Thread 21 >>158673
Thread 22 >>160720
Thread 23 >>163582


In which the greater picture is revealed.



[X] “Where's Sakuya?”



“That settles it,” Keine says, breaking the tense silence. “Are you ready to finish this?”

“... what? Just like that?” you ask her. “What happened to all the 'beware the Scarlet Devil' panic from a few days ago?”

She smiles sweetly, reaches out towards you – and pokes you in the chest. You stumble back several steps, an ache growing over your ribcage.

“A few days ago I couldn't do that,” she says. “And a few days ago I...” she flushes with embarrassment. “I didn't respect your skill. It's not all about power, especially with spell-card rules. And if Remilia wants to make it about power...” she tightens her fist, and you see Patchouli and Meiling blanch as her knuckles pop. “That would be a mistake. So... we'll do it your way, this time.”

The hot embrace of your anger evaporates as a nice chilly Guilt front rolls in. “Don't apologize to me,” you grump, annoyed with yourself and Keine and her goddamn – when you finally want an I-Told-You-So, she reverses and - “dammit, Keine, you were right!”

She blinks. “But the Society-”

“No!” you cry, smacking your forehead. “Literally from the moment we met you've been trying to tell me I'm outmatched, I'm in over my head, I've gotta be careful, blah blah, and I've just...” emotions are leaping about like Hasted bullfrogs so you grab at the familiar one. “I've been a jerk. I am a jerk! Just get angry with me like everyone else does instead of all this, this goddamn - this!” you conclude, thrusting your palms at Keine to indicate all the offending this.

You're vaguely aware of Patchouli and Meiling staring at you with unbelieving eyes and fuck them too.

Keine frowns thoughtfully for a moment. “Apology accepted,” she says gently.

“What,” you hear yourself say numbly.

“I forgive you,” she clarifies calmly.

You seize your head in both hands before it can blastoff on bottled-up frustration-pressure. “Were you even LISTENING!?” you cry helplessly.

From behind Keine's perfectly serene expression comes a stifled little snerk. You pinch the brim of your hat and pull it down, blinding yourself. It works on horses; maybe it'll work for you. Clash defines your character; you've spent most of your life doing it and doing it well – but Keine doesn't clash. One sentence from her and you end up the one sputtering in confusion. Being the wrench in the works is your shtick, dammit – how the hell is some sweet schoolteacher besting you at it?

Keine appears beneath your hat-brim, stooping to peek at you. “Are you okay?”

“Just a little freaked out,” you mutter.

Keine frowns at you. “Why?”

“I managed to piss off a Gazebo yesterday, Keine. A building. Your serenity is disrupting the natural order of the universe.”

She smiles warmly at you, then reaches out and places a fingertip against your nose. Your aches and pains vanish, and she flips her finger up, tilting your hat back into position. “You know what they say about karma,” Keine says, twirling her hair around one finger. “What goes around, comes around. Maybe this is natural, too.” Her smile's gone, but it's still dancing in her eyes, playful and sweet. You smile back, feeling your face flush. A beautiful realization flowers in your mind, and before you can act it slips out of your mouth, pure and empathetic.

“Fuck. Me. Sideways.”

Keine stops breathing, eyes wide and limpid.

“Something's wrong.”

Keine's mouth drops open.

“No clash.”

Now she breathes, all the sparkle in her eyes flowing out with her long, gusty exhalation, leaving them cold and hard. “You want a clash?” she asks dangerously.

“What's amiss here?” you say, sweeping your hands wide. “I've spent the last three days snooping around asking questions and people kept trying to beat or kill me for it. I literally can't walk through town without receiving-” you pause to count, “-one assault, one attempted murder and one open threat and that was just today.”

“In Gensokyo we call that a good party,” Patchouli says dryly.

“Bitch I call that Tuesday!” you retort. “And now – all the clash is gone. Suddenly everyone thinks my penchant for chaos and violence is just swell. Sure, go duel the vampire, I'll put her in time-out of she cheats! Sure, Mister Wizard Man, go beat the shit out of my boss but don't ask me any questions about her.” Patchouli's mouth tightens a bit. “I've been doing sleuth-y shit for three days now. What does this Ram-You chick do?”

“Reimu!” Keine corrects you irritably. “She-”

“She flies towards the noise and slaps down anyone who stands in her way,” Meiling says, sounding a little bitter, mumbling something about “hakurei hax.”

A familiar, tight pressure builds in your breast as you turn to Keine. “Does she...?”

“I told you about that,” Keine says defensively.

“You said she dealt with troublemakers,” you retort. “An end-of-investigation assbeating is a given, but does she really just fly in the direction of the weird and succeed?”

“Yes,” Keine says.

“TWELVE FUCKING TIMES!?”

“... yes,” Keine says in a smaller voice.

“Something doesn't smell right,” you say. “Where's Sakuya?”

“Here,” Sakuya says into your ear.

“HEEERG,” you retort eloquently as you fling yourself sideways and twirl in one motion. Sakuya's standing right behind you. Hips cocked, her pocket-watch dangling from the fist on her hip and a serving tray balanced on her palm, she looks rather smug.

“You called?” she says dryly.

You eyeball her timepiece, absorbing the not-so-subtle threat, then look at her tray. “Is that... coffee?”

“For Patchouli.”

You narrow your eyes and state the obvious. “So when you said you'd never heard of it-”

“I was fucking with you,” Sakuya says, relishing the invective.

You cross your arms and tilt your head back, trying not to be amused by that. Patchouli is an arrogant academic; Meiling's a sweet, honest girl, but Sakuya isn't so easy to peg. You recall how her attitude changed after your mead-hall boast at dinner; unlike the others, she didn't doubt your sincerity... and it takes one to know one.

As far as 'common ground' goes it's more like a ledge, but compared to the punch wizard, the stuffy secluded academic and the minivamp, the timespace-manipulating maid is your best bet.

… and that's why you're actively hostile towards big-picture perspective: it's never encouraging.

“What does Flandre eat, Sakuya?”

You can hear Patchouli and Meiling cease respiration somewhere behind you. Sakuya's slate-grey eyes bore into you like a winter gale, painfully cold and piercingly intimate.

Sakuya gently sets the tray down upon a nearby stack of hardcovers, flicking you a contemptuous look that says you damn well know.

You've stared down worse. “How do you collect them, Sakuya? Climb up the tree and lower them down, or do you cut their rope with a thrown knife? You put them a wheelbarrow or drag them back in a tarp, like a deer?” You see Sakuya swallow slightly, but her expression remains glacial. You respect Sakuya; so it's particularly enraging to picture what must be going on in the dark, the deeds everyone else ignores. “You clean them at home, or do you gut them on the spot?”

Sakuya's pale cheeks color with anger, her lips and eyes tightening as she scowls at you.

“Lots of feral youkai out there,” you comment. “Competition. You ever get there early, make sure it's fresh?” Your voice becomes low and hot. “You ever sit there and watch them kick out their last?”

“When people die around me,” Sakuya says, her voice cutting through you like a winter wind, “they die fast.”

Aha! You're pissing people off again, so you must be doing something right. “And where does that happen? You slit their throats, or are you just present? How much laundry do you do around here, Sakuya?”

“More than you, I suspect,” she says, glancing at your one and only robe.

“Answer the question!” you snap.

“Or what?” she retorts icily, jerking her pocket-watch upwards and catching the bob barely an inch above the timepiece.

“I'll make you swallow that cl-”

“How does Remilia feed?” Keine interjects.

You and Sakuya both turn to stare at her.

“I know she's a light eater,” Keine says thoughtfully, “but I've never actually heard who she feeds from. The villagers say...” she waves her hand dismissively, “but how is it handled? Volunteers? Bribes?” Keine's expression sours. “Other.... uh... favors...” Keine's mouth crumples just contemplating the idea. “Ugh. Not even a vampire could feed off that.”

Sakuya has the openly horrified expression of someone who's just been trampled by the elephant in the room.

The only thing worse than that? Being trampled by an elephant you didn't even see.[/i [i]Meteor Swarm would have fixed everything. Even metaphysical pachyderms have poor reflexes. Comfort zone, where art thou?

“How does Remilia feed?” you breathe, a cold lump of horrible certainty coalescing in your stomach.

Sakuya closes her eyes. “You can't ask that.”

“You know what kind of man I am,” you declare. It's not a question, but Sakuya nods slightly, eyes still closed. “Then you know I won't stop asking how Remilia feeds...”

Cold, numbing dread slips into your veins, making you tremble slightly under your robes. The possibility of a good person harboring nightmare truth – something so horrible you wish it false with your very soul. Upon this brink Meiling and Patchouli have shied away, but you never have.

And you know what you've found every time you crossed it.

“....and what happens to her snacks after,” you finish quietly.

Sakuya's tenseness leaves with her sad sigh, seeming to deflate before you.

“What...” Keine begins, the beginning of numb horror creeping into her tone. “What happens?”

“Flandre gets them,” you fill in, certainty weighing your words.

Sakuya's crossed arms tighten defensively, and a single tear slips down one pale cheek.

“They're alive when she brings them in,” you say, tasting the idea. Your rage begins building again like pressure in a boiler, climbing inexorable and swift. “They're still alive when Remilia gets them.” You take deep, steady breaths, your teeth grinding together as the pressure swells in your skull, trying to burst from your temples. “Still alive when you bring them in.”

“I DON'T BRING THEM!” Sakuya roars, her eyes snapping open, blazing with anger. “I'm not a murderer! I'm not!”

“But you don't stop it, do you?” you snap. Patchouli doesn't care, and Meiling is clueless, but from Sakuya? Sakuya!? “You just stand there holding your limp dick doing nothing!”

Sakuya's fierce look of defiance slips a bit. “What?”

“Your dick! Your johnson! Your pizzle! Your waste elimination tube! Your ovipositor! Your heat sink!” You shudder involuntarily at that last one – you really wish you'd never seen Uncanny Valley. “You useless cowardly bitch!”

“I'm a woman,” Sakuya offers, completely nonplussed.

“SINCE WHEN DID THAT STOP ANYBODY IN THIS TOWN, YOU COCKBAG!?”

She shakes her head sadly. “I can stop time,” Sakuya says, “but not even I can stop this. It... can only be controlled.” A bone-deep resignation flickers behind her deep slate-gray eyes for a moment. “A few die, so the rest may live in peace.”

“How could you?” you say miserably. “How could you?”

“I'm closest to her,” Sakuya replies. “If I don't... who will?”

“Who will do what, exactly?” Keine asks, her knuckles cracking as her hands curl into fists. “Who brings those people to their deaths, if you don't? WHO!?”

Who.

You always liked Remilia for the culprit, from moment one – she rang your alarm bells on multiple levels, from instinctive to intellectual. Most of your 'investigations' were to establish when, where, why and how – the who was a pretty short list from the start. “Who” isn't a question you've truly asked of anyone or anything for a few days now.

But with Remilia nearly in hand... you think about it.

Devils or their minions running wild, hunting humans, would not be tolerated.

Who wouldn't tolerate it? Yuyuko didn't say.

Or Patchouli, just minutes ago: You can't. Even Remilia was brought to heel!

By who?

People are emotional creatures, Mokou's sad voice echoes in your memory. [/i]Injure them, they cry, shame them, they retaliate, humble them, they resent, adore them, they preen. And youkai, even more so.[/i]

And as you know from bitter experience, none more so than a vampire.

A hollow calm settles over you, the idea so monstrous you haven't begun to comprehend the full gravity of it.

“The other youkai,” you say, breaking the silence. “Yuyuko. Yukari. Others, ones I don't know about yet. They do.”

Sakuya's bearing finally crumples completely, her half-lidded eyes sorrowful and sympathetic. “They made her sign a contract,” Sakuya says softly, “after the rampage she went on, when she first arrived. They provide the sustenance, and Remilia refrains from wanton destruction.”

“You're lying,” Keine says, her voice uneven and brittle, arms trembling at her sides. “I've read the Chronicle. I know!”

Sakuya turns her miserable eyes on the schoolteacher. “Akyuu left that detail out, did she? In your copy, at least.”

Keine reels. “No. No.”

“Oh, yes,” you say numbly. “You heard what Yuyuko said. The balance is delicate. And she sent me to restore it.”

“But Yuyuko said-”

“She said vampires hunting humans wouldn't be tolerated. And it isn't. She never actually said what condition those Outsiders are in when they're taken, did she?”

The blood drains from Keine's face. “She antagonized you deliberately.”

“No shit,” you spit. “She knew just what to say.”

A resounding BANG! echoes through the vast Voile library from the direction of the distant doorway. From deep within the stacks comes a rapid clatter of pump heels making haste on the floorboards.

“Patchouli? Patchouli!” Remilia's voice calls. “Is that Outsider scum still running around like a moron?”

“No,” Patchouli replies levelly, still watching the entire spectacle of Sakuya's interrogation with wide eyes. “No, not really.”

“So he's taking his pleasures with that cow at last,” Remilia sighs contentedly as the clickety-clack of her shoes draws closer. “For all her power, she's so desperate for a lay that she jumps the first foul-mouthed moron that leaps to her defense at a dinner-party,” Remilia giggles. “I told you it would work.”

A slight breeze stirs, swaying robes and dresses forbiddingly, which you attribute to all the air molecules near Keine getting the fuck out of the way.

“Yes,” Patchouli says flatly. “Yes it did.”

“While they're busy rutting we'll be busy summoning,” Remilia's voice gloats at high volume from near by, approaching at a more leisurely pace through the stacks. “One this final spell is complete I will answer those insults at last. No more living off the scraps they dole out, no more lurking in this manse like a peasant, no more dueling with that little red-white cunt.”

You see Remilia emerge from the stacks, a book tucked under one arm, her eyes closed as she daintily sips from a cup of tea.

“They sought to control me,” she says dreamily, warming to her big finale. “But I control fate. And now, the wheel of fate bears down upon them.”

“Just as planned,” you say.

“Just as planned,” Remilia agrees, and raises her teacup. It reaches her lips at about the same time recognition does. “Blhark,” she comments intelligently, tea splashing on the floor as her brain logjams worse than a ten-wagon pileup in an inner-city roundabout.

“Oh, please continue,” you say dryly. “I usually interrupt those monologues with a Fireball to the face but I'm really enjoying this one.”

Remilia's smug expression is torn off her face as incandescent rage blazes in her eyes. She flings her teacup against the floor so hard the shards fly off like quarrels, one of them grazing your cheek. “My guard, she gestures, making Meiling shrink, “My tutor, she snarls, and Patchouli drops her gaze to the floor, “my maid. Useless. Utterly, disgustingly useless.”

Sakuya recoils as if struck.

“So now its up to me,” she snarls, her dress ruffling slightly as air currents swirl at the mere stirring of her power. “Name your cards. Or cling to the schoolteacher's skirts, like you've been doing this whole time.”

Keine flings her forearm before you in a halting gesture. “Not this time, Remilia,” Keine growls – literally, her voice gaining a buzzing burr around the edges. “You don't get to pick the fight this time. You're dealing with me now, and to me you're just one more spoiled rotten little bitch who needs a whipping.”

A crazy, jagged smile rips open Remilia's face, a glowing aura growing from her as she summons her battle-power. She thrusts her hands forth, the air blurring and darkening into something menacing and spear-shaped. Keine produces a scroll and snaps it open before her, the symbols glowing as she begins to summon Kusanagi. With battle about to be joined, and the end of your mission finally at hand, steel yourself, review your arsenal, and giggle.

Both women actually stop summoning their weapons and ignore their opponent to look at you.

You begin to laugh.

Everyone present stares at you in disbelief as you completely crack up. Keine's offended seriousness, Remilia's shaken confidence, Meiling's bafflement and fear, Koakuma's timid peeking from the relative shelter of the stacks; it's all funny as hell. But it's Patchouli and Sakuya's drawn, bloodless faces that really put things over the top, because a joke isn't perfect if there's no one to share it with. The dissonance 'twixt threat and transparent theatrics; so visible now, is too much to stand.

“Name my cards?” you manage through your chuckles. “A whipping? So you can ooze back into your hole and start your backup plan?” Remilia's mad grin goes brittle around the edges. “Like a vampire that manipulates Fate itself won't lay plans like that when the local cleric's gone twelve-for-twelve?”

Remilia's loco-loli smile falls clean off her face, causing you to snigger even more. “We're not going to fight you, Remilia.”

“FINE!” she screams, tightening her hands around the black shadow and yanking it towards her, ripping a fully-formed broad-tipped spear from the air. She flourishes it with such force you hear the blade sing as she lowers it at you. “Run back to your masters before they yank the leash.”

You sigh, a strange, detached calm descending over you as the mirth subsides. “That's not what I mean, Remilia.”

“Then WHAT!?” she screams, her patience clearly at an end.

“I'm going to kill you, Remilia.”




>SHIT HAS ACHIEVED MAXIMUM REALISM
>TIMESTOP MAIDHAX INCOMING!
>She can stop time indefinitely, and you... can't. You need to either drop her quick or mitigate her advantage to gain a few rounds in Time Stop to become the MAGIC IMMUNE IRON DRAGON SWIMMING IN LAVA AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT! You've one standard action (i.e. one spell) before she's on you! Possible options:

[ ] Take out her pocket-watch before anything else. Without her focus her ability will merely be formidable, not omnipotent.

[ ] Use Time Stop and drop her skinny ass with one masterful blow and the considerable advantage of surprise.

[ ] Remove her from the premises entirely in an exceedingly dynamic fashion. So dynamic that even she will be inconvenienced.

[ ] Write-In?


>OVERALL BATTLE STRATEGY

[ ] BRING DOWN DA HOUSE

[ ] DOMINO DEVESTATION

[ ] TAG-TEAM TRIUMPH

[ ] Write-in?