Just a little present from me.


==


It wasn't until about ten that things started going belly up.



Of course, I had taken utmost effort to stir up much earlier, not too keen on giving my unwitting guest a scope to take and leg it along with half my flat on her back — not that she would, I think, but even despite my feelings, the congenital fear of putting a stranger up under my roof still loomed somewhere in the back of my hectically machinating brain, filling me with this sort of unrest one would feel leaving his car without a windscreen on the street overnight.



Not that I wasn't happy. If my word isn't enough to convince you, I reckon the breakfast I had prepared while she was still sleeping would be more than enough to assure you of my excellent mood. In all honesty, I think I hadn't made a meal so spectacular for years before that day. Sunny-side-up fried eggs, a dozen of French toasts beaming happily with their ketchup-made faces, a poorly mixed, but healthy tomato salad, two cups of tea made with the best leaves I could muster. One would think a wayward princess had strolled into my house, and I was doing everything in my strength not to offend her royal highness with my ordinary cooking.


Does that make me an idiot? If it does, then I probably wouldn't mind forfeiting my smarts.


“Fukuzai,” I called her majesty's name, knocking on the bedroom's door ever so gently. “Fukuzai, are you up? It's almost ten, sleepyhead.”
There was commotion to be heard on the other side, and moments after, the lock clicked open, and a dozy noggin peered out through the gap.
“... yeah, quit whining, fucking hell. What are you, my landlady? Shut up...”


I had to grind the heel of my left foot into the toes of my right to retain a straight face, I admit. It had been a long time since the last time a barely dressed girl received me on the doorstep of my own room, and ugly vocabulary aside, she really was a sight to behold. I don't mean to exaggerate, don't get me wrong, but if you've never seen somebody with her sort of stare, pouting up at you from behind a dishevelled fringe, absently letting her dress-shirt slither off her shoulder, scratching at her freckled cheek, all while giving you the looks that would send a pack of grizzly bears whimpering back into their cave, you don't know much about women. Or homeless women, for all that means to you.


“Get yer eyes off my tits,” she snapped at me suddenly.
“Ah, yeah, um...” I stammered, turning away. Was I really so careless as to let myself be that mesmerised by her ruffled looks? “S—sorry. Er, anyhow, breakfast is ready, so... ”
“... so?” she drilled her mismatched pupils into mine.
“Don't glare at me like that!” I squealed. “What have I ever done to you?!”
I don't think there had ever been somebody able of making me forget my cool as quick as her.
“... just get to the point,” she groaned. “... before you lose a certain body part.”
“Oh, yes... yes, you're right, er...” I coughed myself back to order. “I've almost finish making breakfast, so if you want to go and smarten up before we eat, now would be the good time—”
“... you made food for me?” Her tone was more disgusted than pleased. “... what the fuck are you thinking"...”
“Is there in particular you'd like to eat?” I asked diplomatically.
“... don't bother,” she told me, slipping past towards the bathroom. “Whatever you made, I won't complain.”


It was probably due to the fact she had showered the previous evening, but the scent she left hanging in the air behind her nearly made my brain hit the mental ejection seat switch.



…




Soon after, we found ourselves at the table in the living room, not much less distressed by each other's presence, but certainly a lot more awake than we were minutes before. Weather outside, I noticed, had just started shifting into grey nonsense.


“Should have told me you didn't like eggs,” I noted tartly.
“...” Fukuzai kept quiet, her hands busy nibbling at the meal.
“If you don't want to, don't force yourself.”
“... shut up...” She impaled the egg on her fork and put it whole inside her mouth.


I could only watch her struggle to hold back the gag reflex as she attempted to swallow it all at once. Needless to say, her expression wasn't all too thrilled afterwards.


“Don't you want to, er... put more clothes on?” I asked her when she'd finished shaking in revulsion. “It's sort of cold today.”
“... does it bother you?”
“No, I... I suppose I'm just not used to having a girl over,” I explained. “It's giving me the... the... It's making me sort of nervous, you know.”
“... sigh,” she threw a glance towards the hall. “... just tell me to get the fuck out and I'll be gone.”
“No, don't get me wrong,” I defended. “It's not that you're troubling me, heck, it was my idea in the first place, wasn't it? I invited you to spend the night here, even if...”


… even if I knew jack-shit-and-absolutely-fuck-all about who she was. I had looked through my database the day before, sure, but my records contained nobody by the name of 'Fukuzai Toorima', nor a single twenty-so runaway student fitting her identikit. No, in all honesty I would have found it been strange if they had. It was a fake name, I knew it full well — a smart move, I had to say, for somebody as apparently unconcerned as she.


“... even if?” she gave me a narked sort of look. “... just grow a pair and tell me to fuck off already. All this fretting is seriously wearing thin.”
“No,” I shook my head, “I'm not going to, so stop even saying things like that. I couldn't call myself a man if I kicked you out into the rain without any consideration for the fact that you're a... a girl – a woman.”
“Ha!” Fukuzai snorted bitterly. “What is this? Are you so desperate you would fall in love with the first piece of ass you see that doesn't downright shun you on the spot? How many times do I have to tell you I have no interest in—”
“Oh, lay it off, would you!” I considered slamming my fist on the table, but quickly gave up the notion. “I told you this wasn't about me wanting or not to shag you, damn it! I'm doing this because—”
“—because you're a hopeless fucking moron with a fucking white knight complex,” Fukuzai filled in her own version of my intents. “... fuck off, Benji,” she hissed. “Jam that sense of self-righteousness up your hairy ass and leave me the fuck alone already.”
“Oh yeah?” I lashed out. “Is that what you want? Why did you take me up on my offer, then? Because you were wet and cold, on the verge of falling ill, sleeping at an abandoned bus stop in the middle of the blooming autumn? Because I was your only hope of going through the month without coughing your bloody lungs out every fucking day, maybe? Which is it?”

“...” Fukuzai grit her teeth so hard I could almost hear the enamel getting slowly ground away. “... just shut up...”
“You wanted me to grow a pair, so I am!” I could hardly hold back a victorious grin. “Now, if you'd be so kind to cut the chatter and finish off that toast, I'm sure all the starving children in Africa would be very grateful. Go on,” I encouraged. “Don't give me that glare. No need to say thanks, just dig in, and when you're done, we'll—”


Ding-a-dong-dong.


Both of us sallied from our seats at the unexpected sound of the doorbell going off.
“Shite!...” I cursed. “Wait here—...”


I rushed off to the door and spied through the peep-hole, expecting the worst to come and make the morning even tougher to chew through. I wasn't far off.
Who awaited at the other side was my best friend Merry – Murray, according to his ID, although neither of us ever used that name. He was fitted with a full woodland acu, and even had that ridiculous hat of his on to boot.


“Bollocks!...” I bit at my fingernail.


I had completely forgotten today was the date of our monthly road-trip across the countryside — our tradition, a sort of a systematic get-together for the two of us to keep our bonds strong, established shortly after my parents had passed away. Now, not only would I need to explain why I was absolutely unprepared to set off as supposed to, but also why exactly there was a half-naked, narked-looking girl chowing down on my food back in my living room. Bloody ace, I congratulated myself, a brilliant cock-up.


“Hello, mate! Cracking morning, isn't it!...” I announced, grinning like an idiot as I opened the door. “Look, before you say anything, let me tell you there has been a tiny, little hold-up. You see...”