want."

My mouth OPENS before I can STOP myself. The words don't so much STUMBLE out as they LURCH out all at ONCE.

"MakemesuckthestickagainohgodsintheheavenswillingpleasedontkillmepleaseillbegoodI'll be oh gods above did... Did I... Just... say..."

My words TRAIL into NOTHING as the Hakurei's STEELY GLARE does not WAVER. She HOLDS her GLARE for a TERRIFYINGLY LONG TIME. In fact, I can FEEL my loins MOISTEN in fear and anticipation, what is WRONG with me? legs TREMBLING under the TERRIBLE WEIGHT of the HAKUREI'S GLARE.

Then, as though the QUIETEST of terrifying WINDS blew through the shrine, her VOICE gave INSTRUCTION so quietly it was almost as though she was SCARED that someone might HEAR.

"How much can you pay?"




---------------

GUESS WHO HAS COMMITMENT ISSUES~!?!?!?

Second half coming, hopefully MUCH SOONER.

>>26618
/at/ UPDATE /at/ UPDATE /at/ UPDA-ahem.

write this lewd, and your highly irregular update schedule shall be forgiven

>>26623
Does it really need to be on /at/ though? For continuity's sake I'd rather it be here.

>>26624
Well, I meant /at/ themed

Guess what?

A filler update is IN THE WORKS.

It may-or-may-not be lewd, according entirely to my whims.

>>26644
The public demands /at/, you bastard.

Er- ahem. What I mean is, please deliver.

>>26644
Waiting warmly.

>>26644
Hooray! I was almost afraid that this was dead.

>>26644
Hooray!

*SHFFFF* *FUP*

*SHFFFF* *FUP*

*SHFFFF* *FUP*

The only sounds accompanying me home tonight are the sounds of my tail dragging in the dirt and my torso flopping in said dirt. I'm sure I could drag myself home with less trouble if I'd just pull my self hand-over-hand, but yanking myself up and forward with both hands at once is more of a workout. I might as well get the exercise while I'm stuck, right? As Mama Wakasagijoo always said, 'Quite your complaining, little lady! I ask you to do ONE thing around here, and you can't even do the dish-'

I don't think I'm thinking of the right saying...

Of course, I WOULDN'T be stuck if a certain fuzzy SOMEBODY who's name shall not be named didn't go and get herself DRUNK and CRASH MY WHEELCHAIR INTO A FREAKING TREE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING VILLAGE ON THE O P P O S I T E S H O R E O F T H-

Getting mad is just dehydrating me. I have a half gallon of water on me, but I can only soak myself so many times before I'm in real trouble...

Admittedly, breathing with lungs is REALLY difficult, but I could probably survive for a while without water. But the dreaded sunburn when morning comes back around...

The lake is at least a mile from here. I'm pretty sure I've stripped some scales from my privates already, and I haven't even been dragging myself for longer than an hour...

Before I can even entertain the notion of crying in frustration, I hear a sound!

I turn and drag myself as loudly and noisily into the bushes beside the road as I can!

Quickly. I meant quickly. But I was also loud. I wasn't quick. I'm never quick on land.

But that's not important! Right now I can hear someone coming closer! I cover my mouth and nose to stifle my breathing. I calm my heart, slowing the rate of my blood circulation. I focus on my own heartbeat, slowing as I calm.

I am silence.

I am shadow.

I am invisi-

"Who n' their right mine' leaves a perf'ctly good fish lyin' abou' in th' bushes?" called the voice, moments before a lukewarm hand wraps around the base of my mostly exposed tail.

I hate my tail so much.

With a mighty YANK, and a not-so-mighty squeak I'm ripped out of the bushes. I turn to look at the face of whoever it is that's probably going to eat me. I sound calm about this, but it's one of those calms that comes around when you're scared out of your wits and it's showing on your face but you can still think somewhat straight. I don't know what they call that, but I'm feeling that and maybe if I FOCUS on that focus, I can think of a way to esca-

Despite all the thoughts whirling in my head, the pale girl holding my tail just stares at me. Taking a closer look, I find I've been grabbed by a sailo-

SAILORS!? IN GENSOKYO!?

SAILORS EAT MERMAIDS!

That's what Grandmama Wakasagikogo always said! 'Always eat your vegetables, young ladies, or a big scary sailor will come along and drag you onto a SHIP and then they'll FLAY YOU ALIVE and EAT YOU!'

I'd always thought that sailors were just a myth, an old fish tale made up to scare little mergirls into falling in line! And yet the legends are true, given proof in the form of physical contact!

I think I'm gonna' cry...

The sailor drops my tail, which causes it to flop painfully into the dirt. Why is everything up here pain?

To my horror, I let out a pitiful sob before I can stop myself. To even further my horror, the pirate lunges for me oh my god he-

Before I can do anything more than recoil and whimper some more, a gentle hand strokes my tears away.

"Ah, lass, hold on t' yer tears. There be noh need for 'em. I wohn' hurt yea'."

The sailor tries to reassure me in her weird sailor accent, but it sounds so much like how Papa Wakasagioja used to make a funny accent that it made me think that maybe Papa had a run in with a sailor once and that's where he got the story, but now I really miss him and wanna' ask him if it was true and-

"I WANNA' GO HOME!"

I can hold it in no longer, and let forth the entirety of my pent up frustration!

"My wheelchair is in ruins! I haven't had a single drink! My tail hurts! Kagy is such a jerk! I do to have a real job! I miss my family! I've never been to France! I-"

The sailor interjects.

"I've a bohx o' mohchi fer gud lasses who dry their eyes!"

I stop my rant without another thought, save one.

"Mochi?"

...

As the apparently-not-so-scary sailor bridal carries me to the lake, I can't help but wonder if it was wise of me to entrust my care to a NOTORIOUS MERMAID EATER for sweets, but then I remember it was mango flavored, so it's okay.

"Naow, why dontcha' tell ol' Cap'n Murasuh yer nehm, wee lass?"

What did she call me?

"I'm not wee! I mean, I'm not little! I'm the biggest of a small species, so I'm actually big!"

The sailor laughs heartily. HEARTILY! Ohhhh, the NERVE of this woman, addressing a woman of my standing like-

"A'ighty then, 'big' lasseh... Why dohn'cha tell meh if yer nehm matches yer mighteh size, oh queen of th' deep?"

I puff out my (rather magnificent) chest in pride. And it is only RIGHT that the sailor should stare at my juicy-

Before I can think of the implications of a predator staring at my juiciest bits, I introduce myself.

"I, as you may know, am Wakasagihime, Youngest daughter of the Wakasagi clan, a proud race of Bluefin Mertuna! Wielders of the Shiniest and Prettiest shinies in all of Merdom! I would that you treat me with the proper measure of RESPECT, thank you very much!"

The sailor stifles a laugh as though I won't hear it!

"Oh, th' grehtest of shinehs, eh? Noh' 'the mohst lovely ohf maid'ns' or sohmethin' mohre grand n' ohn th' nohse?"

It takes me a moment to mentally sift through the thick accent. I figure out that I've just been called the fairest maiden at about the same time the sailor did, as her pale face turns beet red. Possibly redder than my own, as I'm certain I'm probably redder than I've ever been. Without being smashed, I mean. But I get pretty red in the face when I DO get smashed, and I'm pretty sure I'm getting pretty close to getting that red. Of course, none of that matters right now because I may have just woo'ed one of my own natural predators with my stunning beauty, said predator/potential suitor now holding me in a bridal carry and I am now INTENSELY aware of all contact between me and her, like the fact that the hand under my tail is, despite being lukewarm, surprisingly soft.

Light, soft, even, dare I say it, fluffy. As though my poor, abused scales were being treated to the kisses of a dove's down feathers. If her hand is this soft, how much more so would the rest of her be? How is it even POSSIBLE to be this soft?

Is it even possible for the rest of her to be this soft? Triton's beard, it IS! Her cheek feels like the lightest of cotton candy pillows. Fluffy and bouncy and ever-so delightful to simply squeeze, even slightly... I wonder what she taste li-

"M-m-miss mermaid? I-Is something wrong? You're getting really c-clo-"

As the sailor shakes her head, I realize that not only was I stroking her cheek gently, but I was close enough for her to bite me if she wanted to! Or even, instead of bite, ki-

The sailor, having regained enough of composure to speak, picks her accent right back up.

"Oi, lass! We've noht knohn each ohther f'r mohr 'n hahf hour! Me hahrt's nah readeh!"

-----

I, Wakasagihime, have managed to gain the upper hand against my potential predator! It's just like Grandpapa Wakasagiuesama always used to say, "A pretty darlin' like yerself should be able to weasel out of jus' about anything if you just show off yer perfect pearls! Now show granpappy yer perfect pearls, or you're getting laundry duty tonight!"

However, I don't know how I would go about getting back to the lake if I were to strip right here.

THEREFORE!

I shall question the oddly soft ghost for details, answers and things-about-herself, that I may, instead of being eaten, convert and befriend the scary sailor!

But what to ask?

--------

[ ] "Why are you so...
- [ ] Soft?"
- [ ] Fluffy?"
- [ ] Perfect?"
[ ] "Why is there a Sailor in land-locked Gensokyo?"
[ ] "May I stroke you? You feel... pleasant..."
[ ] "You have to stroke me now! That way, we're even!"
[ ] "You're not going to eat me, are you?"
[ ] "If you're not ready, then... I'll let you take me, first."
[ ] The FISH is at the advantage here! We must TAKE HER before she can tell us to STOP/EAT US!


[ ] WRITEFAG, GET BACK TO THE REGULAR STORY!


------------

Konpaku Youmu's blade split her thumb cleanly. The blood weld nicely. Oh, so very nicely.

Stifling the laugh she felt rising, she sat motionless. All the pretty fools, trying to do too much with their lives. They were all so annoying, weren't they? The hermit was doing nothing of interest at the moment. But the fish? Oh, the EXERTION. She could feel the spring growing within' her...

But to harvest such thick fruits before they were ready would be a waste of fruit, even if you were to split them clean in half and roast them...

Mmmhmhmhmhm, yes, anymore than three things at once... That should be enough lovely spring welling at once. If the fish tried to do more than three things at once, her head would leave her shoulders and her breast would decorate the gardener's room.




------------------------

FILLER IS FUN! In other news, I have no fucking clue how to write lewd, so I'll give you guys the opportunity to help out by voting!

Or I COULD just get back to plate stick fellatio. Option's up there, guys.

Enjoy this little detour!

[x] Why are you so
-[x] SOFT
-[X] PERFECT

Since Youmu is too busy being A HARDCORE YANDERE The title of the 'softest' is up for grabs. I hope she never finds Yuyuko... Or THAT bottle in the bathroom.

>>26649
[X] When in doubt, fish puns. Awful ones.
[X] Mention that we're marooned and that we need help with that.

[x] "You have to stroke me now! That way, we're even!"
[x] "Why is there a Sailor in land-locked Gensokyo?"
[x] "You're not going to eat me, are you?"

[X] "Why are you so...
- [X] Soft?"
[X] "May I stroke you? You feel... pleasant..."
[X] "You're not going to eat me, are you?"

[X] "Why are you so...
- [X] Soft?"
[X] "May I stroke you? You feel... pleasant..."
[X] "You have to stroke me now! That way, we're even!"

[X] "Why are you so...
- [X] Soft?"
[X] "May I stroke you? You feel... pleasant..."
[X] "You have to stroke me now! That way, we're even!"
[X] "You're not going to eat me, are you?"

Murasa's accent is enjoyable in the extreme.
>No clue how to write lewds
Then what was https://www.touhou-project.com/at/res/35268.html, or have I gotten my writefags mixed up again?

>>26662
>more than three things at once
rip in piss

>>26662

I'd be flattered that you thought I was Clear, but I'm too busy being happy you introduced me to an Echo-Awoo story.

[x] "Why are you so...
- [x] Soft?"
- [x] Perfect?"
[x] "May I stroke you? You feel... pleasant..."

Nice filler is nice.

I, MONONOBE NO FUTOSUHIME THE SPLENDIFOROUS, am a PROPER TAOIST. THEREFORE, I can CLAIM to know that there is a TIME and a PLACE for ALL THINGS. I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, am ALSO a PROPERLY TRAINED TAOIST MAIDEN. This MEANS that, while I am NOT what one would call a "PURE MAIDEN", I can state with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that I have NEVER been PROPERLY PLEASED. I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, am also a HERMIT, a SPIRITUAL variety of BEING that is FAR REMOVED from such EARTHLY DESIRES as LUST.

ALL OF THIS taken IN to ACCOUNT, I IMPLORE you, DEAR ANONYMOUS VOICES residing WITHIN my THOUGHTS, to UNDERSTAND how STRANGE it is that I am FEELING something STRONGER than the mild TINGLE of my LOINS at the THOUGHT of being USED by a FILTHY SHINTO PRIESTESS.

I FURTHER implore you to UNDERSTAND my INABILITY to COPE with such STRANGE and UNFAMILIAR SENSATIONS. 'Tis ONE thing to be MENTALLY MANIPULATED by a FOUL YOUKAI. 'Tis ANOTHER ENTIRELY to find such ALIEN DESIRES entirely NATURALLY. Even FURTHER from the FIRST step is finding them in GREATER CONCENTRATION than found through the MAGICAL MACHINATIONS of a LUSTFUL YO-KAI.

I implore you, dear anonymous RIDERS of my THOUGHTS, yet FURTHER to understand the reasons BEHIND such UNREQUITED LUST. Aye, UNREQUITED it IS. For, though she be WILLING, the HAKUREI does not show even the SLIGHTEST sign of being TURNED ON even the SLIGHTEST. Her COLD, UNFLINCHING STARE, so VOID of READABLE EMOTION, save the slightest HINT of MILD DISGUST at the me who could pay NO MORE than THREE WADOKAICHIN, was so FRIGHTENINGLY SIMILAR to that which my LORD PRINCE would give the UNWASHED MASSES from his curtained ROYAL KAGO as I GAZED UP at him LONGINGLY from his BEAUTIFUL FEET as one of his CONSORTS brought him PLEASURE from their LIPS...

Such a PERFECT EXPRESSION I'd thought LOST to my VISION since the END of my LORD PRINCE'S REIGN of JAPAN. In FACT, since ACHIEVING his most RECENT, EQUALLY PERFECT form, my LORD PRINCE has been CONSIDERABLY LESS DISDAINFUL of the UNCLEAN COMMONERS, and a great DEAL LESS willing to FLAUNT his POWER SEXUALLY. Not 'till TODAY had I remembered my UNQUENCHABLE DESIRE for such a DOMINEERING PRESENCE.

The HAKUREI, whos' WHIMS upon which my VERY LIFE are decided, and who cares next to NOTHING for me, is EVERYTHING that I;d FORGOTTEN I'd WANTED.

And, if I MAY be ABSOLUTELY HONEST, Anonymous voices... That scares me to NO FORESEEABLE END.

As I KNEEL before the HAKUREI, her GOHEI held UNNATURALLY STEADILY before my QUIVERING LIPS, her STEELY GAZE boring DISGUST directly INTO my VERY SPIRIT, even as my FINGERS dance FEVERISHLY beneath my UNDERCLOTHES, the thought that I may be treading a DANGEROUS PATH prods the BACK of my MIND, like a SYMPATHETIC EXECUTIONER, waiting DESPERATELY for me to say something, ANYTHING that will give him the PRIZED ORDER to STAND DOWN.

For if I do NOT halt myself here...

... I fear the EFFECTS on my MIND may be IRREVERSIBLE.


----------

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, may very well be facing one of the TOUGHEST DECISIONS of my LIFE.

I have MANY WAYS to TELL MYSELF NO.

CAN I do just THAT, though?

----------


[ ] Remember the CROWN PRINCE that you LOVE NOW. REMEMBER the KIND RULER you IDOLIZE.

[ ] DO NOT INDULGE in such UN-TAOIST, UN-HERMETIC BEHAVIOR!

[ ] DON'T DO IT! Not at THIS time of day! The aesthetic is ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE!

[ ] You would RISK such an UNHEALTHY VENTURE for THREE GOLD PIECES!?

[ ] Please! Don't do this!

[ ] Take the plunge.

[X] Remember the CROWN PRINCE that you LOVE NOW. REMEMBER the KIND RULER you IDOLIZE.

[X] Take the plunge
and plunge she shall

[x] "THOU ART THEE ART THOU STICK YOUR HAND IN THE SHRINE MAIDEN DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT!!!!"

>>26693
[X] Take the plunge

GOHEI BLOWJOB IS A GO, I REPEAT, GOHEI BLOWJOB IS A GO

[x] Remember the CROWN PRINCE that you LOVE NOW. REMEMBER the KIND RULER you IDOLIZE.

[X] Take the plunge.

>>26693
[ ] Take the plunge.

this was supposed to be a Mokou/Kaguya CYOA

why

[x] Remember the CROWN PRINCE that you LOVE NOW. REMEMBER the KIND RULER you IDOLIZE.


Remain determined!

[X] DO NOT INDULGE in such UN-TAOIST, UN-HERMETIC BEHAVIOR!

Am I the only one wondering when our intermission/filler is going to continue?

>>26700
OP is a faget, that's why.

We have FIVE YES and FOUR NO

>>26703
When I hit a writing slump or inspiration strikes.



>>26700
I keep asking myself the same thing...

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, stare at the wooden ROD that is aiming POINTEDLY at my QUIVERING LIPS. I WANT to do this. I TRIED to talk myself OUT of this. I TRULY DID. I know FULL WELL that this would be VERY UNWISE, especially considering the TIME of DAY, the PARTIES INVOLVED and the-

I must THROW my CAUTION to the WIND. I must live in the EVERY-MOMENT as a PROPER TAOIST.

THEREFORE, all this THINKING will do naught MORE than RUIN the MOOD.

Before I can PROPERLY THINK about why NOT thinking is a TERRIBLE idea, I TAKE the tip of the GOHEI into my QUIVERING LIPS. It taste (UNSURPRISINGLY) of WOOD and PAPAAAAA-

The TALISMANS attached to the GOHEI are BURNING my TONGUE. Having THOUGHT for TOO LONG about the SITUATION, I am NOT in the PROPER state of MIND for INTIMATE RELATIONS involving PAIN. I turn my gaze HEAVENWARD, not DARING to remove the gohei, SEALING TALISMANS and ALL, from my LIPS, for FEAR that the HAKUREI would CALL this particular... SITUATION off.

The Hakurei GLARES down her NOSE at me. Not with ANGER, but with simple DISDAIN for my very BEING, as though such DIRT should not be STAINING her GOHEI. TRULY, her look said, I should CONSIDER such an EVENT, though it be MEANINGLESS to the Hakurei, an HONOR to even ONCE experience, especially for SUCH MEAGER pay.

I BEGIN forcing AS MUCH of the GOHEI into my THROAT as POSSIBLE, ignore both my own GAGGING and the HORRIBLE BURNING PAIN of the gohei's TALISMAN'S making CONTACT with my VERY SOUL. Truly, it was as THOUGH my VERY SOUL were being MAIMED by this FORCEFUL woman's GAZE alone!



-------


I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, have come across QUITE the CONUNDRUM!

This POLE within my CHEEK is NOT OF FLESH. It WILL NOT BEND.

But the HAKUREI demands I provide ENTERTAINMENT.

[ ] If I just STAND myself and BEND from the WAIST...
[ ] Perhaps if I get CREATIVE with the TONGUE, I won't NEED to use more THROAT!
[ ] I can't take MORE! I'm still rather SHY about this... The Hakurei may become FORCEFUL if I don't hurry, though...



- S C O O P ?
- - Momiji, no, get down from there!

- Sexy Surf Smelt Princess & Sailor should continue.

- What IS Nitori doing?
-----


"Let's stick it to one vote each this time!"

On today's episode on Cooking the Mystic Dream, our host, Youyoumu Konpocky (not to be confused with any half-ghost gardeners who look exactly the same with a similar name (and happen to be perfect cherry blossom maidens (who is absolutely your favorite Touhou))) is dressed in a Pink naked apron for the first time, live!

"Now, my lovely audience, I know you prefer the GREEN naked apron you've come to know and love, but I decided to mix things up on today's episode! You see..."

Though the lovely Youyoumu Konpocky is usually full of good cheer and happiness, her beautiful, flawless face turns down as she gives the sad news.

"... the producer has been asking me to change things up to keep ratings up. Our show is really hurting. All of Gensokyo is watching our favorite show, but Gensokyo just isn't big enough to support a show with our kind of budget. But, still...!"

Youyoumu lifted her head, beautacious deep blue eyes sparkling with creative passion!

"... even with these budget cuts we have to go through, I still want to bring you, my beloved audience, joy! So, please! Continue to give us your support and follow our new guidlines! It's really for the best, for all of us!"

"And if you don't listen, then I might just make Wakasagi Ikizukuri for our first show of the new season! And that's a bit too... High-class for the first episode, don't you think?"


-------


This is garbage and I know it's garbage.

I don't know WHY I actually got embarrassed trying to write this update. I've written smut before, and I've never had it THIS bad. I'm slightly more than mildly confused by this.

Weird.

[x] Perhaps if I get CREATIVE with the TONGUE, I won't NEED to use more THROAT!

[X] I can't take MORE! I'm still rather SHY about this... The Hakurei may become FORCEFUL if I don't hurry, though...

[X] Perhaps if I get CREATIVE with the TONGUE, I won't NEED to use more THROAT!

More tongue = always good.
Also, I've seen way worse than this Platemask, it's fine. But you should update your story in /shrine/-ahem.

[X] Perhaps if I get CREATIVE with the TONGUE, I won't NEED to use more THROAT!

REIMU

[X] Perhaps if I get CREATIVE with the TONGUE, I won't NEED to use more THROAT!

- S C O O P ?
- - Momiji, no, get down from there!

- Sexy Surf Smelt Princess & Sailor should continue.

- What IS Nitori doing?

[X] Perhaps if I get CREATIVE with the TONGUE, I won't NEED to use more THROAT!

-[X] Sexy Surf Smelt Princess & Sailor should continue.
wailing wakasagihimes wanting well-wishers

-[X] Sexy Surf Smelt Princess & Sailor should continue.
Oh, yeah, now I get it.

[X] Perhaps if I get CREATIVE with the TONGUE, I won't NEED to use more THROAT!

>>26749 here, adding this to my vote:
[X] Sexy Surf Smelt Princess & Sailor should continue.

>>26749

I'm not saying that I'm embarrassed, I'm saying I'm confused as to why THIS, of ALL THINGS, embarrassed me to write when I HAVE written worse.

In short, my emotions CONFUSE me.


Also, I'm NOT DEAD. I can NO LONGER access the computer I write on at DANGEROUSLY LATE O' CLOCK when my IMAGINATION is fueled by FUMES and DELIRIUM.

Writing is, as a result, BECOMING DIFFICULT. I SHALL NOT FALTER and shall CONTINUE WRITING, however!

Thought I should UPDATE all of you!

>>26804
I WILL NOT CRACK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmqbhyS-BK8

>>26804
WE BELIEVE IN YOU, DELIVER MORE PLATE-FILLED STORIES MAN

>>26804
Obviously the reason why you're so embarrassed is because you're secretly into BSDM, so secretly that not even you know about it. Obviously.

>>26817

You know, that actually sounds plausible...

... Anyway, both testing for Auto-sage and WRITING NOW!

(Forgive the delay. My little brother purchased Dark Souls III. The Demon's Souls references made me too giddy to write.)

>>26853
Autosage is at 250 posts, disregarding the OP.

Also, what system do you scrubs play DSIII on?

>>26854

PS4, because I'm garbage.

I must know.

Sailors are supposedly gruff, beard-bound terrors of the Sky, preying on any mermaid foolish enough to travel close to the sun, hardened by the many horrors that reside above the Surface.

Aside from the obviously missing beard, I must know.

"How?"

The sailor looks at me slightly confused.

"Waht d' yea meahn 'haow'? Weh've nah' knohn' ehch oh'thr f'r mohr'n tehn mehnuts ah' mohst!"

I reiterate, for I must know.

"How are you so soft?"

NOW the Sailor looks more embarrassed than anything. Her ghostly pale face, along with everything above her collar, turned pink as a shrimp.

"Wha- I don't- I mean, I dohn'-"

Seeing my opportunity, I, the APPEX PREDATOR OF THE DEEP, take my chance!

"May I stroke you?"

The sailor takes a step back, clearly forgetting that she's holding me. I press the attack!

"You feel so... pleasant..."

I reach up and stroke the sailor's trembling face, her defenses lowered to the point of being fully exposed!

This...

... this TEXTURE! So soft, like the finest mochi, pounded for weeks by the most beautiful virgin maidens of the moon! I can even tell you exactly what that texture feels like, since we've got at least one of them living a little swim upstream from my place who pounds mochi (if the rabbits are to be believed), so I can say with full confidence that that is EXACTLY what this sailor's cheek feels like!

Ignoring the rattling of my vision from the sailor's shaking arms, I lean forward and do the only logical thing someone can do when faced with something so unreasonably soft. Before I do, though, a thought occurs to me. I should make sure I won't die if I do what I'm planning, so I whisper softly in to the sailor's burning hot ear.

"Are you going to eat me, sailor?"

The captain doesn't respond, which must mean she won't, because if I learned anything from big sister Wakasagikotaishi-hi silence always means no!

Which means, it'd be safe to do this immediately after whispering that in the sailor's ear!

I take a gentle nibble of Murasa' cheek. My teeth don't sink in (though it'd be very, very easy with how amazingly soft her skin was), but the good captain flinches anywaaaaAAA-

With a loud thud, the captain fell backwards, taking me with her. Which, I might add, was surprising, but, thanks to the captain's overwhelmingly soft body, was also comfortable! Cushioned even!

I chew thoughtfully on the mochi in my mouth to find that it's filled with the weirdly delightful taste of extra salty takoyaki! An odd flavor for mochi, but somehow, it wo-

-ooorks...

...

... I didn't have any mochi in my mouth.

--------

I, Wakasagihime, have a startling confession to make!

I am actually a Wakasagi Mermaid, not a Blue Fish Tuna!

Startling, I know. But I wished SO DESPERATELY to look bigger that I just sort of... You know... Lied about my actually species...

Also, apparently, sailors taste like octopus mochi of the highest quality, since I accidently took a nibble out of the sailor when we fell down. And she's somehow not bleeding. Or even really doing anything but staring up at the sky in a blush-filled shock. For some odd reason. Strange.

--------

[ ] Woah, are you okay Cap'n?

[ ] KISS OF LIFE! KISS OF LIFE!

[ ] K I S S O F L I F E ! ! !

[ ] So THAT'S what sailors taste like!
- [ ] Take ONE more little nibble, somewhere she can afford to lose a little bit of.
[ ] If she's just gonna' LIE there, why don't we feel if she's soft all over?



[ ] Collectively pound your utensils on the table while chanting "WE WANTGOHEI BLOWJOB!"
- [ ]You goddamn degenerates

--------

Youmu, having switched from her naked apron to a pair of pale green cutoffs and an oddly familiar and strangely disappointing-looking belt-for-a-shirt with a ring in the middle, prances around the stage as she finishes her latest musical number. As the crowd goes wild, she bows.

Then, turning off the stereo (and, by extension, the cheering crowd), she turns to the camera.

"Dearest fans, thank you! Thank you so kindly for staying true to my conditions. Most of you, anyway. It is only thanks to your faith and purity that we could still continue, even as budget cuts cause the energy to occasionally cut out!"

Even as she speaks, the camera shuts off. Her voice, however, is still easily heard, for some reason.

"I've decided to let your precious mermaid live! However, one must remember to follow the rules! If one doesn't, I may just have to..."

There's a pause, then a mildly-threatening and equally-arousing giggle.

"... take over."

The camera flickers back to life to reveal Youmu talking animatedly about how ring-belt-shirts are CLEARLY the newest fashion, and that every girl in Gensokyo should try, as she tries to demonstrate the merits of such a choice in clothing by inserting an eggplant in to the ring in her belt-shirt (which, sadly, simply fell right out, as a wall does not hold things).

--------

Murasa ain't hurt bad. It's just a nibble.

This should serve to entertain as I work on the actual update.

I'LL NOT LET THIS TRAVESTY STAND!

Have a SOFT SAILOR

[X] Woah, are you okay Cap'n?

[X] Collectively pound your utensils on the table while chanting "WE WANTGOHEI BLOWJOB!"
- [X]You goddamn degenerates

Got to push the button.

[x] Collectively pound your utensils on the table while chanting "WE WANTGOHEI BLOWJOB!"
- [x] You goddamn degenerates

I WAS PROMISED MIKO LEWDS A MONTH AGO

I WILL NOT BE DENIED

[x] KISS OF LIFE! KISS OF LIFE!

[X] Collectively pound your utensils on the table while chanting "WE WANTGOHEI BLOWJOB!"

[x] Woah, are you okay Cap'n?

No eating the ghost.

[x] Woah, are you okay Cap'n?

[ze] Woah, are you okay Cap'n?

[x] Collectively pound your utensils on the table while chanting "WE WANTGOHEI BLOWJOB!"
- [x] You goddamn degenerates

[X] Sexually attack Cap'n

HA! NOW YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF WRITING LEWDS!

>PS4
What's your soul level so I can repeatedly invade you and give you the real dark souls experience engage in jolly cooperation

>>26881

Gorgar is not good at PVP. This is also my first play through.

Be gentle with me...

It would appear that I now KNOW how you would like me to proceed on the tale of the WAKASAGI MERMAIDEN OF GENSOKYO.

But the ACTUAL STORY update will be COMING POSTHASTE!

I, MONONOBE NO FUTOSUHIME, in the name of my HONORABLE CLAN LEADER, MONONOBE NO MORIYA, will NOT allow myself to FALTER HERE. Though our ideological preferences may DIFFER, I'll NOT bring shame unto HIS NAME. I CALL upon my TRAINING in the ARTS to PROPERLY entertain!

I first begin with the TONGUE, applying it LASCIVIOUSLY around the SHA-

"What are you doing?"

I gaze HEAVENWARD and FLINCH under the Hakurei's COLD GLARE. I REALIZE MY ERROR.

This is not FLESH between my lips, but SAKAKI and BURNING SHIDE. The HAKUREI feels NOT pleasure from my TONGUE, nor from ANYTHING I may DO to this HOLY WAND.

"I said-"

With no FURTHER WARNING, the HAKUREI SQUATS DOWN, grabs my PONYTAIL, yanks my HEAD BACK, that my eyes were aimed at the EDGE of the shrine's ROOF and sky BEYOND, and, most BLESSEDLY, pulled the burning GOHEI a slight MEASURE from my THROAT.

"-suck."

There was no FORCE in the words of the HAKUREI, as there NEVER WAS. Any and ALL force INTENDED was RAMMED FORCIBLY down my THROAT, REGARDLESS of my COMFORT. I CANNOT BREATH, and the only sound I can UTTER through my VIOLATED LIPS is a small, confused RETCHING. I FEEL that I may VOMIT without WARNING. And the GOHEI. HOW IT BURNS!

---

I, MONONOBE NO FUTOSUHIME, am deeply ASHAMED. I feel a GREAT building of BILE at the BOTTOM of my THROAT from the INTRUSION, my entire THROAT burns TERRIBLY and I can hear, even above the OBSCENE sounds my FINGERS make as the VIOLATE my INNERMOST SELF with one hand and rub my Yin nearly RAW in my vigor to feel this SHAME and PAIN add to the GROWING knot of BITTERSWEET PLEASURE driving my EVERY THOUGHT in to the DEEPEST ABYSS.

---

[ ] I must ACCEPT this like the DISGUSTING WHORE that I AM!

[ ] I must RESIST! I must REMEMBER my PRIDE as a MONONOBE.

[ ] I must REMEMBER my QUEST to find the FUJIWARA, spawn of FAMILY FRIENDS, the NAKATOMI.

[ ] I can SENSE her EYES. Though she STAND behind my PERSON, I can SENSE them.
- [ ] The bug
- [ ] The Kappa
- [ ] The maid
- [ ] The little rock
- [ ] Someone small
- [ ] Someone VERY small
- [ ] Someone grumpy
- [ ] Someone... Hmm?


[ ] Write-in

---

WE AIN'T OUTTA' DA' WOODS JUS' YET!

Remember lovely Youmu's advice, anon! Cherish her words!

[x] I must ACCEPT this like the DISGUSTING WHORE that I AM!
[x] I must RESIST! I must REMEMBER my PRIDE as a MONONOBE.

[X] I must REMEMBER my QUEST to find the FUJIWARA, spawn of FAMILY FRIENDS, the NAKATOMI.
[X] I can SENSE her EYES. Though she STAND behind my PERSON, I can SENSE them.
- [X] The Kappa

[D] I must RESIST! I must REMEMBER my PRIDE as a MONONOBE.
[a] I must REMEMBER my QUEST to find the FUJIWARA, spawn of FAMILY FRIENDS, the NAKATOMI.
[z] I can SENSE her EYES. Though she STAND behind my PERSON, I can SENSE them.
-[e] Someone VERY small

Also bump limit reached. Asking for a new PLATE filled thread.

[x] I must RESIST! I must REMEMBER my PRIDE as a MONONOBE.
[x] I must REMEMBER my QUEST to find the FUJIWARA, spawn of FAMILY FRIENDS, the NAKATOMI.
[x] I can SENSE her EYES. Though she STAND behind my PERSON, I can SENSE them.
-[x] Someone VERY small

>>26885

[ ] I must ACCEPT this like the DISGUSTING WHORE that I AM!

Make sure to make it as sloppy, wet, and vocal as you can. And don't forget to gurgle it with your mouth open, then swallow once it finishes

I, MONONOBE NO FUTO, am of PROUD LINEAGE.

It is through the efforts of MY GREAT ANCESTOR, the 11th EMPEROR OF JAPAN, that the RELIGION of SHINTO, though INFERIOR, was GIVEN one of its GREATEST LITERARY WORKS. Under my FAMILY'S proud REIGN, did SUMO become SPORT, giving kappa EVERYWHERE a WONDERFUL NEW PASTIME. Under my HONORABLE ANCESTOR, did the CONSORT KAGUYAHIME NO MIKOTO, daughter of KING OTSUTSUKITARINE NO MIKO gain her FAME as an UNEARTHLY BEAUTY, and did the tale READ by CHILDREN ACROSS JAPAN come to being.

My NOBLE LINEAGE, though STEEPED in VILE SHINTO, Is responsible for the CREATION of LEGENDS!

DOES THE BLOOD OF LEGENDS NOT FLOW THROUGH ME? HAVE I NOT PRIDE!?

AM I NOT MONONOBE!?

I slam BOTH of my MIGHTY HANDS onto the WOODEN PORCH on EITHER SIDE of my MAGNIFICENT THIGHS, VALIENTLY ignoring the SLICKENED LIQUID SHAME on my FINGERS. I begin to PUSH MYSELF UP, VILE BURN BE DAM-

The HAKUREI yanks my PONYTAIL harder, RAMMING the GOHEI so far DOWN my throat that I can FEEL the BURN in my poor STOMACH. Between the BLINDING PAIN and the VOMIT that EVEN NOW bubbles AROUND the blessed WAND, I feel my STRENGTH LEAVE me. As I FALL back on my RUMP, I am met with a HORRIFYING SIGHT, even through my TEAR-BLURRED vision.

The Hakurei LOOMS over me, like a MONUMENT to ALL of JAPAN'S CREATURES most TERRIBLE FEARS, the SUN, at her BACK, casting her in DREADFUL SHADOW. I cannot FIGHT the HAKUREI. I can only APOLOGIZE to EVERYONE that I've FAILED on this quest so SOON. I prepare to DIE like this, chocking on a MEAGER SUBSTITUTE for a PHALLUS. I APOLOGIZE to his HOLINESS, TOYOSATOMIMI NO MIKO, for NEVER returning HOME. I apologize to TOJIKO, for NEVER TELLING her that, for a SOGA, she's a VERY GOOD FRIEND. I APOOLOGIZE to the FUJIWARA, for NOT FINDING her and being the GREATEST HUSBAND a MAIDEN COULD DREAM OF for her. I APOLOGIZE to GORGAR, for NEVER figuring out her STORY. I apologize to the cute DELIVERY BOY who might have a CRUSH on me for STRINGING HIM along for FREE BOXES for my CAT. I apologize to SEIGA for-

Wait, why am I the one apologizing to SEIGA?

The Hakurei INTERRUPTS my thoughts, her NEVER-CHANGING tone sending SHIVERS through me, from my HEAD all the WAY down to my TOES.

"I'm going to make things worse for you now. Stop fighting or I'll punish you more. Understand?"

I cannot SPEAK, save to COUGH around the WOODEN INTRUDER currently SOAKING in SPIT AND BIL-

The HAKUREI begins SLAMMING the ROD into my throat as though PLUNGING it CLEAN.

"I asked a question. Answer."

She knows FULL WELL that I CANNOT comply! She'll not LET me SPEAK! With no WARNING, however, the GOHEI is RIPPED from my THROAT, causing me to VOMIT before I can even REACT fast enough to VOMIT into the GRASS, or even TURN my HEAD. The RESULTING MESS flies HEAVENWARD for but a MOMENT before it covers my FACE and gets on my CLOT-

My THROAT is CLOGGED by a BURNING GOHEI again.

"I told you to answer me, not vomit. Now answ-"

The Hakurei stops ABRUPTLY, looking PAST my HEAD at SOMETHING behind ME. I hear a SMALL VOICE continue SPEAKING, so quiet as to ALMOST be naught MORE than a THOUGHT.

-j-just... stop! stop hurting her! you're scaring me!

As Reimu STARES at the SOURCE of the VOICE, the GOHEI slowly SINKS DEEPER into my THROAT.

"She paid me."

The SMALL VOICE only just BARELY can be HEARD over my GURGLING.

[i]o-oh. um, then... uh... i'll just be... wait, is she trying to say something?[i]

---

FINALLY! A CHANCE TO SPEAK! I must make my THOUGHTS know to ALL!

[ ] "DAMN YOU, LET ME SPEAK!"
[ ] "I'M [b]SORRY!"
- [ ] And THUS did the MONONOBE WEEP PITEOUSLY.
[ ] Just WEEP. We will not DIE before our MISSION is DONE.
[ ] "Thank you, fair maiden. you have saved me from great shame in my moment of weakness."
[ ] Kiss the Hakurei. Vomitous VENGENCE!
[ ] "I'm hungry."
[ ] "I hate authors."
[ ] Anon? A helpful write-in would be appreciated...

---

You set us upon this path, anon! You cannot resist the Hakurei when it is too late!

Well, you COULD, it's just... Never really wise...

HMM? NEW THREAD, INCOMING!

Second thread:

>>26895