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File 152482122776.png - (502.33KB, 900x1500, SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS.png)
SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS
Move along, nothing to see here.
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not enough zofi pics
The boy awoke with a jolt and a yelp of surprise as something slapped him in the face. After a moment of confused fumbling, he found it to be his own clothes - clean, mended and toasty warm.

The fairy smiled at her sleepyheaded guest from the doorway, then floated serenely away.

The boy quickly changed. The warmth of the clothes helped keep the chill of the underground air at bay, at least for the time being. Carefully inspecting his bad leg, he found it to be almost entirely lacking in feeling still. It would be a while before he walked again, it seemed.

As he swung his legs, both good and bad, over the side of the bed, and pondered how he was going to proceed, he spied something leaning on the wall beside the bed. It was a cane of sorts, roughly fashioned of the same pale, bonelike substance he'd encountered twice already. It seemed tall for him at first, but as he rose and braced himself against it, he found the oddly-shaped top nestled perfectly under his shoulder.

Memory and a luminescent blush returned as he recalled that his hostess had a very good idea of his proportions - and he of hers.

With surprising ease once he got used to the odd arrangement, he made his way to the dining room, or at least the one he supposed to be it - the one with the table. He found it without difficulty, but it proved to be devoid of fairy. As if sensing his thoughts, however, she promptly appeared at one of the other doors, carrying another bowl of food.

"Good morning," they boy said automatically as he maneuvered awkardly into his chair.

"Good morning."
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not so unrealistic
The boy quickly lost count of the days he spent in the fairy's care. It wasn't that they were many - he still woke confused by his strange surroundings - but here in the silent, gloomy underground world, 'day' held very little meaning. Whatever clock by which the residents of this strange little community rose and slept, if indeed there was one, was hidden from him.

Boredom, too, played a part. His hostess was clearly no idle hand and left him often to his own devices. During those times he had naught but books for company, for she would not hear of him leaving the house until his leg was mended and he could walk unaided. Of the times when she remained, she would occasionally entertain him with the board game she had purchased (so she said) especially for his sake; but just as often she would take it upon herself to further his understanding of the written word, or fill other gaps in his learning.

She was, the boy thought to himself, altogether too motherly. He resented none of it, though; for while she would occasionally mock his ignorance, when he all-too-frequently failed to keep it in check, she never belittled the boy himself. He was a guest in her house, no more and no less; though she clearly had the wisdom and responsibility, if not the appearance, of an adult, she never once treated him as a child.

It was a new and sobering experience. It was also very effective; he desired so much to earn the respect given him that he studied harder under her than he ever had in his life.

Though it had to be said that respect was perhaps not the only thing he desired: their continued shared bathing was driving him to levels of arousal he had no idea how to deal with. He certainly enjoyed these times, and eventually even overcame his embarassment about them, but her indifference left him floundering. He understood enough to know that she could not possibly have failed to notice, and yet she showed no sign of either reciprocation or rejection.

In this matter he was most certainly a child, and he knew it.

But then one morning - if indeed it was a morning - something finally happened to take his mind off things.
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I actually finished these ages ago but forgot to fucking post them. I hate my life.

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How many authors have you ruffled today
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rabbits
                     Hellooo~? This still works right?




                      Hearing you loud and clear.

        You hear what they’re saying?
                   How couldn’t you? Nobody will shut up about it.

     All rabbits of the Partridge Unit, please respond.         Going to the sea tomorrow, should be fun.
                  We still hidden?       We are.
                         Quit it with that. Yeah, you.   Present.
         Present.                     I’m honestly...
   Yeah, I’m here.                      Present.          I’m honestly kinda scared.
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the weight of the world
XX


The Apollo 11 departs, and it won’t be coming again. In the end, it’s me, and seven other rabbits who survived. Did we even hurt those humans? Doesn’t matter. I got my helmet back at some point during all that... I take it off myself this time, shake out my ears, and fall down.

“That fighting reminded me of what I saw when we last went down to Earth,” says Keiun. “Humans... aren’t they just barbaric?”

I sigh and answer, “Never been, but yeah...” while picking myself up. It’s no time to rest, we’ve got comrades to bring back home and send off. I put my helmet on again, and with the others walk toward the dead I’d gathered while still fighting.

The next several hours are a blur, at the end of which I find myself seated behind a table before Lady Toyohime and Lady Yorihime inside the manor. They both look serious, for once.

“Those are the losses for certain, Ringo?” Lady Toyohime asks me.

“Yeah,” I say, looking at nothing in particular, “forty-one rabbits dead.”

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0
"And that's that," the miko's shrill voice commanded, "Now call off your 'Makai residents' from flooding my neighbourhood!"

Shinki slowly sat up, groaning. The palace looked liked a war had been fought in it, bits and pieces of crystal were floating around, some walls had collapsed, puddles of blood and sweat were plastered across the floor. The four intruders (plus turtle) had all converged in the center of the room and stared down on her with expressions varying between mockery and exasperation. In the other corners of the room, Shinki could see poor Yumeko and the three witches struggling to get up.

Such destructive power... an idea struck her suddenly. Why not swat two flies with one catcher?

"Ooh, to think that I would lose to ones such as you." she whined while standing up. "Directly interfering in a civilian business portal will give me a headache for decades to come and grant me at least two heresies to deal with. At least have some tea and a talk? I'm sure you are interested in relaxing after a hard-won victory? Perhaps you'd like to hear a counter-offer as well?"

She smiled when the four agreed. This might just work out for all of us after all.


.......


Reimu found the tea to be strange but acceptable, the lemon-scented drink with the juicy taste was a welcome respite from the all-pervasive miasma that passed as air around here.
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>>664
>He's just a fag that doesn't write anymore because his mental instability and life issues got the better of him and came crashing down.
Who is 90% of THP's writers?
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good thread
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>>2192
sage, nooblet - do you speaketh it!?

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sample_d0244c30f2d7fcd76b00a38624e271fc
Sakuya stood at the table at the end of the gathering room in the mansion, speaking to everyone seated on the benches opposite her, which consisted of Meiling and nobody else.

“I have an announcement for you. You are all to kiss Remilia’s hairy arse, and then storm the walls of the Human Village, but first, we must have an auction to sell this tiny little sword.” Sakuya reached behind the table to pull out what looked like a steel cocktail sword and put it on the table. One could hear the joints in her arm crack as she did so. “I can’t even see it it’s so fucking small. Is there any takers?”

“Uh,” Meiling slowly raised her arm, looking around the room as she did, “I.. have an offer… for the maid,” Meiling adjusted her beret by moving it up and down twice, “the chief… maid- in the, uh, weird hat, uh, I offer fifty yen, for that thing.” Meiling breathed in.

Sakuya looked incredibly offended, “Fifty yen!? You are a peasant, I want seventy-three!”

Seventy-three,” Meiling stood up from the bench, “FACKING YEN,” Meiling then proceeded to take the top half of her dress and undershirt off, the beret flying off with it.

YOU MUST BE A PHUCKING MADMAD, YOU MOTHER FUCK-” Meiling charged the table and leaped over at Sakuya-

BOOM
--------------------

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lol
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shoo
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>>2178
okay

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File 151405906538.jpg - (116.30KB, 642x767, Christmas Banki.jpg)
Christmas Banki
What I wouldn't give to find out what eggnog tastes like.

This the proper board?

Oh, well.

+++

“Christmas? What’s christmas?”

You and Sekibanki simultaneously react to Kagerou’s ignorance of what is probably one of the most well-recognized dates of the year in the outside world by spitting out your tea. If Keine’s shouts of protest are any indication, you’ve both chosen the same unfortunate target for the synchronized spit-take.

“How can you not know about christmas?” you ask, turning to the direction Kagerou’s voice came from.

“Er, well… It’s not like I haven’t heard of it!” she protests, clearly sounding pressured. “They celebrate it at the Moriya shrine, I just don’t know what it is exactly.”
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>>2159
I wasn't aware that eggnog was something you could make at home to be honest. Always thought that was something you could only buy in the states. Gotta love Asian Christmas.
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>>2160

I didn't even know they sold ready-made stuff. I must be getting old.
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>>2159
>Nemuno's THP debut
Actually, someone on /at/ beat OP to that.

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e2ff650066c6d0126eb0c35f65c7e729
I should check more, but I had to make a decision. This is fine.

====

Laugh. Think. Believe the ideas created. Life can flourish on its own. But it needs to exist with life to do so.

Even with that white hair. Even with those eyes that will see everything in an eternity. I could stop. Like my footsteps. Just. Like. This. Or maybe, pause, do something different, defying what is considered logic. Defying “logic” and “reason”, as defined by others. Or whatever it is that's the argument. Or criticism. No, this is just a bit of my venting on something unrelated to her now. And even that wouldn't be right. Yes, this is pitiful. But what's important isn't the intention, but the existence of understanding the meaning behind two thoughts. Two thoughts. Right. Now I'm just exaggerating.

But really. If someone's annoyed by a bit of bamboo and can't observe the forest, then I don't quite understand it. But I suppose I see her annoyance the same way, on a tangent direction.

Someone might have noticed by now. But I can afford the time. I know, without certainty, that I will be able to escape. And even if I get caught somehow, there are no consequences for me. No. I'm not some almighty existence that defies the logic of power. I am not magically resistant and capable to overcome every challenge I face. Especially not in Gensokyo.

“I'm not lost.”

I hope that's all I need to say.
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Also symbolism!
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THIS OAR
The crunching of paper.

So wet. So moist.

Your tiny boat didn't stand a chance.

The water kept seeping in… You could feel it penetrating the borders.

Shriveling the skin. Turning the paleness into a sickly, wrinkled yellow.

The hat, ribbon torn by the current. Your skirt, shrinking and ripping as you claw for air.

Your arms burn, nearly ripping at the seams as you struggle to breathe. Struggle for the surface. Water invades your chest. So close. The sun is so close. Freedom.

“KOISHI!”
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in a tree
“Woah Daiyousei, the view from your house is so awesome!”

At the end of a long day, along the shore of the Misty Lake, in the uppermost branches of a certain tree were two young fairies. At first glance, this would not seem to be such an unusual thing to find in the land of Gensokyo. Gensokyo was home to many trees, with many young fairies frolicking among the many branches, usually making mischief for any unsuspecting humans or youkai below. What made this particular tree so unique was the fact that these two particular fairies were not frolicking at all, but were in fact sitting. For this particular tree was planted in just the right spot, that the waterfalls and rivers of the Youkai Mountain could be seen reflected in the calm waters of the misty lake, set aglow in the beautiful oranges and yellows of the setting sun.

“Thanks Cirno. This view is the whole reason I picked this tree to live in.”

The two fairies sat close together, contentedly watching the sunset in silence. However, although the view was breathtaking, one of the fairies found it difficult to focus on it. For this fairy had something weighing heavily upon her mind.

This is it Daiyousei, the fairy thought to herself. You’re all alone with Cirno watching a beautiful sunset together. Now is the perfect chance to tell her how you really feel about her.

“Um… Cirno. There’s something really important that I have to tell you.”

“What’s up Dai?” Asked the ice fairy, quickly taking her eyes off the view to focus on her friend.

“Well… you see,” Daiyousei nervously began. “We’ve been friends for a long time right?”
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hunt or be hunted
"Graaaagh! I've had it!"

Luna Child punched the nearest available tree trunk in frustration, stirring up a cloud of startled insects.

"We've been wading, through a swamp, in the rain, for four hours. I'm covered from head to toe in mud, mosquito bites and bug guts, because some genius had the bright idea of swatting them with a giant exploding hammer!"

She slumped against the tree and slid into a half-sitting position.

"I wanna go home."

"We all do, Luna," Marisa replied, leaning tiredly on her sword.

"At least you're not up to your neck in river water," Luna shot back.

Marisa winced; as the shortest of the party, Luna was the worst off by far.
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Symbolism!
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I'm just keeping to a theme
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such a jolly girl
>>2144

"...Why?" I ask.

The pale girl shrugs, cocking her head. "She was on fire and looked exceptionally angry with me, so she was probably a bad person."

"That... is actually not bad thinking at all," I admit. "Still, Mokou's weird and also immortal so basically it's okay to kill her in a fight, but-”

what the shit was that” says Mokou, sitting up as those holes in her head regenerate remarkably quickly.

“Should I shoot her again?” Altina asks.

“No,” I say immediately, eyes flicking between the smoldering phoenix and the not-quite-right girl training fingers on the former. “No, don't-”

Altina shoots her again, a flurry of blue lasers bursting from her fingers, blasting Mokou's face clean off. I cringe as the woman flops down again.
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general feelings at the moment
>>2144
>>2145

Sunshine beats down on my head as I glower at the ashen remains of my stand. There's quite a bit of roasted forest all around me, but the Rabbit Fire Brigade stopped the worst of it. Small comfort for me when I'm gonna have to rebuy, oh... pretty much everything I owned, but, y'know, hooray for trees.

All this because I didn't turn off the stove.

Nice going, me.

I cover my face in my hands. "Ffffffffffffffffffff-"

There's a whumpfh of someone landing nearby.

"This one's not my fault," Mokou says, strolling up to study my wrecked business.

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__genjii_touhou_and_touhou_pc_98_drawn_by_cielo_za
Old, wrinkled eyes stared back at seemingly younger, brighter ones; both of the two knew that this simply wasn't the case, but appearances are hard to ignore. Even to a youkai such as her. Or, perhaps it could be said that it should be the case. He was old — very old for a turtle. And, likewise, she was young for her species.

The young turtle of graying hair, and the old kappa of vibrant youth. An odd pair to consider as anything but elder and youth, though one would have to assess who to call which.

The great turtle that had long played the part of caretaker of the Hakurei wasn't sure what to think of the one that looked as young as his charge. Not when she was making eyes at him, or so he thought. In truth, being a turtle, he wasn't attracted to the features of any resemblance to a human. Flushed cheeks, a cute face, perky breasts and a sweet ass were all things she had in spades, and not one of these things truly appealed to him. Much like humans react to a dog, the old turtle could recognize these assets of hers from an outsider's perspective, but wasn't attracted one bit.

"No."

The aqua eyes turned downcast, and the kappa let out a held breath, as if that breath contained all of the hopes that she held. She did what she could to refrain from trembling or crying, but he saw that lip tremble once or twice. He knew.

As she turned to leave, Genjii sighed. "Wait." Before those eyes could once more fill with hope, he said, snuffing it like a candle, "I don't return your feelings. ...Well, that's not quite right. Thing is, you're a pretty young thing, but I'm just a turtle. And, well... none of what you have is any more attractive to me than a dog is to you." Quickly changing gears before she could think too deeply on that, he added, "Besides, even ignoring that: I'm old. I've lived a long life. All the way to the point of doubling the age any turtle should be reaching."

He didn't think it would work, but he had to at least try talking some sense into the girl. Sure, he'd take a thick, lustrous
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How frightening
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>>2129

I dislike this on a level I didn't realize I could dislike fanfiction. Congratulations.
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>>2131
Would you say it was...shitty?
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>>2132

Absolutly not. It's very well done.

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