Things are Imbalanced in 2024
Anonymous 2024/03/03 (Sun) 13:11
No. 17142
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It is time. A time. A good time. For what? For Imba as Fuck, a 2024 Lewd Shorts Writing Competition!
The terms are simpler by far than last year's, so do not fret. Indeed:
- You've got 5 weeks, till April 7th, to work on your entry.
- The submission window this time will be 3 days, from April 7th through the 9th, to avoid early gun-jumpers's entries going stale while the thread sits mostly inactive.
- 1 theme
- 1 entry per author
- 1 vote
- The voting period will last a week as usual, from April 10th till the 17th.
So with that in mind, your theme this year is:
- IMBALANCE -
In brief, there is to be a gap between the storied participators. You may interpret this however you wish; from an imbalance in age, perhaps with a dash of May-December romance, through an imbalance between their literal powers to a figurative imbalance of power in the relationship. Abuse of authority. Forceful seduction. Shameful submission. Interclass trysting. You are at complete liberty to interpret the theme however you wish, as are the readers to grant you their vote of confidence. Hell, write about Seija turning a man into a perrenial lucky pervert by messing up his sense of balance. It's all fair game in the meta.
In addition, just like last year, a prize doth hang in the balance:
- For 1st place, I, the anonymous obvious organiser, will pen a lewd short starring a character of your choice, fitting within the boundaries of the theme. Negotiation of the details - expected.
- Furthermore, if there are 5 or more entries, I will provide lesser - though hopefully still enjoyable - prizes for 2nd and 3rd place contestants as well. He who knows what this is likely to entail, well, knows.
Finally, to prevent shenanigans around the above, I myself will abstain from participating. The slack is thereby all yours to pick up.
Should you have any suggestions regarding the terms, questions about the theme, etc. please do speak up below.
Good fuck luck!
NeoOldeLittleGensokyo!I3czLp.ZFU 2024/03/03 (Sun) 21:08
No. 17143
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My minds gone a few places, With the idea of imbalance;
- story where an explicitly formerly-male Miko ends up getting fucked by a relatively low-status man or youkai, either at tojiko’s request or even with her possessing Miko. Though I was working on that idea before the prompt came through.
- Cats vs Dogs, playing unfair games that heavily favour one side’s traits or the others, loser gets pounded and possibly pregnant. Chen and Kyouko play a much more innocent version in the background while Aunn acts as a neutral party/babysitter, being a lion-dog.
- frog tongue shibari by suwako where her victim is one of the bug girls or cirno, and hopelessly outclassed.
- Komachi confesses to Kutaka that she wants to ask Eiki out when she can’t find her boss. Kutaka doesn’t confess that she and Eiki are already going out, and the reason she can’t find her is because they’re in the middle of lovemaking.
And more!
Anonymous 2024/03/03 (Sun) 23:28
No. 17144
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What's the policy regarding extensions?
Anonymous 2024/03/04 (Mon) 07:34
No. 17145
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>>17144
Scissors.
We'll cross that rope-bridge when we get there.
NeoOldeLittleGensokyo!I3czLp.ZFU 2024/03/06 (Wed) 10:48
No. 17146
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Is there any word count limit or anything like that? I'm about 2000 words in and nobody's even taken off any clothes yet.
Anonymous 2024/03/06 (Wed) 16:06
No. 17147
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>>17146
Not OP, but the custom around here has typically been no more than two posts per contest entry. With the character limit of 30,000 characters, that means you have basically 60,000 characters total as the hard limit.
But, well, OP can chime in to contradict or confirm.
Anonymous 2024/03/06 (Wed) 17:01
No. 17148
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>>17146
No hard-
hard limits. If you meander, you'll be judged by the readers, not me. So, with that in mind, keep it decently brief and, ah, remember the purpose.
Anonymous 2024/03/17 (Sun) 14:05
No. 17152
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Two weeks down, three to go. Ass in gear, people!
Anonymous 2024/03/24 (Sun) 14:39
No. 17153
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We're down to two weeks, now!
Anonymous 2024/04/02 (Tue) 17:41
No. 17179
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THPically belated heads-up that you have 5 more days more to go!
Anonymous 2024/04/07 (Sun) 20:34
No. 17193
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Entries thread is now up:
>>/at/41357
As a reminder, you have 3 days until the 9th, at whichever time seems appropriate, to submit yours.
Anonymous 2024/04/10 (Wed) 19:43
No. 17196
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And since I ran into some chop last night, that was your unannounced 24-hour extension. The window is now... closed!
Without further ado, these are our entries this year:
👻 Echoes 👻
⇅ Double Dealing Indecency ⇅
🔔 Kosuzu MotoONI 🔔
🦁 Karma and the Komainu 🦁
🌭 Trapped in Tenseful Stakes 🌭
👹 Gensokyo is running out of- 👹
As a small reminder of the rules, you may cast your vote for 1 story only; however, commenting on several or even all of them is, as always, very much welcome. Away!
Anonymous 2024/04/10 (Wed) 21:42
No. 17197
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>>17193
>>17196
Forgive me if I’m wrong, but aren’t these two posts just under 72 hours apart? I think your ‘extension’ just made it the appropriate three days long.
Now, of the options given…
[X] Echoes
I’m one of the writers, so I’m holding off on why until the dust settles.
Anonymous 2024/04/11 (Thu) 09:43
No. 17199
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Also one of the writers, also keeping my thoughts quiet until voting is over.
But as for my vote:
[X] Karma and the Komainu
Anonymous 2024/04/11 (Thu) 13:47
No. 17200
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Seems like the other writers are voting early, guess I'll join in.
[X] Echoes
Anonymous 2024/04/11 (Thu) 14:09
No. 17201
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Finally, I've made it to a contest thread on time to comment properly. Sorry in advance for taking this anime porn fanfic competition too seriously, I guess. Potentially.
First things first, I'd say every entry approached the theming rather loosely. Though I can't imagine how else one can approach a theme so vague, so the contestants aren't at fault. Therefore, I won't really comment on the theming.
Onto the individual reviews.
Echoes: Probably the best short story here, from a story perspective. I don't know much about those new characters, but it really seems to feel like a Touhou story, a story about Mizuchi, and not just one that happens to have a Mizuchi-shaped girl for the male lead to have sex with. I like the way her backstory is woven not just into the framing story, but into the erotic scene too. Even her costume is described with a pleasant attention to detail. Both the sexual and the non-sexual is very well-written. The sex had an especially sensual and passionate quality to it that I found rather nice. I like how forward and "predatory" Mizuchi is, just the right amount without looking farcical. I can't say much else other than that I really enjoyed this one.
Though, because I'm exactly that kind of pedant, I'll mention this. Teka is a strange name for a japanese man. Maybe he's some kind of half-foreigner, but it's still a strange one. Shortening Takumi to Tak is equally odd for japanese. Is having a consonant at the end supposed to represent vowel reduction? The vowel wouldn't even be reduced in such a nickname. But that’s just pedantry. Very well-crafted story. Earned my vote.
[ X ] Echoes
Double Dealing Indecency: What's immediately apparent is that the story is written with unfittingly and clumsily casual language. Frankly, if it weren’t for the dialogue, it would read as if the writer is retelling the events to his buddies over text. I cannot even be charitable and interpret that as a stylistic choice, the less-than-stellar punctuation throws that out the window. It all feels as if the writer isn't very experienced with neither writing nor, more importantly, reading.
Other than that - a byproduct of the inexperience - the plot is a contrived bore. It all seems to be an excuse for amateurish corruption/hypnosis/mind-wipe/etc fetish porn. Forgive my harshness, but it's rather noticeable. And it's not even good corruption, since the switch happens at the snap of a finger! If it was even intended to be that. Similar complaints for the characters. The enslaved girls seem like a completely random selection of characters that the writer thinks are sexy. Seija, among with her entourage, seems to be there simply because she's the writer's tsundere waifu. As a result, she's terribly unlike herself. I don't know much about those new characters, but isn't she supposed to be incapable of being pleasant, to hate being received positively? At least her ability was implemented in the schemes and the sex.
You, author! If you want to improve your skill, you need to read more good books. If you don't, well, who's to stop you from writing subpar erotica.
I must admit I was glad to see oldwork characters mentioned. Though... Where the hell did they get Kurumi of all people? They'd really have to go out of their way to find her, no?
Kosuzu Motooni: A second-person Anon character? How nostalgic. It would be a bit annoying, but the story is obviously silly and comedic, so it would be ridiculous to judge it as a serious one. I appreciate the attempt at meta-humour, I suppose. It doesn't really fall flat or anything. It amused me that the heroine is Kosuzu, I take it it's because she would be the best at dealing with fanfic and writers. And though the length and the meta-gag subject matter don't really bring the writing out, the story is decently written. Though I can't help but feel like the sex (well, a prelude to sex) is shoehorned in just because the contest is a NSFW one... Maybe that's part of the joke?
Karma and the Komainu: Another great story. This one is much more sex-focused than "Echoes", but equally as compelling. I liked this one for its male lead. He's unexpectedly charming for someone who's presumably meant to be a mere vehicle for self-insertion. Aunn's characterisation is great here, too. I don't know much about those new characters, but she's usually portrayed as childish and silly, so seeing her as a more mature, cunning and sexually forward girl was a pleasant surprise. It's a better fit for a komainu, even if she’s different in the games. The writer's use of metaphor is fun. I liked the canine comparisons, but the integration of Aunn's often-overlooked nature as a stone statue into her descriptions, as well as personality and sexual tastes was another pleasant surprise. Naturally, I'm glad that her ability to duplicate her body was utilised for sexy reasons, too. Also, Megumu's comment at the end was pretty funny.
Though the erotica, well-written as it is, wasn't particularly arousing to me. Sexually speaking, it's not really to my tastes. Which is a shame, I would have enjoyed the story much more otherwise. So when considering whether to vote for "Karma" or "Echoes", I picked the sexier one.
Trapped in Tenseful Stakes: A decent story. The sex is rather good in its descriptions. I like the bear trap play, it's certainly an interesting element. SeemS to be fitting for Enoko, too - though I don't know much about those new characters. The second-person narrative wasn't unpleasant to me, even though I have a distaste for this writing choice. The farmer feels like a fairly distinct character and not just a blank self-insert slate. Though, presumably, the reader is still meant to imagine himself in the man's place. Otherwise, the choice to tell the story in second person seems rather arbitrary. Or maybe there's something I'm missing about porn and second-person writing.
However, I did not enjoy the interjection about farmer and the yamainu's love story. I can't say it was entirely irrelevant, since it's meant to flesh out the relationship between our two leads, but it's... Well, honestly, fairly boring to read. Not much happens. They just talk about themselves and ultimately don't have much chemistry in that segment. Which is odd, because they seem to have it during sex... Well, could just be simpler to portray.
Gensokyo is running out of sex: Another (mostly?) comedic entry. The light and simple language is quite fitting for the genre. The story has a similar feel to an old-school raunchy gag doujinshi, strengthened by everyone's characterisation. Marisa is a horny lesbian, Suika is a funny drunk, Reimu is always annoyed at something, so on. I'm not too fond of that kind of fanwork, and even though it's a matter of taste... Come on, this approach is just low-brow and lazy.
The question mark part was rather confusing. I could not tell what was going on. Maybe that's the intention, maybe not. Though, really, the sex part was generally rather confusing. I think Alice did something BDSM-ish and doll-related to Marisa, but otherwise, it was hard to parse. Though, really, the story was kind of hard to follow in general. Yuugi just showed up for no good reason, what was up with that? Did we need another funny drunk? Found it hard to get behind overall.
My personal ranking would be, favourite to least favourite: Echoes - Karma - Trapped - Kosuzu - Indecency - Running out of sex.
Either way, thank you for your entries, everybody. Keep writing, keep reading, keep improving, have fun, etc, etc.
Though, what I truly care about here... Why hasn't anyone written about Shingyoku?! They're all about balance, you know! Oh well, guess all we're getting this year are mere scant mentions of PC-98. At this rate, I might as well write about oldwork characters myself next time. MASTURBATORY AS IT WOULD BE!
Anonymous 2024/04/11 (Thu) 15:16
No. 17202
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Was a hard choice for me this year, still:
[X] Karma and the Komainu
Wouldn't think I would vote for Aunn one when I first saw the entry names, but this one is the one I simply liked - with no issues. Good usage of komainu nature, indeed.
Echoes is good, sure, but I couldn't help but to feel some... contrivance? Mainly in the first half and especially the meeting scene. Trapped... good as well, but probably will second about interjection.
Third one is just pure self-ironizing comedy and therefore outside of grading for me, second just read like a wacky eratohok/eratohoymaem AAR for me or something - still not sure how much it is ironic or unintentionally, sixth is just everything I detest about touhou fanfiction.
Anonymous 2024/04/12 (Fri) 01:34
No. 17203
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I appreciate that newer characters made an appearance in stories. That's always nice to see and, sadly, a little too rare. I'm sitting out of the voting this time around, sorry.
Anonymous 2024/04/12 (Fri) 09:06
No. 17209
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[X] Trapped in Tenseful Stakes
Since other writers decided to be quite, I have collectively decided to shut up and give in to the social conformity.
Anonymous 2024/04/14 (Sun) 11:21
No. 17230
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>>17203
Yeah, there's literally only two stories primarily focused on performing the sex with characters from before TH13, and one of them uses TH14 as backing. Heck, a third of the stories are from either the most recent touhou game or a still-ongoing story. It's pretty good stuff for the newbies.
Anonymous 2024/04/15 (Mon) 23:11
No. 17244
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Echoes! Let's kill da ho! Wait, hold that! This ho's already dead...
Mizuchi grabs my attention by default and by the balls, and I must commend how you skirted the thus-far unknown nature of her grudge, proferring a potential cause for her resentment yet avoiding the direct pointing of fingers. Canontism slaked. The best entry if we're looking purely at story content. The sexual parts were decent, although could have done with more visceral descriptions or at the very least wordier ones of Mizuchi's sensations and emotions. Just plain statements of purported ecstasy are a little too little to get me going these days. That said, it's a niggle I harbour for a lot of erotica out there and in no way exclusive to this particular case. What did help prop it up, however, is that talking-about-past-encounters happens to be my secret kink, but don't you tell anyone, OK?
On the flip side, I have issues with the building blocks of this entry. The dialogue especially comes off as, for want of better words, simple and naive. There is a lot of very direct telling and not a lot of showing-consequences-thereof or emoting. "Clamping down hard" - fine; but, what did it mean for the act? How did it influence the process? How did our lucky grump's body - or Mizuchi's, at the comment - react to it? And so on. I would have liked to have read more insight overall. Maybe it's pedantism, maybe it's exuberant preference, but these were my slightly short-changed impressions. Naming sense has been commented on above.
Also, I understood those references.
Karma and the Komainu! It's a doggy dog world...
A bit of an insipid setup... is what I thought for the first few paragraphs. No longer afterwards. The best entry if we're looking impurely at sexual content. What's amusing is that this entry's descriptions are easily the most oblique and indirect of the lot. Goes to show there's more than one school of doing it about doing it. I enjoyed the sidelights on the wider setting as well; and, while not all the kinks on display were mine, penetrating wordplay gets me hard without a reach-around, so that made up for it with interest.
To be a picky dick, I'm just not all that positive about a dominant Aunn. Sure, she's fairly ferocious in HSiFS and UDoALG, but in both cases her demeanour there is presented and remarked on as being unusual. Chalked up to her territorialism here, which is a sound narrative device, but... I just remain wrong-rubbed. Then there's the matter of her overpowering a Wolf Tengu, where one of the few things we know about her is that she's weak, buuut that's edging into the realm of power levels, and not even the fun sort of edging, so I'll quit while I'm a knobhead.
Also, I understood that reference.
Trapped in Tenseful Stakes! It's a doggy... uh, hound-eat-husband world!
Second-person perspective and Enoko... This was a tough swallow. Still. The best entry if we're looking at cheeky theme adherence and novelty. And the vanilla flavour, which is conspicuously lacking this time around. For some reason.
The pacing has been touched on, but I'll throw in my two pennies and add that, were it me, I would've moved the first part of the flashback to the very beginning of the story to provide immediate contrast between the wild, scared Enoko in the forest and the wild, perverted one she becomes in the bedroom. Food for crossposting.
The remaining entries didn't appeal to me due to the cast and/or format. Sorry!
At the end of the day, my vote goes to:
[X] Karma and the Komainu
for edging (not like that!) out the competition by having the most solid prose and central pornographic conceit.
As a closing note, I too am pleased about the newhu turn-out. Maybe not the ones I would've picked, but it's always nice to see post-15 characters take centre stage.
Anonymous 2024/04/17 (Wed) 05:26
No. 17249
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[X] Echoes:
I liked this one the most. I felt like it was the best crafted as a story, well grounded in the setting, and integrated characterization with eroticism. It was interesting to see Mizuchi of all characters deal with feelings of yearning. Issues I had were the choice of names and not feeling a strong sense of 'imbalance' as a theme, but I don't consider these to be major problems.
Double Dealing Indecency:
This feels pretty crude. Leaving aside the subjectivity of whether or not the subject matter of the story appeals to you, I think it's pretty safe to say that the story itself is clumsily written independent of what that writing attempts to depict. Like another post mentioned, it just feels kind of boring with how perfunctory the gimmick is shown to be. I feel like it's done for shock value or style but has greatly neglected substance. I do see the theme of imbalance more strongly in this story, though.
Kosuzu MotoONI:
This story felt like a non-serious entry to me.
Karma and the Komainu:
I liked this one as well. I think it focuses on porn over plot, but it does both competently enough that I have no real complaint. Oh, and I guess this one also didn't register strongly as imbalance to me. I think I might have trouble understanding that theme in the ways other people do. This would be my second pick after Echoes.
Trapped in Tenseful Stakes:
I thought this story was interesting. I liked how it used Enoko, but as some others mentioned I also felt like the ordering of the scenes could have been changed to flow better. From what little I know about Enoko's characterization, it seems that this story takes a lot of liberties in a way that Echoes doesn't. I'd say that Echoes finds a more organic and more thoroughly considered way to involve sex, while in this one it was more clumsily kitbashed. Rather than working it into the existing material, the existing material was removed and replaced. Still, I get the feeling that this was an earnest attempt. I hope the writer keeps at it.
Gensokyo is running out of-:
This story felt like a non-serious entry to me.
Anonymous 2024/04/17 (Wed) 20:45
No. 17251
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[X] Karma and the Komainu
You mean she gets to be both an Aunn-stoppable force AND an Aunn-movable object?
Anonymous 2024/04/17 (Wed) 21:19
No. 17252
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That's what I get for not closing the vote sooner, huh.
All right. We are now in SUDDEN DEATH mode. The next vote cast for one of the tied stories tips the scale and closes the pool.
Why does this happen every time...
Anonymous 2024/04/17 (Wed) 22:27
No. 17253
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[X] Karma and the Komainu
Anonymous 2024/04/17 (Wed) 22:38
No. 17254
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[X] Karma and the Komainu
!foOlREAVlE 2024/04/17 (Wed) 22:55
No. 17255
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And there you have it! 2024's smutty winner is...
Karma and the Komainu!
Congratulations to the winner! The first prize is yours. Take a deep breath, do the Guilty Gear and select your character. Second- and third-place winners, your prizes should go up within 1-2 days; first place will obviously take longer, but that goes without saying. Actually, since I'm a dumbass with no organisation skills, Karma and the Komainu will be getting a secondary prize as well. Thank you, everyone, for participating - even the shitposters. When nobody made the customary plea for an extension, I was prepared to see the contest close unattended. Seems the end times aren't yet here.
Should you want to make previously inappropriate comments, heap praise on your fellow contestants or simply brag about your score, be all our guests.
NeoOldeLittleGensokyo!I3czLp.ZFU 2024/04/18 (Thu) 00:39
No. 17256
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Writer of Karma and the Komainu and
>>17197 here. Allow me to say this:
Eh? Genuinely shocked by those last two votes. I'd been the catchup first place the whole way through.
With that said... if I get to make a request... I'm gonna keep the Newhu theme going! We've had entrants from 19, FDS, and 16... let's have one from 18 this time!
My request is a romance with the dragon-eatin' miner, Himemushi Momoyo! Give the tomboy of Unconnected Marketeers a sweet romance with a lover who's thoughtful, compassionate, and so hopelessly outclassed in raw power that she has to be extra-careful not to cause death by snu-snu! Clash burning passion with tender concern!
I'll give my own thoughts later, when I get the chance.
Anonymous 2024/04/18 (Thu) 01:29
No. 17257
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I might have attempted to participate were it not for the theme. It just seemed to tip the scales towards a lot of things I don't care for. I thought about saying something early on, but I decided it was unproductive when others were already on board.
Would still consider future endeavours pending choices of theme.
Vanilla_Enthusiast!AdF3bWaDQs 2024/04/18 (Thu) 01:49
No. 17258
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Author of Trapped in Tenseful Stakes (TiTS) and
>>17209
I'll say more about the rest of the entries but I'm on a trip at the moment.
Congratulation to NeoOldeLittleGensokyo! Actually I also want to vote for Karma and the Komainu but since nobody has voted for the third entry I figure I'd better be the one voting it, even if I'm voting for my own. Glad that it doesn't really matter in the end.
Also thank you for the advices given! It's my first smut and I'm quite surprised with the mostly positive reaction.
I am still curious about the mysterious prize tho... Wonder what it'll be...
Treia!P0dSPtgivA 2024/04/18 (Thu) 03:19
No. 17259
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I wrote 'Gensokyo is running out of -'
Nobody voted for me, oh well! It was a good excuse to write, I had fun. I hope everyone who read it enjoyed it to some extent.
NeoOldeLittleGensokyo!I3czLp.ZFU 2024/04/18 (Thu) 07:47
No. 17260
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So, going through the other stories, and then giving my thoughts at the end:
Echoes:
Genuinely expected this one to win, and would have been absolutely fine with it if it did. Very solid entry, and felt a bit more vanilla than mine while still being fun and passionate.
There are only two objections I could have to this, and frankly they're both pretty minor. The first is echoing the previous statement that 'Tak' was a bit awkward of a name shortening, though my bigger thought was that it kinda felt like a bro's nickname than an old flame's sweetheart nickname. 'Kumi' might have worked better, putting the emphasis on the rounder and softer sounds in Takumi to make the name sound more affectionate.
The second was that the line where the tailor literally said something along the lines of 'really feeling the imbalance here' made me roll my eyes. It just felt a bit lacking in confidence, like you were feeling the need to point out how the work fit the theme. If you are feeling that way, you can do it without namedropping the theme itself. Have more confidence! You've certainly earned it.
Double Dealing Indecency:
It feels like this is not that bad, just a bit overstuffed and undercooked. It feels like you were trying to do too many things with the time you had, to the point the actual fun parts got a bit buried in the reeds. Rather than trying to do multiple, I'd recommend focusing on just one instance of The Sex next time, and either set it in a snapshot of the takeover midway, or at the very start or end of it. Don't bite off more than you can chew - this is a shorts writing competition, after all. If you enjoy the story, you can always add prequels or sequels.
Kosuzu MotoONI:
This one was just... not my style. It's definitely someone's style, but I'm relatively new to THP and chan-like boards, and Anon just doesn't work as a surrogate for me. That, combined with the clearly satirical style, made this work outright hard to read for me.
Trapped in Tenseful Stakes:
With Echoes as the one I assumed would be first, if anything would knock me down to third, it'd be the other member of the Wan Squad, Enoko. I'd have been a little surprised if KatK had lost to TiTS, but not disappointed in the slightest. It had the same issue with directly mentioning the imbalance of the scenario, which again felt like it was a lack of confidence on the writer's part. But you're both good enough writers that you shouldn't feel the need to go "this is the part that matches the contest theme" explicity
I'm gonna echo the pacing problems issue, but I'm actually going to go a step further and try to diagnose the source of the issue. let me put it like this:
> Protagonist takes on a dangerous task
> Protagonist falters in his task
> It looks like protag's gonna be out far too early
> Flashback time
> Protagonist remembers a touching moment
> Back to the present, Protag gets a second wind
> Finishes the task with aplomb.
I think with that broad-strokes description, the source of the pacing issues becomes clearer: your kinky but lovey-dovey sex story... has the same framework as an anime battle.
Gensokyo is running out of-:
Just felt a bit... confused? Agreeing with the assessment of it being a raunchy gag doujinshi in feel. The bit at the end felt almost like you went 'oh, shit, forgot to have some actual sex in there'.
I feel like this just needed a clearer core conceit to base itself on to nail that feeling. If you haven't read it yet, I'd recommend reading basically any of Hikawa Shou's Aya, like Relentless Repo Writer, for something that has a similar dynamic, but executes it better.
Karma and the Komainu, random thoughts and notes:
This was actually the second story I started writing for the contest. The first was quite literally yuri on ice, a story about Marisa and Narumi ice skating (related to imbalance both by comparing Marisa being the least naturally talented arguably of all touhous, and literalising that with Marisa being unable to ice skate and falling over a lot). I ended up backing out when I felt like I couldn't find a super satisfying way to end it that didn't sound like Marisa actually died of hypothermia, instead of sounding like Marisa ALMOST dies of hypothermia.
Until the reveal of Double Dealing Indecency, KatK was called Double Dog Date You. In fact, that's still the name of the Gdoc.
>>17201 mentioned the male lead - there's a reason he's got such a distinct personality. He's modeled after Caiphas Cain, a character from the Warhammer 40k universe. Most notably in being a bit of a refined smooth talker, a bit of a scumbag at least in his own head, and the regretful hindsights when he realises he's the only person response for getting himself in this much trouble. Though, to be fair, Cain's problems are usually apocalyptic abominations and Yuuji's were just an overly intense girlfriend.
Speaking of Yuuji, his name is rather deliberately pointed at the other work this one references: Reavski's very own Wolfing Down, which was one of the first things to get me heading THP-wards. The male lead of that story was a male wolf tengu named Yuuichi. Ichi means one - considering the
threat theme of double komainu in KatK, and needing a good name for my own wolf, i decided to go with Yuuji, swapping out the 1 for a 2.
Megumu's rant at the end was both to provide a little bit of an explanation for the story's style, and to hint at the connection to Wolfing Down. And make people laugh, of course. At the last second, though, I realised that making the hint too explicit might reveal who I was, so I toned it down a step. If I repost it over on Ao3, I'll ramp up the reference back to it's original explicity.
Anonymous 2024/04/18 (Thu) 08:47
No. 17261
▼
Wait, so you're telling me I would have won if Yaf had just closed the vote about forty minutes earlier? Curse you, you procrastinating bastard!
...Just kidding, I'm amazed enough that I came second. Hi, writer of Echoes and
>>17199 here. First time actually writing and posting smut (First time posting a story on THP at all, actually.), but I'm glad that people seem to have enjoyed it. I figured that no one would write Mizuchi, so I went with that idea and threw in a bunch of rambling about lost loves and so on. I hope people enjoyed this now, because I'm sure ZUN will take a wrecking ball to the story's foundations soon enough whenever he reveals the real cause of Mizuchi's grudge. I got a little bit too lost in setup with this, which is probably my inexperience showing. Being a little more succinct is something I'll have to work on if I participate in something like this in the future.
I'll admit that I got a little stumped by the theme, mostly because I wanted to find a slightly more out of the way interpretation of it to work with. Not sure I succeeded, though. Possibly too much freedom? Last year's village theme was a little more specific, I think.
Obviously I have to address this now that everyone's had a chance to call me out for it. I'll accept the blame for Teka. I should have spent a little longer thinking on it before going with it. It was really just a 'first thing to come to mind' choice.
I'm blaming THP for Tak, though. It was Takkun originally. Then, when I'd finally got the two posts ready (both at 29999/30000 characters each!) THP told me that I was 140 characters over the limit on both posts, and I'd already spent a day or two chopping the story down from 63,000 characters. Thus, Tak, saving me a whole bunch of characters.
I voted for Karma and the Komainu because I felt that it had the best prose of the bunch, and it actually focused on the, you know, smut part of the smut competition while I was busy rambling on about world details. Aunn and Aunn make for a fun tag team, and Megumu's note at the end got a laugh out of me.
As for the other stories, I liked Trapped in Tenseful Stakes well enough. I never expected to see Enoko of all people here, but the writing was decent. I'm not a massive fan of second person stories in general, so that might have been what made me bounce off of it, and I'll confess confusion when the flashback section happened. Mostly just seemed to confuse me and turn me around more than anything. Otherwise, though, it was fairly solid.
I'll echo most of what was said about Double Dealing Indecency. It felt like what the writer wanted, even if it's not what most other people were interested in. The writing wasn't particularly high quality, so right from the start it felt like a challenge to wring anything particularly emotive from it. I'm not into the fetishes on display, though, so I was already doomed. My advice would be to read books. A lot of books. Steal all of their prose.
Kosuzu MotoONI and Gensokyo is running out of- both fit in the same category to me. They're stories with sex as a theme of some sort, but they're not really engaging with the smut part of the smut contest, so it's hard to say that they deserved better. I'll agree with most of the other comments on these, and while I don't necessarily mind that they were comedic gag stories. they were comedic gag stories in a relatively small competition which just meant that they felt even more out of place than they would have in a larger competition.
If I can give one bit of praise, it'd be that I liked Reimu and Marisa's relationship in Gensokyo is running out of- I'm always a fan of their friendship being characterised by an ability to talk about absolutely anything without any embarrassment.
Well, I enjoyed writing my entry, so I'm glad that I participated. Congratulations to NeoOldeLittleGensokyo, you did a really good job. I'm glad you won, because I had no idea what to request if I had won and a Momoyo story is a
fantastic choice.
!foOlREAVlE 2024/04/18 (Thu) 09:03
No. 17262
▼
>>17256
Hmm. I'm going to negotiate here, mainly because, if we're motivated by lust for newhus, there already are a number of smutty Momoyo pieces, even by one of our local authors, even featuring a decidedly imbalanced relationship. And secondarily (ha!) because I have no mental picture of Momoyo whatsoever, so portraying her satisfactorily, especially for those who, unlike me, like her, may prove a pisser.
And thirdly because her outfit is a major pain to draw, like god damn, I'd rather do Misumaru a dozen times than all those god damn rings.
How about some newhus who've received less spotlight? Zanmu? Takane? Who-the-fuck-is-Mike? Aforesaid Auntie Misumaru? My Chiyalust is known, so I'll refrain from suggesting her, while still mentioning her name, shrewdly.
I'll still do it if you're adamant; it'd just feel like a bit of a waste.
NeoOldeLittleGensokyo!I3czLp.ZFU 2024/04/18 (Thu) 10:22
No. 17263
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Mind sending me the thread of that Momoyo story? Because that's definitely untagged if that's the case. That's totally the reason. Not anything else.
If not Momoyo, hmmmm... well, I was thinking of throwing out a group of suggestions early on, so I'll just shotgun-fire the other ones in order of my preference and see what you like. And this is looking at the unused tag list on THP itself, so all three of these are - to the best of my knowledge - at least new to THP smut.
First! Let's have a story with Son Biten! Perhaps she has her way with some human spirits liberated under new management from one of the other animal gangs. Only problem is, because of the methods she uses and the particular inclinations of the human spirits in question, it works a little too well and Yachie starts encouraging her to spill the beans about her mysterious 'brilliant recruitment tactics'.
Second! Goutokuji Mike! A Mike, successful and ascendant as a marketeer in gensokyo, finds one of the Maneki-neko who bullied her at Goutoku-ji panhandling in the streets. So she offers to give him some startup capital, get him back on his feet, in exchange for just a few favours of a steamier and much more shameful kind.
Third, Kudamaki Tsukasa! Laying low in some seedy establishment - animal realm or gensokyo - after her mischief gets her in hot water, she unfortunately gets found by one of the people who she screwed over (figuratively) who will now only keep her location secret if he gets to screw her over (literally).
Regardless of which, let's have these girls on the slender, graceful, and flexible side!
Vanilla_Enthusiast!AdF3bWaDQs 2024/04/18 (Thu) 15:40
No. 17264
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I hereby acclaim to be the first ever person to utilize bear trap in any erotica!
I'll give my thoughts on my story, but firstly I want to talk about the rest of the entries.
Echoes:
The fact that this story features Mizuchi alone should've been enough for it to get the praise it deserves. Like others said, this is objectively the best one in terms of the storytelling. The fact that even though I have quite the bias against Mizuchi in FDS, this story managed to weave her character in such a natural way that it felt enjoyable. And the fact this is your first smut too, quite the feat!
I don't really mind about the use of names here, mainly because I seldom see it important for characters (my male lead didn't even have a name), though I can see why someone would bring that up.
Double Dealing Indecency (DDI):
This story gives me a unique joy unlike any other stories here, for some reason. It's trash, but it's the good kind of trash I'd gladly swallow. If I were to give any advice (and this would be nitpicking), it would be that to not use onomatopoeia, especially in the dialogues. It's not like we shouldn't use it, everyone's style is different after all, but I don't need to know every gasp someone makes when they are talking.
Kosuzu MotoONI:
Oh god, more onomatopoeias...
Well, I like the confidence displayed here, atleast... Definitely brought some joy out of me.
Karma and the Komainu (KatK):
There's a certain aspect that made me subjectively prefer this entry over Echoes, and that is the vanilla aspect (who could've guessed!). An aspect that (probably) hasn't been talked about is the hook. I just knew from line one there'd be that good, sweet vanilla in this. I wish more smuts had this kind of reciprocal love set-up.
Thank you for pointing out the reference for Reavski's Wolfing Down. I think I get what it implied. You've made me grin like a goddamn idiot, and if my deduction is correct, this would be the second time you did.
Gensokyo is running out of...
Yuugi's absurd entrance turned my chuckle into an actual, loud cough, which I only rarely get when I see something funny, so that's that. I mostly agree with other's opinions on this one. It's kinda confusing...
My only real complaint is that there's the lack of... sex? Oh wait, I think I get it now.
Now, my own thoughts on my story. It's kind of funny, honestly, because I had specifically said on Discord that I would not be joining this contest, mainly because I couldn't write anything NSFW. But oh well, here we are. Thank you for the jinx, past me.
I kinda forgot from which fever dream this batshit idea comes from. I remember when Reav just announced the theme of the contest, there was someone on Discord saying something along the lines of "In before someone writes a smut while the person balances on a thin rope." and I thought to myself "Man, that would be so funny." and I just can't seem to get the idea out of my head, so I decided to make the first part of the story. The hook. Another factor is that I was just studying the vestibular system at the time, so I thought it would be cool if I could somewhat integrate into a smut.
That said, TiTS was written not with the intention to make a smut, but to make some kind of a test to push how much I can make from this absurd set-up. This is also the reason why I went to use second-person, because I've never actually used it before. I personally enjoyed using it, heck, I doubt the story could be better had I used any other POV. I propose my protest to the unreasonable bias this POV gets! #StopTheBias!
I primarily chose Enoko to see how much I could pull from the little information she had at the moment. And of course I went to make them husband and wife because, y'know, Vanilla_Enthusiast. This, however, has been proven to be quite difficult, as what others had said about the interjection. I just thought in the middle of writing the first part that maybe I haven't touched Enoko's character, so I kinda brute-forced my way through and hoped that the hook is enough to blind the readers with whatever dogshit I was making. I unfortunately lost myself when I wrote this part, and I didn't realize the middle part of TiTS had become too big for its own good. This is admittedly my fault, and I give my greatest gratitude to everyone who brought the issue to light. In fact, the climax scene came earlier in my mind before I went to write the whole interjection.
Also, I'm GLAD that someone pointed out the trope I intentionally used with the climax scene. I thought that would be cool if the "flashback before the epic awakening" trope in animes is utilized in a smut. It could've worked had I executed the pacing better, but I'm still glad I did include it in the end. I'd probably still keep it there because, not only do I love the farmer's internal conflict, but I also personally find it epic as fuck. Where else are we going to see this trope used in any other smut?
Much retcon would probably come in the crosspost version of this, but I'm quite satisfied with what I got.
That said, this has been the most fun I've had in a while, and I want to say that I'd probably join more of these, but I fear that I'd jinx it.
Anonymous 2024/04/18 (Thu) 16:48
No. 17265
▼
I wrote
>>17201 and have some more thoughts now that the contest's done.
Actually pretty satisfied with the winner even if it wasn't my story of choice. KatK is really well-written and fun to read. It's good. Aunn's great there. I just don't like femdom, to that degree anyway, which is mostly why I didn't vote for it. I thought, for some reason, that, well, since it's smut... There has to be that kind of bias in your vote. For some reason. Kind of silly. Though, don't get me wrong, I still like Echoes very much. Also surprised it didn't win or at least tie with KatK.
>>17260 >>17261 On the nickname - Takkun's pretty good. Kumi would be a bit too feminine, I think. Taku is a reasonable middle ground. It's pretty cute. I wouldn't say it's that brotherly either, just casual.
Anonymous 2024/04/18 (Thu) 18:44
No. 17266
▼
Kosuzu anon here!
I was originally planning on staying silent, but I think what I have to say will put the fear of god in you this time~☆
I set out with the goal of there being more entries in the contest. That's it.
I didn't take it too seriously so I just went with something just so obviously drenched in silly water, and yet to my surprise
We ended up with the same number of entries as last year! Task failed successfully . ° (°ˊДˋ°) ° .
On the other hand, it'd be insincere of me to not take not taking it seriously seriously in the end, so if any one of you voted for my scrap, I'd probably have broken down crying.
So thank you! Thank you for last place! This is exactly what I wanted!
Maybe if we do this next year, I'll write something with a little more consideration if just so that there won't be a worst case where I'll be a sobbing mess... or maybe something with an even worse gimmick than a writer anon stand-in except with no regrets attached.
Anyway, since simple, stupid, and meta has been my temperament so far, I guess that's how I'm doing my reviews:
👻 Mizuchi double dipping--10/10 lmba. Light as a feather, but still a hag.
I don't actually mind the shortening "Tak". That's how Takayuki's nickname was localized in the action adventure RPG
Judgment.
⇅ Seija flipping--1/10 lmba, because it's Seija, so it's 9/10 lmba
Where does this joke of Orange spontaneously getting a major role or focus come from? I've seen it maybe two other times this year alone. It's becoming a pattern!
🦁 Aunn owning--20/10 lmba. Now there's two of them!
Aunn can't be stopped. Yuuji is losing by winning. Reimu sealed his dog-shaped coffin. And all because Megumu dared to ask what the dog doin...
🌭 Enoko wife-ing--3/3 lmba. bear trap go snap
>>17258 I know I've seen you in the comment section of Ao3 (-headed... dog?). I know you know how to make a plucky village hero come.
👹 Marisa pining--Mari/Ali lmba. やめろマリサ!お前
この以上は体力が持ってない!
🔔 ...Kosuzu.
Real talk, if I was to really consider how I'd have written this more sincerely, I'd probably have used Seija as the "heroine" since I ended up writing this gimmick where Kosuzu often says what she doesn't mean (announcing she's looking under the bed before throwing open the closet, the gun isn't actually loaded with bullets of the lethal persuasion, calling the drug a love potion when it's an aphrodisiac). It'd probably tie up the end better since then it sounds like everything was just an excuse to get some.
And maybe actually have a little bit more sex.
Maybe next year.
!foOlREAVlE 2024/04/18 (Thu) 21:26
No. 17267
▼
>>17266
>I set out with the goal of there being more entries in the contest.
The things I do for you, and you manipulate my event like that... It's not like I
wanted to have more
fun work to do!
>>17263
Here's Mibya doing Mibya things:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/43825101/chapters/110198478
And here's a story close to what you described:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/36015022/chapters/89778361
Feels like Momoyo's the second most popular UM after Megumu, in terms of lewd fics. At least, feels that way to me, having stumbled upon a bunch of Momoyocentric stories without actively looking for them. Hence my resistance.
On the other hand, I don't believe I've seen one Biten or Mike piece, so that immediately gets more creative ichor ichoring. I'll see what shakes out with the prompts, but just in case... how do you feel about (step/sibling) incest?
Finally, "second place" prizes are now up:
Karma and the Komainu:
>>/at/41371
Echoes:
>>/at/41372
Trapped in Tenseful Stakes:
>>/at/41373
NeoOldeLittleGensokyo!I3czLp.ZFU 2024/04/18 (Thu) 22:06
No. 17268
▼
Step- I would be fine enough with if it's not too central. Outright and actual is not my ball game.
The pics look amazing, by the way!
!foOlREAVlE 2024/04/18 (Thu) 22:41
No. 17269
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>>17268
Got you. No Mike showing her littermate the rapes. I mean, the ropes.
!foOlREAVlE 2024/05/12 (Sun) 21:52
No. 17337
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The prize has been delivered:
>>/at/41374
Thus I declare the contest closed.