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It's been a while. If anyone even remembers, I'm the writer of A (Lion-)Dog Among Gods (>>/youkai/31590). I semi-recently talked about my wish to revive that story and my troubles in doing so (>>/gensokyo/17495), and part of that effort is going to be starting off with a small, generally related project. I have something of a direction in mind, so it hopefully won't take me forever to write something, but I'm also not going to promise daily updates or anything that wild. This whole thing will amount to a handful of short updates with no choices. I'd still appreciate it if I got some kind of commentary or discussion.
Don't mind if events or circumstances described clash with what's already been depicted in Lion-Dog.
X day, O month
Silence has become the habit of the Hakurei Shrine. I paid yet another visit this morning to find it empty as usual, yet somehow the air felt heavier. There was a feeling of overwhelming solitude. No sign of the shrine maiden, Hakurei Reimu, could be seen anywhere obvious. Many times recently, I’ve feared the shrine might be abandoned at any time. Could the next visit be the end of the end? I was immersed in this anxiety when the sound of sweeping brought me back to myself.
Following the sound, I came upon a rare sight these days: the hermit Ibarakasen. Once a fixture of the shrine and its gatherings, she became a more uncommon visitor in the past few years following a sudden disappearance and reappearance. However, her visits to the Hakurei Shrine have seen a sharp uptick as of late. It seems she started showing up more regularly within the past couple of weeks. This marks the second week I’ve encountered her more than four days out of the week.
“Reimu is out of sorts,” Ibarakasen admitted after some pressing about the Hakurei shamaness, continuing in sweeping the neglected walkways as we spoke, “but what can be done for it? She gets this way from time to time. She has little motivation in the best of times, and there’s little anyone can do, much less me, to shore that up. I’m just picking up slack so things don’t get any worse. There’s nothing more to it than that.”
While it’s certainly true that the resident medium and keeper of the shrine is notoriously unmotivated, doubts rage as to how typical this degree of lethargy is. There have been past episodes where the shrine has also appeared nearly abandoned from lack of evident activity, with the cause being everything from sudden sicknesses to binge reading on Miss Hakurei’s part. Ibarakasen has filled in for her in some of these instances. Nonetheless, neglect hangs particularly heavy over the shrine at the moment. Case in point, the walkway went possibly weeks without sweeping before the helpful hermit stepped in, and became piled up with leaves, acorns, and dirt.
Sources in the village paint a grim picture as well. “I thought she was stocking up for a party. I’d worry a little if she were having it all to herself,” says one sake vendor, remarking on a recent large purchase by the shrine maiden. Meanwhile, a certain tea shop’s employee noted that, though she’s ‘a pain’ and ‘a bit stingy’, they’ve noticed a lack of patronage from Miss Hakurei. “She’s spent a lot before, but I haven’t eaten this good off of her maybe ever,” reports a rice cracker seller. Beyond these comments, no other purveyor of foodstuffs or other everyday goods has seen Miss Hakurei lately, all expressing some concern given her otherwise regular patronage.
Later, while hauling away a tray laden with dishes from the back, Ibarakasen swiftly and emphatically denied that Miss Hakurei might be living off of rice crackers and sake. “She has bad habits, yes, but I’ve never let her get that bad. While it can be easier if she drinks herself drowsy, she makes an absolute mess if allowed too many rice crackers. Even if it’s a battle, I keep her fed. That said, it wouldn’t kill her to come out and have a proper meal at table.”
As far as the festival announced in answer to the upcoming Moriya Shrine festival announced some time ago, that appears to be called off indefinitely. I saw numerous boxes that looked to have been hauled from the shrine’s storage lying about; I was asked firmly not to touch any of them. Preparations had been in progress for an antiques and curios exhibition, according to Ibarakasen, before Miss Hakurei suddenly became harder to contact. Whether those two things coincide, she claimed ignorance, having not questioned Miss Hakurei about it directly.
Many questions remain unanswered to date. Regardless, one thing remains clear: without support, the Hakurei Shrine is apt to fall into ruin once more. For reasons to be determined, Hakurei Reimu has become almost a shut-in and has left her normal duties to those willing to help. Yet, how long can that help last? Miss Hakurei’s lacking social network provides few substitutes, and it doesn’t seem likely that figures like Ibarakasen will be in a charitable mood forever. Once their help is exhausted, what will happen? It’s my hope that we never find out.
Well, these are the sort of good life decisions I'd actively expect from Reimu. Interesting that whatever argument lead to Aunn's departure seems to have hit the shrine maiden as hard as it hit the Komainu.
And just to be clear, is Aya the one writing these articles? I'm assuming so from the picture, but nothing's explicitly stated in the update itself.
>>2925
As much as I want an excuse to be a bit cheeky and evasive, yes, it's Aya. I don't have the strongest handle on her 'writing voice', so apologies if it didn't come across.
>>2926
Honestly, the writing voice does come across as "reporter investigating", so that's fine. It's just that that alone does still leave Hatate as an option, so I wasn't completely sure.
It's interesting to read about what happens when Reimu is in a sullen mood. Sure, living off rice crackers and sake isn't the worst thing in the world. But I guess it's bad enough that visiting Rinnosuke is out of the question and even Marisa isn't casually hanging around. I'm sure we'll all the details from the intrepid reporter in due time.
Still clad in her ceremonial tengu garb, Aya threw herself down in her seat, fanning out her wings, relieved but also irritated. Scraps of half-laid-out papers lay haphazardly across her desk. A lot of the material, she opined, was now less than fresh. At best, perhaps some minor touch-ups could be done to make it more ‘current’, but she hated using rhetorical tricks to stretch bad material. She also resented that many of the photos taken would probably have to also be scrapped. All of the business with the Moriya Shrine and its fickle, closed-off goddesses had been having a knock-on effect on the Bunbunmaru.
She pulled a closely bundled stack of notes and half-written pieces closer and looked over them yet again. Journalistic pride all but required her to crow from the rooftops that it was all about the story. Yet, looking over images of the Hakurei Shrine and its neglect, Aya felt a sting of worry. In all this time, not once had she managed to speak to Reimu. When it wasn’t a hermit keeping her away, the shrine maiden’s own sullenness gave no opening for questioning. Struck by a thought, Aya quickly scribbled “Bring drinks?” on one of the drafts and circled it. Not the most innovative plan, for sure, but it was a work in progress.
Setting that notion aside, to the pile of photos, she joined a few fresh snapshots. These featured an entirely different backdrop: the Moriya Shrine. She gave a joyless smile at the memory of today’s chance ‘lead’ having all but walked up to her after a lack of chances to search. Nothing like pursuing one’s hobby on the job.
Aya took up her pen again and began composing a new draft. Something had to be done with her latest notes.
XO day, O month
In the course of other duties, I had the privilege of visiting the Moriya Shrine. Shown to the veranda of the lecture hall, I took tea with the resident shrine maiden while discussing business. As we talked, we were joined by someone unexpected: Komano Aun, the lion-dog most often seen at the Hakurei Shrine.
Based on my recent investigations, affairs at the Hakurei Shrine appear to not be in order. The shrine seems to be in a general state of neglect, with its infamous medium and sole proprietress, Hakurei Reimu, hardly ever seen on the grounds lately. A recent festival has even been cancelled suddenly and without explanation before solid arrangements could be made. Speculation has run rampant in the past weeks about Miss Hakurei and her soundness of mind and body. As far as I've uncovered, the shrine is being held aloft by the efforts of a few close to Miss Hakurei.
That does not, however, include Miss Komano. Previously seen so regularly as to be practically counted as a resident there, the lion-dog has been a noteable absence from the Hakurei Shrine since the shrine maiden’s sudden isolation. Questions as to her whereabouts netted little clue, leading me to believe she had all but vanished. As she tends towards places housing gods and Buddhas, taking it upon herself to be their guardian, I shouldn’t have been surprised that she might also be at the Mountain shrine. Nevertheless, it was my duty as a journalist to question the lion-dog as soon as I had the chance.
“I haven’t been around to know anything about Reimu,” Miss Komano said of the situation, obviously reluctant to share much. Repeated questioning got an unsure answer as to when she was last at the shrine. Neither did she seem to remember the details of the cancelled event. “I helped clean some things up. Or I tried, anyway.” At this point, Miss Komano teared up and needed consolation.
Asked if she was relocating to the Moriya Shrine permanently, she had this to say: “I don’t live anywhere. I just try to help out shrines and temples. That’s what a lion-dog does, right? But I kind of wonder if I can even do that right. It doesn’t matter where I go if I can’t do my job. I just don’t know now. I don’t know why I’m here.”
Further details weren’t forthcoming about exactly what transpired between Miss Komano and Miss Hakurei, but it’s obvious a quarrel of some sort has strained relations between shrine maiden and shrine guardian-beast. Previously, Miss Hakurei seems to have left much menial work to the lion-dog, up to and including sweeping the paths, wiping the verandas, carrying in firewood, heating the bathwater, checking over sales records, and many other critical everyday tasks. By exploiting Miss Komano’s naturally helpful nature, the Hakurei shamaness was able to obtain stable unpaid labour to offload undesirable work. “Sometimes I got fish bones to suck on. When she could afford it. Or a rice cracker. Never any tea, though. She said it was too expensive to let me have. But I know she drinks cheap tea.”
“Reimu’s really bad at saying thank you. There were a lot of times I did things and she said nothing. Nothing good, nothing bad. Just nothing. Most of the time it was like that. She expected me to keep doing stuff without even a ‘good job’. I hate to say it, but I didn’t feel rewarded,” the lion-dog said of the labour conditions at the Hakurei Shrine.
Based on the picture of the situation laid out by Miss Komano, it shouldn’t be any surprise that she won’t likely return to the Hakurei Shrine anytime soon. Yet, when I informed her of the shrine’s current state, she seemed regretful. “If I could just be better…” she started to say, but refused to elaborate further.
Does all of this mean the Hakurei Shrine is truly in decline now? With the departure of its guardian-beast, perhaps for good, the picture is grim. Of course, the question does remain about what might have caused this state of affairs. The burning of bridges between Hakurei Reimu and helpful figures like Komano Aun certainly suggests many things. Perhaps the Hakurei shamaness has shed some of the few inhibitions that keep her from total despotism against youkai. Perhaps Miss Komano is a lucky escapee from being first in a line of victims. Or maybe Miss Hakurei has simply started to crack under the pressure of her position. Given her unreasonable isolation, knowing may prove difficult.
I see Aya is planning to lure Reimu out by writing enough incendiary articles that she emerges for a bout of journalist-themed youkai extermination. That’s a bold strategy, let’s see how it works out for her.
Fish bones but never tea, eh? One would think that Kasen, animal lover that she is and the closest thing to an animal welfare organization in Gensokyo, would have told Reimu to treat the lion dog a little better.
OX day, O month
The fall colours deepen and the Hakurei Shrine is still as dormant as it’s been in the past few weeks. The resident shamaness, Hakurei Reimu, after events as yet unknown, has largely ceased acting in any public fashion. She has been spotted outside the shrine as of late, but never for too long and always with the minimum interactions possible, making herself relatively inconspicuous in both dress and bearing. It seems that she’s usually out shopping for snacks and alcohol on these excursions. Pressing Miss Hakurei for comment during these outings has yet to produce any result beyond ill-tempered denials.
Having only just escaped a potential heated moment in the village, I withdrew to have a look around the Hakurei Shrine once more and bask in its sombre tranquility. I arrived at the main hall when I noticed a diminutive figure skulking away as if trying to flee unnoticed. My journalistic curiosity piqued, I detained the figure with superior tengu speed and strength, only to behold the ineffectively thrashing sight of Kirisame Marisa, human magician and noted friend and rival of Hakurei Reimu. A jingle of coins hitting the ground sounded, dropped from her hand.
A strange thing I’ve noticed in my investigations into the Hakurei Shrine has been the random mysterious donations found in the donation box. On most days, one would never expect to see more than leaves or other detritus stuffed in by faeries, tanuki, or others of that ilk. Yet, time after time, I saw the glint of small coins on various days, as if spirited into the box by some whimsical god. When I asked hermit Ibarakasen, the current most regular custodian of the shrine, she denied any knowledge, and I staked out the donation box in hopes of catching her in the act, to no avail. In retrospect, it seems obvious that it was more a matter of timing than anything. In every case of the mysterious offerings, Miss Hakurei was absent for a period of time.
Once I had her calmed down, Miss Kirisame was most concerned with whether or not the Hakurei shamaness was present. “I really can’t stay around too long. You never know when she’ll [referring to Miss Hakurei] get back. I don’t really want to talk to the hermit, either. She’s too much of a pain in the hind-end.” Asked if she was the only donator as of late, she had this to say: “I haven’t seen anyone else offering anything. As far as visitors, there’s me, the hermit, you, and a couple of others. Nobody from the village, for sure. So, you know, nobody normal.”
I was able to extract a promise for further comment later and caught up with the witch at Geidontei in the village that evening. In a less excitable mood, if not outright subdued compared to the norm, she detailed her own lack of presence around the Hakurei Shrine as of late. “She’s been really hard to talk to lately,” she said of Miss Hakurei. “There are times where she’s like that, but this is something else. I’ve tried. I’ve really tried. It hurts when words don’t get through to a friend. That’s the truth.” That difficulty communicating, she says, stems in part from the shamaness’s present intractability. As to what she’s being stubborn about, I was surprised to hear Komano Aun’s name mentioned. “Reimu treated her okay for a while. Not great, but okay. Then, all of a sudden, they had this argument over something. I think it was an argument, anyway. Whatever it was, she goes and kicks Aun out. She says Aun left on her own, but I know better. And that’s what doesn’t sit right with me. That girl didn’t deserve that. Reimu didn’t want to hear that, but I said it anyway.”
Recently, I ran into Miss Komano at the Moriya Shrine and gleaned from her that her treatment at the hands of Miss Hakurei was less than ideal. The nature of their disagreement and her departure remains unexplained as of yet. Hearing that the lion-dog was at the Moriya Shrine, Miss Kirisame didn’t appear surprised, though she did seem more downcast at the notion. Asked why she hasn’t visited Miss Komano, the witch had this to say: “That place is… hard to visit. That shrine maiden there is a weird one, and there’s always tengu hanging around. No offence. It’s a bit much, is all I’m saying. In any case, what good would it do? I don’t think I can convince Aun to go back. Even if I could, I’d still have to convince Reimu. Easier said than done, as you can imagine.”
“Even if we’re not on the best of terms, I can’t just sit by and let her go to seed,” was Miss Kirisame’s eventual comment on the phantom donations. Most of the donations consisted of small change from purchases in the village. Based on what I saw, I would figure the total amount to be enough for a few rice crackers. “She’s still a friend. I can’t do much for her, so I’m doing what I can. Not that I’m going to break my own bank doing it.”
Asked what she knows of the current state of the Hakurei Shrine, Miss Kirisame offered little insight. She herself seemed unclear on many aspects of the shrine’s lacking upkeep and lagging business. Despite her awareness of Ibarakasen’s presence, she looked slightly caught off-guard when told that the hermit was feeding her friend and sweeping the grounds. One small insight she did inadvertently offer was that others visiting included noted oni Ibuki Suika. However, the witch couldn’t say what those visits might be about, just that she herself often dodged the oni as she came in to make her surreptitious donations. Should I encounter her in future investigations, I will be questioning Miss Ibuki.
For the time being, Kirisame Marisa remains a friend of Hakurei Reimu’s, albeit with their friendship somewhat under strain. The issue of lion-dog Komano Aun’s departure has become a point of disagreement and has left the witch with concerns about her friend’s management of shrine affairs. Perhaps the future may bring reconciliation. As far as Miss Kirisame is concerned, all it would take would be frank dialogue and a willingness to admit fault from Miss Hakurei. Until such time, the diminutive witch will continue sneaking her equally small donations into the Hakurei Shrine’s donation box as a form of covert support. Given that donations usually attend prayers, I closed by asking Miss Kirisame what she was asking the gods. “For Reimu to not be so thick-headed.”
Despite what she said in the interview, the little witch did pay a visit to the Moriya Shrine soon after. Aya couldn’t be sure, but she felt that her own suggestion had played a role. As she watched over the witch and the lion-dog talking from afar, she felt a certain hope that she couldn’t quite name, uncertain and a little fearful. There was no reason to hope for such a small thing to be any sort of catalyst. Yet…
At length, Marisa sped off in the air on her broom, leaving the mountaintop shrine behind her. The lion-dog’s reaction to the conversation was muted. She appeared troubled as she swept the large shrine walkway. Aya gnawed on the end of her pen. Curiosity similarly gnawed at her, yet she felt she couldn’t go down just yet. The story still had yet to play out.
Token support in the form of a few coins seems a little stingy from Marisa—she's usually a little more brazen if not to say pushy. But well, at least her heart is in the right place and she did end up going to the Moriya shrine.
>I closed by asking Miss Kirisame what she was asking the gods. “For Reimu to not be so thick-headed.”
Might as well pray for the sun to rise in the west.
>>2933
I'll keep it real with you: Marisa isn't a character I have a history of writing. As far as understanding her, even moreso than others, she doesn't 'click' for me, so knowing how to handle her is difficult. Case in point, this update. If it all looks overly vague and weird, it's because of that.
>>2934
I wasn't criticizing, just sharing what I thought as I read.
>>2935
Sure, I get that and appreciate anyone who can spare the time and effort to speak their mind.
That said, I do welcome — and always have welcomed — all critique. I don't know what I'm doing in the best of times, so I feel the need to be (perhaps brutally) honest about that. Producing any output has always been a struggle, even now, and trying to come back to a dormant story, even indirectly, just aggravates that struggle. Whether or not it's warranted or appreciated, I still feel the need to be open about what I feel is lacking or difficult.
>>2937
I can definitely see Marisa in the way that you portray her.
This sentence even explains why Marisa has only been offering token support:
>>She herself seemed unclear on many aspects of the shrine’s lacking upkeep and lagging business.
All in all, I appreciate the posts.
Adding to >>2938 (Sorry):
Marisa may even give more to Reimu (or more likely at least talk to Reimu about her situation), which would be interesting to note. Although, I suspect that might already be on your agenda, Mask.
XX day, O month
The Hakurei Shrine in its present sombre mood has a strange magnetism for animals. In my visits, I’ve played with stray dogs, petted strangely tame rabbits, fed birds of all sorts, shooed off tanuki, marvelled from afar at deer, and even startled a troop of prowling mountain monkeys. Some of this draw can be accounted for by the presence of Ibarakasen, known ally to animals, able to command them with an ease befitting her hermitly stature. A few of the animals I encountered were likely her familiars, trained to carry out work in places eyes won’t normally follow. However, just as many were simply wild animals or roving pets, maybe drawn by the hermit’s presence. Ibarakasen offered little view either way. “I don’t go out of my way to draw them here, if that’s what you mean,” she claimed when asked about the less noticeable visitors. Indeed, at least one seems to come of its own accord.
On one occasion, with the hermit turned temporary keeper of the shrine absent, I wandered the grounds with a bit more freedom and was able to get closer to shrine maiden Hakurei Reimu’s domicile. A glint of red in the soft autumn sun had my pulse quickening. Had I stumbled onto Miss Hakurei in the open for once? Curiously, though it turned out that I hadn’t, I wasn’t disappointed. The reason was spotting an unexpected loiterer. Pacing near the shamaness’s rooms was a normally underground feline. Not just any cat — this was the kasha Kaenbyou Rin, known more familiarly to many as Orin.
Miss Kaenbyou is one of the many strange and often disturbing youkai of the Underground, as well as a pet belonging to the Palace of Earth Spirits, and thereby its mistress, the satori Komeiji Satori. Her appearance is often ominous due to being attended by vengeful spirits. Humans in particular find her an uncomfortable presence as she often whisks away their dead in her wheelbarrow to feed the Underground fires. Following the incident Underground that led to the emergence of hot springs on the surface, the hell-cat became something of a semi-regular visitor to the Hakurei Shrine for reasons hard to fathom. It’s speculated that she might have some particular interest in carting off Miss Hakurei’s body upon her death, given her disinterest in the living, but the shamaness appears nowhere close to her inevitable expiration. There’s also the simple theory that she sometimes gets fed at the shrine, one that seems patently ridiculous considering its primary resident’s notorious stinginess.
When I came upon Miss Kaenbyou, she was calling plaintively for the shamaness as cats are wont to do, pawing at the shutters outside her rooms pitifully. Noticing my presence, her guard immediately went up. The promise of dried fish softened her wariness around me, and she soon relented to my request for an interview.
“I haven’t seen [Miss Hakurei] in so long. I’m dying of loneliness out here,” Miss Kaenbyou opined on the topic of the shamaness’s confinement; perhaps a week had gone by, by her recollection. A bit of probing suggested that she sneaked inside in her feline form the last time the shutters were open. “This place is so cozy, y’know? There’s all these ghosts and spirits hanging around. Feels like home. Kinda like a graveyard but even more comfy. And Ms Reimu can be nice if you play it up a little.” Asked about the presence of other animals, in particular other cats, she puffed out her chest. “I’m their senior when it comes to Ms Reimu. She gets ticked off at most of them and shoos them off. You can’t be all demanding from the get-go. You gotta charm her a little. I try to tell them, but most of these youngins don’t listen. Of course, the other cats get a pass a lot of the time. They never thank me for that, the little ingrates.”
With the hell-cat now freely talking, at this point, I changed gears to approach the main topic. Though there is still room for speculation, my own probing into the matter has suggested a link with the departure of guardian lion-dog Komano Aun and Miss Hakurei’s recent inactivity. I put to Miss Kaenbyou the question of Miss Komano’s absence in hopes of any relevant comment. Her expression immediately soured at the mention of the lion-dog.
“Who cares about that flea-bitten half-pint? She acted so big, chasing me off even though I wasn’t doing anything. She’s not a lion or a dog, so what the heck is she, even? What’s that horn about? Or that shirt? None of it makes any sense.”
From this account, it seems interactions with the guardian statue-beast were mostly hostile. According to the feline, the lion-dog even physically ejected her from the shrine on a number of occasions, claiming it was for the shrine maiden’s protection. However, Miss Kaenbyou admitted that she wasn’t always treated brusquely. “Sometimes [Miss Komano] wasn’t always so serious about the job. Come to think of it, she was always in a bad mood those times. Usually going on about ‘Miss Reimu did this’ and ‘Miss Reimu doesn’t appreciate me’. I didn’t really listen, so I don’t remember most of what she said. Still, she made it sound like Ms Reimu was a real pill. Nothing like Ms Satori.” I interrupted her praise of her own mistress ask her opinion on the lion-dog’s absence. Her answer was a shrug. “I don’t miss her. A bit quieter, I guess, but at least I get some peace here. Hope she stays gone.”
Miss Kaenbyou having any grasp of the nature of the present situation seems doubtful. Having understood that fact, I gave her the promised dried fish and excused myself.
As yet, beyond those closest to Miss Hakurei, it seems few truly understand the state of affairs at the Hakurei Shrine. Is this a product of the shamaness’s lack of real ties to anyone? Has she brought this quiet catastrophe upon herself? I don’t think such a judgement can be made so far. What is clear enough, though, is that Komano Aun’s departure from the shrine continues to echo into the present. Until Gensokyo fully recognises the effects of this rift and moves to correct what has gone wrong, I feel nervous about the future.
Pulling open the shutters, Aya found that Reimu had, in fact, been absent the entire time. Irritated that she had gotten her hopes up, she slammed the rain doors, startling off the still-loitering hell-cat. She then returned home with the idea of drawing what little she could from the encounter. There was little hope for anything better than a fluff piece, assuming it didn’t end up in the pile with all the others, a difficult assumption to make with how hard approval for stories involving the Hakurei Shrine was to get nowadays. At least, Aya thought to herself with a bitter smile, someone seemed the least bit aware.
I've been following these updates since the Marisa one. I liked seeing the different points of view but I've yet to read the original material.
Overall, I liked the characterization. The only "problem" I had so far was reading Aunn as Aun, which even if correct feels wrong to me.
I'm a simple guy, overly so, and I separate things into either "I liked it" or "I didn't" and so far, I've been liking it. Sorry for not being able to offer a deeper critique, that's outside of my expertise.
>>2990
>Sorry for not being able to offer deeper critique
It's fine. Even as much as "I like it" is better than total silence; if nothing else, it's acknowledgement, which is something that often feels lacking on THP outside of whatever big exceptions of the moment.
That said, what about the characterisation did you like? Can you point to any particular examples in the text? How do they compare to other pieces of fiction you're familiar with? What personal expectations do they meet? What expectations don't they meet?
I ask these things not in hopes of particular answers from you specifically, but to give (hopefully) illustrative examples of how 'deeper critique' isn't what most would caricature it as, nor is it really a matter of 'expertise'. Whether or not you or any other reader thinks saying such things are of value, they're still things an author likes to know if you can provide them. Still, if you can't, basic acknowledgement is fine too.
>reading Aunn as Aun
The thing is that neither is 'wrong' or 'correct'. They are simply representations of Japanese phonetics in Latin script for the convenience of non-natives. I go with the latter because it conforms more to the (modified) Hepburn romanisation I've been familiar with for a couple of decades. The former is simply a product of ZUN being a native speaker and thereby not needing to care that much about romanisation conventions.
Sorry for the delay, I went to sleep right after posting. I know that you said you don't expect answers, but I read through everything again and I'll give it a shot at feedback, at least on the characters side:
First of all, Aya. She properly reads as a journalist trying to follow a story, keeping some professionalism which I'll admit, it's not something I see about Aya often portrayed as. Personally I like that. Even if seeing Aya as a nosy reporter can be funny sometimes, many take it too far making her seem outright shameless and annoying to read.
On the other hand, I don't see why is Aya doing this. I suppose that the meta reason probably is to do a recap of what happened with the other story or to serve as a follow-up, but as a character I can't see if Aya is doing this out of curiosity, out of concern for Reimu or without a reason other than just making new issues for her newspaper.
From what little dialogue Kasen has, she's par for the course for what I expect of Kasen.
Aunn I feel sorry for. I can feel the sadness in her and I want to give the doggo a hug. About the part about Reimu feeding her so little scraps, to me it feels like an attempt of proverbially kicking the dog, maybe even an attempt at comedy that doesn't land. Either that, or wanting to paint Reimu as the bad guy of the story, which also makes sense or else there would be no conflict for the story to go on, but I feel it makes the character of Reimu feel negligent, uncaring and/or unappreciative of Aunn's work and for me, that feels off. I don't mind seeing Reimu as a kind-of-a-jerk sometimes, sure, but I don't see her as the kind of person that would be abusive towards one of the only people that actually cares for her and the shrine.
I know this is lampshaded in the closing part of that update and may even be a fabrication on Aya's part, but I had to point it out (again, please keep in mind I haven't read the original story).
Marisa is the only one that feels off to me, but you already addressed that one.
Personally, I think Marisa is the kind of person that cares a lot about the people she.. uh... cares about, but is too proud to admit that. That part you nailed but I'm not expecting her to leave a donation and leave Reimu be, even if she's being difficult, I expect her to search Reimu and beat some sense into her. Even if you don't want to go to that extreme because it might not fit with the story, if she doesn't have money I expect her to at least leave some "care package" of assorted foraged edibles (mushrooms, plants, roots, seeds/nuts, that kind of stuff), instead of a couple coins and calling it a day. Still, I picture her actually searching for Reimu, giving her an earful and leaving the stuff behind without saying anything about it. For me, she's supposed to be blunt, brash, speaks her mind, a liar sometimes but genuine when it comes to her friends. Also I don't quite see her praying to the gods but closing it with “For Reimu to not be so thick-headed.” works fantastically and I loved it.
Another thing that feels way off is her way of speaking. Even if you don't want to use the whole "da ze" stuff (understandable), you can use a more "unladylike" way of speaking and it would be better than her portrayal here. She's too formal here.
I loved to see Orin acting as a more selfish, and jerk-ish cat (well, that's just a cat) towards Aunn, funny stuff even if I still feel sorry for the doggo. Also I liked the description of the shrine grounds from her point of view: “This place is so cozy, y’know? There’s all these ghosts and spirits hanging around. Feels like home. Kinda like a graveyard but even more comfy. And Ms Reimu can be nice if you play it up a little.” She's also one of the few if not the only one that says something vaguely positive about Reimu in the whole thing (that I noticed).
I don't know when or if the other characters that usually hang around the shrine will appear, but I'd like to see their insights on what's happening.
As I said before, I'm not the best at feedback so take anything I've written only as an opinion rather than as a serious critique and with not just a grain of salt but a whole bag of it. Overall, I liked the story, even if I personally enjoy more laid back and fun "slice of life" kinda stuff.
I really love the picture you've been painting with these entries. I'm a sucker for "quiet catastrophes" in the general case, of course, but I'm also enchanted by the way you seem to hit this teetering balance of comedy, tragedy, and simple matter-of-factness. I get the feeling that things are in some sense poised to change, but that nobody can really say when they will—each character has her own reasons for behaving as she does, but there's that gap of powerful subjectivity between them that keeps things from getting out in the open and shaking out to a resolution. It brings the setting to life in a way that makes you feel like you could wander in it for weeks or years and not know exactly which one it was.
In a more technical sense, I think the varying viewpoints here circling around, but never actually reaching, Reimu herself really adds to the sense. She's the person that Gensokyo really revolves around, and at the same time she's the one that always returns it to that state of the "empty center" that's core to traditional Japanese aesthetics and philosophy. So this is something like an inversion from the usual pattern—a quiet spiral inwards, rather than a lively acceleration outwards. It's a feeling that I think is very important in a general philosophical sense, and very underappreciated, too. The subtle but insistent imagery—antiques and curios; fish bones; rice cracker dust; fallen leaves, acorns, overgrowth, and wild animals—gives it a creeping aesthetics of sabi shading into outright decay that tickles me to the core.
Sorry that I haven't been able to comment earlier, but it's really great stuff. Keep up the good work!
>>2993
Thanks. It's always nice to feel like someone 'gets it', even if I'm not that certain of the finer points. In particular, I guess I hadn't so much included the imagery of wear and decay consciously as much as out of a personal aesthetic choice. I appreciate you highlighting it.